Chapter 19 #2
My head swings to Caleb, and he makes me lose it all over again.
He opens his arms, and I fling myself into them, hugging him with all the strength I have.
Caleb matches me, holding me tight while he sobs.
My tears stain his T-shirt, but I think both of us are too far gone to care.
I cry for what feels like hours while Caleb clings to me, stroking my hair.
I’d feel uncomfortable if it wasn’t so cathartic, like a weight being lifted.
“Is everything okay in here?” a voice says, making me jump.
Drawing back from Caleb, I glance up to see Lauren standing by the door, her face a mask of concern.
“All good, little one,” I reply, a slight quirk to my lips that I don’t quite feel. “Just having a breakdown.”
She nods before walking toward us and pulling back the sheet just enough to get herself in. Instead of curling up with Caleb, though, she curls up with me, tangling her limbs around mine like a koala.
“I’ve got you,” she says gently, and it just sets me off all over again.
I don’t think I’ve ever cried so hard or so much. The whimper that leaves me at Lauren and Caleb’s kindness should make me feel like less of a man; it should make me feel like I’m an embarrassment. But in all honesty, it brings me a warmth I’d never thought I’d feel again after Blake.
They’re still here. They haven’t left me.
Finally, I pull myself out of Caleb’s arms, and Lauren slides down my back to sit beside me. I swipe a hand down my face, desperately wishing for a tissue. As if reading my thoughts, a box gets pushed under my nose, and I huff out a laugh.
“Well, this wasn’t how I thought today’s visit was going to go,” I joke, trying to lighten the mood.
Lauren wraps herself around my arm, leaning her head against me. “I wasn’t expecting a man fest to be happening on my living room floor when I walked in, but I can’t say I mind it.”
“If that’s the man fest you think is hot, maybe the professor over here needs to open your eyes a bit more,” I tease, kissing the top of her head.
Caleb slaps the back of my head. “Don’t go putting ideas in her head, man. I’m already dying at the fact my girl is wrapped around you and not me.” He groans, his eyes pleading with Lauren.
“Wait your turn, Professor,” she purrs, her eyes lighting up and her face softening as she gazes at him.
“Is this a bad time to say I’m slightly turned on and up for a threesome?” My eyes dart between the two of them, deadly serious. Because, fuck, have you met these two?
Lauren looks at Caleb, a sly grin forming on her face.
“No,” he says. “Absolutely fucking not.”
“Spoil sport,” I mumble. Lauren nods, silently agreeing.
Caleb drags a hand through his hair, pleading. “I’ll give you anything you want, sweetheart, but please, not that. I won’t cope.”
“I know, handsome,” she replies, leaning over me to cup a hand to his cheek. “We’re just messing.”
My brow furrows as I say, “You might be.”
“Come on, I think we could use a drink. Plus, my ass is going numb sitting here,” Caleb says, standing up.
Following Caleb with Lauren still attached to my arm, we walk into the kitchen. I sit down at the breakfast bar and lean my head in my hands.
“So… we gonna talk about what just happened?” Lauren asks, reaching for the shot glasses.
“I’ll let the professor fill you in on all the details,” I reply, a feeling of exhaustion hitting me at the emotion overload.
Lauren nods. “Okay, I’m gonna go and take a quick shower. I’ll be back down in a minute.”
Caleb pulls her in for a heated kiss before drawing back and placing a softer one on her forehead. I love watching these two together; they're so damned adorable. He keeps his eyes trained on her as she goes, a look of complete adoration on his face, then turns to me.
“How are you feeling?” He pours a healthy glug of tequila into the waiting shot glasses and slides one across to me.
“Like I’ve been hit by a truck,” I groan.
He sits beside me, a bottle of beer in his hand. “Shit, Theo. I don’t know what to say. You fucking blow my mind with how you’ve kept all this to yourself.” He sighs heavily, tears lining his blue eyes.
I shrug. “You get used to it after a while. It becomes second nature, like this is the person you are.”
“James found you, didn’t he?” he asks, concerned.
I nod, downing the tequila and chasing it with the beer in front of me.
“Yeah. I’m not entirely sure of the details, so you’d have to ask him.
I don’t know if I called him, if he came over, or what.
All I know is that I owe that guy my life.
If he hadn’t shown up when he did, I would’ve died.
And the worst part is, I didn’t want to kill myself, not really, anyway. I just wanted it all to stop.”
“I admire the shit out of you.” I glance at him, confused, and he continues. “Dude, you’ve had one hell of an upbringing, but look at you now… a hotshot lawyer who turns everything he touches into gold. Can you say the same about them? Your parents, I mean.”
Can I say the same about them? I don’t think so.
Last I heard, my mother was still an abusive bitch, my stepfather was slowly drinking himself into an early grave, and they still lived in the trailer where I grew up.
If anything happened to them, I don’t think I’d know.
What I do know is that I’d be singing from the fucking rooftops.
“No, I don’t think I can. I just wish these thoughts would fuck off. Blake being back hasn’t helped much,” I say, resting my head in my hands.
Ever the voice of reason, he says gently, “I don’t know who she is, but I can tell she means something to you, so would it be so hard? To forgive her, I mean?”
“You sound like James.” I scoff before adding, “I’ve hated her for longer than I loved her, so I’m thinking that’s a yes.”
“Is Blake the girl who broke your heart years ago?” he asks curiously.
“Unfortunately,” I murmur.
Caleb smiles. “Ever heard the saying ‘there’s a fine line between love and hate?’ Maybe you still love her, and that’s where this anger’s coming from?”
I’m too tired to argue with him. Too scared to think about it being a possibility, because if it is… I’m in more trouble than I thought.