Chapter 9
Chapter
Nine
Dhara
This morning, I was dragging my ass.
Every scream my mother hurled at the walls last night still echoed around inside my head. Sleep felt like a distant memory by the time Gavin and I walked to the diner parking lot.
I wasn’t sure how to face the world today but I really had no choice. Gavin still had school, and I still had work, regardless of the fact that my delta knew my darkest secret now. He probably shared it with the others by now, too.
Gavin was allowed to handle his own trauma in his own way. I couldn’t even be angry for him sharing it with the guys. Part of me was even relieved that they knew the truth.
It might just help explain why I held myself back and refused to give into them. It put into perspective exactly what was at stake.
Maybe they would realize that I’m not the catch they seem to think I am and would simply walk away now. I needed them to let me do my time until I could get us out of that house and away from our mother.
The thought of them walking away had a whine bubbling up in my throat. I managed to swallow it down but the emotion was so strong it hurt. No matter how my inner omega felt, there was nothing I could do now to erase what they knew.
“Oh, honey,” Lydia said as she walked out of the kitchen. I’d barely made it in the door, and already she was giving me that ‘concerned mother’ look.
“I’m fine, I promise.” It was a fucking lie and we both knew it. Nothing was fine about this.
“And if I ask Gavin, he’s going to tell me the same thing?”
I knew damn well that Gavin wouldn’t say anything. Him telling August was an act of desperation. If he hadn’t spilled to Lydia yet, he wasn’t going to start now. At least… I didn’t think so.
“Seriously, I’m fine,” I said again, trying to put some conviction in my tone.
“If that were to change, would you tell me?” she demanded. Lydia was the closest thing to family I had. She was more of a mom than I’d ever known. But she couldn’t know the extent of what I’d endured.
“I would, Lydia. You know how she is. You know it’s hard. It was just a bad night. We got a ride home from someone last night and she freaked out.” It made my stomach turn with how easy those lies fell from my lips.
Anger boiled on Lydia’s face. “She would rather her unbonded omega daughter walk alone at night with her minor son than have them get a ride from someone she knew?”
“It wasn’t just someone I knew,” I admitted in a choked whisper. It was the first bit of emotion I’d allowed through so far. “It was August. He was a friend I had in high school. More than a friend, actually. The moment she realized that we were getting close, she got rid of him.”
She blinked at me for a second before shaking her head in disgust. Her curls bounced around as she did and she shoved them out of her eyes in a huff. “I swear that woman should be studied. She’s fucking insane.”
“She is,” I agreed without hesitation. “I didn’t even know that was why he left until a couple years later when she threw it in my face. She found his single dad a job through one of her contacts and got rid of him. Now he’s back, and he’s one of the few people that truly knows what she’s like.”
“Is he your scent-match, too?” she questioned.
“Yes,” I admitted, not feeling like lying anymore. I felt my shoulders relax as I admitted it out loud, even as I was still at war with reality. “None of that matters, though. What can I even offer them?”
“Why would you have to give them anything?” she demanded. “They don’t want you because you can give them things, Dhara. They want you because you’re their omega. They want to build a life with you and no one ever says that life is easy. Most alphas and deltas know that.”
“I’m defective at this point. I’m so stressed I can barely remember the last time I did anything for myself. They deserve better than any half-life I could give them. No pack is going to wait around for me to be ready.”
“Don’t you think your pack should have a say in that?”
My eyes went wide as August’s voice rumbled in my ear. I would blame Lydia for not warning me, but she looked just as stunned as I was to see him.
I spun around to face him. My chest tightened at the frustration on his face. Even when I wasn’t trying, it seemed I was forever hurting this pack.
“Look, I adore you, Dhara, but you’re taking the morning off. Have breakfast and talk to this poor delta that I’m assuming is this August you were just telling me about.”
August gave her a relieved smile. “That would be incredible. Thank you.”
“I’ll even have one of my alphas walk Gavin to the bus,” she promised. “The corner booth is empty. I suggest you take it. I’ll be along to get your breakfast order soon. She should eat something. She skips a bit too often for my taste.”
With that, she swept away, helping in the only way she likely knew how.
“I told you we were going to talk about this.”
Instead of answering, I turned and walked toward the booth, knowing that he’d follow. This wasn’t a conversation to have in the middle of the small-town diner. That and I was still worried that my mother would find out. If she saw August around me again she’d freak out worse than last night.
He gripped my hips and moved ahead of me before pulling me down into the booth after him, dragging me all the way to the back so we were nestled together. I winced, but didn’t let him see. The pain was familiar and I’d learned to deal with it.
The lime, cedar, and basil of his scent were so sharp and strong, calming the omega inside of me.
Lydia was standing in front of us before I could say a word. Not to save me, but with her order pad poised and an eyebrow cocked.
“It’s on the house today. What can I get you?” Her voice was hard, almost a challenge. She wasn’t letting me lie and say I ate already.
“I’m a sucker for some good french toast,” my delta said.
The familiarity of his order had tears burning my eyes. On the few times we earned a little extra money, we always snuck away to the diner together.
He ordered it every time, and I teased him about his sugar intake.
August turned to me, his smile soft, as if he could see what it did to me. The fact something so simple affected me just showed how fucked up I was.
“Let me guess. Pancakes with a side of bacon?”
I nodded weakly, unable to even form the words to tell him he was right. Lydia wrote our orders down and walked away to give us space.
I finally found the courage to look at my delta. His green eyes were spilling over with concern.
“I was worried about you last night.”
“I told you I was fine.” He raised his eyebrows at my tone. It was downright hostile, and I knew it.
He was the first person to truly know the depths of what I'd dealt with. The same thing that had been going on long before he’d ever been in the picture and the entire time he was gone.
“I’m sorry,” I said, scrubbing a hand over my face. “I don’t know how to do this. I told you that you would be better off walking away.”
“I don’t want to hear that again. I’m not fucking walking away,” he growled. The softness was gone from his eyes, replaced by frustration. “I’ve been trying to find you for years. I’m not going to simply disappear now.”
“Did you tell them?” I asked, my fingers fiddling with a straw wrapper in front of me.
“You know I had to. Our omega is continuously getting hurt. We’re not going to simply sit by and watch that happen.”
“You know better than most there’s nothing anyone can do. She’s been reported so many times and nothing ever happens. No one cares. I’m the only thing keeping him safe.”
“I’ll take you both and run if I have to,” August said vehemently.
“And what about the others?” I demanded. “You’ll all just give up the careers you fought for? Walk away and never look back?”
“You’re crazy if you don’t think they’d come, too. For now, I just need you to trust us, baby.”
“I’m terrified if I spend time around you, then it will trigger my heat. I can’t go into heat, August. She’d have full access to Gavin while I was gone.”
“I can promise you that no matter what, we’ll figure out how to make sure Gavin stays with you.”
I couldn’t stand how nice he was being to me. It wasn’t something I was used to and I didn’t know what to do with it.
“Why do you guys want an omega with baggage so bad?” I demanded, deflecting to anger again.
“We all have baggage,” he said easily, as if it were that simple.
He had no idea that it went beyond my mother.
“I can’t take suppressants anymore, August. I’m defective. They were starting to make me sick. I’ve been terrified of going into heat for years. Even if we figure this out, I might never have one.”
“We don’t want you because of heats and babies, Dhara. We want you as you are.”
“No, you don’t get it,” I said, my voice cracking as I buried my face in my hands, barely able to make the words come out.
“I’ve never been with anyone, August. You were the only person I ever came close to trying anything with, and you were gone before we even got the chance to go on a real date like we talked about. ”
“Never?”
He seemed surprised. I couldn’t blame him. Most people my age had plenty of experience, but I’d never thought of anyone that way since August left. Plus, when would I go on a date? I worked two jobs and stayed home as much as I could so she wasn’t alone with Gavin. Ever.
“Is that where a lot of the fear is coming from? That you don’t think you’re going to be enough for us because you don’t know how to satisfy us?”
“Yes,” I snapped again, fighting tears harder than before.
“Of course, that’s it. At least a chunk of it.
How am I ever going to compare? Look at you guys, who have all these puck bunnies and travel the world and have all this experience.
Then there’s me, who has never left her fucking hometown?
Her one and only almost-boyfriend was kicked out by her mother, and she has more problems than she can fucking count. ”
“Firecracker, I think you’re giving deltas, and alphas, way more credit than they deserve.”
“I don’t think I’m giving them too much credit, August. You can’t tell me that I’d be able to satisfy three mates when I’ve never even kissed anyone.”
The asshole almost looked stunned as he soaked in my words. This was the point he should walk away. I’d laid it all out there for him. He knew my secrets and my fears now.
I braced myself, chest tight and omega whining internally. But instead of standing up, a slow smirk spread over his gorgeous face.
“What if I can solve that problem?”
“How could you possibly solve that?” I protested.
He gave me a look, practically demanding that I think about how that could be.
“Are you proposing that we...?”
“Yes and no. We’ll get to that eventually. We can take it slow. Experiment with what you like. It will give you a chance to get to know your body a little bit, maybe get you in tune with your omega side, because I know that you’ve been denying that for years as well.”
“Do you have to be so loud and so right about all of it?” I groaned, hiding my face from him again. He gently tugged them away and looked at me.
“Stop hiding from me. Plus, you should know that your blushing turns me on.” The smirk on his face only turned more wicked. My omega liked it far more than she should.
“You’re a bastard.”
“Yes. But you know I’m right.”
This time, I couldn’t help but laugh. It was like every point I gave him to drive him away, he was finding me a solution.
Maybe that was what I needed more than anything. Someone to look at the heap of problems that I had and reassure me that I was, in fact, enough to fight through them.
When I looked away from him, I realized that Gavin was already gone. Our food was sitting in front of us cooling down because we’d been too involved talking to eat after Lydia had quietly dropped it off.
I let his words bounce around my head as we both ate. Once I started, I scarfed down my food. The constant skipping meals was starting to get to me.
He let me think it all over as we ate. The moment I pushed my plate away he leaned closer, a finger under my chin guiding me to face him. Those green eyes were burning for me now, showing just how badly he wanted this.
Wanted me.
“We can start right now. Come back to my place. I live with Flynn and Evans, but they had something to do today. We’ve got two or three hours before they’ll come home.”
This could be a turning point for me. I could take his offer. Let him help me overcome my reservations and face this pack without fear.
That stupid, naive voice in my head was telling me they might just be able to pull me out of the hole I was stuck in.
My omega was stronger now, pushing me closer to the delta, begging me to give in. He just might be able to cure the crushing loneliness that had been plaguing me for way too long.
I didn’t want to say no anymore.
Maybe I didn’t have to choose between Gavin and having a pack.
August was well aware of the situation. He now knew the stakes. If he thought he could find a way out with Gavin, too, then didn’t I owe it to my brother to try?
Hell, I knew I owed it to myself. It had been far too long since I’d given myself anything.
“Okay,” I relented, somehow even more nervous now.
August didn’t hesitate to throw several bills down on the table before pulling me back out of the booth.
I started to open my mouth as we passed Lydia, but she waved me off, mouthing for me to get out.
For once, I didn’t argue.
I felt almost giddy. The relief was so astounding that I was almost high from it. My head was spinning, my body light, laughter even threatening to bubble up from wherever I’d buried it long ago.
This was my moment. My time to indulge and give myself something, even if it was small.
Whether it was a stepping stone to a future that was truly mine or a small oasis, only time could tell.