Chapter Nine #3
“You can still call me Amy. The people closest to me do.” Amy looked at her pleadingly. “And I swear, I didn’t intentionally go out of my way to mislead you, Imogen. It just kind of happened and I went with it.”
Imogen looked at her in disbelief. “How can something like that just happen?”
“Well, when we met here in the bar, you didn’t know who I was.”
“No, I didn’t,” Imogen replied. “And surely, the appropriate response to that would have been for you to tell me. Especially if it was your intention to spend more time with me.”
Amy covered her face with her hands. “Oh, I know. It sounds so bad when you say it like that. But you need to understand that when you didn’t know who I was, I felt so normal. That hardly ever happens to me anymore, and it was wonderful.”
“Wonderful?” Imogen asked. “Why?”
“Because we met, and I think it’s fair to say that we clicked, and I was just Amy.
An ordinary girl in a bar. You didn’t talk to me because you wanted an autograph or a selfie.
You didn’t agree to go out with me because I’m famous.
It was just us interacting as two people who liked each other—Amy and Imogen.
” She edged forward and leaned her elbows on the table.
“Do you remember our conversation last night? When I told you that some of the people I meet don’t always have the purest intentions? ”
Imogen thought back and nodded.
“That’s my life, Imogen. All of that stuff I told you is true. Can you understand how, when you didn’t recognise me, it was so much like a dream come true for me that I pounced on it?”
When Imogen seriously considered it, she could kind of understand. Reluctantly. “Maybe I can see why you wouldn’t correct me at first, but I can’t see why you would think it was okay to keep up the charade after we started dating.”
“But it wasn’t a charade,” Amy said softly.
She rolled her eyes at herself. “Okay, it was. But it also wasn’t.
” She reached forward like she was going to take Imogen’s hands, but then thought better of it and pulled back again, her expression tightening for just a second.
She fidgeted with her bracelet instead. “Everything I’ve said and done since we’ve met has been me.
That’s who I am. I kept who I am to the world a secret, yes, but I promise you that everything else has been real. ”
“I don’t know. You still lied to me, Amy,” Imogen said, unable to shake the accusatory tone of her voice. It wasn’t like she could just forget about it. Brush it off and say everything was okay. It wasn’t.
“I did. And I hate myself for it because I never wanted to hurt you. I know it’s not okay, and nothing I say is going to make it okay either.
All I can tell you is that I did it for my own selfish reasons because I wanted to be treated like a normal person for once in my adult life.
” She paused. “And because I desperately wanted to keep you.”
“You knew that I wouldn’t want to be with you if I found out you were famous.”
Amy’s eyes started to fill. She nodded. “Exactly.” She brushed her fingertips beneath them and let out a shaky breath. “It still sounds awful because I kept it going for so long. But the truth is, I really like you, Imogen. If I didn’t, I would never have been so scared to tell you.”
Something in Imogen’s chest tightened painfully at that. Maybe it was seeing Amy upset. Maybe it was hearing that she cared. Maybe it was both.
“I like you too,” Imogen admitted quietly. “But you know that doesn’t make it okay to lie to me.”
“I do know. It’s not okay at all. I did it, it was wrong, and I have to live with that.
But I wanted to come here and tell you myself.
I didn’t want to keep pretending, especially after everything we talked about last night.
” Amy leaned back in the booth like the fight had gone out of her.
“How did you find out? Not that it matters.”
“A photograph on Piper’s phone. Literally a few minutes ago.”
Amy nodded slowly, like she’d always known this moment was coming eventually. “I wish I’d gotten here first.” Her voice cracked slightly. “So you could have heard it from me.”
The ache in Imogen’s chest deepened.
“For what it’s worth,” Amy said quietly, “I am so deeply sorry, Imogen. More sorry than I know how to say.”
Imogen searched Amy’s face and all she could see was sincerity and regret. The strange thing was, she believed her. She believed that Amy meant every word that she was saying. But did that make any of it better? Did it make her trustworthy? Imogen honestly didn’t know.
When she tried to put herself in Amy’s shoes, she could understand some of it.
Imogen might be a little clueless over who’s who in that whole world, but even she knew that being famous probably made it difficult to trust people.
Difficult to know who genuinely liked you for you.
Difficult to have any real privacy at all.
Maybe Imogen was mad, but… “It’s okay,” she said after a few beats. And she found that she really meant it.
Amy gaped at her like she couldn’t believe her ears. “It’s okay?” she repeated.
“Yeah.” Maybe she was gullible, or soft, or both, but Amy’s explanation made sense to her.
She still felt like an idiot, and she didn’t love that she’d been lied to, but she could see how it had happened.
And her feelings about being in the public eye hadn’t made it any easier for Amy to come clean. “I accept your apology.”
“Just like that?”
Imogen smiled. “It’s almost as if you don’t want me to forgive you.”
Amy touched Imogen’s arm. “No, I do. I really do. I’m just surprised is all. I thought you were going to throw me out of your bar to be honest. Deservedly so, might I add. I would never have blamed you.”
“Not today.” Imogen lifted a shoulder. There didn’t have to be any hard feelings. “It’s better to find out now than further down the road, right? At least we only went on a couple of dates.”
“Right.” Amy looked down at where her hand still lingered on Imogen’s forearm. “But do you think there could be a further down the road for us? Beyond those two dates?”
“Amy, I…” Imogen froze. She hadn’t really considered what came next, but she had been working on the assumption that they were done. She wasn’t happy about it, and she would probably fall apart over it later, but who Amy was had changed everything. “How can there be?”
“Very easily. Why can’t there be?” Amy countered.
“You know why, Amy. I told you that I would never date someone else who was in the spotlight. Never. No exceptions.” The very thought of it nearly sent her into a panic.
“Imogen, please—”
“No. I can’t.” She pulled her arm away because the second Amy touched her, all her resolve started slipping.
It wasn’t like she could just switch off her feelings, but she also couldn’t do this.
“I don’t want people writing about me, or taking pictures of me, or plastering their opinions of me all over the internet.
I’m not built for it, I’m not strong enough.
And you’re a fucking megastar, for crying out loud.
The scrutiny that I faced before would be multiplied by a million.
” She shook her head. “If things were different, then maybe we could have got past this and worked things out, but they’re not, so…
” She trailed off, not knowing what else she could say.
Amy had known this was how it would end.
It was one of the main reasons she’d kept her secret for so long.
“You know that none of those people matter, don’t you? It’s all just noise. After a while, you learn to block it out.”
Imogen disagreed. “You can block it out. I’d rather just avoid it altogether and hold onto my quiet existence.” She still remembered what it had felt like the last time thousands of strangers had decided who she was without ever actually knowing her.
“So, that’s it?” Amy said quietly.
Imogen’s heart squeezed. “What else can there be?” Her voice faltered and she looked away. This was harder than she’d expected it to be. It wasn’t like she and Amy had known each other for long. Yet, it felt like she was breaking something off that had lasted a year.
Amy studied her, then gave a nod of acceptance. “Okay. You’re right.” She took a breath and gave Imogen a smile that was obviously forced. “I had a really great time with you, Imogen. I’ll look back on you and this place with nothing but fondness.”
Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Imogen swallowed. “I’ll think of you the same way.
No hard feelings about what happened. I promise.
I’ll even go see your film when it comes out.
” She wasn’t sure if that was true or not, but it felt like a nice thing to say.
Could she sit and watch Amy on a screen for two hours and feel anything other than sadness? Probably not.
Amy lingered for a few more seconds, then pushed herself up off the chair. “You take care of yourself, okay?” She glanced around. “This place is going to be great. I just know it.”
“Thank you,” Imogen said almost in a whisper. She closed her eyes. It was taking everything she had to hold it together now. “Good luck with everything.”
She couldn’t bear to watch as Amy started to walk away, out of the bar, and out of her life. All she could hear was the tapping of Amy’s heels against the wooden floor, which faded more and more with each step she took.
But then they started to get louder again. Faster too. Imogen opened her eyes to see Amy walking back toward her with purpose.
“We can’t end things like this,” Amy said when she reached the table. “We just can’t, Imogen.”
Imogen felt her heart skip even though it was hopeless. “But I told you I can’t date you anymore. It’s not you, it’s me.” She cringed both inwardly and outwardly because had she really just said that?