Chapter 30
Chapter
Thirty
Roxie
“Can’t sleep?” Greer’s voice startled me from where I was perched in the window seat, wrapped in a blanket and staring out at the night. Chorizo was at my feet. He’d been the perfect companion for a night like this.
I swiped at the tears rolling down my face.
“Oh, little bat,” he breathed out as he walked over, pulling me into his arms.
“It’s so stupid. I shouldn’t care,” I said quickly, angry that I was crying again.
“You have to stop,” he pleaded. “I’m assuming this is about your dad.”
I nodded.
“I don’t know why I’m having such a hard time with it. I knew what kind of guy he was already. Maybe it’s being a few days off of heat, but I can’t let it go.”
“Knowing he’s a dick doesn’t make the pain of it any easier.”
“I was supposed to get a chance to tell him how his actions made me feel. He took that away from me, too.”
He considered it for a moment.
“As a delta back in school, they always made us go through all sorts of classes. One was anger management. They taught us ways to control our deltas when they wanted to lash out.”
He brushed his thumb over my cheek, his expression soft and loving. Those green eyes were so serene now.
“One of the techniques they taught us was to write our feelings down in a journal. At first it sounded stupid, but I started an online one, and it would probably make me sound like a raving lunatic if anybody read back through it, but anytime someone pisses me off or crosses a line or even minor inconveniences me, I rant on there.”
“That actually sounds kind of nice,” I admitted. “Maybe just saying it all out will help. I’ve talked about it in therapy a few times, but this way I won’t have to guard my words quite as much.”
“Exactly,” he agreed. “There’s a difference between ranting to a person and being able to say what you want completely unfiltered.”
“Here,” he said, walking over to the table where I’d left my laptop last night and bringing it to me.
I unlocked it for him, and he pulled up the site.
It didn’t take long to set up an account, and thankfully, it was just as protected as he said it would be.
Greer kissed the top of my head before walking away.
I could hear him puttering around in the kitchen, but I was already navigating the site, figuring out how to start my post.
They even had the option of making a cover image for your online journal, which, of course, I couldn’t resist.
I was an omega, after all. I needed cute things in my life.
Then I was opening up the first journal. I froze for a few seconds before the anger bubbled up and the words started to flow out of me.
I started with being a kid and watching my mom struggle. He should’ve been there and wasn’t.
Then I wrote about how money didn’t solve everything like he thought it would. Even though he wrote the check, it didn’t mean I stopped existing.
It didn’t mean my mom magically wouldn’t have to struggle as a single mother.
All the times I got teased for not having a dad around. All the things I missed out on.
I wrote about everything I could think of that either hurt or made me angry. He’d been a shadow over my life for so long and I was done giving him that power.
Greer came back a while later, pressing a warm mug of hot chocolate into my hand. I looked up and gave him a soft smile, sipping it slowly and letting out a breath before going right back to my words.
It was probably the most I’d typed, even on articles, in a long time.
When I finally finished, my hot chocolate was cool, but my mind was a lot less burdened.
Greer was stretched out on the couch nearby. He didn’t leave me to my feelings, he just gave me space.
His eyes fluttered open when I climbed onto the couch in front of him, snuggling into his chest. He kissed my forehead and smiled.
“Did it help?” he asked, his voice raspy.
“It did,” I promised. “Thank you.”
He sighed happily before drifting back to sleep. Between the emotional storm and the lack of sleep, it wasn’t long before I followed.
When we both woke up again, the sun was out and somebody was making breakfast.
“Morning, little bat,” Greer said around a yawn. I climbed off the couch. My mind was calm today and it didn’t feel like I was carrying around the weight of this all.
Greer’s trick truly helped.
Kota, Hayes, and Rylan were all working together. One manned the toaster, Kota, of course, had the coffee, while Hayes was creating an omelet.
They were so focused, they didn’t notice us stumbling in until we collapsed onto our chairs.
“Rough night?” Kota teased.
“It was, but I’m good now,” I said.
I genuinely meant it this time.
“We have a morning off,” Hayes said as he dished out breakfast.
I took a sip of the coffee Kota slid in front of me, waiting for Hayes to finish whatever plans he had for our morning.
“I was thinking that we could do a little painting.”
“Wait, us?” Kota asked, looking at us and then back at Hayes like he’d lost his mind. “You know I can hire painters for that sort of thing who could probably do a much better job than we could.”
“That’s not the point,” Hayes said. “Part of making a house into a home is putting your own work into it. Back me up here, Greer.”
“I hate to admit it, but he’s right, Kota. We could start with that family nest.”
“There’s a paint store in town,” Rylan added. “We can run and pick out some colors. They can even give us samples if we want to try those out for today. See how we like them.”
“Oh, god,” Kota groaned. Hayes pushed the platter his way.
“Eat up. You’ll need your energy,” he teased.
Kota still looked mystified that we would want to do this ourselves. It wasn’t often that his background poked through his laid-back exterior, but now was definitely one of those times.
It wasn’t that he was afraid to work hard. He did that every day out on the ice. This was just the kind of job he had never considered doing himself.
We tossed out color options while we ate and did dishes.
After quick showers and clothing changes, we ran into town, finding the little mom-and-pop paint shop.
“What about something light, like a sage green?” I said, sorting through the samples and popping one out.
Rylan nodded his agreement.
“That’s a solid choice. I also think something like this might work. The light, grayish-blue would be pretty, and it would go with almost everything.”
He picked his choice out, holding it next to mine.
We stared at them both like the answer would just pop out of nowhere.
“What about a cheerful yellow?” Kota mused.
Rylan and I exchanged a quick look, not wanting to hurt his feelings but definitely not wanting yellow in a nest.
He snorted. “Okay, I’ll leave the color options to the omegas,” Kota laughed, holding up his hands and backing away.
Hayes and Greer had already filled a cart with painting supplies, everything from drop cloths to every kind of brush we could need, buckets, paint trays, the works.
“Alright, omegas, we’re done. Are you finished?” Greer asked.
“Do you mind me asking what you’re painting?
” a little, old lady behind the counter called out as she walked over.
Her hair was long and gray, tied up in a cute, little knot on top of her head.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to interject, but I just saw that you were conflicted.
My name is Mabel, and I thought maybe I could give you a hand. What are you trying to create?”
“A family nest,” I explained, happy for her input.
“We each have our own nest, but we wanted one that was for the whole family to enjoy. Less my space and his space, and more our space. We need something neutral that we can put in there. Everyone is going to be contributing their own things to it, so it’s going to be a little bit of a mix-and-match. ”
She thought it over, her eyes scanning each color individually.
Rylan and I both stepped back, letting her do her thing before she popped out a color card.
“So, there’s this color. It’s called Coffee Milk. It’s a hint of brown, but just light enough that it doesn’t overtake anything, and everything will go with it. It’s truly a neutral that you can’t go wrong with.”
Rylan and I held it next to our cards.
Honestly, next to the color she picked, ours looked almost too bright.
“Oh, she’s totally right,” I said, looking at Rylan, who was already nodding.
“Definitely. We’re going to need a bucket of this stuff.”
“One of the five-gallons?” she questioned, looking pleased with herself as we both nodded eagerly.
If this turned out how we thought it would, it would be a good color for hallways and other places, too. We’d definitely be back here often as we renovated the packhouse.
“Perfect. I’ll go make my alpha do the heavy lifting. We’ll meet you at the front.” She disappeared through the back door behind the counter and then came back a few minutes later with an alpha behind her.
He was carrying a five-gallon bucket with their logo painted on the front.
“You have the color card?” he asked.
I handed it over, and he quickly got to work putting it in the machine so it poured in the color before shaking it up while she checked out everything in the cart.
Hayes, Greer, and Kota all three pulled out their cards to try to pay.
They didn’t shout or fight, but it was a standoff.
I rolled my eyes and plucked my wallet out of my bag, taking my card out and tapping it to the machine while they were locked in a silent argument.
Mabel started cracking up while the guys looked affronted that I dared to pay for it myself.
“We definitely need a joint account,” Hayes said with a sigh. “Then it’s all the same even if we all have a card for it.”
“Add a trip to the bank to our list of things to do. It seems we have a lot,” I said, signing my name for Mabel before she started handing over bags.
I was so excited to start making this family nest ours.
We’d picked out the things already and had my heat, but it could absolutely use some personal touches.
The guys lugged things upstairs before we all changed into painting clothes.