Chapter 24
Chapter Twenty-Four
Tyler
As soon as Mira and I had sex, the cloud muddling my head these last few months whooshed through my body and out my pores, forcing every emotion I’ve stifled to the forefront, along with my reasons for suppressing them.
Why I’m here in Lake Tahoe. Why I quit my community college teaching position and hightailed it out of Colorado.
Because I’m a fucked-up mess.
I couldn’t love Anna. I haven’t been able to love anyone.
Anna deserved more. She was sweet and gentle.
I cared about her more than any girl I’d been with these last few years.
I thought I’d never love any woman again.
That I was incapable. Anna was good for me, and I told myself I could make her happy.
It was ludicrous to get engaged, but I needed to move on, even if I hadn’t realized at the time what I was moving on from.
All those emotions I thought myself incapable of came pouring out this evening with Mira. Love, anger, lust.
Why did I return to Lake Tahoe? I can’t even remember my reasoning. I have buddies all over the country from my years at university. I could have stayed with any one of them, but I came home. To a place that isn’t even my home, now that my mom has moved to Carson City.
It’s frightening to imagine I subconsciously returned for Mira. And yet, when we made love—’cause there’s no other way to describe what happened—and these last few weeks…the tension between us…fuck.
I came for her.
I didn’t want to think about the reasons we shouldn’t get involved.
I convinced myself we could have sex and it wouldn’t matter, but that was a lie.
My feelings for Mira are wholly different from anything I’ve had with anyone else.
The pain and wrongness of leaving her is killing me.
I want to crawl back and beg her to forgive me for being such a dick, but there’s a reason I freaked out and ran.
After Anna, I’m not worthy of any woman.
I came to Tahoe thinking Mira was the one who needed to change.
But Mira is trying to save her mom, she’s giving her best friend space to be with the girl he loves, though it kills her, and she’s staying away from the Sallees to protect them from the trouble she’s in.
Mira is the altruist. She is everything I thought she was when I first got to know her, and nothing I believed of her when I ran from this town six years ago.
I blink at the house in front of me. I’ve managed to drive to Phil’s on autopilot.
I shot him a text as soon as I left Mira, but I haven’t checked to see if he received it.
I considered going to Jaeg’s, but Cali is there.
She’ll skewer my ass for walking out on Mira; Cali’s very protective of her fellow women. At the moment, I don’t blame her.
I step out of the car and knock on Phil’s front door, scrubbing a hand down my face.
Phil answers, takes one look at me, and opens the door wide, letting me in. “That bad, huh?”
Phil’s live-in girlfriend, I discover, is out on a girls’ night. It’s just us, and instead of our usual beers, he tries to give me a shot of tequila.
I shake my head. “No, man.”
“Dude, what’s gotten into you? I’ve never seen you like this.”
I clasp my hands between my knees, legs spread wide on the couch across from him. “You remember that girl I told you about before I left town?”
Phil takes his shot and sits on the small couch next to me. “Yeah, you said she dumped you, but you didn’t have a girlfriend in high school, so that made no sense. And you wouldn’t tell me who she was.”
“I’m living with her.” I stare at Phil, waiting for recognition.
He sits forward. “This Mira chick is the one who fucked you up?”
I nod, framing my forehead with the tips of my fingers.
“I thought you decided to get her out of your place?”
“It’s not my place, but yeah, I tried. It didn’t work. I—we…”
After a long pause, Phil says, “You screwed her?”
I raise my head. “Dude, that’s my girlfriend you’re talking about.”
Phil holds up his hands. “Whoa, she’s your girlfriend now? What are you doing, man?”
My head falls back into my hands. “I don’t know, but I think I just ruined everything.”
Phil proceeds to tell me to forget about Mira.
To get her out of my system. Hook up with someone else.
I tried all that after I left Tahoe the first time.
It didn’t work. And honestly, I don’t have the energy to fight this anymore.
I’m not sure I deserve Mira, but I’m tired of walking away from her.
I stand abruptly. “I gotta go.”
Phil stands too. “What? You can’t go back. She’ll ruin you. Look at what she’s already done.” I glare at him, and his face eases. “She means that much?”
I sigh as the heavy pressure in my chest escapes. “Yeah.”
We argue, she’s feisty, but Mira and I are connected in a way I’ve never been with anyone else. I see her, and I’m amazed by the person she is.
She means everything. I don’t know how I could have been such a blind ass that I didn’t realize it.
Mira
I live with the fear of people leaving me. My mom’s abandonment when I was three had that effect. Yet when Tyler left me naked—emotionally, physically—there is no description for the hollow pain in my chest, or for how utterly pissed I am.
After I uncurled from the fetal position on his bed and gathered my clothes, I hobbled my way down the ladder to my bedroom, where I dressed and packed an overnight bag. I can’t live with Tyler. We just end up hurting each other.
I pull up to Lewis’s place a half hour later, and Gen’s car is in the driveway beside Lewis’s truck. The lights are on inside the house. I hate the idea of intruding on them, but I need a place to crash. And I’d actually like to talk to Gen. It’s why I came here instead of Zach’s.
Lewis and Zach would totally freak out and try to crack skulls if they knew some guy hurt me. I’m angry at Tyler, but I’m pretty partial to his brain remaining intact.
I need Gen’s help. She may be pretty, but she is tough. She once told Lewis, who’s never had to work at holding on to a girl, to shape up or she wouldn’t be with him. She’ll know what to do about Tyler. Because walking away from him goes against every fiber of my being clamoring to remain close.
But I can’t. Not after what he just did.
I walk up the steps to Lewis’s small A-frame house, and peer into the broad front windows. He and Gen are sitting on the couch watching television, his arm wrapped around her shoulders. He leans over and whispers something that puts a smile on her face.
Maybe I should stay with Zach. Or maybe I can talk to Gen, then crash at Zach’s? Or drop by Nessa’s? She has a roommate, but she probably wouldn’t mind me sleeping on the couch.
Gen’s head pops up. “Mira?” she says through the open window. She springs to her feet and Lewis does too, a worried look crossing his face.
“Hey,” I say as I let myself in, attempting to look upbeat. “Sorry to interrupt, I…” I what? Needed a friend? Needed to get away?
All of the above.
“Come in,” Gen says before I can finish. She grabs my arm and leads me into the kitchen, where she pushes me onto a stool at the counter. She rustles around in the cabinets and pulls out mint Oreo cookies and a tub of Red Vines.
“What can I get you to drink? We have J?germeister”—she makes a gagging face—“or rum. I haven’t had a chance to stock the place with good alcohol yet, only the sugar products. We’re left with what Lewis has around.”
“Um, I’m not sure I need anything.” I don’t drink much, especially not when I’m sad. Reminds me too much of how my mom copes.
“Mira.” Gen lowers her voice. “You look really upset. Are you okay?” She glances over my head.
“I’m only asking because Lewis is about to come over and interrogate, so unless you want him involved, we should pretend like we’re having girl time.
” She holds up her hands. “That is, unless you need to talk to him? It just seemed like—well, I’ve seen that look before.
Crap, I’ve worn it. You look heartbroken. ”
I let out a sigh. She’s right. I came here to talk to her. “Rum and Coke. And pass the cookies.”
Gen’s mouth compresses and she nods as if I’ve confirmed her instincts. She quickly mixes two rum and Cokes, pouring them into wineglasses. “We’ll pretend it’s fine wine,” she says, and hands me mine. “Give me a sec and I’ll get us some alone time.”
“You don’t have to—”
She shakes her head. “No, it’s fine.”
Gen walks over to Lewis and talks in a low voice. He raises his head and glances over. I take a sip of my drink.
“Mira,” he says as he walks toward the stairs. “Gen says you want to talk about girl stuff.” He cringes, though I don’t think he realizes he’s doing it. “I’ll be upstairs if you need anything.”
I don’t even want to know what she told him. He probably thinks I have PMS or something. But he glances back a couple of times, so maybe he suspects more.
Gen returns and grabs her wineglass.
“I don’t want to lie to Lewis,” I say.
I’m already uncomfortable with the one piece of information I’m keeping from him. I don’t want to add to the list.
“This isn’t lying. This is girl time. I told him you have personal girl issues to discuss with me. No lie there. You can tell him what’s up later, if you want. Once I’ve helped you figure out what you should do. You know, the right way. Not the guy way.”
I smile, despite my sadness. This is why I came. “Yeah, Zach and Lewis aren’t good for chatting about this kind of thing.”
“Boys.”
“Right.”
She sips her drink and leans forward conspiratorially. “So, which boy are we referring to? Have I met him?”
I slide my finger over the rim of my glass. There’s no way to say it, except to say it. It’s not going to sound good no matter how I put it.
“Tyler.”
Gen chokes on the gulp she just took, holding up her hand while she hacks and grabs a towel from the oven door. “Tyler?” she gasps.
“It’s not like that, or maybe it is.” I feel my brows furrow. “We have history.”