Chapter 29 #2
I kept my hands on either side of his face. I waited until he opened his eyes.
When he did, he couldn't hold mine.
"What hurt me wasn't Jack's shift. It was that you kept it from me. I spent four days trying to figure out which parts of what Amber said were real." My thumb moved across his cheek. "That's what I couldn't sit with, Sam."
"Jamie."
"I needed the space." I took a breath. "But I know what it cost you. I'm sorry for that part."
He shook his head. He wasn't disagreeing. He just couldn't get any words out.
I pulled him down and pressed my forehead to his.
He let me.
We stayed like that for a minute. Both of us breathing. His hand came up and found my wrist and held on.
Then he tilted his face down and kissed me.
It wasn't like the first time. No urgency. No two weeks of wanting him collapsing into one night. Just his mouth on mine, soft, and his hand moving from my wrist to cup the back of my head. The long, slow exhale of something that had been held too tight for too long finally letting go.
When he pulled back, he didn't go far. His forehead stayed against mine.
"I love you."
"I love you too."
I pulled his face down and kissed him properly. Not a soft one. A yes.
His hand slid to the back of my neck and stayed there. He kissed me like he was still half-afraid I might step back. I didn't. I moved closer until there was no space left between us and he let out a breath I felt more than heard.
"Jamie."
"I'm here."
He walked me backward without breaking the kiss, one slow step at a time, his hand steady at the small of my back. The living room gave way to the hallway. The hallway gave way to his bedroom.
He reached behind me and pushed the door shut.
He undressed me slowly. He'd never hurried with me and he didn't now.
His fingers worked the buttons of my shirt like he was careful of me, like four days of not being allowed to touch me had made him cautious.
I slid his shirt off his shoulders, put my palm flat against his chest and felt his heart going faster than his face let on.
"Hi," I said, quietly.
"Hi."
His voice broke on the word. He kissed me again. I felt him smile against my mouth, small and a little wet. Then the smile was gone and he was just kissing me.
He laid me down on the bed and settled over me. His forehead came to mine before anything else.
"You sure."
"Yes."
"Jamie."
"Sam. I'm sure."
He kissed me slowly. His hand found mine on the pillow and our fingers laced together without either of us thinking about it.
He was gentle in a way that almost undid me.
Every place his hand went was a question, and every place he lingered was him waiting for the answer.
I gave him every one. When we came together, it was quiet—slow and full.
His face was against mine the whole time, and when I said his name he answered me.
After, I lay on his chest and listened to his heart settle back down.
His hand moved in slow circles on my back.
Neither of us said anything for a long time.
The afternoon light was coming through the blinds in stripes. The apartment was quiet. Somewhere down the street a car door shut. In here it was only the two of us and the sound of him breathing.
"I love you," he said into my hair.
"I love you."
He pulled me a little closer and I let him.
A long quiet minute passed.
"I went to Megan's this morning."
He winced. "What did she say?"
"That I should hear you out. And that if it turned out Amber was telling the truth, she had a baseball bat and she knew how to use it. She told me I didn't have to do the dirty work."
Sam chuckled. His chest moved under my cheek.
"Fair."
"I told her it wouldn't come to that."
"I appreciate that."
A beat.
"I got the key back from Amber," he said.
I lifted my head. "You did?"
He reached over to the bedside table and picked up a small set of keys and dropped them into my palm.
I looked at them. They were warm from the table.
"Sam."
"I know."
"When?"
"The day you asked me to leave. I drove straight there."
I closed my hand around the keys.
"I also tried to file a restraining order."
I stared at him.
"You did not."
"I did. They said no. Apparently an unauthorized college application doesn't meet the threshold."
A laugh came out of me. It was wet and incredulous—the first real one in four days.
"You went to the police."
"I had to try."
I shook my head against his chest. "You are unbelievable."
I pressed my face into his neck. His arm came up around my back and held me there.
"I talked to her father, too."
"What did he say?"
"Amber lied to him about it, too. Told him I'd come around. He believed her. He apologized."
I lifted my head enough to look at him.
"He's putting his foot down on her. He said this one takes the cake. He's done paying for the things she breaks. I think he meant it."
I put my head back down.
"So the school is taken care of?"
"He's handling it. Rescinding the application. Making sure my name doesn't stay on anything I didn't sign."
I was quiet for a second.
"You've been busy."
His hand moved slowly up and down my back.
"Rosie's been asking about you."
Sam shifted. Looked down at me.
"Yeah?"
"Every day. She asked me this morning if you'd gone to be with her mom and dad."
His face did a thing.
"Jamie."
"I know."
He was quiet for a second.
"Do you want to come with me? To pick her up?"
"Yeah?"
"So she knows that you're—" I swallowed. "That you're still here."
He put his hand against the side of my face and looked at me like I'd just handed him something.
"Gladly."