Epilogue
SAM
The village was here. Megan and Danny had claimed the shade by the fence.
Their oldest, Ethan, was off-shift and showing one of our probies something on a phone.
Keith stood half-in and half-out of a conversation with our Jack about something structural, probably.
Tyler and Elena were inside helping Jamie.
Martinez had taken over the grill. Sean and Carol were on the patio, their older daughter chasing Ben around the yard and the younger one asleep on Carol's shoulder.
Jenna was in the kitchen. Quinn was leaning against the fence with a beer, talking to one of Tyler's kids.
And Cole was at the far end of the yard.
I noticed him because he was standing still.
Cole didn't stand still at parties. He was a man who moved, filling drinks, clearing plates, checking on whoever he'd decided needed checking on. Right now he was leaning against a fence. His beer was half-full and had been half-full for a while. He was looking at nothing.
I knew that shape. I'd worn it once, when I was his age. A man who hadn't slept because his head wouldn't stop.
Jamie caught my eye from the kitchen window. Followed my line of sight to Cole. Raised her eyebrows at me. I nodded. She went back to whatever she was doing.
I grabbed two fresh beers from the cooler and walked across the yard.
"Hey."
"Hey, Cap."
I handed him a beer. He took it. Didn't drink from it. I leaned against the fence next to him and watched the yard. Ben had Sean's daughter in a headlock, or she had him, it wasn't clear.
I didn't say anything. With Cole, you didn't fish. You waited.
A few minutes went by.
"Something on your mind?"
"Maybe."
"Okay."
More quiet. The sound of the yard washed around us. I took a sip. Didn't push.
"You saw the video."
"Which one?"
"Cap."
"Yeah. I saw it."
The house had been ribbing Cole about it for weeks.
"She came to the station," he said.
I waited.
"Not to say thanks. She came to ask for something."
"Alright."
He turned his beer in his hands.
"There's more to it than the video. She's in trouble. A real situation. Someone dangerous is looking for her, and she needs somebody standing next to her while she handles it." He paused. "She asked me if I'd be that somebody."
He didn't look at me when he said it. I didn't look at him either. That was how Cole did it. You let him tell you without making it a thing.
"And?"
"And I don't know her."
"Okay."
"And the part of me that wants to say yes doesn't fully make sense. Which worries me."
I took a sip. Thought about what he wasn't saying.
"Cole."
"Yeah."
"What would you have done if she hadn't kissed you?"
He thought about it. "Same thing. I'd have pulled her out. I'd have walked away. I wouldn't have looked back."
"And after?"
"I wouldn't have thought about her."
"But you have."
"Yeah." He exhaled. "I have."
The yard kept moving around us. Our Jack was walking over with a question about the grill, saw my face, pivoted, and walked back.
I thought about being twenty-six.
I thought about Anna's voice on a phone at my kitchen counter, a few weeks after Jack died.
My sister three states away telling me that Jamie didn't need me to protect her from a fight.
She needed me to be in it with her. I thought about the day I showed up at Jamie's door and said I was in.
I thought about how I hadn't known anything back then and the only thing I'd known was that I wasn't going to stand on the edge of her life while she fought alone.
I looked at Cole.
"You already know what you're going to do."
He was quiet for a moment.
"Maybe."
"You do." I took another sip. "You didn't come over here to ask me what to do. You came over here to say it out loud so it'd be real."
He didn't argue.
"Help her."
"Cap."
"Help her. You can figure out the rest once you're standing in it. You don't have to have it all worked out before you walk through the door. Nobody does."
He was quiet for a long time.
"What if she's not what I think she is?"
"Then you'll deal with it when you get there. But Cole." I waited until he looked at me. "You've been standing at this fence for forty minutes. You're already in. You just haven't said yes out loud yet."
He looked at the ground. Then at the yard. Then at nothing.
"Yeah."
He pushed off the fence. Rolled his shoulders. Took a long pull off the beer like he was finally tasting it.
"Thanks, Cap."
"Don't thank me. Go think about it."
He nodded once. Walked off across the yard. Said goodbye to Jamie on his way out. Patted Ben on the head in passing. Made Ben laugh.
Then he was gone.
I stayed by the fence.
Eighteen years ago I'd been the one standing still. I'd been the one with the beer in my hand and no idea what to do with what was happening to me. Jack had been the one who would have come over and leaned against the fence next to me. Jack had been the one who would have said the thing.
Jack didn't get to.
I'd been the one who stood next to Cole just now. I'd been the one who said it.
That was what Jack had done for me, in every way that mattered, every day he was alive.
That was what I'd just done for Cole.
To be continued in Never Alone