Chapter 7
Tanner
The question immediately yanks my attention from where he bit his lip, and I meet his eyes. “Are you … Is that another hypothetical?” I don’t mean my voice to come out as quiet as it does, and I clear my throat, trying to dislodge the heavy something that just landed in it.
He doesn’t answer. Not with words. But the way he looks at me, like he’s steeling himself for a punch to his face, breaks my heart.
It’s not a hypothetical.
He’s gay.
Roo’s gay.
“I …”
“You don’t have to say anything,” he rushes to tell me. “It’s fine. I just needed to get that out there. And now I have. And now we can pretend it never happened.”
I blink at him. “W-why?”
Roo’s gay? And I didn’t know?
“Because it’s not exactly a conversation a straight man wants to have with a gay man in his bed.”
His response makes me frown. “How about you let me decide what I wanna talk about?”
He sucks in a breath, and seems to draw into himself.
“How long have you known?” I ask.
He stares at the sheets, clearly not wanting to answer. Finally he swallows whatever has made him withdraw. “Since … sophomore year maybe?”
That long? That long and I never picked up on it?
At some point my hand leaves the bed between us and settles over my clamped mouth, and I’m only half-conscious of the movement.
Because all I can concentrate on is the fact that Roo’s gay …
and I didn’t know. What kind of best friend completely misses that?
“And you didn’t tell me.” It’s not a question, or an accusation. It’s a fact. Somehow, I let him down.
“I’m sorry.”
“What?” My outburst gets his attention. “No, no.” I hurry to reach for him because I need to. I need to feel his soft beard under my hand and make him listen to what I’m about to say. “I’m sorry you thought you had to keep it from me. That I didn’t pay enough attention. I should have known.”
“How the hell would you have known?”
“I … dunno.” I snatch my hand back to rub it over my hair. “I don’t know. All I know is I should have. How can I call myself your best friend when I missed it?”
He stares at me a moment, and I hope he knows how sincere I’m being. “You don’t care. Like, it’s not … freaking you out?”
“Why would it?”
I’m relieved to see some of his tension melt away.
“We just discussed you spooning me with a massive erection. You shared a bed with a gay man, and it’s far from the first time.
I used to sit on your lap all the damn time, and people used to tease us for dating.
None of that makes you … well, uncomfortable? ”
I tilt my head. Even as he lists all the reasons I should feel something, all I know is a deep sense of contentment that those things happened.
That he finally told me. That he’s still here.
“No. We’ve both always said guys can be close and show feelings and it shouldn’t be weird. That still stands.”
His eyes narrow. “Really?”
“I don’t see why it should change.”
“Rich Bladley?”
I know the name, but not why he’s throwing it out now. “Yeah?”
“You used to say all the time that he made you uncomfortable.”
“Huh—oh!” I did. A lot. That dude was almost on the other side of my fist a few times too. But not because he was gay. Or at least, not totally because of it. “He did. Because of the way he talked about you.”
“What?”
I shrug, and it’s too stiff to be casual, but now that Roo’s made me remember, those old feelings of wanting to punch something are coming back.
“He used to say you were hot,” I mumble.
“Used to talk about your ass a lot.” And like that, I’m thinking of his ass, and after getting an eyeful of it yesterday, I can kind of get why Rich was so obsessed with it. As far as asses go, it’s a good one.
“You hated him because he, what? Had a crush on me?”
I quickly shake my head. “No, not … Well, it wasn’t like that. It wasn’t only that he liked you, it was the way he said things. It made me mad.”
“Did it?” For some reason Roo thinks this part of the conversation is funny because I can tell he’s trying to hold back a smile.
“Don’t worry, I taught him a lesson.”
“So did I.”
That takes me by surprise. “What? What did you do?”
“He tried to grope me, so I kneed him in the balls.”
“That’s what happened?” And completely out of my control, my jaw starts to clench again. He put his hands on my Roo? My fist itches to hit something. “If I’d known that, I would have done way worse than stuff my worn gym socks in his locker over the weekend.”
Roo barks out a laugh. “I don’t know. I’ve smelled those gym socks, and they were lethal.”
“Yeah?” I can’t help my smile. “I wore them running every day for a week before it.”
He wriggles closer. “In some states that could have been considered attempted murder.”
“Eh. Still would have been worth it.”
And it would have. Then and now, I’d do anything for Roo. His eyelashes look almost bronze under the sunlight from my window, and it hits me with a pang that I already knew that about him and had clearly forgotten.
“Can I hug you?” I ask, feeling like my chest might split in two if he says no.
And he’s clearly forgotten how affectionate I can be, because he looks surprised for a moment before nodding.
I pull him down against me, until his chest is resting over mine, his head on my shoulder.
I let out a loud sigh, not caring how idiotic it must sound, because when he wraps his arms around me, it reminds me of everything I’ve been missing.
Roo’s warmth, Roo’s touch, Roo’s presence.
It all works together and reaches me on a level I don’t share with anyone else.
There’s no way I can let him leave me again.
He laughs. “You good now?”
“Nah.” I tighten my arms around his back. “I’m not in a hurry.”
I hold him until I feel the tension completely leave his body. His soft breaths puff against my neck, and even though I’ve already had all the sleep I normally do after an all-nighter, I’m so relaxed, I could easily drift off again.
Then Roo’s stomach grumbles. “Ignore it,” he murmurs, sounding half asleep too. But unlike me, I don’t doubt he could fall back asleep.
“Nope. Time to get our lazy asses up.”
“But I don’t wanna …” He nuzzles his face into my shoulder. “Comfy pillow.”
“Your pillow will still be here tonight,” I say, sitting up and taking him with me. Before I can turn to climb out of bed, though, he grabs my hand, linking his fingers through mine.
“I’m still not convinced you won’t freak out on me, but … thank you. For not making this weird.”
It breaks my heart that he thinks I would have in the first place.
It makes me a little mad at him too, if I’m honest. But I’ve also heard the flip side—kids being kicked out and disowned, or beat up by their friends—and the anger quickly fizzles out.
“You’re still my Roo. That’s all that matters to me. ”
I don’t know what it was about Roo fessing up about his sexuality that burst through the wall between us, but the last few days have been like old times.
He keeps his popcorn to himself while we watch movies, snuggled into my side or with his feet propped in my lap.
The light, casual touches are back, and I forget to think twice about what I say or do and instead act completely on instinct. Exactly how it’s always been.
I slow down my jog as I notice Roo is no longer behind me.
“I hate you,” he huffs from a few feet back, hunched over his knees and puffing little bursts of mist from his mouth. “It’s cold. I’m unfit. And this time of the morning shouldn’t be a time at all.”
His dramatics make me smile. “Well, we’re halfway now. Even if you do wanna head back, it’ll be the same distance as if you kept going.”
He glares at me. “Why do I feel like I’ve been tricked into this?”
“All I said was I’m going for a jog.”
“No.” He stalks closer, hands on his hips. “You literally kicked me out of bed, and said, ‘Oh, Roo, you awake? Might as well come for a walk with me then.’”
I screw up my face, like I’m trying to remember. “Huh. I don’t recall.”
“How convenient.”
I wrap my arm around his waist and get him to start walking. I don’t let go again until I’m convinced he’s not going to protest. “If you can make it to O’Connell Road, I’ll buy you a coffee.”
“Better make it a large,” he mutters, storming off ahead.
I let him go, admiring the way his shirt is plastered to his back. Nothing like a good workout. “You’ll thank me when all the guys are throwing themselves at you,” I tease, catching up to him.
He snorts and shakes his head. “All the guys, hey?” He pretends to glance around. “Funny, none have come running yet.”
“That’s only because there are no gay guys in Sunbury. Anywhere else and they’ll all want you.”
He eyes me for a moment. “No gay guys in Sunbury?”
“Nope.”
“You’re kidding, right?”
His tone makes me reconsider. “Not that I know of.”
“There was a gay couple next to us having breakfast the other day. And also women kissing at the bar the first night I was here. Are you serious?”
There were? “I … Well, on your first night back I was a bit distracted with having you home.”
“Right.” There’s something about his tone I don’t like.
“What does that mean?”
“What?” He doesn’t look at me.
“Right. Like I’ve done something wrong.”
He waves a hand. “You’re … I know you’re not homophobic, so don’t get pissed, but you’re like your parents. You only see what you want to see.”
“I do not. I just don’t go around sticking my nose into other people’s business.”
“Okay, Tanner.”
“Don’t okay, Tanner me. Is this a thing? Are you turning it into a big deal because I didn’t notice two random couples in town?”
“Okay, then.” He stops, hands on his hips, and faces me. “What about Circus?”
“What about Circus?”
I swear Roo’s eyes almost bulge out of his head. “Circus is queer. He’s literally never tried to hide it. The pan colors are on his profile.”
“I don’t even know what that means.” And I’m trying hard not to get cranky, but the words come out on a long groan.
Roo’s hands drop from his hips. “You barely internet, so I suppose that’s true.”
“Not like I get much free time,” I mutter, staring at the house across the street.
When I’m not working at one of my two jobs, there are always people around town to help with this or that.
And since Roo’s return, he’s taken up every other spare moment.
“Plus, I wouldn’t understand a word I was reading anyway. ”
“Okay, fair point.”
“Can you, umm … help me?”
“With?”
“You know …” I hold out my hands, helpless. “Colors, pan, queer, all of it. I get what it means to be gay and bi and lesbian, but I’ve got no clue about the rest.”
“You want me to teach you the way of the gays?”
At first I think he’s being sarcastic, but then I catch his smile. I’ve always been firm that you treat all people the same, and maybe I should already know this stuff, but I’ve never had much of a reason to go actively looking it up. Until now.
“Is that okay?”
He eyes me for a moment, then smiles. “Of course it’s okay. And who knows”—he slaps me on the ass before jogging ahead—“you might even like it.”