Chapter 35
Tanner
Urggg.
I’m sore. And achy. And things hurt all over.
It’s been a busy day at the station, and all I’ve looked forward to all day is getting home to see Roo.
And he’s not here.
I dump my bag as I walk into the empty living room. The apartment is quiet, and I don’t like it. I’ve never lived on my own before because I need people around. Being by myself brings those bad, exhausted feelings forward.
I’ve already showered so I head to the kitchen to start dinner since it’s getting late in the afternoon, and if I get it out of the way, I can have a relaxing night with Roo.
Just me and him and whatever shit he picks on TV.
I shoot him a text to say I’m home, then nudge his laptop out of the way to start pulling out ingredients for a stir-fry. Only when I move it, the screen lights up, and my attention catches on a real-estate site.
Sunbury is listed in the search bar, and my heart gives a little extra thump as I figure through what this means. Is Roo looking at staying? And is he looking at places for himself only … or him and me?
I’m smiling hard.
It has to be for the both of us. I couldn’t imagine him moving out, and I’d bet money he’s the same.
There’s a little red number next to his saved searches, and I know I probably shouldn’t, but I click on it anyway.
It’s not what I’m expecting.
My smile dissolves as I look at the areas listed. They’re all close to Portland. It looks like we’re moving, then.
When the hell was he going to tell me?
The front door creaks open, and I go to quickly close his laptop, then pause. There’s no way I can get through the rest of the day pretending. It’s not gonna happen. I’m way too exhausted for this conversation, but I’m also too tired to hide the anxiousness gripping me.
He rounds the corner and pulls up, looking surprised to see me. “You’re home.”
When he doesn’t immediately step forward for a hug, I tense.
“Yeah …” I say cautiously. Fuck it. I spin the laptop to face him. “What’s this?”
His eyebrows bunch up in confusion. “House listings.”
“Near Portland.” My voice squeaks higher. “We’re leaving?”
Roo drops his phone and wallet on the table before crossing the distance to the kitchen. “And would you be okay with that?”
“I told you I would be.” I just wish he’d given me some kind of heads-up first.
“Tanner …”
“Don’t use that voice. Are we leaving? It’s a pretty simple question.”
“Is it?” He pulls that face where his eyes are all big and he looks kinda helpless. It never fails to make me wanna comfort him, but not this time. He sets his jaw. “That will depend on you.”
“Me?”
“Obviously. I know what I want. I’ve known since we were in sophomore year. The thing is, I don’t think you do.”
“Excuse me?”
“Come on. I know you heard I was talking about leaving the exact same day you decided you were in love with me. Why, Tanner?”
I blink at him. “What are you trying to say?”
“Really?” He pins me with a look. “We both know where I’m going with this. Did you, or did you not, say that to keep me here?”
My mouth slowly drops. I can’t quite place the feeling that sweeps over me, but it’s heavy and gross and not a way I ever thought Roo would make me feel. “Are you … Are you asking if I purposely manipulated you? Or if I’m so stupid that I did it by accident?”
He swallows thickly and glances away. “I—”
“Maybe I don’t wanna know,” I mumble.
“Tanner.” Roo snatches off his hat and drops it on the counter. “You know that’s not it.”
My back hits the pantry, and I sink to the floor. “You sure I know that? Sure I’m not too stupid to get it?”
“Tanner.”
“Or maybe I don’t wanna get it? Maybe I’m that much of a dick.”
“Jesus fucking Christ, it was a question.”
“A fucked-up question.”
I feel rather than see him step closer and kneel between my bent knees. “Look at me.”
“Don’t wanna right now.” Because when I look at him, my heart swells and my whole body is doused in all these happy feelings that make me smile.
Cold fingertips run down my cheek, and I force myself not to lean into them.
Not to react. Because all I want is to pull him into my arms and keep him there forever, but the fact that he doubts how I feel, even for a second, really hurts.
It might have taken me a minute to get to where he is, but I’d never try to trap him here with me. I’d never trick him.
“I’ve been struggling,” he finally says. “Ever since we officially got together, I worried that I’d tricked you into it. That this was a desperate attempt to keep me here, and that you were just pushing what you really felt for me so I wasn’t hurt.”
I wanna be mad, but … it sounds exactly like something I’d do.
“I love you so much, and for so long, I was worried I was only seeing what I wanted to see. And then when Piper mentioned she’d told you what Circus and I were talking about …
” Roo presses his forehead to my knee. “Tanner, I’m struggling.
I’ve always struggled. I don’t know what I ever did to deserve you as a friend, and I’m finding it so hard to believe this is real, that I’m convinced in a few months you’re going to look around and wonder how the fuck we got here. ”
When he glances up again, his eyes are red. My heart squeezes at seeing him upset, and no matter how much I try to ignore it, I know I’ll never be able to turn it off.
I cup his face. “You can always tell when I’m lying. Am I lying now?”
He studies me for a moment and slowly shakes his head.
“You don’t need to deserve me. That’s not what this is. All you have to do is trust me and love me, and I’ll do the same right back.” I lean forward to kiss him. “I will never regret this. I wish I could have told you sooner, but I had some stuff to figure out, I guess.”
Roo finally relaxes. “I was looking at a house today.”
It’s my turn to go tense. “Where at?”
“Australia.”
“What?”
He bursts out laughing. “Okay, that was mean.” He presses a hard kiss to my cheek, and I’m only just calming down when he says, “Darby Lane.”
“D—as in, only a few miles from here?”
“Yes. All those houses I had saved were because there’s literally nothing in Sunbury. Mom’s been asking around, and she’s bullied Eric Fletcher into selling. To us.”
“Us?” Am I hearing this right?
“Well, you, truthfully. He seemed a bit pissed you didn’t show up with me. I believe his words were, ‘I want the property to stay with the town’s folks.’”
It’s my turn to laugh. “He doesn’t speak like that.”
Roo shrugs like he disagrees, but I don’t argue the point because … “You wanna buy a house with me?”
“I want everything with you. Being with you is all I’ve imagined for so long, and the moment you said you’d leave Sunbury, I knew we weren’t going anywhere.
I know what this town means to you. I know how much you love it here.
And saying you’d leave, for me … Yeah, that was the kick in the ass I needed to get my shit together.
I have a job. We hopefully have a house.
And now that I have you …” His hazel eyes pierce mine. “I’m not going anywhere.”
The familiar warmth floods my chest, and hell, I don’t know how I ever confused it for something platonic. It’s consuming, and without Roo here, without these feelings, I’d been so fucking empty, no matter how I pretended otherwise.
I yank him close and suck his deliciously full bottom lip into my mouth. The feel of him against me is everything, and the idea that I could be getting all I’ve ever worked toward—my career, a house—and the one thing I need—Roo—has me floating.
I kiss him, deep and needy, ignoring the ache in my muscles. All I know is I need to be as close to him as possible.
“Fuck me,” Roo mutters against my lips.
“No.”
He pulls back, blinking through his surprise.
“I want you inside me.”
His eyes light up, and damn, I wish I’d asked for this sooner. I’m nervous as hell, but bringing that look to his face is worth it.
Roo jumps up and pulls me after him.
He’s so fucking addictive. As he leads the way, I crowd in behind him, unable to keep from touching him. My mouth finds his neck, and I breathe in the smell of his skin as I flick open the button on his jeans.
“Okay, okay.” We reach my room, and he laughs as he steps away from me. Turns. Then backs me toward the bed.
The stare he pins me with is so heavy with lust, my dick thickens from half hard to needing to be touched immediately.
The fact that it’s Roo makes it ten times better.
I grab his shirt and yank him against me. His mouth crashes into mine, and I figure if I keep kissing him, tasting him, concentrating on his tongue and how much it’s turning me on, then I won’t get a chance to be nervous.
Because I’m really damn nervous.
This is the sort of thing I’d never spared a moment to think about. Before Roo came back and my stupid body forced me to confront my feelings for him, I’d never considered being with another man.
And yet, it’s all been so easy.
Will it still be easy when he’s buried inside my ass?
The way my cock twitches makes me think yes.
Roo yanks off my T-shirt, then pushes me back onto the bed. I watch as he stands there, chest heaving, and slowly peels his long-sleeved T-shirt off too. A low groan rumbles in my chest at the sight of him. All lean muscle and flat stomach and beautiful freckled skin.
I swear no matter how many times we do this, I’ll always regret not doing it sooner.
“C’mere, Roo.”
He crawls over the top of me, and I pull his warm torso down flush against mine.
His lips move along my jaw to my neck, and I immediately arch my head back to give him more room.
His mouth is magic as he works his way down my neck and over my chest. His kisses are sloppy, and his tongue circles around my nipple before sucking it into his mouth.
I grunt. “Fuck.”
“You nervous?” he murmurs as he finally leaves my nipple alone and starts to lick his way along my abs.
“A bit.”
“You still okay with this?”
“Definitely.”
He licks his way up the groove between my abs, then unleashes a smile that makes my heart stop. “Good.” He pops the button on my work pants open. “Take these off, then get on your hands and knees.”