Chapter 17
Leon
This is killing me. Pretending to be a professional boss is a little hard when you can barely take your eyes off the man who’s consuming your thoughts.
I did well today. I put distance between us and kept myself so busy I couldn’t stand around watching his tight ass.
It’s a good thing we had to be on-site this morning; I have no idea how I would have kept things professional if we’d been here the whole time.
We’ve hardly stepped inside, and already I’m trying to work out how to exploit the loophole of him technically being off the clock.
Yeah, him in my house really isn’t a help. Not when I can’t stop picturing pulling him close and returning yesterday’s favor.
His mouth had been so good.
It’s only natural to want to say thank you, right?
I mentally groan so he doesn’t know the debate I’m currently having with myself. I get the impression if I turned around and asked Auggie if he wanted to fuck, his clothes would cease to exist.
Which of course only makes this whole thing so much harder.
Focus. Right. That’s all I need to do. There’s enough that needs doing around here to keep us busy for a while.
I could even send Auggie to one end of the house while I worked in the front, but I’m not so sure I trust him to go off unsupervised.
I’d send him upstairs to remove a panel and end up buried under the whole second floor.
Yeah, okay, Leon, good excuse.
I shake the judgy voice away because it’s true. Mostly. I mean, he did just drive a piece of machinery through the side of a building, so I figure that gives me reason to worry.
Now that we’ve cleared my house from a year’s worth of slow demo, it’s a lot easier to move around, and even though we’re only at it for a few hours, we manage to strip the peeling, age-worn plaster and wood paneling from most of the downstairs.
The kitchen can wait until I’ve ordered a new one to be put in, and the bathroom and hallway still need to be ripped apart, but I can see progress.
A day or two more and we could have the whole downstairs gutted, ready to be put back together again.
While we work, Auggie is never far from me either. I’m good about focusing on the job and doing what needs to be done, but every now and then, my mind wanders to him and his purple boots and hard hat. Like a sexy Twinky-winky or what-the-fuck-ever.
His slightly labored breathing is distracting.
The sweat beading on the back of his neck makes me want to touch.
The damp curls crushed against his forehead draw my eye. Make me want to reach out. Push them back.
This level of infatuation is so far beyond my experience, I’m not sure what to do.
Another round? Will that clear this constant lust? Or make it worse? Shit, I couldn’t handle if it was worse.
I need him out of my house.
Surely I can get through until the weekend. If I can make it the next few days, and this need still hasn’t died down, then I’ll let myself act. As it is, it’s barely been twenty-four hours, and it’s a workday.
“Okay, time to pack it up.”
“Huh?”
I start to grab the tools we were using and put them back in my toolbox. “That’s enough for one day. Head home and get a decent night’s sleep.”
He doesn’t move, and when I glance up at Auggie’s face, he’s blinking at me in confusion. I can’t blame him. This whole situation is confusing, which is why we never should have gone there in the first place.
“Umm … I thought …”
“What? You’re always telling me to relax, and now you don’t want me to call it a day?”
He quickly shakes his head. “No, that’s not … right. Okay, well, I’ll, umm, go?” He poses it like a question, and the tiny inflection on the word go fills me with doubt.
He wants this. I want this.
No, nope. No.
Restraint.
I clear my throat. “Yeah, same time tomorrow.”
Auggie’s still opening and closing his mouth as I usher him out the front door. It’s what’s best. For both of us.
He sits in his car for a decent stretch of time, before he starts the engine and drives off. The last thing I want is to hurt him or make him feel rejected, but damn I need my head on straight before I can work through whatever it is attracting me to him.
First step, getting rid of this damn erection.
I strip off and head for my outdoor shower. I’ve been so worked up all day that it doesn’t take many rough, angry strokes before I paint the wall with my cum, but instead of the instant relief, I might have just made things worse.
I’m tense, irritated, and my balls are telling me in no uncertain terms that they’re unsatisfied with my solution.
In an alternate universe, Auggie would be on his knees for me right now.
I grunt, then turn off the shower and go sit on my outside chairs to drip-dry. It’s still warm enough out that I’m able to do this, and I think, even when the house is done, I might keep up this habit during the summers.
The problem is, even though it is getting late, I know I’m not going to be able to sleep. I could get back to work, like I normally would, but Auggie is sitting heavy on my mind, and I can’t guarantee that tomorrow I’m going to be able to be as strong.
I pick up my phone and thumb through the contacts. Circus is my best friend, but there’s no way I can talk to him about this and survive the teasing. Royce would call me dramatic, and I can only imagine Tanner’s perplexed expression at me putting my reputation on the line for a quick fuck.
The thing is … Tanner would be right. I just don’t want to hear it.
Dahlia would tell me to go out and get laid, Jules would give me that reproachful look of hers and assure me I’ll make the right choice …
I pause over Rafe’s name.
It’s been months since I’ve spoken to him properly.
I’m still not sure what happened when he found out about Royce and Tanner, or why it was a shock when literally no one else was surprised, but that’s not him.
The vaguely homophobic explosion was masking something else, and whatever it was made him disappear.
I miss him.
I wet my dry lips as I contemplate what I’d even say to him after months of unanswered texts and awkward encounters in town.
Screw it. I hate awkwardness and skirting around issues.
I hit Call and lift the phone to my ear.
The ringtone sounds for long enough that I’m sure he’s not going to answer, and when it stops, I expect to be hit with his voicemail.
“Who the hell calls these days?”
My face splits into a grin. “Well, the texting thing failed, so …”
Silence. Right. He still clearly doesn’t know what to say.
“I’ve given you long enough to work through whatever’s going on with you. Can I come round?”
“Ah …” He clears his throat. “I’ll come to you, actually.”
“Everything okay?”
“I …” His words waver slightly. “Sure, yeah. Fine.”
Guilt hits me that I’ve left it so long to reach out, and when I finally did, it was because I needed something. It wasn’t on me to bridge this distance he’s built, but I feel it anyway.
There’s nothing I believe in more fiercely than making sure my friends are okay.
And Rafe … so not okay.
I’m half expecting him to blow me off, so when he shows up barely fifteen minutes later, I’m still hurrying to pull clothes on before I can answer the door.
The minute I see him, I automatically pull him in for a hug. “You look like shit.”
It’s true. He’s always been tall and lean, but combined with the defeated look he’s got going on, he reminds me of a kicked puppy.
“Can’t say you’re a sight for sore eyes,” he says back. I don’t miss the way he holds on to the hug for a beat too long. It makes my worry spike.
“I’ve been busy. Business is better than ever these days.”
He finally lets go, and I lead the way into the house. “Yeah, I heard you hired an apprentice. Never thought I’d see the day.”
“Why do people keep saying that?” I laugh. “You realize I have four other employees, right?”
“Except they work for you, not with you. There’s a difference.”
“If you say so.”
Awkward silence tries to sink in, but I’m determined to avoid that at all costs. This is Rafe. One of my oldest friends.
“Drink?”
He shakes his head. “Can’t stay long.”
“I was fine coming to your place, you know.”
“I know, but …” He sighs and nods outdoors before stepping out onto the deck. Rafe takes one chair, and I check the other is dry before sitting. “Things aren’t great there.”
“You guys break up again?”
He shifts. “Twice. And got back together again, twice. I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m doing.”
Rafe and Laura’s relationship has never been what I’d consider healthy. When they’re newly back together, things seem great. They’re happy, they spend time together, and then the distance and fighting starts.
“You know my thoughts.” I’ve been telling him for years that those two need a proper break from one another.
“It’s not that simple.” He leans forward and starts to rub his temples.
I’m not going to keep driving home my point.
I’ve said my piece when he’s asked for my opinion; now it’s up to his dumb ass to work it out for himself.
If he ends up married with kids in a couple of years—which, let’s face it, is where things are headed—that’ll be on him.
I can’t force him to do the right thing.
“You know you can tell me anything if you need to talk through it.”
“Yep. And I want to. I …” He abruptly shakes his head. “What about you? What’s got your face looking all knotted up?”
I let him change the subject, even though it’s so tempting to push. To remind him he’s allowed to be happy. “I want to fuck my apprentice.”
“Ah.” He glances up at me, and it’s clear I’ve shocked Rafe to silence.
“Yep.”
“Right.”
“Actually, he already blew me yesterday. Kinda can’t stop picturing it happening again.”
“Jesus, how old is the kid?”
“Not a kid. He’s twenty-one. Almost twenty-two.”
Rafe lets out a long breath. “That’s a relief, at least.” He chews on his lip, thinking.
“So this is where I’m at.” I figure the more information I can get out as quickly as possible, the easier it’ll be for Rafe to tell me to get my head out of my ass.
“He’s not my usual type. His dad is one of my biggest competitors and has already warned me off him.
He’s my employee. There’s the whole power imbalance thing.
The last thing I need is any sexual harassment claims coming at me.
He’s a good worker, and I worry how that would be affected if we fuck around and then end things.
” I scrub at my short hair. “But he’s so under my skin.
I can’t look at him without remembering what he looked like on his knees.
Which, you know, kinda inappropriate for a boss. ”
“You’ve given me a million reasons why you shouldn’t go there and one why you should. The most important thing, though, is what does he want?”
I laugh. “He’s made it very clear he’s up for a repeat.”
“Then I don’t see the problem.”
“I don’t want to hurt him. Sometimes I think he might have a bit of a crush—and wow, that sounds ridiculous to say out loud.”
“Who cares? Make it clear this is all no feelings or whatever. That’s your part. If he can’t differentiate, it’s on him.”
“That’s not how relationships work, Rafe.”
“You want a relationship with him, now?”
“No, but—” My cheeks heat. “Nothing like that.”
“Look, I don’t get it. You’re both adults, you both want it, and you’re both single.”
“I just worry that—”
“And that’s your first problem.” Rafe stands and stretches. “You’re in your head. This isn’t you. For as long as I’ve known you, you’ve been all about consent, age, availability. Stop worrying about the other stuff because at the end of the day, it’s not important.”
Frustration is starting to bleed into his voice. “You sure you don’t need to talk?” I ask.
“Nope. I’m good. I just really don’t understand the problem.”
Something about the way he says that makes me pause. He’s only ever been with Laura, but he still understands sex … right? “You were supposed to talk me out of it.”
He finally cracks a smile. “Fuck him. And I do mean literally. Then if you want it to happen again, do it again. And again. Until you’re done.”
It sounds so simple when he says that. Normally, it would be. But I can’t shake the need to make sure that Auggie doesn’t get hurt in all this, even though I know that’s not necessarily something I can control.
“You’re a wealth of wisdom,” I say dryly.
Rafe shrugs. “I’ve slept with exactly one person in my life, so I don’t know why you thought I’d give good advice.”
“Honestly … it’s just good to see you again, man.”
“Yeah.” He frowns. “You too.”
“I know I already asked this, but are you sure you’re okay? You can tell me anything, you know.”
“I know.”
It’s obvious he’s not going to say any more, so I walk him out and make him promise not to be a stranger.
“Tanner would understand,” I say, unable to help myself.
Rafe’s face darkens. “I still can’t believe I did that.”
“Yeah, you were a real dick.”
“Always calling it like you see it.”
“I can lie and say it was nothing, but we were all there. Don’t you think it’s time you guys worked things out?”
“I want to, but every time I picture myself apologizing, I see him setting Royce loose on me. He might be tiny, but he scares me.”
I know what Rafe means. Royce has a big attitude, and he’s not afraid of throwing around words that can hurt. “I think we both know when it comes to Royce and Tanner, those two are all about each other. If Tanner forgives you, Royce will too. It’s how they work.”
He grunts.
“You embarrassed?”
“Very. But it’s also like I don’t have the energy. It’s a struggle just to go to work some days.”
That doesn’t sound good. “You depressed?”
“Nah, I don’t think so. My head is just full all the time.”
“You can’t keep going on like that.”
He pats my shoulder. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll figure something out. In the meantime, you go and have some fun with that apprentice of yours.”
I cringe, which makes him laugh.
As I watch him leave, I think I’m more confused than ever. He was here for the shortest time that I can’t figure out why he didn’t just let me come to him. The way he was acting … he can tell me not to worry all he likes, but I’m going to.
And then Auggie …
I sigh. I still have no idea what’s the right move there.