Chapter 1
Rafe
Sometimes I imagine what life would be like if I grew up anywhere other than Sunbury.
It’s a fishbowl here. I’ve felt it since I was young, but more and more lately, those glass walls feel like they’re closing in.
Mom and Dad are waiting for me at Harvey’s. We meet for breakfast most Tuesdays, but this week I’m seriously considering not going. I sit in my car out the front, watching a couple enter the diner, and try to picture myself starting my car and leaving. Not looking back.
Instead, I sluggishly undo my seat belt and play the role of dutiful son.
The little bell above the door sounds as I enter and make my way to our booth. Mom and Dad are already there, our usual order of coffees waiting, and I wonder, not for the first time, what it would take to make things change around here.
“Sorry, I’m late.” By four minutes. It doesn’t matter to Mom though. I lean down to kiss her cheek before Dad stands and pulls me in for a hug.
“What kept you?” she asks.
I didn’t want to get out of bed.
Staring out my kitchen window required my complete attention.
Aliens.
“Lost track of time.”
She purses her lips, clearly unimpressed, so I turn my attention to Dad instead.
“How did the meeting go yesterday?”
Dad is president of the town council, which means way too many meetings for very little progress.
“Not bad, actually. I think we’ve almost all agreed that O’Connell Road needs repaving.”
“Almost?” A smile tugs at my lips because I know who’ll be holding things up. Cam’s mom rarely gives in.
Dad shakes his head. “Lori was against it, of course. I can see where her idea for the money is coming from, but I hardly think it’s the most pressing issue.”
Mom laughs. “She wants what’s best for the town, same as you.” Mom and Lori have been friends since before I was born, and we lived down the street from them while Cam and I were growing up. It’s no surprise we were inseparable …
Until we weren’t.
“What does she want to spend the money on?” I ask.
“Restoration of the town hall building. Which admittedly needs to be done, but surely road safety—not to mention the appearance of the main part of town—should take priority.”
Knowing Dad, he’ll find a way to make them both happen. “So what are you going to do?”
“We’ve come to … an agreement. Sort of. The Pumpkin Pride Festival is coming up, and we’ll be doing our usual fundraising. Whoever makes the most money gets to make the final call.”
“Sounds good.” Or dangerous. I have no idea if Dad and Lori have the same strike rate as me and Cam, but I’m pretty sure I never beat Cam at anything.
My mood takes a dive every time I think about him, which is one of the many reasons I wish I could avoid these weekly catch-ups.
Being close with the Taylors means they’re brought up at least once a meal, but I’d prefer to go on pretending like Cam doesn’t exist.
Until this past year, he was content to do the same to me.
Dad starts to list all the reasons the road is the right choice, and I nod, occasionally agreeing, while I avoid Mom’s eyes. I have the intense feeling she’s waiting for the right moment to jump in, which has my guard going up, and sure enough, as soon as Dad stops talking, she pounces.
“So how is Laura?”
There’s another reason why I hate these catch-ups.
The sound of my girlfriend’s name always brings out mixed emotions in me. Familiarity, because we’ve been together for almost a decade. Guilt, because I’m not sure how I feel about her anymore. Panic, because I have to remind myself how a doting boyfriend would react.
We got together back when that’s what all our friends were doing. I’d assumed our relationship troubles were what everyone dealt with, all a part of growing up.
I’m starting to realize it’s more than that.
“She’s great,” I say. “Just sold another piece.”
“Congratulations.” Dad claps his hands together. “Where to this time?”
“Someone in Germany.” When Laura first dropped out of college to pursue her art, I had no clue how that would work out for her. As someone who always does what’s expected of him, I couldn’t wrap my head around a path that wasn’t college and then a career.
Luckily she never listened to me though, because Laura’s making a comfortable living off her art. I’m proud of her. She’s worked hard to get to where she is.
And I … well, I’m here.
On the outside, people see what they’re supposed to. I finished college, opened my own real estate agency, and am in a stable, long-term relationship.
My chest does that tightening thing it does whenever I start to think about my life, and whatever. So things aren’t perfect? Whose life is?
“You know …” Mom starts. “You and Laura have been together for almost ten years now. People are starting to talk.”
And there’s that tightness again. “What people?” I ask dryly.
I’m willing to bet those people are Mom, Lori Taylor, Joan Everett, and the rest of their circle.
There are a few families in Sunbury who think they’re more important than they are, purely because they’ve been here the longest. Those families have the biggest houses, and own the most businesses, and are usually active participants in what’s happening within the town.
My family is one of those. So are the Taylors and Everetts and Fallows.
“Just around town,” Mom says. “Everyone is dying for some engagement news.”
“So tell them to get engaged.”
Mom laughs. I’m not being funny. “Come on, Rafael. When are you going to give me a daughter-in-law? And grandbabies? Lori and Joan are green with envy at the thought of grandchildren.” She pretends to drop her voice. “I’m the only one of us who’ll get any, what with their sons being gay and all.”
Not this again. “Tanner’s bi. And two men have plenty of options for children.”
“Of course, dear.” She pats my hand, but I know what she’s thinking.
When Cam first came out as gay, she saw it as the one thing she could finally beat Lori at.
And then Joan’s son Tanner shacked up with his best friend at the start of the year, so Mom feels like she’s got one up on both of them.
It’s not that they’re in same-sex relationships that has her gloating; it’s the whole “passing on the family name” thing, which apparently is a huge deal for reasons I can’t understand.
If only she knew …
“I have no plans to propose anytime soon.”
“Well, don’t leave it too long. Laura’s not going to wait forever.”
Dad waves a hand at her. “What do you mean ‘wait’? Laura can propose to him if she wants to get married so badly.”
Please no. I tense at the thought of Mom suggesting that to Laura, and the only thing that settles me is the reminder that Mom is too hung up on things being done “properly” for her to want that.
My head hurts.
Then, as though I’ve conjured him through thought alone, Tanner Everett walks in the door. He’s one of my oldest friends … and I was a complete asshole to him.
Tanner has always been the golden boy. Mr. Sunbury, we’d jokingly call him, but he basks in the title.
He loves being the guy people look to for anything.
He loves his positive image. He’s always gone out of his way to meet the perfect, cookie-cutter version of himself that this town has created, so him suddenly falling in love with his best friend from high school—instead of Piper Harvey like everyone expected—was a complete shock.
To me, at least.
Tanner catches my stare, and hurt flashes across his face. That same hurt I feel soul-deep.
It’s not his fault. None of it was.
But when he announced that he and Royce were together, it’s the thing that made me snap.
Because for him, the decision was that easy.
For me … I still have no idea what’s going on in my head. I don’t even know where to begin untangling the confusing thoughts, but I do know I need to start by apologizing to Tanner.
But it’s been almost six months now, and every time I try to make myself swallow my pride, I’m reminded that if I say sorry, he’s going to want an explanation.
And that’s not something I can give him.
I’ve pulled away from almost everyone since then, including Laura. It was like a trigger flicked in my brain, and I could finally admit to myself that I’m not happy. Laura and I used to fight all the time, both of us struggling to make things work, but now … I’ve given up. And I think she has too.
So instead of doing the right thing and walking over there to make it all better, I turn away from Tanner instead.
I like to tell myself that one day I’ll grow a pair of balls.
But probably not.