Chapter 5
Reynolds
Ifeel like a king. Standing on top of this snowboard run, looking over the bright white snow waiting to be cut into, and knowing that later tonight, I’ll be back with the man who turns me inside out … what the hell else could I ask for?
I tilt my weight forward and go. It doesn’t take long to pick up speed, my pulse kicking up a notch, and I let the rush consume me. It’s been too long since Matti and I took off for the week to ski and snowboard until we pass out, and I’ve missed it.
The freezing air stings my nose as I lean and tilt into each turn. My muscles are getting that satisfied burn, and as fast as I’m going, it feels peaceful. I reach behind myself and drag my gloved hand through the snow, marveling at how easily it’s coming back to me.
Matti said this was what he needed today, and apparently it’s what I needed too.
Wise man, my best friend. Which is why he cannot find out about me and Arlo. The thought of losing Matti is terrifying when he’s the closest thing to a brother I’ve ever had.
Thankfully, I’ve never seen Arlo that way. He went from being on the periphery of my attention to taking center stage, spotlight and all.
When he’s around, it’s nearly impossible to concentrate on anything else.
I slow as I approach a group of Matti’s friends who are waiting at the bottom of the run. Arlo’s with them, grinning wide, and I have to steel myself against returning it.
As far as anyone knows, all he is to me is my best friend’s little brother. We like each other fine, but no one knows how desperately I want to get him naked. Ah … again.
I slow to a stop, then reach down and unstrap my board before walking over to the group.
“I thought you said you were rusty. Show-off,” Tanner Everett says. Tanner’s partner, Royce Williams, is tucked under his arm, steaming drink clutched in his hands and scowl across his face.
I shrug in a self-deprecating kind of way, but I’m thrilled with how smooth that was. “Beginner’s luck?”
Royce snorts. “My beginner’s luck would be plowing headfirst into the snow.”
“You won’t know until you try it.”
“I guess it’ll forever remain one of life’s big mysteries, then.”
Tanner lets go of Royce and nudges Arlo. “Come on. You going up?”
I can feel Arlo’s blue eyes burning into me, and I desperately want to meet them, but somehow I toughen the fuck up and resist.
They leave me with Royce and a few other people I don’t know—extended family, I assume.
Royce shifts his weight and blows out a heavy breath. “It’s f-f-freezing.”
“We are in the snow.”
“I’m not used to these temperatures.”
“Dude, you’ve been back from Australia for what … five years? It snows in Sunbury—how aren’t you used to it yet?”
He shakes his head. “It’s not like this. I think my bones have frozen solid.”
I laugh and leave a grumpy Royce as Matti tears down the slope. He pulls up right in front of me, and we high-five before heading for the ski lift again.
We have a long day ahead to take advantage of this, and both of us soak up every minute, even when others start to head back inside for lunch.
Even when my lazy muscles start to protest. Even when my subconscious is willing me to go and find Arlo.
This is my last chance with my best friend, when it’s just him and me.
Tomorrow, it’ll be them and me.
I sigh as we finally make our way inside.
It’s been ten years since Arlo left for college. Ten years since we said goodbye and decided to keep hooking up whenever it made sense.
Ten years where I’ve been hoping that each visit home will be the one where he stays.
I’d never admit it to anyone—especially not Arlo—but there’s a reason I haven’t dated much. He’s the one I want to end up with, and I’ve pretty much put my love life on hold waiting for him to make the same decision.
Maybe … I think of the way Matti and Olive are together. Still so blindingly in love that it kills me to witness every time Arlo up and leaves me again.
I think I’m ready to start settling down. To do the whole family thing.
And with Arlo still two years younger than me, I can’t see him giving his passport a rest anytime soon.
Why would you? His family is rich as hell, and since his travel blog gained traction, he’s been making a shit ton on his own. He’s young, smoking hot, and has the opportunity to go where he wants, whenever he wants.
I struggle even to think it, but after this weekend … I might have to let him go.
Fuck.
I try to picture myself settling down with someone else and seeing Arlo each time he comes home. Not being able to touch him, remembering all the times we’ve shared together and knowing it will forever remain a secret.
It makes my heart ache.
But I think it’s only fair on myself to at least try.
After a quick lunch where I definitely don’t spend half my time eye fucking my best friend’s younger brother, we hit the slopes again until it’s time to get changed for the casino night.
The only thing that stops me from sneaking over to see Arlo is Matti bursting through my door when I’m half-dressed, bottle of whiskey in hand.
“We’re doing shots!”
I chuckle and pull on my shirt. “Shots? The night before your wedding? Liv will kill me.”
“Relax, the wedding isn’t until three. Plenty of time to recover.”
His funeral. I take the bottle to pour some out but hesitate at the five glasses. “Who else are we expecting?”
“Rick and Toby.” The two other groomsmen. “And Arlo.”
Of course. Normally when we’re around each other, it’s in bigger groups which makes it easier not to have to interact much. That seems to be the only way I can be around him without being obvious.
I pour out the shots as Matti cuffs me on the shoulder. “I’m not going to get all mushy and shit—that’s for tomorrow—but I wanted to say thank you, man. Olive might be the one I’m marrying, but we’re doing life together as well. Best friends always, yeah?”
“So much for not getting mushy.” I smirk, but I know what he means. I love him maybe more than anyone, and it’s sort of weird that platonic love could be stronger than romantic love, but when it comes to me and Arlo, if Matti asked me to walk away … I might actually consider it.
It would devastate me, and I’d end up resenting him for it, but I’d do it anyway.
I just have to hope he’d never ask.
There’s a knock on the door, and Matti opens it to let in the others. My breath catches the second I see Arlo in a tan blazer, red shirt, and navy pants that hug his ass the exact way I want to.
He smiles at me automatically, and I know I should look away, but I can’t.
“Ooh, shots. It’s like college all over again.” Arlo passes me, fingers brushing mine for the briefest of seconds and forcing my heart up into my throat.
“You’d know,” Matti says, handing them out. “Let’s get started.”
I throw back three in quick succession, willing that buzz to hit.
“I hope you guys are prepared to lose a lot of money tonight,” Arlo says. “I’ve learned a few things on my travels.”
“Sorry to say, but the only way we could legally do this is by making sure no money changes hands. We’re using tokens, and at the end of the night, the tokens will get prizes Matti bought from the hotel.”
“What sort of prizes?”
“Anything from dinner to drinks to a week’s stay.”
“My big brother, the big spender.” Arlo’s pink tongue darts over his lips, drawing my attention. I want to bite it.
Matti laughs, apparently unaware of the effect his brother is having on me. Thank God for that. “You don’t wanna play against Arlo. I swear he’s figured out how to count cards or something. We played Texas Hold ’Em over Christmas, and he cleaned the floor with us.”
“Yeah, but you’re no challenge anyway,” I taunt.
“Remember when we used to play Monopoly?” Arlo asks. “You went for Mayfair every time. Meanwhile, Reynolds and I hoteled the shit out of the board. Face it, big brother, strategy isn’t your strong suit.”
“Nah, I’m too busy playing the long game. Which is why I’m the one getting married tomorrow and you assholes are still single.”
Toby smack-talks back while I pour out another round of shots, trying not to meet Arlo’s stare.
The buzz I’ve been waiting for is slowly sneaking in, and while Matti thinks he’s the one playing the long game, he and Liv were pretty much always set. If anyone’s playing the long game, it’s me.
I just have no damn clue if Arlo is playing it with me.