15. EMMA
I’m rambling on and on and on about the fundraiser and the day I had. Every painstaking detail, from how many times Buddy went to the bathroom, to what Mrs. Langston at the bookstore was wearing, to the flower barrette that was in her hair.
It’s ridiculous. But Peter keeps nodding like it’s interesting. He really is a great brother. I’m positive he knows that I’m doing everything I can to keep him from asking about Sterling.
But once I’ve exhausted my story of details, ending with the color of the sprinkles on Mia’s cupcake of the day at Dough Dreams, I’m out of ideas.
My mouth feels like it’s stuffed with cotton balls, because I’m nervous and because I’ve been talking for fifteen minutes straight.
“So, how was your day?” I attempt to ask casually, forcing a ”I hope you didn”t actually see anything back there” smile on my face.
He stops walking and points to a bench on the sidewalk, “Sit.”
Oh boy. Why do I feel like I’ve been called down to the principal’s office?
“Let’s start at the beginning. Why in the world didn’t you tell me about what happened at my wedding?”
I sigh. “You heard about that, huh? Well, telling my brother I was dumped in front of our friends and family at his reception isn’t super high on my list of things to do. Plus, it was your day. I wanted it to be perfect for you. It wasn’t going to change anything for you to know about it. It was bad enough I tripped coming down the aisle.”
He grabs my hands, “Yes, I caught a glimpse of that. But I’m your brother, I would’ve decked that guy, even if I was wearing a suit.”
“I know, but he’s not worth it. He did me a favor by dumping me because I was wasting my time with him. Plus, Sterling came to console me.”
More awkward grinning.
“Yes, I heard.” He lets go of my hands and shifts uncomfortably on the bench.
“You did?”
“Sterling and I went fishing the other day and he told me about what happened.”
“Oh.” I don’t know if that’s good or bad. “It was no big deal. He wanted to make sure I was all right and I was.”
He turns to me, “And you’ve been spending a lot of time together ever since, working on this ‘project’?” He uses air quotes when he says project.
“Yep, we both have a passion for animals. Being a vet, his passion is certainly stronger, but I love them too. So, we just put our passions together for a good cause. You saw Buddy. We have to do something. There’s too many animals without homes.”
Now it’s his turn to sigh.
“From what I saw tonight, you’re clearly working on more than just a fundraiser.” He rubs his hands over his face.
I’m not sure what to say to that.
“Look Emma, you’re an adult, so clearly I can’t tell you what to do. Sterling is my best friend and you’re my sister. I love you both, but you don’t know everything about him. You’ve been gone for a long time.”
“What do you mean? I’ve known him my entire life. He’s the same guy now he always was.”
“I’m sure it seems that way on the outside, but he’s been hurt. Did you know he was engaged a few years back?”
My jaw drops in disbelief. No, I definitely did not know that. Now I understand how my brother felt being out of the loop. Sterling and I definitely lost touch. But not knowing he was going to be married—I just can’t believe it.
“What happened?” my voice squeaks.
“Her name was Celia. They met in veterinary school in Tennessee. They dated all through college, then got engaged after graduation. They opened up their own clinic near Nashville together. It was very successful. But as the years went by, Sterling really wanted to come back home to Cedar Creek. We didn’t have a vet at the time, so it seemed like the perfect fit.”
Peter gets a faraway look in his eyes. It’s clear this next part isn’t going to be great.
“Sterling put every penny he had saved as a down payment on the building he’s in now. He and Celia were going to run the place together, get married that spring. But on the day they were supposed to move, as Sterling was packing the truck, she said she couldn’t do it. That she wasn’t a small-town girl and didn’t want that life. She gave him back the ring and that was it. She just left him.”
I gasp. How could anyone do that to him? “So, the name of his place, SC Vet Care?”
“It was named for Sterling and Celia, not Sterling Cole. He never changed it because he knew everyone assumed it was his initials, like you did. Very few people even knew he had a fiancée. He hadn’t come back to town in years, but we always kept in touch.”
We sit in quiet for a few minutes as my heart sinks deep in my chest. I don’t even know what to say to all that. I had no idea. Now that I’ve heard this story, it makes sense that Sterling seems guarded at times. I just thought it was part of his personality rather than due to having been hurt.
Finally, Peter turns to face me again after giving me some time for it all to sink in.
“That’s the reason I wasn’t psyched to see you two kissing tonight, because he’s been totally closed off ever since then. He hasn’t dated anyone since Celia. He told me he was never going allow himself to be hurt again and then he shut down.”
Peter continues. “I mean in high school, I told him that there was no way he could ask you out because I didn’t want him dating my sister in general. It just seemed weird.”
“You did what?” I smack him on the shoulder. “He asked to date me?”
“Kind of, but who cares? It was a long time ago.” Peter is clearly oblivious to how I felt about Sterling.
“I did!” It comes out a little harsher than I want it to.
He’s scrunching his face up like he has no idea what’s going on. Men.
“Peter, really? You had no idea that I’ve had a crush on him for like…. ever?”
“Um, no, I didn’t.”
I pull my legs up to my chest and rest my head on my knees. This is all kind of overwhelming. I can’t be mad at Peter for what happened back then. But it’s also impossible not to wonder what could have been.
Peter puts an arm around my shoulder. “I’m sorry, Emma. I really had no idea.”
I nod slowly. “I know.”
“I just don’t want you to be the test relationship for Sterling, the one he uses to see if he’s ready again. I would never forgive him if he hurt you. Plus, you’ve just been through a breakup. I’m worried you might be moving too quickly with him.”
I know he only wants what’s best for me, but now he’s got me all conflicted. I nod again. “I get it. I do. It’s getting late. Let’s just head to the hotel.”
My mind races with worries and doubts as we make our way to the front steps of my hotel. I give Peter a hug and thank him for walking me back. Then I head inside.
Later that night, I get a text from Sterling telling me what a good time he had tonight with a winking emoji. It’s very cute and instantly makes me smile when I see it. But I don’t know how to respond to Sterling now, given the information I just got from my brother.
Maybe he is right, maybe I am moving too quickly. But at the same time, it feels like I’m moving too slowly. I’ve waited more a decade for that kiss, and I don’t regret it. In fact, I can’t stop thinking about it, imagining the weight of his lips on mine.
But it’s too complicated now with all that I know. Why didn’t he tell me about his fiancée? It seems like something I should know if he wants to get involved with me. I’m not sure I can fully trust him if he’s not gonna be honest about his past.
My body feels heavy with the weight of the day. As hard as it is to do, I make a silent vow to take my brother’s advice and back off of from whatever is budding between Sterling and me. This project takes precedence, and I don’t want anything getting in the way of its success. So that’s where I’m going to put my focus.
I try to clear my head and get some sleep, but every time I close my eyes, all I see is him. I should respond to his text, tell him I enjoyed today just as much as he did, but I don’t. Because the more I let myself feel, the harder it will be to walk away.