22. STERLING
Friends with benefits? Isn’t that what they call what just happened? If Emma wants us to be friends but is going to let me kiss her like that, then friends it is.
But I know that’s not the whole story. She needed to get rid of Dean and I provided the way. She did seem to enjoy my method of execution though… just a little at least. I’ve heard about people going “weak in the knees,” but I’ve never seen it happen to someone. It’s gotta count for something.
Emma and I are sitting across the table from each other working on the silent auction invitations.
Well, she’s working, I’m staring.
It’s okay to stare at your friends, isn’t it?
She”s doing a better job of keeping focused on the task at hand than I am, or at least it seems like she is. You never know what’s going on in that pretty little head of hers.
“So, tell me about the band you ended up getting. I never heard any details.”
“Oh, yes, you’re going to love them!” She continues stuffing envelopes and hands me a stack.
“They’re originally from Memphis but have travelled all over the country. They recently came back to Tennessee because they enjoy playing to their local crowd best. I’ve seen them three or four times now. They’re amazing. They are called The Ribs.”
“The Ribs?”
“I know. Pretty unique. Apparently, it’s their way of paying homage to Memphis’ most famous food. Get it?”
“Oh, yes, okay. That’s actually pretty clever. What type of music do they play?”
She smiles, like just of thought of hearing them makes her happy. “Everything. That’s the best part. I guess you’d call them a pop band, but they also do covers of rock, folk, and country songs, you name it. They’re big into taking requests from the crowd, so I think people will love them.”
“For sure. But the bigger question is… Do they play the chicken dance?”
Emma laughs so hard her entire body bounces in her seat. It’s a very pleasant sight.
“Hmm,” she answers once she catches her breath. “I’m not sure. I haven’t heard them play it so far. Maybe it’s never been requested when I was in attendance.”
I tap my fingers together. “Well, consider it request number one now. I was miffed at not getting to see you do it Peter’s reception. This time, it’s happening. What’s the band’s number? I’m going to call them to make sure they’re prepared.”
Emma smiles again. I could make it my full-time job just trying to find things to say all day to make her lips curve that way.
I’ve gotta change the subject, though. I need to know what the whole Dean thing was really about.
“So, Dean. As a concerned friend, I want to give you a chance you talk about what happened there, if you want.”
“As a friend?” she asks.
“Of course. I mean without Mia or Zoe here, I’m the next best choice, clearly.”
She puts down her envelopes, then looks up at me. She starts to speak, then stops. After a long pause, Emma puts both elbows on the table, then props her head on her hands.
“You know, I didn’t think I’d ever see Dean again, so I wasn’t prepared for him to show up like that. There’s no chance I would ever get back together with him, but it was still hard, you know? He was a big part of my life for a long time.”
“I get it, I really do.” In my friend role, I’m trying to just let her talk, without chiming in about what a waste of space that guy is. I don’t think that’s what the girls would say to her, well maybe Zoe would, but not Mia.
“It’s just. It’s hard. When I saw that he brought me flowers, I really thought I was going to get a heartfelt apology—that I was worth one. But he didn’t even say he was sorry until he thought it was his last chance. Why aren’t I worth that, Sterling?”
Her eyes start misting.
Okay, now I”m going to speak my mind, at least in my own head. Complete waste of space! How dare he make my Emma feel that way. I know, I know, she’s not my Emma, but you know what I mean. I’m not going to let any of those tears fall down her face. He doesn’t deserve even one to drop.
I gently wipe away any liquid threatening to fall from her eyes, then take her hands in mine.
“Emma, you deserve the world. I promise you that. Unfortunately, there are a lot of guys out there like Dean. They’re just selfish and definitely don’t deserve someone like you.”
She squeezes my hand. “Thank you, Sterling.”
I squeeze right back. “Oh, I’m not finished yet.”
She chuckles lightly. “I don’t think you really know how special you are. When people are with you, they can’t help but to be drawn to your warmth and kindness. The way you genuinely care for people and animals, for that matter—Buddy says thank you by the way for having that quality—is captivating.”
“Sterling.” She’s starting to blush, so I think I’m knocking this friend thing out of the park.
“Still not done. No interrupting. Please and thank you. Then there’s that smile, the one that lights up the room. The one I do would anything to bring out. Oops, sorry, made it about me for a second. Apologies.”
But that’s gets a huge grin from her. “Well, well, look at that. It made you smile, so maybe I don’t take it back.”
With a big breath, I prepare for my finale. “Let’s move on to your passion, drive, and creativity. The way you see the world, Emma. You bring beauty and wonder to everything you do. And those of us who are fortunate enough to be touched by your presence... We consider ourselves the luckiest people in the world.”
I think I may have gone too far with the compliments. The way she is looking at me. I think I may have given her ”the feels” as they say.
Now she’s staring at my lips instead of looking at my eyes. And, oh, did she just lick those lips?
What is a man to do with that when he’s supposed to be staying in the friend zone?
And now she’s getting up to come sit beside me. This is torture.
As she takes a seat beside me, she’s looking at my eyes again, thanks goodness. I feel like I should cover my mouth with my hands so it loses its appeal because I”m not suppose to want her to kiss me.
Emma puts her hands on my knees casually. We really need to talk about physical friend boundaries. That’s a little too much touching right now. But I ‘m doing my best to stay locked in the platonic zone.
“Those are the nicest things anyone has ever said to me, and I mean anyone, even my parents, I think.” We both laugh. Good release for the tension. I hope she cracks a few more jokes. We could turn this into a comedy club for the next few minutes while my insides settle down.
“You always find a way to make me feel special, always have. We have this connection I’ve never felt with anyone else.”
Oh no, she’s looking at my lips again. Will it be weird if I put my hands over them casually? I’m going to answer my own question there. Yes. Because no one puts their hands over their mouth casually in the middle of a conversation. Not unless someone tells them they have bad breath, and that doesn’t seem to be one of her concerns right now.
Think of something else, anything else. Ok, here goes.
Do penguins have knees? Do flamingos have ankles? What about whales, where are their ears exactly? Why are all my questions about animals? And further, why am I asking myself things I already know because I’m a vet! I mean, not a vet for those types of animals, but I still know.
Emma continues, inching closer. “I’m so thankful we reconnected Sterling. I can’t believe I went all these years without you in my life. You really mean the world to me.”
The faint smell of vanilla wafts through the air. Her skin... If I can smell her skin, she’s way too close.
“Me too,” I tell her and feel myself leaning in. She’s doing the same. Where’s Buddy when I need him? Or Peter? He always has the worst timing. Shouldn’t he be home by now?
But there’s no one to prevent the inevitable meeting of our lips. It happens in slow motion but also so fast that I can’t stop it.
Her lips are like a pillow. I want to rest here all day. But I can’t. We can’t.
This is not taking things slower. This is full steam ahead. This is two kisses in the last ten minutes. Last week’s kiss was the first and only one we shared in the thirty years we’ve known each other.
I’ve got to pull away from her. But you know that feeling when you lay your down on the world’s most perfect mattress? You get lost in dreamland.
I want to get lost in Emma right now.
But I promised her. I promised to wait until she’s ready. Her lips definitely feel ready, but seeing her struggle with what happened today shows me clearly that her heart is not.
And I care too much about her to take advantage of her moment of weakness right now.
I put my hands on her shoulders and painstakingly pull away.
Her face suggests she’s surprised by my actions. “Sterling?” she asks.
“Emma. Believe me, I want nothing more than to kiss you right now. I could spend all night doing just that. But you asked me to wait until you’re ready and I don’t think you are there yet. I want to do what’s best for you. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
She smiles. Oh, thank goodness.
“Uh, yes, I guess. Uh. I guess you’re right. I did ask you to do that.” She seems like she’s trying to convince herself right now.
“I’m just trying to respect your wishes.”
She makes a quick recovery and reaches out her hand. “Yep, friends. As friends, here is my thank you-handshake... For your help with Dean and your kind words.”
“You’re welcome.” I take her hand, but then pull her into a hug. A friends hug. It’s fine.
And in case you are wondering... No, I don’t smell her vanilla-scented skin at all right now.
Not. At. All.