Chapter 11
In the morning, Marcus leaves before I get up. I’m awake, of course, but I haven’t been able to convince myself to get out of bed. Facing Marcus after my mini meltdown last night feels too hard. He came all over me, and then I basically started crying. God, I probably made him feel awful.
When I hear him pull out of the driveway, I finally manage to sit up. It hurts a little that he left without even texting me to tell me where he’s going, but maybe another work emergency came up. Or… maybe he doesn’t want to face me, either.
I peer out the window while I’m brushing my teeth. The wind is still going strong. Fallen branches litter the neighborhood, and everything is soaked. Based on the dark clouds, it’ll probably start raining again soon.
It takes longer than normal for me to get dressed. I think part of me is hoping that by taking my time, the whole day will pass by, and then I can crawl back into bed.
The fact that I cheated on Nate isn’t even what’s bugging me. I mean, it is, but it’s more that I cheated in general. I’ve always prided myself on being loyal. While I know deep down that Nate deserves this—it’s what he did to me, after all—it’s the principle of it. I never thought I’d cheat, and though I let myself believe that I wasn’t actually doing anything in the moment, I knew it was a lie.
I cheated, plain and simple. Even if it’s justified, toying with Marcus like this isn’t what I want. He’s too good to be led on. I don’t care what he said last night. He deserves someone who can make decisions. Who can commit to him instead of crying to him about his asshole of a son.
Downstairs, I pour myself a cup of coffee. Part of me hopes that the storm ruined Nate’s backpacking trip, and when I check my phone, I realize I have a text from him.
Nate:Storm was bad enough that we had to head back. Stayed at a motel last night. It looks like it’ll pass in a few hours, so we’re gonna head back out then. Won’t be home until tomorrow morning.
Gross.Hiking through mud all day and then sleeping on the wet ground? Not my idea of a good time. But it’s not the first time Nate has stayed out during bad weather.
I’m kind of grateful for it, though. Even though my boyfriend apparently prefers hiking through mud and rain over spending time with me, it gives me more time to sort out my thoughts.
Liliana:Thanks for the update.
A couple seconds later, my phone rings, and I stare at it in surprise. After the not-even-bare-minimum text I got last night, Nate calling me is the last thing I was expecting, but here we are. I take the call and hold the phone to my ear.
“Hey. What’s up?”
Jumbled noises come through the speaker, and then I hear distant voices. Nothing too coherent, though.
“Nate?”
He doesn’t respond, but I hear a voice in the background. Levi’s, maybe?
“What’s she even doing here, man? I thought you were going to break up with her months ago.”
“I’ll get to it. Just gotta wait for the time to be right.”
I frown. That was Nate’s voice.
“What the hell does that mean?” Levi asks.
“She found out about Shannon.”
I wince at her name coming from Nate’s lips. I don’t blame Shannon for what he did. As far as I know, Nate kept my existence from her a secret. She looked just as surprised and pissed as I did when I found them together. Still, it did little to make the discovery less painful.
“And she stayed with your ass?” Matthias asks.
“I convinced her to,” Nate says. “It’s just for now. I want us to break up on my terms, not hers, you know? I figure once this trip is over, I’ll end things.”
My jaw drops, and tears of disbelief sting my eyes. I can’t be hearing this right.
“Dude, that’s fucked up,” Levi says, but he’s laughing.
Like he thinks it’s funny that Nate is planning to break my heart all over again.
“Yeah, whatever. I’m sick of her thinking she’s better than me at everything. Making money, being a better partner, all that shit. Whatever.”
I place a hand over my mouth to stifle a sob. Tears fall onto my cheeks as Nate goes on and on. Better than him? I’ve never acted like I thought that. All I’ve ever wanted is for him to love me the way I loved him. That’s why I gave him another chance—something that I now realize was a stupid, naive mistake.
Just before a sob wracks my body, I end the call and toss my phone onto the island. I didn’t realize how hard I was clinging to the shred of hope that Nate still cared. God, if he ever cared.
Everything I felt when I discovered him with Shannon hits me like a truck. This time, though, it’s worse. Nate has been manipulating me this whole time, all so he can be the one to end things. He begged me to stay. Promised me he’d do better. And since then, all he’s done is make me feel like I’m asking for too much.
He never meant any of it. He was never going to try for me.
I stumble back, gripping onto the counter to stay upright. Deep down, I know it’s not my fault. It’s not an issue of me not being enough—it’s an issue of Nate being a selfish ass. But the feelings of unworthiness stick to me anyway. Because even if I should be enough, I wasn’t for him, and he’s who I wanted.
“Liliana?” Marcus’s voice sounds close, but I can’t see him through my tears.
All I manage is another sob. I didn’t even hear the garage door opening or him coming inside.
“Oh, little star. What did he do this time?” He sets something on the counter that sounds like a paper bag, and then I hear him come closer. But when he gently touches my shoulder, I shy away.
How can I explain this to him? How can I ask him to understand? I can’t cry about the fact that Nate led me on when I’ve been doing the same thing to Marcus. It’s not fair of me.
“Liliana, please don’t do this. Tell me how I can fix this.”
But he can’t. There’s no fixing a stupid girl who fell for a selfish man’s games. There’s no comforting the woman who flirted with you, who made you finally feel something again, when she gets a taste of her own medicine.
So I do the only thing I can.
I run.