47. Alexandra
forty-seven
“You’re glowing,” Sarah tells me. “Never seen you in love. It suits you.”
We’re sitting at an outdoor café in Burlington, sipping white wine to wash down the crêpe we’re sharing. She finally managed to take a few days off, and after her visit, she’ll be hiking a portion of the Appalachian Trail. I offered to pick her up at the airport, and we decided to spend the night so she could visit the Queen City before her trek.
I smile at her. “I feel… at home in Emerald Creek.”
“How about Christopher?”
I take a deep breath and look away. After Christopher told me he loved me, I decided to give myself this day with Sarah to think through it. To make a decision. “I never thought I’d say this, but he’s the one for me.” Even if I didn’t say it back, I love Christopher. I want to make a life with him and with Skye.
I don’t know yet how I’ll make it work. I don’t think details matter when you’ve met the one.
Sarah’s eyes water, and she squeezes my hand. “What’s your plan? Work-wise,” she asks after a minute passes.
“I’ll work from here. Like you said before, I’m not bound to working from New York. There’s more to life than work. If I learned anything from this apprenticeship, it’s that Rita had it all wrong. Nothing can replace a family. And all men don’t bring misery.” Tears rim my eyes. “I trust him, Sarah. I love him beyond imagination, but above all, I trust him.”
“That’s all you need, sister.” She squeezes my hand, again. “I’m proud of you for going after what you want and need. You deserve it. What did he say?”
“I—I didn’t tell him, yet.”
Her mouth opens in an O, and her eyes go wide.
“I wanted to give myself time to think. And I wanted to have your blessing,” I explain.
“Oh girl, you have my blessing. You’re—You’re like a new woman. A better version of yourself. I’m so happy for you!” She fans herself. “You need to tell him, right now. Did you say his competition starts in a couple of days?”
“Yeah, I’ll wait until he gets back to tell him.”
“No, you’re not. You can’t let him hang like that. He needs to know he has your support before he goes.”
“I couldn’t even say it back,” I whisper.
“What?”
“He told me he loves me for the first time last night, and I couldn’t bring myself to say it back. I didn’t feel a right to, you know? He blindsided me.”
“Uh-huh,” Sarah says, taking a bite off her skinny pancake. “Didn’t see it coming, right?”
Is she being snarky right now?“No, I didn’t see it coming. We were just supposed to have a… thing. And okay, I kinda fell for him—”
“Kinda?” Sarah snorts.
“—but why didn’t he say anything before?”
“He must have given you some hints.”
“Yeah, he’d say things like ‘Stay here,’ but not Move in with me. Or, ‘I could keep you around indefinitely, bet you’d get a lot of business.’ Who says stuff like that?”
“Hm. Wild guess. A guy who’s afraid of rejection?”
I take a deep breath. Christopher was rejected by Skye’s mother, someone who was going to have his child. And he never felt accepted by his own family.
I should have put my heart on the line sooner for him. “I lied to him, Sarah. What does that say about me? What is he going to think when I tell him?”
Sarah shrugs like this is no big deal. Like my whole life isn’t hanging in the balance right now. “If he really loves you, he won’t care.”
Why didn’t I see that earlier? “You’re right. God, I’ve been so selfish. What if I’m not the right person for him? I always—”
She silences me with a finger on my lips. “I don’t ever want you to say that again. I’ve heard you blame yourself too much, and I won’t have it anymore. You won’t bring anything but happiness to this man. Now, let’s get off our tushes and get back to Emerald Creek, pronto.”
Me
We’re coming back today
Christopher
everything okay?
Me
yes
Christopher
Are you sure?
Me
Yep. I want to spend time with you before the competition. Also, Sarah can’t wait to meet you lol
Christopher
I can’t wait.
I mean can’t wait to have you back
Nothing against Sarah
Me
haha. I know. Same. I want to see you before you leave
Christopher
:)
I should stop texting, because I’m going to end up telling him I’m staying, and that’s something I want to say in person. In private. With enough time to process everything. Because I’ll also tell him about Red Barn, and that’s going to need a conversation.
But I know it will go well. As long as I can explain everything. I know I should have opened up to him earlier about my childhood, but before I knew that our relationship was going to evolve into what it is now, it meant risking whatever we had. And I didn’t want that. I wanted to keep the little of him I could have.
He’ll understand why I didn’t tell him before. And I know he’ll accept me for who I am.
No one can be held responsible for who their parents or grandparents are.
* * * * *
It’s late afternoon when we get back to Emerald Creek. Sarah takes in the town’s charming architecture, the bakery’s quaint windows. She takes a deep breath, and her shoulders relax.
“It’s so peaceful here,” she says. Exactly what I felt when I first got here, almost six months ago.
The door to the bakery opens, and Christopher steps out. Our eyes lock, heat passing between us. It’s been only a day, and I’ve missed him so much. How did I ever think I could live without him?
He hesitates, not knowing how to greet me in public. I want to lunge myself at him and kiss him in front of everyone, but before I can do anything embarrassing, Sarah says, “You must be Christopher,” and hugs him, leaving him slightly off-kilter for a beat.
Christopher takes my duffel bag from me to take it upstairs to my room. I feel like I need to stay with Sarah, even if I’m dying to be alone with him and tell him everything. But that will take too long. I need to wait until tonight.
While Christopher is upstairs, I give her a quick tour of the bakery, and we sample maple bacon muffins.
Christopher comes down the stairs, and my insides melt. His gray button-down shirt is tight around his pecs, tucked inside the jeans that hug his hips in a manner that awakens the dirty girl in me.
The things I want to do to him tonight. After we have our talk, and all is good in the world. And before he goes to Boston for the competition.
“Why don’t I go with Sarah to check her into the inn,” I tell Christopher, “and then, we’ll meet up at Lazy’s?”
He nods. He looks tired, and I know he’s been using my time away to double down on prepping for his competition. If we go to Justin’s for dinner, we can cut the evening short.
And be alone earlier.
* * * * *
“You gotta love the creaking staircase,” Sarah remarks as we go to her room. “That screams vacation right there. At least for me.”
I learn that her room has a breathtaking view of the river and the countryside. Rolling hills, meadows, and pastures for as far as the eye can see. A side window gives a partial view of the village.
I had no idea the inn offered such beautiful views from its rooms. I should reach out to Wendy and Todd, the owners, to offer my help with their marketing.
“Christopher really has you under his skin,” Sarah says. “The way he looks at you? Scary hot,” she comments while we’re freshening up in her bathroom.
“Thanks,” I say. “And thanks for not commenting on how hot he is.” I chuckle.
“I would never.”
“Yeah right. Like you never did.”
“Because it was never serious for you. This is the real deal, girl. No kidding around for me.” She pecks my cheek, and we leave for Lazy’s.
The sun starts to dip behind the hill, and the air cools. We walk slowly toward The Green, enjoying the last moments of the day, window shopping on the way. Sarah stops and comments on the displays at the general store.
“I’ll take you tomorrow,” I say, as I spot Christopher from a distance, crossing The Green.
Emma is coming from the opposite direction, and she waves at him, hurrying her steps. He waits for her on the sidewalk and opens the door for her.
My stomach feels a little queasy, but I chase the feeling.
He’s just a good guy, doing the right thing.
Still, I pull on Sarah’s sleeve, not liking the vibe I’m getting from Emma in this particular moment. “Let’s go,” I say.