Chapter 10 Deirdre #2
His gaze softens, but there’s still that hesitation in his eyes, that lingering fear that I can’t quite dispel. He leans back slightly, his hands resting on my shoulders, like he’s trying to find some balance between what he wants and what he’s scared of.
“Deirdre...” His voice cracks, his throat tight. “I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to be the one who takes more from you. Not after everything you’ve been through.”
I swallow hard, my chest tight with the intensity of everything we’ve been through, everything we’ve shared.
I want to reach for him again, to pull him into me, to erase the distance between us, but I know that the real barrier right now isn’t physical, it’s emotional.
And that’s something we’ll have to cross together.
“I’m not afraid of you,” I say quietly, “and I don’t want you to be afraid of me either. I want to heal with you. Not just my body, but everything. You’re not going to hurt me.”
I see the shift in him, the way his muscles relax, the way the tension starts to leave his frame. He exhales a breath he’s been holding for what seems like forever.
“Promise me you’ll tell me if I’m pushing you too far,” he says, his voice thick, almost raw. His hands slide down to my wrists, his grip gentle but firm, as though holding on to me will make everything feel more real.
“I will,” I promise, my heart racing in my chest.
Then, he leans in again, slower this time, the kiss tentative at first. But as soon as I feel his lips against mine, it’s like everything else fades away. There’s no hesitation in his kiss now, no fear. Just a raw, undeniable connection that’s tethered us together these last few months.
My chest aches, my ribs twinge, and I know I should stop, but I ignore the warning pain.
I pull him closer, needing more, and he follows, his hands sliding to the small of my back, his body pressing against mine.
The kiss deepens, becoming more urgent, more desperate.
It’s everything I’ve needed—and yet, there’s still something in me that wants more.
When we break for air, I look up at him, my voice barely a whisper. “I need more.”
Just as Kieran’s lips begin to graze down my neck to my collarbone, just as I feel the world narrowing to only him, the door to my room swings open with a burst of energy, and Claire’s voice cuts through the moment like a knife.
“Alright, alright, you two! Behave yourselves! Deirdre’s not cleared yet,” she chides with a playful grin, her eyes glinting mischievously.
Kieran practically jumps off of me, his body stiffening in surprise. He sits back on the bed with his head down, like he got caught with his hands in the cookie jar.
My heart is still racing from the intensity of the kiss, but I can’t help but laugh, even though my cheeks burn with embarrassment.
“Claire!” I groan, rolling my eyes at her teasing.
She laughs, stepping inside and closing the door behind her. “I knew it. You two can’t keep your hands off each other, can you?” She raises an eyebrow, clearly enjoying herself. “Man, the next four weeks are going to be brutal.”
I shoot her a look, half-amused, half-frustrated. “You’re such a buzzkill, you know that?”
Claire shrugs, still grinning as she moves further into the room. “Hey, I’m just here to make sure you don’t break anything else while you’re still recovering. But seriously, I think it’s time for some girl time before I go to work. Kieran, time for you to get going.”
My eyes widen as I glance at Kieran, my chest tightening at the idea of him leaving so soon. I know he’s been with me every day, constantly watching over me like a hawk, but I still feel a pang of anxiety at the thought of him walking out the door now, especially on my first night back in the dorm.
Kieran’s expression darkens, his gaze flickering between Claire and me. “Wait, what? You’re working tonight?” he asks, the tension in his voice unmistakable.
Claire nods, her eyes twinkling with humor, as if she knows exactly how much this bothers him. “Yep, I’m covering for her at Salvation tonight. You can’t keep hanging around here, Kieran. Sheridan’s sniffing around like a trained dog, and you two don’t need any more attention.”
Kieran opens his mouth to argue, but I cut him off before he can protest further. “I’ll be fine. Really. You don’t need to hover over me all the time.”
He looks at me, still unconvinced, but I see the frustration in his eyes. “You sure? I don’t like the idea of you being here alone…”
“I’ll be fine,” I repeat, trying to sound as calm as I can. “You’ve done more than enough for me. It’s just a few hours.”
Kieran’s jaw tightens as he stares at me for a moment, his concern etched deeply into his features. Then, reluctantly, he exhales a deep breath. “Alright. But you’re sure? I’ll be back later to check on you.”
I groan and nod. He hesitates one last time before walking to the door, glancing at me over his shoulder. “Don’t make me regret this, Deirdre.”
“I won’t,” I assure him quietly, watching as he leaves the room. The door clicks shut behind him, and the weight of his departure lingers in the air, making the room feel oddly empty without him.
Claire, now that Kieran’s gone, flops onto the bed next to me, her expression softening as she takes in my pained expression. I wince as I shift slightly, trying to get comfortable, and her eyes flash with concern.
“Shit, I’m sorry. Are you okay? Did I just…” she trails off, realizing that the sudden movement probably made me hurt more than I was letting on.
“I’m fine, Claire,” I assure her, even though the pain in my ribs is still there, a constant reminder of what I went through. “It’s not bad. Just a little sore. I probably overdid it with Kieran before you came barging in.”
She looks at me with a deep, knowing gaze, then places a gentle hand on my arm. “You sure? You don’t have to pretend for me. I’m your friend, not your nurse.”
I let out a breath, shaking my head. “I know. But seriously, I’ll be okay. You know I don’t want to be coddled.”
She studies me for a beat before letting out a sigh. “You’re stubborn. I can’t believe you’re already trying to hide the fact that you’re in pain.”
I shrug, glancing away. “I don’t need anyone to feel sorry for me. I’ll heal. I’m just...not used to being so...vulnerable.”
Claire gives me a wry smile. “Yeah, well, get used to it. You’re not Superwoman. I don’t think you can fight off your body’s limitations in this situation.”
I roll my eyes, even though I can’t deny the truth in her words. “I know. But still…”
“So,” Claire interrupts, clearly shifting gears, “Are you sure you’re good to be on your own tonight? I’ll be gone for a few hours, but I can leave you some food or something if you need it.”
“I’m not an animal, Claire. I can fend for myself.” I laugh.
I know I need time to myself to rest, to finally take that hot shower I’ve been craving, and just have some uninterrupted peace.
The hospital had felt like an eternity, every minute filled with the sound of machines and constant visits from nurses.
Now, with the space to breathe, I feel like I can finally start getting back to normal.
“I’ll be fine,” I tell her with a little more confidence. “I’m actually kind of looking forward to a shower and getting some actual sleep. Not hospital sleep.”
She grins, clearly relieved. “Good. You deserve it. I’ll be back soon, and then we can plot a scheme against Sheridan.”
I laugh at that, watching her stand and grab her coat. “And I’ll be here, ready for our evil plans. Just... Please don’t bring me back any more tacos from the food truck.” I say, grabbing my stomach, still full from dinner.
She raises her eyebrows in mock offense. “You take that back. You know they’re the best in town.”
“Maybe, but no more carbs for me,” I tease.
As she walks out, I hear her call over her shoulder. “I’ll see you in a bit. Rest up. I’m sure Kieran will be back before you know it.”
The door clicks shut, and I’m left alone in the silence.
The quiet feels strange, almost too still after the chaos of the past week.
I settle back into the bed, relishing the feel of my smooth pillows versus the lumpy ones at the hospital.
My muscles are still sore, but my mind is racing with everything that’s happened and everything that’s about to come.