Chapter 12 Deirdre
Deirdre
“Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling.” Edgar Allan Poe
The click of the door pulls me from sleep. I peer at the clock on the nightstand. It’s three thirty in the morning, right about the time I would normally be strolling in from Salvation.
She could have just let us sleep.
“Mmm,” I stir, blinking to let my eyes adjust, as Claire’s voice cuts through the fog.
“Okay, McKnight,” she says, way too chipper for the hour. “It’s my shift now. Go home.”
Kieran shifts behind me. He’s warm and slow to open his eyes. He has his arms still wrapped around my waist so tightly as if he is trying to mold us together.
Claire flicks on the small desk lamp, and I groan. “Claire, turn that off or I swear to God—”
“Sorry,” she grins, very obviously not apologetic at all. “But you know the rules, he has to go home before it’s daylight outside, or you risk Sheridan catching him. I’m just here to keep you both protected, plus I have to keep you two separated long enough to keep you from jumping each other.”
I groan. “We behaved,” I say, slightly irritated at her mothering and my interrupted sleep.
Kieran sighs against my shoulder. “You’re relentless, Miss Thompson.”
“And you both love it,” she quips, tossing her bag down and kicking off her boots. “Now, shoo.”
I roll over, facing him in the low glow of the lamp. His eyes meet mine, sleepy and reluctant to leave.
“I’ll be fine,” I whisper, brushing my fingers down his jaw.
He’s hesitant to move away, like there’s some invisible force keeping him here. I know he is struggling with not only the need to protect and care for me, but mentally, he is still plagued by his memories of finding me in the stairwell, having to bring me back.
“Text me if you need me,” he says, kissing my forehead.
“I will,” I promise.
Claire clears her throat dramatically. “Seriously. You two are gonna make me gag.”
Kieran climbs out of my bed and stands. He stretches before pulling his coat back on and giving Claire a long-suffering look. “She’s lucky she has you.”
“I know,” she sings.
And then, with one last glance at me, he hesitantly walks to the door.
“Goodnight, Miss Ravencroft,” he says tenderly. Hearing my last name roll off his tongue never fails to make the butterflies in my stomach awaken.
“Goodnight, Professor.”
And then he’s gone.
Claire flops down onto her bed with a sigh, and I settle back into mine, the empty space beside me already colder than I’d like.
Claire clicks off the lamp and crawls under her blanket with a dramatic sigh as the old bed frame creaks underneath her. The room settles into darkness again, but the air still feels warm and cozy, like Kieran hasn’t quite left yet. His presence is still stitched into the room.
I gently roll onto my side, my ribs slightly twinging at the movement. I face Claire’s bed. I can just make out her silhouette in the dark, curled up under a mountain of mismatched throw blankets like some sort of chaotic burrito.
“You good?” she whispers after a brief moment.
I nod, even though she can’t see me. “Yeah. Just…processing.” Then she says something that takes me by surprise.
“You wanna talk about it?“ she emphasizes.
“I’m kind of tired of talking about the attack, Claire,”
I can hear her head shake against the pillow. “I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about what Kieran did to Brandon.”
I let out a small gasp. She’s been acting so normal since I woke up.
I didn’t think she knew. I mean, I trust her with most things, but murder?
I just figured someone with her good girl personality would have absolutely freaked out over something so insane as our professor killing a man who tried to hurt me.
I can only imagine what he will do to Trevor. The thought actually causes an ache to grow between my legs.
I am certifiably insane.
“Gabe told me,” she admits. “And honestly, I think it’s hot.
I want a man to be so obsessed with me that he would kill for me.
It doesn’t surprise me that Kieran did that for you.
You should have seen him when you were still in your coma.
He was a madman. He sucks at keeping his emotions hidden, no matter how hard he tries. ”
My heart aches for him. I can only imagine how much he is struggling with his emotions right now. And of course, he is too prideful to talk to me about it.
I sigh, “Honestly, Claire, I don’t even know where to start with it all.”
There’s a rustling sound under her sheets as she flips onto her back. “Start wherever it doesn’t make your brain feel like it’s short-circuiting.”
“I should be scared of him. I should run. That’s violence, right? But not one ounce of me wants to. If anything, it makes me love him more. Then, knowing it was him who found me, who saved me. If he isn’t my Knight in Black armor, then I don’t know who is.”
She lightly chuckles, but then her tone changes. “How are you doing with everything else? Why did Kieran have to come over tonight?”
I exhale loudly. “I had semi-fallen asleep when I had a nightmare. Claire, it was so vivid. I could feel him touching me again, like I was falling down that stairwell all over again. I panicked and texted Kieran. I’m pretty sure he flew here.
” I try to muster a light laugh, breaking the tension in my voice, trying to ease the anxiety in my shoulders.
“I thought having him here and a hot shower would help. It did…for a bit. But I still feel like I can’t get clean. Like he’s under my skin.”
Claire is quiet for a moment before replying, her voice gentle. “That makes sense, D. What happened to you…it wasn’t just physical. It got into your head. And that takes time.”
“I know,” I pause, “it’s just frustrating. I hate feeling like this. Weak. Jumpy. Kieran can barely look at me without wanting to wrap me in bubble wrap.”
“He’s scared,” Claire says, her voice muffled. “You scared the hell out of all of us. Especially him.”
I feel the words settle heavily in my chest.
“I keep thinking about how close it came,” I whisper. “Like if things had gone just a little differently…”
“But they didn’t,” she cuts in gently but firmly. “You’re here. And you’re healing. And when you’re ready, truly ready, we’ll figure out the rest.”
My voice is quiet. “I don’t think I want to wait, Claire.”
Claire doesn’t ask what I mean. She knows. She always does.
“I want to find him,” I admit, my throat tightening. “Trevor. I want him to pay.”
The silence stretches for a long moment before Claire finally says, “I can’t say I blame you.”
I turn my face into the pillow. “I want to find him before Kieran does.”
“Sis, he has been trying to hunt him down since that night,” she says. “You both may as well act like Bonnie and Clyde, just off him together.”
I let out a dry, humorless laugh.
Claire sighs. “I’m not gonna pretend to know the right thing to say here. But I will say this: whatever happens next, I’ve got you. I’m on your side. Even if I think you’re out of your damn mind.”
My chest fills with warmth. I never had close friends growing up. Having Gabe and Claire is like a breath of fresh air. Not to mention having protectors like Kieran and even Vincent.
“I love you,” I murmur.
“Obviously,” she snorts. “I’m a delight.”
We fall quiet again, the silence this time a little lighter. A little easier.
After a while, Claire says, “You should try to sleep. Kieran will kill me if you don’t rest.” She chuckles. “I’ll be here if you wake up.”
I nod again, even though she can’t see it. “Thanks.”
She reaches her hand across the small gap between our beds and gives mine a quick squeeze before letting go and rolling over to face the wall.
Eventually, I close my eyes. And for the first time in a long while, sleep doesn’t feel like an enemy.