2. Beau
2
BEAU
PRESENT DAY
“ I t’s because of her, isn’t it?” Ashley whines. My eyes widen as I stare at her from across the small table. The restaurant is dimly lit, and a few couples at other tables glance over as Ashley’s voice rises in pitch.
Sighing, I run my hands through my hair. In retrospect, I should have done this a long time ago. “No, it’s not,” I mutter. Liar . “I… I don’t see this being long term.”
Tears stream down her face, black streaks from her mascara lining her heavily made up cheeks. “Why are you doing this to me?” she cries. “I thought you loved me. I thought we had something amazing.”
I hold back my scoff at her words. I know I seem like a dick right now, but I don’t exactly know where she got the idea that I loved her. I’ve kept her at an arm's length for the last six months we’ve been together, if that’s what you could even call it. I’ve been her emotional punching bag, and she’s been a distraction for me. We’ve never even slept together.
A distraction for what, you might ask? My best friend. The very person Ashley is accusing me of breaking up with her for. She’s not wrong, but she’s also not right.
Marley will never be mine. Not in the way I need her to be.
I’ve loved her since we were kids, playing in the treehouse in the backyard or pretending to be detectives solving a murder mystery. I’ll never tell her, though, not after I tried to take things further with her when we were eighteen. Not after my dad, and her dad shot down any ideas I had of making her mine.
I kissed her, and it was the best fucking kiss of my life. The most intoxicating thing I’ve ever felt was having her lips on mine. But she shut me down. Shut any concept of us down. It hurt. I was ready to give her my all, to give my heart over to her on a silver platter, but between her shutting me down, and our dads telling me no, I was done. All hope shattered of a chance at a future with her.
I had a taste of her, just one, and I was going to fight for her. I was. Two days after that kiss, I went over to her house when she was working.
I knock on the old wooden door, a giddy excitement coursing through my veins. This is it. I know Marley said she didn’t want to risk our friendship, but I don’t think she sees just how amazing we could be.
Heavy footsteps make their way to the door, and I tamper down the small burst of anxiety. It’s fine. Gabriel isn’t going to disapprove of me, in fact, I think our parents will collectively be excited for us, for this new chapter.
Gabriel opens the door, a soft smile on his face as he greets me. “Beau, what are you doing here?”
My mouth goes dry, feeling like someone shoved three cotton balls in it. I clear my throat, hoping my voice doesn’t crack when I speak, when my own father strides up to the door. “Beau? What’s up, kiddo?”
Shit, this is already not going how I planned. “I- uh-” I cough. “I just wanted to talk to Gabriel about something.”
Both Gabriel and my dad’s brows lift in confusion. “Come on in,” Gabriel says, gesturing for me to come through the door. I kick off my sandals, following him inside. “We were just having a drink.”
He leads me through the living room to the kitchen table where they were clearly sitting. Two cans of beer sit on the otherwise empty table. Gabriel pulls out a chair for me to sit in.
I follow their lead, sitting when they do, my body stiff and uncomfortable. I don’t know whether or not to continue with my plan since my dad is here, or what to do. I don’t know when I’ll get another opportunity before I leave for school to see Gabriel without Marley nearby, so maybe I just have to do it.
My palms sweat, and I rub them up and down my thighs, attempting to dry them off. I take a breath, ready to say what I came to say, but Gabriel shocks me by speaking first.
“Beau, I think I know why you’re here,” he softly says. He glances over to my dad, who nods.
“You do?” I murmur, raising my brows. Am I really that obvious?
“You want to ask Marley out, don’t you?”
Seems like I really am that obvious. “Yes, sir,” I say.
He cackles with laughter, easing some of the panic I feel. “You have never called me sir, and I think we should keep it that way.”
“Noted,” I say with a small laugh.
My dad shakes his head, eyes bright as he tries to hold in a laugh. His once dark brown hair is starting to gray at his temples, hair thinning as well. He looks more and more like Gramps everyday.
The mood changes in an instant as Gabriel speaks. “Beau… You know I love you like a son of my own, right?”
I nod.
“With that being said… I don’t think,” he pauses. “I don’t know if this is the right thing for you two.”
My heart stops beating. I never could have anticipated this. I thought… Well, I thought he’d be happy for us.
“I disagree,” I say through gritted teeth, trying to mask my pain. I need to stand up for her. For us .
Gabriel sighs. “I thought you might say that. Hear me out,” he says. “It’s not because I think you aren’t good for her. I just… I think you both need to focus on school and where this year is going to take you. Who knows, you might end up three states over and in a long-distance relationship. Your friendship is too important.”
I inwardly scoff, my annoyance growing with each passing second. They don’t understand. I need her to breathe, to be the person that I am. “We could make it work. I know we could,” I argue. “I can come home every weekend, and we will talk all the time. She’s worth it.”
My dad shakes his head. “You’re not getting it, Beau. What happens if you break up? Or she shoots you down? What if you meet someone else at school? We are trying to protect you both, and the friendship you already have.”
He continues, ignoring me when I try to interject. “We know how close you two are, and we don’t want you two to lose each other. We aren’t saying never… just maybe think things over really hard before you dive in.” Dad winces slightly, as if he knows they’ve just ripped my heart into a million pieces. What they don’t know is that I’m capable of reading between the lines.
We don’t want you to ruin your friendship , which actually means you’re not good enough for my daughter .
I’m too much of a flight risk. She needs someone steady, who knows where they’re going in life. I don’t even know what day of the week it is, or what classes I’m taking this fall. But I know Marley. I know her life story. I know her favorite color, down to the exact shade. I know that she prefers tea over coffee, that her favorite tv show is Friends , but only until season eight, because then she knows the end is coming and it makes her sad.
I know how to pull her out when she’s sinking and can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I know that she can’t sleep without music, and I know that I will love her until the day I die.
I shove away from the table, trying to hide the sheer agony. I never want to feel this embarrassment ever again. Two people I look up to most in the world just told me not to ask my best friend out, to not take things further, so maybe… maybe that is my sign to live with the pain of knowing I’m not good for her. With the pain of knowing what her lips feel like on mine, never to feel it again.
“Are you even paying attention to me?” a shrill voice brings me back to the present.
I wince, running my hands through my hair as I glance around at the other people in the restaurant. “I’m sorry, Ashley,” I say. “I enjoyed our time together, but I think we need to move on.”
The tears in her eyes dry immediately, and she straightens her back, adjusting her platinum blonde ponytail. “If that’s what you really want.”
The sudden change in her demeanor sends a chill down my spine. She’s done this a few times with me before, but I’ve never seen it happen so aggressively, so cold and collected.
I nod, ignoring the emotional whiplash from her, and spare another glance in her direction.
“Don’t come crawling back to me when she rejects you, Beau Cunningham.” Ashley points a finger at me. “Because she will. She will never love you the way I do.”
At a loss for words, I nod again, watching as she scoots her chair back and stands, twiddling her fingers at me. She spins, her ponytail flying at the aggression, as she hikes her massive purse over her shoulder. The contents inside rattle, as she heads to the door without giving me a second glance.
A weight lifts from my chest as she exits the small restaurant. I feel like a free man, though Ashley’s words sting a bit. I’m never going to be good enough for Marley, no matter how hard I try. She deserves so much more than me. More than the kid who has never been able to confess how much he really needs her. More than the kid who allowed his dad to convince him he wasn’t right for her.