20. Marley
20
MARLEY
I know she doesn’t mean to, but this nurse is making me feel all sorts of stupid. She’s shocked that I don’t know the day of my last period, or how far along I am down to the day. Beau and I did a little mental math, counting out eight weeks since the night of the wedding, but I guess that wasn’t a good enough answer for her.
She got me hooked up to an IV with some good anti-nausea meds that have helped a ton. I feel better than I have in days, and have even kept down a turkey sandwich they offered.
There’s a knock on the door, and a woman in a white coat enters. She’s tall, with curly dark waves and black scrubs on. I thank my lucky stars that Megan isn’t working this week. She and Isaac are visiting extended family in Florida. Megan is a family medicine doctor, but occasionally picks up a shift in the ER to help. I’m not ready to own up to this yet, to escape from this little bubble of denial, and if Megan were here, I’d have to do just that.
“Hi, Marley,” she greets, reaching out to shake my hand. “I’m Dr. Carmichel. Sounds like you passed out, and are having some severe nausea?”
I nod. “Yeah. I feel better with the meds, but today has been the worst. I thought I had a stomach bug with how gross I felt until last night when I took a pregnancy test.”
“I’m glad the meds are helping. Who do you have with you?”
“My—” I start to speak, and yet again, Beau interrupts me.
“Her husband.” Beau stands, striding over to shake the doctor's hand. I glower at his back, all while trying to ignore the flurry of emotion that word brings.
Dr. Carmichel nods, shaking Beau's hand. “Nice to meet you. Marley, had you eaten or drank any water before you passed out?”
I shake my head. “No, the paramedic said my blood sugar was super low.”
She nods again thoughtfully and scribbles some notes on a clipboard. “Likely what happened is your blood sugar dropped, and you were just so dehydrated that you passed out. I’d like to run some labs, and do an ultrasound and check on baby just to cover all of our bases.”
“Yes,” Beau interjects. “To all that. I want to make sure everything’s okay with them.”
“Of course,” she says through a laugh, probably used to overbearing fathers-to-be. “I’ll get an order in and they’ll come get you soon. Shouldn’t be too long of a wait.”
She takes a few more notes before she leaves me and Beau to ourselves.
“So much for having dinner together and talking,” I say with bitterness. “I’m sorry I’ve made such a mess of things.” I don’t look at Beau when I speak, afraid of his reaction. He hasn’t let go of my hand through it all, but he’s been uncharacteristically quiet.
“You have not made a mess of things, Marley. It’s important that both of you are healthy.” He pushes my hair back, pressing a kiss to my temple. He’s been so physically affectionate this evening. I don’t know what to do with myself.
My phone buzzes at my thigh, Josie’s name lighting up the screen.
Josie
Thomas said you passed out??? Are you okay? Do you need me to come over?
“That didn’t take long,” I say, showing Beau the screen. “I guess we won’t be able to keep it a secret for much longer.”
“We can keep it a secret as long as you want, Marley.”
I type out a quick response.
Me
All good, just getting over a stomach bug and was dehydrated. I’m good now. Beau was there, thankfully.
Josie
Beau was with you? Does that mean things are better? He never would tell me why he was sending you flowers.
Things are good. Long story. Coffee soon?
You got it. Seriously though, if you need something, call me. I can be to your house in five.
Love you.
*Heart eye emoji* Love you most.
“I feel bad lying to her,” I admit. “She’s my best friend. Well, besides you.”
“You aren’t lying. Trust me. You know that as soon as she knows you’re pregnant, she will tell Andrew, and that man cannot keep a secret to save his life. The entire town would know in about an hour.”
I chuckle at the truth about his brother. Ever since we were kids, we had to keep him in the dark on a lot of things. It’s not like he would purposefully tell the secrets, he would just get so excited that it would spill out. “Good point,” I say.
“When we’re done here, I figure I’ll drop you off at your house, and run home and grab some things,” Beau says, subtly changing the subject.
“Why?” I ask. “I’m fine. The doctor even said so.”
“I know she did, but I can’t help it. I’m going to stay with you for a while.”
“Beau, seriously, I’m fine. You don’t need to move in with me,” I scoff.
“That’s an even better idea,” he responds, and I can already see the wheels turning in his head.
“I said you don’t have to move in with me!” I reiterate.
“I know, but why wait? I mean, I’m going to live with you once the baby is born. Might as well start now.”
I throw my hands up in exasperation, letting them drop to the bed with a heavy thud. “You’re killing me, Beau.”
“I’m trying to take care of you. Quite the opposite,” he says.
I ignore him, laying back and closing my eyes. Thankfully, he lets me rest for a while, though my brain is doing the opposite of resting. It’s running at high speed in a state of panic.
I was exercising plausible deniability until now, but soon we will see proof I am, in fact, pregnant with Beau’s baby. Where will we live? My house certainly isn’t big enough for Beau, a baby, and me. Beau’s place isn’t much bigger than mine, but I can’t afford to buy a bigger house. I’m just scraping by as it is. I make a living just fine, but adding in a baby? They’re expensive as hell.
My heart beats harder as I think. I’ll have to get baby gates, and baby proof the house. Oh, god, will I need one of those toilet locks? They’re nearly impossible to get open. I’ll probably pee my pants before I open it, and then my kid will think it’s normal to pee your pants. That’s going to be a pain in the ass.
My mom is probably going to set up camp in my living room, and try to move in, too. That’s three adults and a baby in my tiny house. And I’m sure Beau’s mom will join in, too. I love them both, but all in my house? I don’t think I can do it. I like my space, my alone time. Fuck, will I resent my baby? I won’t get any alone time for the next eighteen years. I’m so fucked.
“Marley, breathe,” Beau shakes my arm slightly. “Your heart monitor is going wild.”
I can vaguely hear the beeping through my state of panic, but I pay it no mind. There are other things to worry about right now.
“It’s okay,” Beau murmurs, touching me softly, rubbing his hands up and down my arms soothingly. “Breathe, sweetie, breathe.”
“I’m so scared,” I say, speaking the honest truth.
“I know. I’m scared too,” Beau tells me. “We’ve been scared before, but we’ve gotten through it together, yeah?”
“Yeah,” I say. “We have.”
“We can do this. One thing at a time, one day at a time. I’m here for you, and you’re here for me, Marley. We can do anything if we have each other.”
“Right,” I reply as the door opens.
“Hi there!” A woman’s voice calls. “Ready to see your baby?”
I nod, my entire body shaking. I sit up, scooting into the wheelchair she brings over to me. Beau rounds the bed as she lays a warm blanket in my lap, moving the IV bag from one pole to the one connected to the wheelchair. He reaches out, taking my hand in his.
The tech wheels me down a long, white hallway, and then brings us into a dark room. She helps me onto the exam table, moving the IV bag again and adjusting my body so I can see the large screen in front of the bed.
She pulls out a large wand looking thing, sliding what appears to be a condom on it. Beau grimaces, still standing at my feet.
“Psst,” I hiss. “Get your ass up here. Remember?”
He rushes up to my head, shuddering as the tech drops a glob of lubricant onto the wand.
“Alright, have you had a trans-vaginal ultrasound before?” the tech asks.
I shake my head.
“This is going to go into your vagina and show us your uterus. It shouldn’t hurt, but there will be a lot of pressure, and more than likely discomfort. I’ll put it under the blanket and pass it off to you so you can insert it, and then I’ll take over. Ready?”
“As I’ll ever be,” I say.
She chuckles, directing me to lift my legs up as she lifts the blanket just enough so she can slide the wand under. I reach down, taking it from her and inserting it into my vagina. I nod when it’s in, and she takes over.
“Alrighty,” she mutters to herself, clicking a few buttons on her screen, and displaying the black-and-white picture onto the bigger screen in front of me.
I don’t see anything at first, just movement and the whooshing sound of the machine, and then I hear it.
A rapid thumping sound. Our baby’s heartbeat. It whooshes, filling the room with its steady, strong beat. “Oh my god,” I say, tears filling my eyes as I see a little blob on the screen. Beau leans down, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. He shakes as tears stream down his cheeks, his hand squeezing mine tight.
“There’s baby,” the tech says sweetly. She adjusts the wand slightly, giving me some of the discomfort she mentioned. The screen moves from our baby till it’s just a blur again. “Hmm,” she mumbles under her breath.
“What’s wrong?” Beau asks, his voice tight and anxious.
“I think…” she pauses. “Yes. I was right.” I’d be more worried, but her voice is steady, almost happy. She moves the wand again, pointing at the screen for us. “There’s your baby.” Letting us take in our little blob again, she holds there, but moves away too soon. I want to yell at her for moving, for not giving me enough time to admire my little bean. “And there’s your other baby.”