Chapter 43
AVERY
The day after we got home from Brooklyn, we’re back on a plane for another road trip.
The slog should be tiring, but the adrenaline from the All-Star game and our playoff trajectory is holding my exhaustion at bay.
Plus, not only are we looking solid for the playoffs, but we’re fighting for the best regular season record overall. Lots of winning, hopefully on the way to the big one.
The Surge was on the brink of winning the championship last year, but got beaten handily in the finals. So most of my teammates have experienced the hard reality of losing when being so near to earning the trophy.
My situation is the opposite coming from UConn: I have no ability to process that losing is a possibility. I won’t even let myself go there mentally.
Our shared determination is creating incredible chemistry on the court. I’ve now slotted in fluidly, and we know our roles, know what the others will do, without needing a lot of words when we’re out there.
There’s a beauty to being a unit of five that connects as one. Speed, movement, and rhythm—all aligned. And we have a lot of it.
Also helpful, Katrina’s been solid at not throwing more shade my way—as far as I know.
Her contract is up this year, and Sarah’s mentioned she thinks that’s why Katrina has been chill.
“She’s not going to want to be seen as a problem player. And she could win a championship this year, so why mess that up.”
In theory, all should be golden…
Except, there’s this virtual dance with Rawley milling around in the ether, with the social media comments and sporadic texts since I found Stefani at his house.
Granted, I started the text conversations both times.
First, on that night after the commercial shoot with Rori, when I couldn’t shake her “green flag” remark.
The other time, after I got the bouquet.
Every day, I’m trying to thread the needle of my fears, and feeling like I made a mistake.
Not knowing what he’s truly feeling or thinking.
Not able to stop missing him.
Not willing to lie to myself about how amazing a person he is.
Not ready to force myself to face the fact that…
I might have messed this up for no reason.
Because I can’t shake the logical thought that just because Rawley is an athlete, it doesn’t mean I can’t trust him. Because I do trust him.
Rationally, that means there’s no reason we can’t be together.
For real.
If he wants that.
Crap.
Our second stop on the road trip is in Seattle, and after a long flight following the previous night’s game in Philadelphia, we have our off day completely free.
Which leaves me stewing in my thoughts. Most pointedly: Do I really want to keep up my rule, if it costs me a chance with Rawley?
I’m dying for someone to talk to. Luckily enough, the best possible person is on this very road trip.
AVERY: Can I come to your room to chat? Need advice.
SARAH: Yeah, I’m good now if you want. Just got dressed.
I pop off my bed and head out to her room just down the hotel hallway.
Once she lets me in, she sits in the seat at the little desk, while I take the love seat.
“Okay, what’s going on?”
I don’t plan to tell her that Rawley and I are fake, but that’s not as critical as some other pieces to the story.
“So, you know my rule against dating athletes?”
She nods, and then opens a bottle of water. “Yeah, but you got over it, right? I mean, you’re dating Rawley.”
I tilt my head back and forth. “Kind of.”
She looks confused. “What does that mean?”
“It turns out a sorta-ex of his tracked him down in Orlando two weeks ago, and I don’t know, it dredged up some of my old feelings.”
A light flashes in her eyes. “Okay, I get that.” When I don’t say more, she fills the space. “Did you talk to Rawley about it?”
“Kind of. Not really. Does telling him you want to end things count?”
Her eyes go wide. “Avery. Hello, talk about burying the lead.”
“I know. And the thing is, I don’t think he did anything wrong. He turned down a chance to hang out with her, I guess? He was telling her to leave when I pulled up and saw them together.”
She shakes her head, back to confused. “Okay, so there you go?”
I pause, chewing on my lip.
“You don’t get worried about Malcolm? This is kind of shitty to ask, now that I think about it…” As good of friends as we are, it’s not cool to bring up the potential of her boyfriend cheating on her.
She doesn’t seem thrown off though. “Oh, it’s fine.
No, I mean we both have lots of outside ‘interest’ from people.
” She uses finger quotes for emphasis. “But when you have something that feels special, feels right, and you’re on the same page about commitment, you don’t let anything—or anyone—mess with it. ”
I nod.
“Do you trust Rawley? That’s where it starts, obviously.”
“I do. He’s actually never been a player. It’s not what he’s into. Sleeping around, I mean.”
“Yeah, not all guys are, you know? And I’ve never heard anything about Rawley on that front either.”
I don’t want to tell her everything he’s shared, but that lines up with what I know from him. “He’s definitely more of a one-woman type of person.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
I sigh. “It’s me. I’m the problem.” The first time I’ve truly admitted it.
She squints her eyes at that declaration. “I have my own thoughts, if you want them. But let me ask you, why do you think that?”
“I…It’s like I’ve been stuck in the past. Not open to anything real or serious, to protect myself from getting hurt.”
“Hurt like you were in high school.” Her tone is softer.
“Yes. But it’s not rational, not with Rawley, not in general even. Because…” My voice fades.
“Because a guy will cheat if he sucks as a human, not because he’s an athlete?” Sarah offers.
Nailed it. “Yup.”
“Honestly, Aves, what’s bugging me as your friend is that you’re giving up a chance with someone you might want to be with just because he plays sports.”
She’s right. That sounds ridiculous.
“I know. I know.”
She cocks her head. “Is that how you feel about Rawley? That you genuinely want to be with him?”
I bring my hands up to my face and sigh. “I think so. But it’s over now.”
“So change that.”
I drag my hands down my face. “Okay, but how?”
She shakes her head. “Talk to the man. Come on, Parker. Do you want a pep talk?”
“I’m pretty sure you just gave me the one I needed.”
Shortly after, she kicks me out to go deal with this. Once back into my room, I pull out my phone and stare at our last messages.
What will I say if I call him?
What will he say?
Either way, this conversation feels like it needs to be in person. Having it over the phone doesn’t seem right.
So instead I call Mom.
“Hey, honey, I’m so glad you called. I have dates for you on Jamie’s recruiting visit at Tolliver.”
“Awesome.”
“He’d be there during your last set of home games in August, I think it’ll be the twenty-fifth to the twenty-seventh. You’d be in Orlando, obviously.”
“Sounds great.”
“He’s excited to hang with his big sister.” I hear Jamie shout something in the background. “He asked if he can meet Rawley.”
Oh.
“Which brings me to a second topic. Taylor called me an hour ago and said she was about to greenlight a story about how you and Rawley are considering a pause in your relationship? Because of your schedules?”
What?
“I told her I didn’t know that was happening yet.” Me either—I knew it was coming but I thought we’d talk again first. “Is that what you want? I wasn’t sure since you two had kind of gotten involved. But anyway, she said it was part of this phase of the plan.”
No, not what I want.
Shoot, I hope Taylor hasn’t approved that article with whatever outlet is posting it.
“Mom, let me get off and call her right away.”
“Of course—”
Panicking a little now, I end the call and ring Taylor instead.
“Hey, Avery. How’s Seattle?”
“Fine.” I cut to the chase, no time to waste. “Did you give a thumbs-up to that gossip article yet? The one you told my mom about?”
She gives a short gasp of breath. “I was just about to. Why, are we holding off?”
Thank freaking god.
“Yes, yeah, can we not push that article through yet?”
“Of course. I’m sorry, I thought—”
I start to relax my tone. “It’s not you, no worries at all. I know that’s what we originally discussed, but I’ve given it more thought and changed my mind.”
Taylor stays quiet a couple of seconds, and prudently doesn’t pry more. “Okay, you and Rawley are in control.”
“Thank you. Can you maybe do me a favor otherwise?” Switching to speaker, I pull up the Waves’ home page on my phone. Scrolling, scrolling.
“Of course.”
Ah, yes, it’s a day and time I can go.
“Can you get me a ticket to Rawley’s first preseason game?”
And then I jump over to my Etsy app…