Chapter 53 Astrid
ASTRID
“Let’s face it, anything is possible with cuntface,” Nikki says as we nurse coffees in the newest coffee shop in Ryemont after our meeting with Joe. The coffee is not great, but Cake and Coffee is a trigger for me, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to set foot in there again.
“But murder?” Renee worries her lower lip between her teeth.
“We have never known the real Gwen. I didn’t think she’d ever betray me, but she did a number on me for years right under my nose.”
“I think Joe was telling the truth,” Nikki adds.
“I’m not sure if I do, but I don’t trust my judgment much these days.”
“Aww, babe. I hate that what’s happened has you questioning everything.” Renee squeezes my hand.
“I don’t. I was so fucking na?ve, and I’m glad I got a wake-up call. If what Joe says is true, then I’m glad that psycho is out of my life.”
“What about Callan though?”
I slurp the dregs of my coffee. “What about him? He made his bed, and now he can lie in it.”
Renee and Nikki exchange looks.
“What?” I ask, calmly placing my empty mug down.
“Aren’t you even a little bit worried about him?
” Renee asks. “I’ve been thinking about everything Joe said, and this scenario makes more sense because you’ll never convince me Callan Hunt did not love you with his whole heart.
We all know him, and he’s not this cruel.
I know what he’s saying, but maybe he has no choice.
Maybe she planned this whole thing, and she’s threatening him with something to make him cooperate. ”
“It wouldn’t surprise me if the baby isn’t his,” Nikki adds.
“Don’t do this.” My chair screeches as I stand.
“I entertained that hope at the start, and I can’t do it again.
It’ll undo the little progress I have made.
He has had months to contact me and tell me what’s going on if that were the case.
Anyone can buy a burner cell. He hasn’t done that.
Instead, he’s posing for selfies and doing magazine interviews with her.
He is not doing it under duress. He fucking cheated, broke my heart, and now he doesn’t care because he’s high on sex and his newfound celebrity, and he doesn’t give a single fuck about me! ”
Silence echoes around me, and I realize I was shouting and everyone in the crowded coffee shop has heard.
“Fan i helvete.” I grab my cell. “Just let it go. Please.” I race out of the shop with humiliation burning circles on my cheeks, charging through the door and instantly slamming into someone. My cell drops to the ground.
“Fuck.” Renee curses behind me, and I’m trembling as my head slowly lifts.
The pain is immediate, tearing through me like a tornado. My eyes drop from Callan’s shocked face to Gwen’s swollen stomach. Horror washes over me as I stare at the evidence of their betrayal. I’m frozen to the spot, in so much inner turmoil I can’t move my mouth or my feet.
“I know, I know, I look like a mini elephant.” Gwen tosses back her long blonde hair while clinging to Callan’s arm. “But Cal loves my pregnant body, and sex is so much more intense, isn’t it, baby.”
“That’s enough, Gwen.”
My eyes flit from her belly to his face at his familiar gruff voice. My hands are shaking, and my legs feel like they might go out from under me. Renee wraps her arm around me from behind as I slip my hand into my jacket pocket and curl my fingers around my grounding stone.
It was a parting gift from Agnetha, and I take it everywhere with me.
Grief can hit me at the most inopportune times, and triggers surround me in this town.
I clutch the stone, squeezing my hand around it and willing it to soothe my soul because right now it feels like I’m on the verge of a complete breakdown.
“Best sex of your life, isn’t that right, darling?
” She paws at him, and he lets her, staring dispassionately at me as he notices my hair.
“Tell them our news.” She flashes me a triumphant grin, but I ignore her, watching him for any sign of discomfort, any hint of devastation, any demonstration of emotion, but there is none.
“We should go,” he says, tearing his eyes from mine and glancing down at her.
“We’re engaged!” She thrusts her hand in my face, showcasing a ginormous diamond on her ring finger, and something vital dies inside me as shock lays siege to my body.
Automatically, I rub my ring finger, but my promise ring is no longer there.
It’s in a box hidden in my closet. Callan told me the day he gave it to me that it was as good as an engagement ring, but that was just another lie.
As were all the promises he made me on that Ferris wheel.
Every single memory I shared with him is tarnished now because I can’t trust that any of them were real.
“Get the fuck out of here, you conniving cunt, or I’ll have you arrested for breaching the restraining order!” Renee snaps, holding me up as I sway.
No, no, no. How could he be marrying her? Tears prick the backs of my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall. I refuse to look weak in front of them. My eyes lower to the ground. I can’t look at either of them, and I wish I had a magic wand so I could cast a spell and obliviate them into nothing.
“We’re going,” Callan says, taking a step forward as I bend down to retrieve my phone. His foot lands on my cell, smashing it to pieces, before he grabs Gwen’s hand and steers her away.
“I’ll send wedding invites,” she calls out behind her, and Nikki yells something back at her.
I survey my broken cell, lying face down on the sidewalk, cracked and utterly ruined beyond repair—just like me.
I pocket the remnants and wrap my arms around myself as I face my friends.
“You don’t propose to the person holding you ransom.
” My voice sounds dead to my ears, but it’s better than turning into a sobbing wreck.
I’m done crying over them. I’m done crying, period.
“He’s not being forced into anything, and I don’t want to hear another word about it or them.
As far as I’m concerned, they’re both dead to me. ”
The following day, Mom finds a package on the porch with my name on it.
It’s a new iPhone, and I know who left it there.
I almost throw it away, but it’s the latest model, and I know it was expensive, so I can’t justify tossing it in the trash.
I’ll have to go to the store anyway because my laptop hasn’t turned up anywhere, and I need to replace it and my phone.
So, I put the package in my closet, intending to return it to the tech store in town where it was purchased when it reopens on Monday.
I bury my pain during Christmas dinner, faking a smile and trying not to think about the two of them across the road, celebrating with Roni, Tony, Erin, and Dara, no doubt gushing over the impending birth of the newest addition to the family.
That night, I succumb to my pain, sobbing into my pillow as it all comes crashing down on me again.
Everything hurts, and I’m sick of feeling like this.
It’s been eight months. When is this ever going to end?
The bed dips as Mom slides in behind me.
She cradles me in her arms while pressing kisses into the top of my head.
The next day, she quietly informs me they have returned to London and coaxes me out for a walk around the park. Whispering Lake is another trigger, and I can’t go there to purge my mind like I have so often in the past.
He has also ruined that for me.
I’m beginning to believe I’ll never be comfortable in this town again.
On Monday, when I’m getting into my car to go into town, I find my laptop on the back seat. I’m frozen as I stare at it. I’m sure it wasn’t there on Friday when I last drove my car. Am I going crazy? It’s not improbable because how else do you explain it?
At the store, I hand back the unwanted gift, telling the guy working there that I will pay with my own card for a different phone, and he can refund the original purchase to the original owner. On a whim, I decide to ditch my old number and get a new one.
Before I return to college, I delete all my social media accounts and delete my old Gmail and set up a new one, and when I’m back on campus, I request a new student email address. I set up fingerprint identification and 2FA on everything, ensuring all my accounts are secure.
These small things make me feel like I’m taking back control of my life, and I’m determined that the new year will be a fresh start for me.
At the end of January, Tonya is knocked down by a car outside the bar where she works and instantly killed. Paige is inconsolable, and it’s my turn to comfort her while she grieves. It helps to distract me from my own pain, giving me something to focus on besides my ping-ponging emotions.
Neither of us feels like doing anything for spring break, so we head to Ryemont for the week.
We are returning from a walk on Tuesday when Roni calls out to me.
“Skit.” I nibble on my lip as I contemplate what to do.
I haven’t spoken to any of the Hunts since our breakup.
I know Roni wanted to talk to me last year, but Mom told her I was too upset.
I really don’t want to talk to her about it now, but I don’t want to be rude either.
I love Roni, and it’s not like any of this is her fault.
“You go inside,” I tell Paige as Roni walks across the street toward me.
“You sure?” Paige eyes Roni with suspicion as she approaches us. “I can stay for moral support.”
“I’ll be fine.” I hug her, feeling how much weight she’s lost. “Go. I won’t be far behind you.”
Paige walks off, and I lift my head, trying to brace myself for whatever is coming.
“Astrid. You changed your hair.”
“Hi, Roni. Yes, I did.”
“I’m so sorry for everything you’re going through, honey. We’re all still in shock, and we love you. I hope you know that.”
“What can I do for you, Roni?” I shove my hands into the pockets of my jacket and hope she gets to the point soon. There is only so much emotional turmoil a person can take.
Compassion splays across her face. “Are you okay?”
Tears prick my eyes. I could lie, but what’s the point when she’d know it’s a lie? “No, I’m not okay. I’ve been betrayed by the two people I thought I could trust. All the plans I had for my future are gone just like that. I’ve never been further from okay.”
“I’m so sorry. I can only imagine the pain you’re in.”
“It’s not your place to apologize for them, and I don’t blame you for any of this.”
“I’m devastated, Astrid.” She swipes at the moisture building in her eyes. “I hate how this has torn everything apart, and I miss you. I miss my son too because, believe me, he’s so lost without you.”
“Roni.” My voice cracks. “Please don’t do this.”
“Astrid, please, please just listen. I’m desperate, and I truly believe you’re the only one who can help.”
I move to walk off. “I can’t help. Whatever it is—”
“She’s blackmailing him, and I hate her!”
I stand rooted to the spot.
“God forbid me, it’s a terrible thing to say about the mother of your granddaughter, but she’s a nasty little madam, and something is not right.”
I almost choke on my tongue. “They had a little girl?” I whisper.
“Oh, God.” She clamps a hand over her mouth for a few seconds. “I’m sorry, honey. I’m so sorry. I thought you knew. It’s been talked about in the media.”
“I don’t look at anything online anymore. I just… I can’t.”
She pulls me into her arms, and I should protest, but Roni always gives the best hugs, and I’m so cold inside. “It should’ve been you. It was always meant to be you.”
I wrench myself out of her arms. “Don’t. Just don’t.” My hand slips into my pocket, and I rub my grounding stone. “You said she’s blackmailing him. How? Do you have evidence?”
“Unfortunately not. Callan denies it any time I try to talk to him, but my gut tells me I’m not wrong. None of this makes any sense. My son loves you and only you. He might say differently now, but I know him, and he’s drowning behind that mask he’s wearing.”
“I can’t hear this.”
“Please, Astrid. He’s not himself. He’s been getting into fights on the pitch and in the dressing room.
When he was here for a few days over Christmas, he was guarded and withdrawn.
I found him wandering the house at night, unable to sleep.
He’s drinking, which you know he never does, and he seems to have constant headaches.
When I hug him, he’s shaking all over, and I don’t think he even realizes it.
They fight when they think we can’t hear them, and he flinches sometimes when she touches him.
Something is very wrong, and I’m at my wits’ end because he won’t speak to any of us. ”
I feel those words trying to land, but before hope can pierce through my walls, I shut it all down.
I am sick of having the same conversation with different people.
It’s almost a year since everything went down.
If Callan is being blackmailed or in trouble, it’s more than enough time for him to do something about it, and he hasn’t.
The more likely scenario is he now realizes he’s saddled himself to a crazy bitch for life.
“I don’t know what you think I can do or why I’d even help. ”
“If anyone can get through to him, it’s you. Please, could you try talking to him? It’s selfish asking you this, I know, but I’m so worried about him and that little baby. Darcy is an innocent child, and I’m terrified for her because that cow doesn’t have a maternal bone in her body.”
I push my emotions down, down, down, numbing myself to the pain charging through me. “You can’t ask this of me, Roni. I’m destroyed, and he won’t speak to me. I tried talking to him at the start, and he blocked me.”
“I believe he had no choice. My son would not cut you out of his life so coldly if he had a choice.”
“He cheated on me and knocked up my best friend!”
“I… I…” She averts her eyes because, yeah, despite everyone’s theories and pleas, that’s the crux of the matter.
“I just don’t understand it,” she whispers. “I don’t see any love between them. None of this makes sense.”
“I’ve got to go, Roni, and I don’t want to talk about this ever again. Callan doesn’t exist for me anymore, and I need it to stay that way so I can move forward.”
“I’m sorry, love. I’m so sorry. It was wrong of me to ask, but in case you change your mind, they’re arriving on Friday for the weekend. Callan will be in the house alone on Friday morning. The spare key will be under the mat.”
“I won’t.”
“I love you, honey. We all do.”
“I love you too, and I wish things had turned out differently for all of us, but it hasn’t.”
“Take care of yourself, love. You will always hold a special place in my heart.”