Chapter 28
Twenty-Eight
O n Saturday I smiled, shook hands and ate cake as we celebrated the opening of the school garden.
During my speech I thanked Rosie, Bradley and every other volunteer.
Ryan and I had our picture taken together to appear in the school newsletter.
For a while, watching those children run around and play in the world I'd created made me forget that my heart was broken, but not completely. Alfie was in every step now, in the brickwork, in the foundation of my world. The place I’d loved so much had become something I couldn’t stand.
I hated him for it. I hated myself for allowing it.
I’d ignored the red flags with him just like I had with Adam. I only had myself to blame now.
The celebration ended, the night fell and Keira filled my phone with every encouragement I needed to get me out of the house.
The sluttiest thing I could find to wear was a black, skin tight strap dress with a daringly low front and back.
I was wearing Natalie’s pumps again, even though I had almost broken my neck in them last time.
I piled my hair up, a few tendrils falling loose to frame my face.
I tugged at the dress, wondering if it was too much. No, dammit. I looked good.
Keira was already waiting outside Specimens when I arrived, wearing a blue dress almost identical to mine.
“Holy shit!” Keira shouted when she spotted me, drawing the attention of some of the people waiting in line. “If you’re after a little rebound fuck tonight then you’re going in the right direction.”
“No rebound fuck. I just wanna dance. Look at that queue though, it’s gonna take us forever to get in.” The line of people was stretching around the building.
“Don’t worry, I’m your secret weapon!”
I guess her ex had put our names on the door because we passed the bouncers with nothing more than an ‘enjoy your night, girls,’ much to the dismay of the people waiting in line.
Keira grabbed my hand and let out a squeal of excitement as the music got louder.
We burst through deep red double doors and found ourselves at one end of a balcony that ran in a semi circle around half of the club.
It was huge . The layout reminded me of an old movie theatre.
Where there would have been seats, there was a dance floor instead and where there would have been a film playing, instead the huge screen was filled with faces of the partiers below.
“It’s a live feed,” Keira shouted in my ear. I looked out onto the dance floor below and spotted a guy with a camera. Okay. This place was awesome.
We made our way to the bar downstairs and I spotted Bradley with a group of people I didn’t know. He introduced us to his friends but I didn’t hear any of their names.
“Lo!” Keira got my attention. She was ordering drinks at the bar.
“Vodka tonic,” I shouted so she could hear me over the music. Two of Bradley’s friends flanked her, seeming to argue over who was going to pay for her drinks.
“What are you shaking your head at?” Bradley asked.
I pointed at Keira and the circle of men that had formed around her. “Keira is never alone at a bar for long.”
He laughed, his smile lighting up his sun-kissed skin. He bent to whisper in my ear, “You look beautiful, by the way.” I blushed as he kissed me on the cheek. I didn’t know what to say. I hadn’t been joking when I told Keira that I wasn’t looking for a rebound fuck tonight.
I was spared the trouble of forming a response as our friends returned and a vodka tonic was shoved into my hand.
“Ladies, shots are on me!” One of Bradley’s friends, Sean I thought his name was, approached us with a tray of tequila shots. We all took one and downed them. I winced as it burned my throat.
Suddenly, Keira let out a whoop and flung her arms around my neck, hugging me out of pure excitement. I squeezed her back, feeling the tension drain out of me and that ache fade into the background.
She grabbed my hand, led me to the dance floor, and just like that I was lost. The heavy bass pounded up through the floor, sweeping me up in a sea of hot, churning bodies.
I didn’t know how much time passed as I danced, my body swaying, my eyes closed as I released all the pent up tension from the last few weeks, the grief of what I’d lost.
I danced until sweat beaded on my skin and my head swam with alcohol.
Song after song passed until I was sweating, and in desperate need of a bathroom break.
I looked around and found Keira unashamedly making out with Sean, the tequila shot guy.
I pinched her backside to get her attention, and she opened her eyes but didn’t break the kiss.
I mimed to her that I was going to the bathroom.
She waved okay and returned to her make out session.
I passed a few of Bradley’s friends on my way off the dance floor, each of them wrapped up in a different girl.
Bradley himself was over at the bar talking to another girl.
I found the bathrooms and joined the queue, slumping against the wall as I waited my turn.
I’d had one shot and one drink so I was barely tipsy, not nearly drunk enough to deal with the pain my feet were in.
I tried wiggling my toes but that only made it worse.
The alcohol felt warm in my system and now that I wasn’t distracted by dancing, I couldn’t help but think of Alfie and how angry he would be if he could see me right now.
Or maybe he wouldn’t care at all. I shook my head, trying to force all thoughts of him out of my brain.
Finally, it was my turn. The bathroom was the usual Saturday night shit show.
The floor was sticky and wet, the smell of hairspray and perfume thick in the air.
There was a girl crying in the corner surrounded by her friends.
I used the facilities and fought my way to the sinks to splash some cold water on my neck.
I looked in the mirror; my eye liner had smudged a little but my hair was holding up okay.
There was a pair of girls taking selfies next to me and I tried to ignore their pouting faces, focusing on my own instead.
I looked sad. I could see it there, sitting behind my bravado. I hated it.
I headed back out and went to the bar. Bradley was still there and waved me over. “Where’s your friend?” I asked when I got to him, looking around for the girl he’d been talking to.
“I don’t know, gone off with her friends I guess. I can’t say I’m upset.” He grinned and gestured at the bar. “Buy me a drink?” I blinked in surprise. I’d never met a man who could drop his ego long enough to let a woman buy him a drink.
I gave the bartender our orders and rested back on my heels to wait. I felt Bradley’s hand at the small of my back and looked up to see he was closer than I’d thought. I didn’t know how to respond. He gazed down at me, his brown eyes flickering to my mouth and back up to meet mine.
Alfie…
A loud whistle jolted us out of our bubble.
The bartender was holding my change over the bar, looking annoyed.
I took it with an apologetic grin and thanked him.
I had a large gulp of my vodka tonic, feeling very aware of Bradley’s arm around me.
His presence was warm as always, yet I felt the need to pull away.
I took a piece of ice in my mouth and swirled it around on my tongue.
I wanted Alfie out of my head. There was a good man standing right next to me who seemed to like me.
I was ready to lead Bradley to the dance floor, when he squeezed my waist and yelled something in my ear.
“What?” I yelled back.
“I said, I didn’t know you’d invited him.”
I looked up at him, confused. What the hell was he talking about? “Who?”
Bradley nodded at the giant live feed screen, his mouth set in a grim line. I followed his gaze and my heart stopped.
There, on the big screen, was Alfie Tell.
He’s here.
“Code red,” I whispered, too quiet for Bradley to hear me. I was frozen, unable to take my eyes off the screen.
Bradley hovered next to me. “Are you alright?”
“Can you go and find Keira? She’s on the dance floor with Sean.
Please Bradley, go and get her.” I needed her.
I didn’t know what I was going to do but I could feel the swell of anxiety rising and I knew it would only be a matter of time before water was rushing in my ears again.
I needed Keira. Bradley wavered for a moment before disappearing.
The live feed was still focused on Alfie and I drank in the sight of him. Those steel greys, that mouth that had explored every part of me.
I looked at the background behind him and from the familiar red double doors I guessed he was up on the balcony. His eyes were panning across the room, searching. I felt myself shrink into the bar, even though I knew he couldn’t see me from up there.
I didn’t know what to do. Run to him or hide? Was I happy or terrified? The camera angle shifted a little and I spotted Riley.
Suddenly, as if he was never there to begin with, his face disappeared and was replaced by two girls pouting their lips at the camera.
I looked around as if he might materialise in front of me at any moment.
Maybe I could just leave and text Keira to tell her what happened?
I quickly discarded that thought. I couldn’t leave her on her own with a bunch of strange guys. I was stuck until she got here.
I turned back to the bar and guzzled my drink. Liquid courage, that’s what I needed. When Keira got here, I’d make my escape.