Chapter 36 #2
“Sorry.” I apologised but he just laughed it off.
I couldn’t help but compare him to Alfie.
I wouldn’t have felt an ounce of discomfort having Bradley at my house.
I could imagine him handling the shitty water pressure with ease.
He would see the charm of my creaking old bed frame and falling-apart furniture.
He’d understand that they belonged to the family I’d lost.
“Don’t apologise. So, what’re you working on?” he asked, taking a bite of his sandwich.
“It’s for the Harrington Garden. I’m struggling with it.
” I passed him my sketch pad so he could look at my preliminary designs.
“Help me?” Bradley wasn’t a designer, but plants were his forte.
He might be able to give me a fresh perspective.
I remembered how nervous I’d been when I’d shown my plans to Alfie, and it felt odd that I wasn’t nervous at all showing them to Bradley.
“Your layout’s good. It’s simple, which gives you plenty of space to be creative with your planting. Have you seen the plans for the rest of the Harrington Grounds?”
“Yes, they’re complex, and pretty spectacular. This isn’t either of those things.”
“Well, it doesn’t need to be complex to be spectacular. Gardens, plants, flowers, they’re supposed to say something, so think about what it is you want to say and then pick the plants that speak for you.”
“As easy as that?”
“Why not?” He took a sip of his orange juice. “I think you’re overthinking it, Lo.”
“Maybe you’re right.”
“I’m sorry, can you repeat that?” he said, putting one hand to his ear. I rolled my eyes at him.
“I said you’re right!”
“I usually am.” He smirked and I play-punched him. “So, what does the boss think of these?”
“Mark? I’m really not sure. I showed them to him, but he just said ‘hmph’ and that was it.”
“He doesn’t seem to like you much, you know. I thought you said he was a nice guy.”
“He is…or he was. I don’t know what’s gotten into him recently.”
“Weird.” He took a sip of his orange juice. “Oh by the way, is your friend single? Keira?” His question caught me off guard. I began to stutter and he burst out laughing. “I don’t mean for me! My friend Sean - you met him at Specimens ? - he wanted to know if she was seeing anyone.”
“Uh no, she’s single.” I didn’t want to examine why I felt so relieved that he wasn’t asking for himself. “She’s leaving though. She got a job in London.”
“No shit? I’m sorry.” I looked up, surprised. “For you, I mean. Having your best friend move away must be hard.”
“Yeah it is.” I felt comforted that Bradley had read me so well. When Alfie did it, it just made me nervous, as if I knew deep down, that Alfie would take advantage of any weakness and Bradley wouldn’t.
“You know, you’re quite perceptive for a guy.” He just shrugged and popped the rest of his sandwich in his mouth. The man could devour food quicker than me, and that was a pretty impressive feat.
“I don’t think I’m perceptive, I just pay attention. I pay attention to you anyway.” My gaze flickered to his and he held it a moment before pulling it away, as if the moment had never been there at all. But it had, and we’d both felt it.
Bradley cleared his throat.
“So, are you going with her?” he asked, his tone a little too bright.
“Why does everyone keep asking me that? I don’t have anything lined up in London and I have family here.” I took a sip of my orange juice, the tangy flavour rich and vibrant against my tongue. Bradley was eyeing me closely. His gaze wasn’t intense like Alfie’s, it felt gentle.
“You mean you want to leave, but you feel like you need to stay?”
“Okay, you need to stop doing that, it’s creeping me out.”
“Sorry.” He grinned sheepishly.
“It’s okay, it’s just that Keira seems to think I should go with her. My sister thinks I should go with Alfie and be with him. I have no idea what I want.”
“Well, I think you’d be fucking crazy to give up your dreams to be with that guy.” He said ‘that guy’ as if his name was poison on his tongue.
“You really don’t like him, do you?”
“No, I really don’t, and it’s not because I want you. At least, it’s not just because of that.” My heart twisted in my chest. Bradley was speaking the unspoken truth and I felt like I was betraying Alfie just by listening to it.
“Bradley…”
“It’s okay, you don’t need to say anything. That guy just gives me an uneasy feeling.”
“Bradley, he would never?—”
“You don’t know what he would do,” he cut me off with such vehemence that I sat back, drawing away from him. “What I know is that he’s got a temper and he has trouble controlling himself when it comes to you. That’s a really bad combination, Lola.”
I sat there in silence, staring down at my half-empty bottle of orange juice. I couldn’t argue with Bradley. Everything that he’d said was true. But Alfie was also so many other things that Bradley didn’t get to see, that nobody did. I sniffed softly, trying to hold back tears.
“Lo, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you, I would never want that.
” His hand closed gently over mine and I looked up at him, at his kind, warm face.
I hated that I couldn’t give him what he wanted, but I couldn’t.
I needed to be straight with him about that, even if it meant I would lose him as a friend.
“Bradley, I?—”
“You’re attracted to me,” he cut me off, stunning me. I froze for a full moment, staring at him.
“That’s not what I was going to say.”
“But it’s true. It’s okay, you don’t have to say it out loud.”
I tore my gaze from his because I couldn’t look at him any more. He was right. I did feel something for him. It was nothing like what I felt for Alfie, but even so, it was still there.
“I don’t know what to say.” I felt like I was going mad sometimes. Ever since Alfie had bulldozed into my sphere of existence, my peaceful life had been blown to smithereens, and it only seemed to be getting worse.
“Want to know what I think? I think that the only reason he’s got you and I don’t is because he saw you first.”
“That’s not fair, Bradley. He’s good to me, he spends time with my family, he just sent me flowers this morning?—”
“Why?”
“What?” I asked, my brow creasing in confusion.
“Why did he send you flowers? Did you have a fight?”
“No, he was just being nice.” Why am I lying? How many times did I lie to cover for Adam?
“Really? So the last time you saw him, you didn’t have a disagreement? He didn’t upset you?” Without thinking, I began to twirl my fingers in the hem of my dress, the awful, peach dress that I hadn’t wanted to wear. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”
Was that really why he’d sent me flowers? To buy me off? It wouldn’t be the first time. He’d tried to give me diamond earrings the first time he’d upset me.
“I want to be with him.” I knew he was a flawed man, but when I cared about someone, I didn’t give up on them without a fight.
Remember the pain, Lola. Remember how much it hurt to lose him.
“I know.” He squeezed my hand and I chanced a look up at him, relieved to find him smiling his easy smile.