Chapter 39
Thirty-Nine
“What?”
“You. Running across the car park like a ninja. You’re going to have to tell your boss about us soon, you know.”
“I know. I will.” I wasn’t looking forward to that and was already planning a way to get out of it. Going to college could be a pretty good way out…
Alfie, ever the clairvoyant, gave me a suspicious sideways glance as he drove.
I pretended not to notice and pressed a few buttons on the control until Vivaldi filled the car.
I settled back into my seat and stared out the window, trying to look as if I was just tired from the day.
Alfie seemed satisfied and returned his concentration to the road.
I hadn’t told anyone yet about my acceptance email, though I’d thought of little else all day. I still couldn’t quite believe it. I’d had to read the email a dozen times before I was certain I’d read it right.
My first instinct had been to call Natalie, but then I thought about what my leaving would mean for her—one less wage coming in, and one less person to help with Ryan. At his football game she’d encouraged me to leave with Alfie, but was she just putting on a brave face?
Then I thought about calling Keira. She would be beyond ecstatic, but if I told her then I would absolutely have to go through with it. She would never let me back out and the pressure of that scared me.
And Alfie? Who knew what his reaction would be. I couldn’t help but think he might not be entirely happy about it if it meant us being apart, and if Alfie didn’t want something to happen, you could bet your bottom dollar it wouldn’t.
So instead, like a coward, I said nothing.
“Lola?”
I looked up, surprised to see we were outside The Carlton already. I gave him an apologetic smile, which did nothing to ease the furrow in his brow. Alfie handed his keys to the boy-faced valet without even looking at him and led me inside.
“Is something wrong? You’ve been uncharacteristically quiet.”
“No, I’m sorry. I was just lost in my own thoughts.”
“Penny for them?” His gaze burrowed a hole into me. Alfie had a way of looking at me sometimes…It was like a visual vivisection.
Should I tell him? I should want to, but something was holding me back. Maybe it was that mythical female intuition I’d heard so much about. Or maybe it was just my natural instincts. Survival instincts.
“I was just thinking about the future, that’s all.” It wasn’t entirely a lie. I expected him to pick up on it, but strangely for him, he didn’t.
The doors opened and I stepped into the suite, immediately kicking off my shoes and dumping my handbag with a sigh of relief.
Alfie on the other hand didn’t even loosen his tie.
Instead he just gave me another one of his looks before placing a firm hand on my lower back and guiding me towards the dining room.
“Come, let’s eat.”
“In there? We never eat in there.” Usually, I ordered room service and we ate at the dining table by the kitchen. The dining room was a whole other affair—a deep oak table with a dimmed chandelier, and a hundred tiny flames casting dancing shadows along the silk wallpaper.
I took a seat and Alfie lifted the silver cloche on my plate to reveal the most elegant steak dinner I’d ever seen. It smelled heavenly and I tucked in, not missing the amused quirk at the corner of his mouth. He popped the cork on a bottle of Chablis and poured us both a small glass.
I watched him as he ate. His table manner was precise and controlled. I tried to imagine him sitting in this grand dining room, eating his meal alone. I just couldn’t picture it.
“Would you be eating like this if I wasn’t here?” I asked, and once again he looked at me with that tiny glint of amusement. I didn’t understand why he always found me so funny.
“What do you mean, Lola?”
“I mean, when you’re on your own, how do you eat dinner? Do you veg in front of the TV with a tray on your lap? Do you have a bowl of cereal in bed? How do you eat?” To me, the idea of eating cereal in bed with Alfie was heavenly.
“No, O’Connell, I don’t veg . Usually, I eat in a restaurant accompanied by people I do business with, otherwise I might eat while I work, or I forget entirely.” He placed another precisely cut piece of steak in his mouth.
“I’ve never known you to forget to eat, Alfie.”
“Well, that’s because I have to make sure that you do, so that reminds me that I must. Anyway, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about the future.
” My heart rate picked up as he slipped from playful Alfie right into business mode.
I prepared myself to be steamrollered by whatever plans he had.
Business Alfie was a soulless force of nature and I hated it.
I put back my shoulders, and braced myself.
He took a sip of water, ignoring his wine entirely. His gaze focused on me. He pushed his plate to one side and steepled his hands in front of him.
Apparently, this was serious business.
“Lola, you know that my staying here was only ever going to be temporary.” His voice trailed off. It wasn’t difficult to fill in the blanks.
“You’re leaving.” I’d known this was coming, but now that it was here I wasn’t prepared for it. I didn’t know what this would mean for us.
“I have business in Milan. I’ve put off leaving for another fortnight so that you can be here to see your friends and family on your birthday, but we will need to leave the day after.
You can hand in your notice on Monday. Two weeks is enough time for Rosie to find a replacement for you.
” He stopped and took another sip of his water.
He was waiting for me to speak but all I could do was stare at him.
“You’re expecting me to leave with you?”
“Of course.” His tone was smooth, his gaze unwavering. I took a deep breath before answering.
“Did you maybe think about running that by me first?”
“I just did.”
I took a calming breath, but it did little to calm me. Patience, Lola. “Alfie, I don’t even have a passport.”
“I arranged one for you weeks ago. I have it in my study.” Weeks ago? How long has he been planning this? I tried to fight back the feeling that, once again, he was backing me into a corner. I couldn’t let him, not with this. It was too important.
“This is ridiculous, Alfie.”
“No, it isn’t. I don’t see why quitting your job is a problem. You don’t even like it that much. I know you’re worried about your sister losing your income but I can provide that and anything else she might need. I don’t want you to worry about anything.”
He was completely missing the point. I took a gulp of my wine, determined not to snap at him.
Now would be a really good time for me to tell him that I got into college, so why couldn’t I?
I looked up at him, his expression hard and resolute.
That wasn’t the face of a man who wanted to be told he couldn’t have something.
Instead I took another breath and tried to reason with him.
“We still barely know each other Alfie. We’ve only been back together for a few weeks.”
“Yes, and how did you enjoy being separated? There really isn’t any other option. I have to leave soon, and you have to come with me.” He was right. I should want to go, I should be jumping at the chance to travel the world with him, but in the back of my head there was something holding me back.
“What about the Harrington Garden?”
“Finish your plans and leave them with Riley.”
I could feel an overwhelming sense of being pulled down a path I didn’t want to go.
Could I leave my home for him? I imagined that future with him, how it would look.
I saw myself in a luxurious penthouse with everything I could want.
I saw myself financially dependent on him, because how could I travel with him and keep a job?
How could I study if I was travelling all the time?
College would be off the table. I saw myself moving in his social circles with discomfort and unease.
I saw myself trading in everything that I was to try and fit into his life.
None of it felt right.
The difference in our age suddenly reared up and smacked me in the face. He was ten years older than me. Ten years! Of course he was going to be ready for things that I wasn’t. He was firmly established in his career whereas I had barely even started.
I looked up at the beautiful man that was offering me a new life on a platter. How could I choose between that life and my dream? Could there be a way to have both? Could we manage long distance? It would hurt but it wouldn’t be forever.
“Do you think we could just take a minute to, you know, discuss this, to think it through maybe?”
“I have thought it through.”
“I meant think it through together , the two of us, as a couple.” The tension in my voice was beginning to slip through.
I tried to hold it in but dammit he was driving me crazy.
I need some air. My chair scraped on the tile as I stood, but before I could take a step, Alfie had rounded the table and was right in front of me.
“Don’t run.” His tone was urgent, a flash of vulnerability behind the impenetrable mask.
How could a man be so much of both? My heart softened as it always did when he needed me.
I sometimes wondered if he did it on purpose, if he showed vulnerability to justify his controlling behaviour.
Or maybe he controlled me to undo the vulnerability he’d shown.
He showed a sign of weakness and then punished me for seeing it.
“I’m not running, I just need to think and I can’t think when I’m looking at you.” I needed to tell him about my acceptance, but there was this voice in the back of my head telling me not to. That I couldn’t trust him not to mess it up for me.
Alfie tucked a finger under my chin. I looked up at him, sucked into his torpedo stare. “Baby, do you want to be with me?”
“You know I do.”
“Then what else is there to think about?” he asked softly, his mouth inching closer to my own.
“So much. There’s so much,” I whispered, almost breathless as I felt his take over of me begin.
“Then stop thinking. Nothing exists but us,” he whispered, and then, just before his lips found mine, he uttered words that shook me to my core.
“Nothing exists for you but me.” His mouth engulfed mine and I fell into him.
I ceased to be once he touched me. I ceased to have my own thoughts, my own self.
I should stop him, talk to him, tell him about every fear and concern flashing through my mind, but as usual, all rational thought had disappeared as soon as he touched me.
Wordlessly, he lifted me and spread me out on the table. My gaze flickered over the dimmed chandelier above us. I watched as our shadows danced across the candlelit ceiling. Everything with Alfie was just so decadent, so extreme, it overwhelmed me.
He divested me of my underwear in one fluid motion, and I whimpered when his fingers found me. He teased me with the tip of his middle finger, tickling lightly on the head of my clitoris. My thighs trembled and I gripped his biceps, desperate for him to stop, desperate for him to never stop.
“Are you still considering being separated from me?” he asked, his voice teasing, coaxing.
“Alfie…” I groaned, writhing helplessly on the table.
“What, baby? Do you really think you could go a day without this?” He plunged three fingers inside me. I gasped, grinding myself down against their welcome pressure.
“Say you’ll come.”
“You’re manipulating me.”
“Shamelessly.”
I felt like I was being driven mad, and from the wicked gleam in his eye I knew that was his intention.
Blind me with pleasure until I was too lost to refuse him anything.
But this was important, I had to hold onto my wits.
With a herculean effort, I gripped his wrist, halting the movements of his treacherous fingers.
With my gaze I pleaded with him to stop, to take pity on me, but of course he never would.
Calmly, he shook my hand away as if it were no more than a nuisance and resumed toying with me.
“Say you’ll come with me.”
I shook my head, unable to trust myself to speak and he let out a low growl at my refusal.
His hand left me and I groaned in frustration.
He reared over me, undoing his trousers and releasing himself.
His gaze was heated and wrought with desire.
I felt pinned by it, powerless to do anything but squirm on the table and wait for him to sate my lust. He loomed over me and, just when I thought he was going to tease me, he plunged inside, stretching me so suddenly I let out a loud gasp.
He took me hard and without mercy, till I was panting and half-crying with pleasure. I almost hated him for the power he had over me. Almost.
“Say it, Lola.”
I felt a thin sheen of sweat burst over me as he pushed me higher and higher towards his goal.
“Alfie!” I cried out and he smiled.
“I’m taking that as a yes.”
I should argue, I should fight. “You’re insane, Alfie. You’re a madman,” I gasped as he rode me to my peak.
“Then I’m ecstatic in my madness.”