Chapter 42
Forty-Two
“ T ell me, Lola. Are you going to ignore me for the rest of our lives or just until we get back to the hotel?”
I let my silence speak for me, all the while maintaining my stoic glare out of the window of the car.
When Keira and I had finally emerged from our hiding spot, we’d found a very angry Alfie Tell standing outside. I’d decided that my night out had already suffered irreparable damage, kissed Keira, and dutifully gotten into the waiting Rolls Royce.
So far, I’d managed to maintain total silence and it was driving Alfie crazy.
Good.
“You’re being ridiculous, Lola. Talk to me.” I ignored him until I felt a hand on my thigh, making quick progress north. “Fine. If you don’t want to talk, I’ll make you sing.”
“Alfie! Elliot’s sitting right there,” I hissed, slapping his hand away.
“The window to the back seat is sound proof. He can’t hear a damned thing. Besides, he’s—” He stopped short of finishing that sentence, like he’d suddenly realised what a massive hole he was about to drop himself in.
“He’s seen you do worse, right?”
“I’ve told you not to let my past bother you.”
The man was infuriating. Turning, I resumed my stoic glare out of the window. “You’re a fucking hypocrite, Alfie Tell.”
“You know, I think I preferred the silent treatment.”
“Yeah? Well, I think I might be over it.” I wasn’t over it. I didn’t want to talk to him at all, but if I didn’t let some of this out I was going to explode.
“Fine. Have at it, O’Connell.” He spread his arms out and I wished, suddenly, that we weren’t in such a confined space. There was nowhere to run to.
“You shouldn’t have told Keira that I might be leaving with you.”
“You’re right. You should have told her.”
I gritted my teeth, willing myself to calm down. Street lights passed us in the blink of an eye, casting distorted shadows over his face. “I would have told her when the time was right. You promised to give me time to think, Alfie.”
“Time to think is just an opportunity for you to make the wrong choice.” My jaw dropped. I couldn’t help it. Sometimes, just when I thought Alfie couldn’t become any more arrogant, he found a way to step it up a notch. “Besides, it doesn’t seem to have caused much of a problem between you.”
“That’s not the point! You were manipulating me. Again! Does it even bother you that you do that?” I wondered if he realised how important his answer was.
“Not really.” He shrugged, and that small dismissal of my feelings hurt more than I cared to show him.
“I want you to come with me, and if backing you into a corner is what it takes to get you then I’m okay with that.
” He said it as simply as if he was telling me the sky was blue.
I sat back in my seat, trying to get as far away from him as possible.
“Alfie, this is so dysfunctional.” I hated moments like this. Moments when his way of thinking truly showed itself. It was a difference between us that was irreconcilable and if I didn’t bend to his will or if he didn’t learn to temper it, it would break us.
“Lo, did it ever occur to you that I wouldn’t have to do these things if you didn’t fight me on everything?” He reached out for my hand but I snatched it away, swallowing down my hurt and reaching for anger instead. If I was angry I could fight. If I was hurting I would just cry.
“Did it ever occur to you that I fight you because you’re being unreasonable?”
“Why does it matter if I’m being unreasonable?”
“Because I’m not your employee! Do you honestly just expect me to fall in line like everyone else? I’m not a business deal, Alfie, you can’t just screw me over to win. We have to figure things out together, on equal terms.”
“But we’re not equal!” I flinched at his words.
Thick silence hung heavy in the air, punctuated only by an exasperated sigh from him.
He ran a hand through his hair, readjusted, and recalculated.
I hated it when he recalculated. It always meant I was about to lose.
“I didn’t mean it in that way. You’re better than me, Lola.
You outdo me in everything save for my bank account and business, so forgive me for having to play dirty in order to win. ”
“This isn’t about winning, Alfie.”
“Isn’t it?” His eyes flashed at me in the passing street lights, the only illumination in the car.
“I either have you, or I don’t have you.
I either win or I lose and I don’t lose.
Ever.” I turned away, shaking my head, but he grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him.
I pulled out of his grip but kept my eyes trained on his as he continued.
“You’ve laid out a lot of home truths today, so let me give you one of my own.
I don’t deserve you. I’m a selfish narcissist and a liar.
I care about your feelings but not enough to put them before my own wants.
When it comes to keeping you, there is no line I won’t cross, because when I look at you…
” His voice trailed off, his words seeming to catch in his throat.
The look in his eyes softened, just for a moment.
There was a whisper of something there, a hint of truth, but it was gone in an instant, his jaw set into a hard line, and the cold, calculating expression was back.
What had I just seen? What had he been about to say?
“You read that article about me but it barely scratched the surface, Lola. I was hungry back then, always so fucking hungry, just wanting more and more and more, gorging on everything within reach, never happy, never sated .” He seemed to grow in size as he spoke and I shrank into my seat, wary of this new side of Alfie Tell.
“You think that I treat people badly now? You have no idea what I was like back then, how I treated people, how I treated women . The things I could do to their bodies, the things I could make them say. You think I use your own body against you? Baby, you’ve got no idea.
” He dragged a hand through his hair and blew out a breath.
Tension radiated from him and I felt like I was in a cage with a hungry, pissed off tiger.
“Why are you telling me this?” It was the only time I’d ever known Alfie to volunteer information of his own free will.
“Because I need you to understand me so you can be careful which battles you pick. If I’m anything like my father it’s because I’m ruthless when I want something.”
Elliot slowed the car to a stop outside The Carlton. I jumped out, hurrying inside with Alfie hot on my heels, stalking me to the lift. I pressed the button and within seconds I found myself in yet another cage with the tiger.
His words played over in my mind. Be careful which battles you pick. I wondered if he realised how much that sounded like a threat.
“My future is an important battle,” I said softly, though even to my own ears I sounded as though I didn’t really believe it.
“ Our future. I’m trying to make sure we have one and you seem to be doing everything possible to avoid it. I don’t understand why.”
“Well I don’t understand it either, Alfie.
” The lift came to a stop and I wasted no time stepping out and kicking off my heels.
I was itching to rid myself of my dress.
It was too tight on my skin, but getting naked around Alfie in this mood was a really bad idea.
I rounded on him. “Maybe it’s got something to do with you manipulating and controlling me at every turn. You’re exhausting me, Alfie.”
“Don’t lie, O’Connell,” he sneered as he slipped out of his jacket and folded it over a chair.
“You’ve never felt more alive and you know it.
You want my hands on you, you like what I do to you, you even like fighting with me.
” The look in his eyes had shifted slightly and I knew what was coming. I took a step away. He advanced.
“I think you like fighting with me more,” I said, still stepping backwards, the stairs on my left, the hallway on my right. Two running options, there if I needed them.
“It’s definitely stimulating.” A corner of his delicious mouth lifted up in a smile and those steel greys raked over my body in a way that made me shiver.
“Maybe I don’t want to stimulate you.”
“Liar. Take off your dress.”
“No.” I took three further steps backwards and he raised an eyebrow at me. “You can’t just keep sidetracking me with sex every time we disagree. We were having an argument, we need to finish it.”
“What’s the point in having an argument when I could just make you say anything I want?” His hands moved to his tie and he removed it with a sharp thwap .
“Because you don’t want a puppet, Alfie, and you know it.” My words didn’t stop his advancement. I was running out of backing up space. I was going to have to pick a direction. Up the stairs or down the hall. “Alfie?—”
“Shut up.” In a heartbeat he had me, his hands wrapped around my neck, his mouth devouring mine. I fell into him, for one beat, two, and then I stomped on his foot as hard as I could. Before he could grab me again, I turned on my heel and sprinted down the hall.
I felt Alfie’s hand encircle my own but I snatched it away.
“Stop touching me!” I shouted, sounding less like myself than I ever had before.
“I can’t think when you touch me!” And I needed to think.
I needed to straighten my thoughts so he couldn’t fuck me into agreeing to anything else.
If he couldn’t agree to give me time to think then maybe I would just have to use his own tactics against him. Agreement by force.
I ran down the hall and picked a room at random. The games room.
“Don’t you shut that—” I slammed the door in his face and locked it. I stared at it for a moment, wondering what the hell I’d just done.
“Lola, open the door,” he said, his voice low, feigning calm.
“No!” I shouted, sounding very much like a petulant child. “You don’t ever listen to me. Why can’t you just listen to me for once?”
“Lola, I need you to open the door.”