Chapter 68
Sixty-Eight
I awoke to the feel of Adam at my throat, his harsh grip on my breast, and the sting of his palm against my cheek.
It was dark out, the rising sun just beginning to lighten the sky into a haunting blue.
Alfie slept deeply beside me, blissfully unaware that I was being consumed by another man.
I didn’t want to wake him so I slid out of bed and padded over to the window that overlooked my small town.
I pressed my forehead against the glass and let out a sigh as it cooled my heated skin.
Why was everything falling apart? I couldn’t talk to Bradley anymore.
Mark hated me and had probably told Rosie that I was ditching college for Alfie, so she probably hated me now too.
I couldn’t talk to Natalie. She already had enough on her plate.
I wanted to call Keira and tell her I was sorry.
I wanted to tell her about Adam but I already knew what she’d say and I didn’t want to hear it.
I’d burnt every bridge I had and I’d burned them all for Alfie.
I looked out at my tiny town—the safe predictable world that I loved.
When did it become the enemy? My life had dissolved around me and in its place was the Adonis resting in Egyptian cotton sheets.
Adam wouldn’t leave me. I couldn’t breathe him out of me, and with nowhere else to turn, I returned to the bed and slid in between the sheets.
In Alfie’s arms I felt safe again, protected from the world.
Adam couldn’t get me here, or Mark, or the judgement of my best friend, or the memories of the family I had lost.
Alfie stirred and pulled me in closer. He rolled us, still half-asleep, our bodies moving in perfect synchronicity.
A wave of fear washed over me as he parted my legs with his own but he was too lost in sleep to notice.
He slid inside me, his body moving on instinct, taking me in a way he didn’t need to be completely awake for.
I pressed my face into his neck and breathed him in, allowing him once more to exorcise Adam from my body.
Even in sleep he knew what I needed. He took his time, my body responding and rising with his as the sun rose on the horizon.
This is where I was safe. With every thrust I could breathe easier and when my orgasm washed over me, Adam faded away along with the rest of them.
I forced myself to look in the bathroom mirror, facing up to what Adam had done.
As usual, Alfie had been right. My face wasn't bruised.
It was red and slightly swollen but barely noticeable.
I had a small cut on the inside of my cheek that would heal quicker if I could stop tonguing it.
My knuckles were a little stiff but overall I was okay.
On the outside, anyway. On the inside, I felt like a city still suffering aftershocks from an earthquake.
Adam had left me in peace for a little while this morning, but as soon as Alfie had slid out of bed, Adam had slid right back in.
I wanted to hide away, but this was my last week at Rosie’s and I refused to miss out on a day, especially not because of Adam.
I had no clothes here so I put my denim shorts back on with another one of Alfie’s shirts.
I didn’t look like me. My hair was the same, my clothes were the same, but I was marked up.
Alfie’s marks were still on my neck and breasts and Adam had left his mark on my face.
I looked like a battleground, each of them fighting to plant a flag on land that didn’t belong to either of them.
It belonged to me. So why didn’t it feel that way anymore?
I took a deep breath. I had a day to deal with, I had to stop this spiralling pity party.
I found Alfie downstairs, ignoring his poached egg breakfast and conducting another business call in clear Italian. I figured it must be about the Milan build.
I looked at the array of breakfast foods laid out on the dining table.
Muffins, croissants, lush fruits…I didn’t want any of it.
It was too decadent, too rich. My life had been saturated by luxury recently and I felt a little sick of it.
For the first time, I was starting to understand why buying a new car meant so little to Alfie.
Alfie watched as I plucked a grape and popped it into my mouth. My jaw ached as I tried to chew and the juice stung the open cut in my mouth. I didn’t have another.
I found my bag sitting neatly on the foyer table. I didn’t remember putting it there. I didn’t even remember bringing it in. I rustled around and breathed a sigh of relief when I found my keys. My phone was still there, my purse too, but once again, my pills were gone.
Keira’s words echoed in my mind but I shut them up and clamped them down.
I wouldn’t let her get to me. I would be rational.
My bag had fallen in the scuffle last night, I remembered the contents spilling onto the ground.
When I’d picked it up it was perfectly plausible that they’d fallen out and I’d simply missed them.
There were probably other items missing too.
Ryan’s dinosaur wasn’t here either. I would just get more pills. Again.
“Problem?” I yelped and spun on my heel to find Alfie eyeing me. My heart was racing, my stomach clenched in fear.
“Don’t sneak up on me,” I gasped, trying to steady my breathing. Alfie gave me a disapproving look but it was gone as quickly as it came. “I lost my pills again. I dropped my bag last night when Adam…” I swallowed, my throat thick. “They must have fallen out.”
“Maybe I should install your pills with a GPS tracker too.” He reached for me and I flinched. I didn’t mean to.
“I’m sorry, I’m just jumpy this morning.”
He scoured my face, his mouth set in a disapproving line. I wrapped my arms around myself, preparing for the fight, but it didn’t come. He turned and headed for the lift, leaving me to follow him, which, like a dutiful dog, I did.
We stepped inside the metal cage, silent except for his incessant tapping on his phone.
I stared down at my shoes, wondering how I was going to get through this day.
What was wrong with me? Alfie had touched me last night and this morning, so why did I flinch away from him now? Maybe it was a delayed reaction.
“Stand up straight, Lola,” he said, snapping me out of my thoughts.
“What?”
“You’re hunching.” I gaped up at him. He was worrying about my posture? Seriously? He looked up from his phone and fixed me with a look I couldn’t discern. “I won’t allow another man to define you. Now, stand up straight.”
His phone rang as the lift doors opened.
We stepped out into the lobby as he accepted the call and told whoever it was to wait before returning his attention to me.
I gasped as he reached for me so fast I didn’t have time to flinch.
He cupped my face, his thumb rubbing gently over the cheek that still stung from Adam’s blow.
“Lola O’Connell, you are the most resilient person I’ve ever met. You’re going to get past this.”
“How do you know?” I felt like I was about to break down in tears. He gave me a steadying look, one that tethered me to the earth again.
“Because I’m Alfie Tell. I know everything.” He turned, pressing the phone to his ear and strode through the lobby, an impressive magnate catching the eye of every female in the place. I put my shoulders back, and followed him.
When we arrived at Rosie’s, I scanned the car park for the dark blue car that I now knew belonged to Adam. Of course it wasn’t there. I automatically scanned for Bradley’s red Mazda and Mark’s SUV but neither of them were here either. It was just Alfie and I.
“You’re safe, sweetheart.” He nodded to the run-of-the-mill Honda parked a few spaces away and the run-of-the-mill man sitting inside it.
“He’s with you?” I asked.
“He’s with you . His name is Mike and he’ll take good care of you.
I know you would be more comfortable with Elliot watching you but even he has to sleep occasionally.
Just go about your day. You will be perfectly fine.
” I bit my lip, uncertainty gnawing at me.
He took my chin and tilted my face up to his.
“Lo, do you truly think that I would leave you if I was not sure of your safety?” No, of course he wouldn’t.
I shook my head and he nodded, pleased. “I’ll see you tonight. ”
I spent most of the morning trying not to jump whenever the phone rang.
I waited for Adam to bust in through the door and finish what he started, but it didn’t come.
By lunch time I had a little of my courage back.
I was going to be okay. Mark was absent too, and despite my reservations about asking Alfie to keep him away from me, I was glad I didn’t have to deal with him today.
I called the Sexual Health Clinic and made an appointment for that afternoon.
There was no way I could face my GP and tell him I’d lost my pills again.
My van was still at my house so I called a taxi and Mike followed.
I could have asked my new bodyguard for a lift but the thought of explaining to him where I was going made my stomach turn.
I shot off a quick text to Alfie, letting him know where I was going before the GPS tracker or the bodyguard did.
The doctor, thankfully, was a woman, though if I’d thought she would be more understanding than my male GP I was sorely mistaken.
“You’ve lost three prescriptions?” She eyed me shrewdly over half-moon glasses that made her look far older than her mid-forties. Her hair was a dusty blond and perched primly on her shoulders, brushing the collar of a white blouse.
“Yes, I’m…well, I’m careless. I don’t mean to be, I just…
I lose things.” I knew I’d been foolish to lose them but the drama over the last few weeks had taken a toll on me.
Once I would have taken her attitude and thrown it right back at her, but now I just wasn’t interested in dealing with things that weren’t Alfie Tell.
Only a few more hours and I’d be with him again.
This woman, this appointment, it wasn’t important.
“Have you missed any days?” she asked. I didn’t have to think about that one.
“Yes,” I told her, though I couldn’t tell her how many. Not that it really mattered how many pills I’d skipped. Just one was bad.
“And have you had sexual intercourse during that time?” I tried not to shudder at the question.
“Yes.”
She didn’t answer, only gave a slight lift of an eyebrow as she tapped away on her keyboard, her judgemental silence hanging in the air.
“Well, if you can’t manage sticking to a regular schedule, maybe a different kind of contraception would be more convenient? The injection or implant are very?—”
“No, sorry. I’ve had the implant before and had a bad reaction, same with the injection. I’ve never had an issue with the pill before, never missed a day, it’s just recently.”
“Recently since you got this new boyfriend?”
“Yes.” She let the silence hang again and I rushed to fill it. “My head’s been all over the place with moving and work, you know.” I plastered a smile on my face, wishing that I’d just gone to my usual doctor. He accepted without question that a woman was stupid enough to lose their birth control.
“Okay, well I can give you another prescription. My advice is that you take the three sheets out of the packet and put them in a specific location, one in your bag, one in your car and one in your bedroom, something like that. Set an alarm on your phone too so you don’t forget when to take them.
An unwanted pregnancy will affect you for the rest of your life, one way or the other.
” She eyed me seriously and I nodded. I shuddered at the thought.
Children weren’t something I’d given much thought to before.
They were a thing that would maybe happen to a different Lola, one who would be much wiser and much older. Like, a decade older. At least.
We sat in silence while she tapped away on her computer, interrupted only by the sound of the printer puking out my prescription.
“Alright, now since you’ve had intercourse without protection, as you know there is a risk that you’re already pregnant.
” I blanched, feeling the colour drain from my face.
I knew this already. It had occurred to me, but Alfie was always the thing I thought about most. Being away from him was like coming up for air.
The real world came back to me and in the real world, I had to deal with crazy exes, pissed off friends, dead family members and apparently, potential pregnancies.
“When do you usually have your period?” I tried to think. What day was it? When was my last period? I calculated quickly.
“I usually start around the 25th.” She didn’t need to tell me that the 25 th was four days ago.
“Well, I think the best thing to do is wait until the end of your next period and then begin taking them as normal. If your period comes, that is. Pregnancy is a very real possibility.” She gave me her best bedside manner smile.
“I can do a blood test if you like or you can wait and do a test at home. Clearblue tests can tell you within two to three days from conception so as long as you stay protected from now until you test, you should be able to take it as early as Friday.”
Conception. That word flashed at me in neon, lit up like a motel Vacancy sign. Or if I was pregnant maybe that should be No Vacancy . I stifled a laugh. This wasn’t funny.
Conception . I could have conceived .
“So? What will it be? Blood test now or urine test in a few days?”
“I’ll take a test at home,” I answered without thinking. I couldn’t face an answer right now. She pulled my prescription out of the printer and scribbled her signature on it before turning back to me. Her eyes swept over me as if trying to diagnose an illness, and they landed on my swollen cheek.
“Is there anything else you need?” Her tone was softer now, taking on a gentle hush as though the walls were listening.
I shook my head. I knew what she was thinking, but I didn’t care enough to explain about Adam.
It wasn’t important. I just wanted to get out of here.
She sighed and handed me the prescription.
“Alright, then. You should be up to date with your pills a week or so after you’ve started taking them again. In the meantime,” she pulled out a box of condoms from her drawer and plonked them on her desk, “help yourself.”