Chapter 70 #2
He pushed away from me and stalked up the stairs. I heard a door slam a moment later. I lay there in the dark, half-naked, his wasted essence cooling on my skin.
I awoke the next morning in his bed, unable to remember how I’d gotten there. After cleaning myself up, I’d fallen asleep on the sofa, unable to go upstairs and face another fight. I’d had too many questions and the consequences of their answers frightened me too much to ask them.
I sat up. Alfie was nowhere to be seen. On the chaise-lounge lay my clothes, freshly laundered.
I dressed and stepped into the bathroom.
I relieved myself, my stomach constricting when I realised that my period still wasn’t here and that I was going to have to wait three whole days before I could take that test. Hopefully Miss Monthly would show up before then.
I found Alfie at the dining table he’d fucked and abandoned me on the night before, a breakfast laid out and half an untouched grapefruit in front of him.
He was on the phone, deep in conversation about the Milan build.
I took up a seat and waited quietly, picking at a blueberry muffin.
My appetite had failed to reappear but my stomach roiled nonetheless.
Eventually he finished his phone call and turned his attention to me, though he didn’t speak.
“I hate grapefruit,” I said, eyeing the ugly fruit on his plate.
“It’s good for you,” he replied. I nodded, not bothering to point out that despite it being good for him he still wasn’t eating it.
A silence stretched out between us and I wondered which one of us would be the one to break it.
Alfie assessed me, diagnosing my mood. I swallowed, preparing to make the first move in a game I knew all too well I was going to lose.
“What happened last night, Alfie?”
“I was going to ask you the same thing. You rejected me.” My eyes flashed to him. Was that really how he was going to play this?
“It wasn’t safe.” How could he not understand that? Keira’s I told you so gaze flashed through my mind. No. What she had said wasn’t a possibility I could even consider.
“That isn’t the point. You rejected me, Lola.” That was true but I hadn’t meant to, I just…Shit, why was I so confused? I had logic and rationality on my side, so why did it feel like I was the one in the wrong? “You said you were mine. The night I came back to you, you said you were mine.”
“I am.”
“Then why don’t I feel it?” His gaze searched mine and my jaw snapped shut.
I didn’t know. He’d said he was mine too, but was he?
He’d barely let me in any further than he had then, his clutches were just tighter now.
His phone chirped—a shrill little bird that never gave us a moment’s peace.
His jaw clenched as he glanced at it. “I have to get to work.”
“We need to finish this,” I argued but he just waved a dismissive hand. The meeting was over.
“It’s done. I forgive you.”
“You forgive me?” I urged myself to stay calm but it wasn’t working. I was slipping and the more I slipped the more traction he gained.
“Yes. You’ve had a difficult few days, what with Keira and Adam.
I shouldn’t have tried to be intimate so soon after what he did to you.
” Is that what happened? That made sense.
It made more sense that last night had been about me panicking at being touched after what Adam had done.
It made more sense than the possibility that Alfie had been trying to?—
The old ghost of me interrupted my thoughts with a scream of protest. I winced inside. I was a conflicted mess and the only person that had answers was Alfie.
He stood, dismissing the issue. The sight of his impassive expression had my frustration bubbling over like lava until, finally, I snapped. I swept my unused breakfast things onto the floor with a yell, sending plates and pastries scattering onto the floor.
Alfie’s head snapped up, his sharp gaze flitting from the mess to me.
“Lola, what do you think?—”
“ Enough! ” I screamed, my voice hoarse.
I was losing it. “Just stop messing with me, Alfie.” My fists slammed down on the table with a resounding thud.
“What happened last night? It wasn’t about me panicking after Adam.
We already had sex yesterday morning and I handled it.
So, explain to me, what the hell were you doing?
I told you it wasn’t safe and you didn’t care.
I know that I let you, but Alfie, you pushed me.
What were you thinking?” Alfie flinched in surprise at my burst of strength, but he wasn’t more surprised than me. I stared him down. I needed an answer.
“I made an error in judgement.” That’s an understatement.
“Not good enough,” I said through gritted teeth. Adrenaline coursed through me, the air between us palpable.
“What do you think happened?” The ghost of me knew, the part of me that had heard Keira’s whispers, but I couldn’t face her. I couldn’t stand her truth. I mentally backed away from the edge that would surely tip me away from Alfie.
“I don’t know. I don’t know anything, Alfie.
I don’t know my own thoughts, my own words.
I need—” I need you to think for me. Was that true?
I squeezed my eyes shut and covered them, blocking him out.
As soon as he was out of sight it was easier to think, but my thoughts brought Keira’s words flying in on barbed wings.
I ran from them and opened my eyes, soaking him in again, letting him wash away my mind.
“Alfie, I need you to swear that you aren’t doing anything you shouldn’t be.” I tried to sound strong but it sounded like a plea instead. He squared his jaw and answered immediately.
“I swear it.” ‘ What would I be doing that I shouldn’t?’ That’s what he should have asked, the ghost of me whispered. I ignored her.
“Swear it on my body.”
“I swear it on your body, Lo.” Again, his answer was instant. I searched his face, trying to find a lie, but all I saw was his beauty blinding me.
I didn’t want this distance between us. It shook me to my very core when the cord between us was compromised. Knowing what I needed before I did, he opened his arms and of course I went to him. He buried his nose in my hair.
“I never mean to hurt you, Lola.”
“I know,” I sighed.
“Last night, I just wanted you so badly. After what Adam did to you, I needed to…” I tipped my head up to catch his gaze. He looked how I felt inside. “I needed to claim you. Can you understand that?”
I nodded and buried my face in his chest. I did understand that need, the need to claim ownership. I felt the same way about him when Angie was around, but I didn’t have the nerve to tell him that now. I didn’t want to fight anymore, I just wanted him.