Chapter 3
Three
B acon. The smell permeated my sleep-addled senses and for a moment I was a child again and my gran was making bacon sandwiches in the kitchen. Then the world came back to me and I remembered everything.
The broken bleeding heart had haunted my dreams, twisting them into demented nightmares.
The piece of shrapnel left behind from the explosion of our break up weighed heavy in my chest today.
It was always harder here, in this room, in this bed.
He’d touched this place, slept in this bed. He hung in the air.
I flung my arms over my eyes as I forced back the same tears that threatened me everyday. This was supposed to stop. It was supposed to get easier. It made me angry that I still hurt over a man I should be free of by now. I flung the covers off and got dressed.
I needed breakfast. The sound of laughter vibrated through the house as I crept down the stairs. I found my sister flipping bacon and Ryan laughing hysterically at something on his plate.
“What’s so funny?” I asked. Natalie screeched, her spatula flying in the air.
“Auntie Lo!” Ryan flew out of his seat, giving me all of two seconds to brace myself before he catapulted himself into my arms. “Why are you here?”
“I missed you, little monster.” I squeezed him tighter before putting him down. He was getting way too heavy.
“Did you bring a gift?” he asked, one sticky hand curling into mine.
“No, but we can walk down to the bakery later and you can pick out a treat, if that’s okay with Mum?” I looked up at my sister who was already back to flipping bacon. She gave a distracted ‘okay’ wave.
“K. Come look!” He dragged me over to his plate where he’d rearranged his bacon into a pig's face.
“Very macabre.”
“What’s macabre?” he asked, grabbing his kid-sized dictionary. I spelt it out for him and he quickly looked up the word and copied its meaning into a notebook. I went over to my sister.
“Hey, love.” She gave me a warm smile as we hugged. “Tell me everything.”
I spent the next twenty minutes eating breakfast with my family.
Natalie teared up as I told her about my project and I was delighted to hear that the school garden Bradley and I had built was still going strong.
She told me about the new classroom she’d been assigned to and Ryan told me he was entering a school competition for short stories but was furious he had been kicked off his football team. Again.
I’d just finished making us both a cup of tea when the doorbell rang. I ran to answer it and found Riley on the other side, looking like he hadn’t slept.
“Morning. I thought you might need a lift back to London.”
“I do, thanks.” I smiled as I stepped aside, inviting him in and leading him to the kitchen. “Riley, this is my sister, Natalie. Natalie, this is Riley Fitzpatrick. We worked on the project at Harrington House together. He’s here to drive me back so I don’t have to fuss with the train.”
Ryan had disappeared from the kitchen. Natalie turned, drying her hands on a dish towel. Her warm, brown gaze focused on Riley, then slowly grew round with shock. She froze as she stared at him. I looked from her to Riley in alarm and watched as recognition settled into his features too.
“Hi.” His voice caught and he cleared his throat. “I’m Riley.” He offered her his hand but she didn’t take it.
“Yeah.” My sister still hadn’t moved a muscle. She cleared her own throat. “Yes, I remember.”
My gaze flitted between the two of them again as they stared at each other. “Someone want to fill me in?” I said, snapping them out of their reverie. Riley gave me a sideways look before going right back to eyeing my sister.
“We’ve actually met before, at a party in Dublin. How long ago was it? Ten years?”
“Almost eleven,” she whispered. Now it was my turn to stare as realisation dawned on me. No. No way.
“Right. So…how have you been?”
“I—”
“Auntie Lo, I’m ready! How many weapons can I bring?” Ryan crashed into the kitchen and promptly dumped every ‘weapon’ he owned onto the floor. Since when did he own a mace? “Who are you?” he asked, pointing his club at Riley.
“I’m Riley Fitzpatrick, Duke of Dublin. And what is your name, young sir?”
“King Ryan of England. I’m ten. Double digits now!” He declared proudly. Riley knelt and looked Ryan in the eye.
“Is that so?” I watched Riley’s eyes widen as he gazed into a pair of blues that were a replica of his own. My stomach turned over. I turned to my sister who looked like she was about to either cry or pass out. I watched in awe as she smoothed her face into a smile before Ryan noticed.
“Ryan, go and put your shoes on please. Auntie Lo is taking you for your treat now.”
“Can I take my club?” He frowned, pointing it at her.
“Yes, just don't threaten anyone with it this time.” Ryan ran off to get his shoes and she fixed her gaze on me. “Can you keep him busy for a while please?”
“Of course, are you alr?—”
“Is he mine?” Riley cut in, his spine straight and stiff as he stared at my sister. I’d never seen him like this before. Easygoing Riley was gone. Natalie sighed and wrapped her arms around herself.
“I didn’t know how to find you. I tried…I’m sorry.” Her voice cracked, her eyes pleading with him to understand.
“Auntie Lo, come on!” Ryan stomped into the kitchen and grabbed my hand. Natalie wiped at a stray tear and turned away towards the window so Ryan wouldn’t see. I didn’t want to leave her like this.
“I’m fine, Lola,” she said over her shoulder, the tone in her voice telling me to get Ryan away from the drama. I did as she asked, my nerves jangling at the prospect of this latest bomb that had just hit my family.
I was killing two birds with one stone. That’s all it was. The two birds? I needed to keep Ryan occupied and I’d promised him a treat. The stone? A harmless visit to the cafe at Rosie’s.
Rosie still worked here of course and I couldn’t wait to see her again. Mark had left when his contract ended two years ago, I had no idea where he worked now. As for Bradley, I hadn’t had the stomach to keep track of him since I’d left. I had no idea what he was up to now.
My old cabin looked the same and a wave of nostalgia hit me. Before I could dwell too long, Ryan’s warrior cry split through the air as he charged for the cafe, his club raised high. I followed after him, offering an apologetic smile to the disturbed customers.
The cafe staff greeted me with warm smiles and hugs as well as a brownie for Ryan, a blueberry muffin for me, and a hot chocolate on the house. I picked at my muffin as Ryan spilled every detail of his plan for his pirate novel. I’d seen the storyboard in his room-it was pretty impressive.
I tried to listen, but my mind swam with a million other things.
Alfie. My new project. Natalie and Riley.
Jesus. Natalie and Riley ? I looked at Ryan as he talked, really looked at him.
The animation in his blue eyes as he talked about something he was so passionate about, the unconscious way he pushed his hair out of his eyes… yeah, I could definitely see it.
My poor sister, she must be losing it right now.
I tried not to let my concern show on my face as I looked at my nephew whose world was about to be turned upside down.
He was about to gain a father. I tried to fight the rising worry that I knew had way too much to do with my own daddy issues.
Riley was good and steady, he wasn’t going to up and abandon Ryan, and besides, whatever came their way, Natalie would handle it.
Nothing was getting to Ryan without her say so.
I put my swirling thoughts to the side and forced myself into this rare moment with my nephew who seemed to get bigger every time I saw him.
A while later, Ryan finished off the last of my hot chocolate and we said our goodbyes.
Out in the Autumn wind I knelt and zipped up his jacket when he suddenly yelled, “Puppy!” and wriggled out of my grip just as a chubby, blonde labrador puppy landed in his lap.
Ryan giggled as the animal squirmed. I looked up to find the owner when I heard a familiar voice.
“Lola!” Rosie glided to me, a whirl of bright patterned fabrics and chunky jewellery. I jumped up and fell into her warm embrace. She squeezed me tight before pulling away, her face beaming and tinged pink. “Darling, why didn’t you tell me you were coming? Is this little Ryan? No! He’s so tall!”
“Yes, this is my nephew. I’m sorry I didn’t call, my visit was a spur of the moment thing. I was going to come and find you after we ate but you got to me first! Who’s this?”
“Oh! This is my Violet!” She scooped up the puppy and squeezed her, kissing her face. “I’m afraid I lost my Daisy a few months ago.”
“Oh Rosie, I’m so sorry.” My heart twinged. Daisy had shared my lunch many times and had always been a shoulder to lean on when I needed it.
“Yes, so am I. She was such a good friend.” Tears brimmed in her eyes before she smiled them away. “I was feeling lonely so I went and picked this little angel up a week ago. Isn’t she perfect?”
“Please, can I hold her?” Ryan piped up, his hands outstretched, his club lying discarded at his feet.
“I’m not sure that’s a good?—”
“Oh, of course you can, dear!” Before I could protest, Rosie had placed the delicate Violet in Ryan’s unpredictable grasp.
I watched, prepared to rescue her should Ryan suddenly get distracted and drop her, but to my surprise, he held her carefully.
It was the steadiest I’d ever seen him and for once, I saw Natalie in him.
“Do you have much time?” Rosie asked.
“Some.” I had to keep Ryan busy for a while, but I also had to get back to London today. I figured I’d be catching the train, pretty sure that ride from Riley was off the table now.
“Wonderful. You can come help me like old times! And you can fill me in on everything as we work. Ryan can play with Violet.”
An hour later I hugged Rosie goodbye, on a promise to visit again soon. Ryan and I walked back through the maze of greenhouses, him full of everything Violet. He would definitely be asking his mum for a puppy when he got home.
On the way out we passed the boutique garden I’d designed, my old lunch spot. As we drew closer, a familiar ruddy blonde head came into view. He sat on the bench, gazing into the water lily fountain as he tucked into a sandwich.
Bradley .
My chest constricted and I paused. He looked just as ruggedly handsome as ever.
Before I could decide what to do, his deep gaze looked up but not at me. His trademark easy smile graced his face as a fair haired girl stepped into the garden. He stood and his arms went around her as she went up on tiptoe for a kiss. I swallowed, unsure what I was feeling.
I felt a tugging on my sleeve.
“Auntie Lo, I need the toilet.”
“Okay, come on.” I took his hand and led him off, grateful for the excuse to get away. I’d be lying if I said Bradley hadn’t weighed on my mind. I hadn’t treated him well, and fear of seeing him again was one of the reasons I’d kept my distance from Rosie’s over the last two years.
Ryan finished up his business in the bathroom and I followed behind as he raced by the garden, past the shop, and towards the car park, swinging his club around. He swung wide and was greeted by a “Whoa there!”
Bradley . Fuck.
He was grinning at Ryan who was uttering a rueful ‘sorry’ after whacking Bradley on the leg by accident. His grin dropped when he noticed me, but I pasted a smile on my face.
“Hi Bradley.”
“Lola…what are you doing here?” he asked, his expression stunned.
“Just visiting. This is my nephew, Ryan.” I smiled at the blonde woman clinging onto his hand, “Hi, I’m Lola, I used to work here.”
“Oh! I’ve heard a lot about you!” Her pretty face perked up in recognition. “I’m Anna, I’m…well, I’m your replacement I guess!”
I shot a nervous look at Bradley. “She works here now. She has your old job,” he supplied, stifling a laugh at the place my brain had just gone to.
“Oh.” I let out a shaky laugh. “That’s great.”
“So, how’ve you been? How’s college?” Bradley asked.
“Graduated top of my class.”
“Of course you did.”
“She has a new garden too.” Ryan pointed at me. Bradley raised a questioning brow.
“I’ve been given a project for The Chelsea Flower Show.”
His eyes grew wide. “Are you serious? Lola, that’s…”
“Insane? Yeah, I know.”
“That’s incredible. We’ll have to come when it’s open. I’d love to see your work on display.” The phone rang from inside the cabin and Anna excused herself, giving Bradley a chaste kiss and sending a warm smile my way. We watched her go.
“She seems nice. I’m happy for you, Bradley.”
“Yeah, she’s really great.” He turned back to me. Ryan was back to ignoring us and fighting an imaginary army. “How are you, Lola? Really?”
“I’m really good.”
“Alfie?”
“Over.”
“I figured. I’m sorry.”
“No, I am. For the way I treated you Bradley, it wasn’t fair. I’m so sorry.”
He gave me an easy shrug. “You were going through it. I always knew it wasn’t personal.” He smiled and I found myself wishing for the millionth time that I could have fallen in love with him.
“Can I ask you something?” I asked, knowing I was probably about to massively overstep my boundaries. But Bradley might be the best person to ask about this. He wasn’t Riley or Keira, he didn’t have a horse in this race. “Alfie and I…you hated it from day one. Why?”
“Because of the power he had over you. You missed the ribbon cutting and ducked out on meeting an influential person for him. That shit is unhealthy. Why do you ask?”
“He’s back in my life by proxy and I don’t know what to do.” Just then, a whole new wave of realisation hit me. I was going to be connected to him forever now. Through Riley. Through Ryan. Oh double fuck .
“Lola, I’m really not looking to get back on that crazy train…”
“You’re right, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked you.”
Bradley paused, sighing. “Look, you two had that mad, obsessive love people write songs about, but it was toxic. You’d be stupid to go back to that, but if you’re both coming at it from a healthier place that might be worth a conversation. For closure at least.”
“Even if it blows up in my face?” I asked and he shrugged.
“Can it hurt any worse than the first time?”
No. Nothing could.
“I’ve gotta get back to work. You take care Lo, okay? And I’m gonna see you at the Chelsea opening.”
“I’ll hold you to that.” He gave me a kiss on the cheek, warm and friendly, and turned to walk away. “Bradley,” I called after him. He turned. “I really like Anna.”
“Me too.” He grinned. “Think I’m gonna marry her.”
I followed behind Ryan as we walked out of Rosie’s, mulling over Bradley’s words, and I couldn’t help thinking that maybe Alfie and I had unfinished business. I guess perhaps, Riley had been right.