Chapter 11 #3
“Would it have made any difference? You call the police, your family uses their money and connections to protect him, he gets away with it, and you’re left standing there with a target on your back.”
“Yes, I know that’s true, but at least I would have tried.” He sighed and I could hear how difficult it was becoming for him to talk, the words trudging through years of guilt ridden sludge as they fought to be free.
“One night, he arrived at the clubhouse, Lina in tow, just as he had all those other times. I hadn’t been expecting him as he was supposed to be out of the country, so that night, I was already drunk, high along with everyone else.
I don’t remember much but I guess…I guess he just slipped through the cracks.
I don’t remember him arriving, though I’m sure someone told me.
Perhaps that someone presumed I’d take care of it and didn’t realise how wasted I was.
Perhaps my Tellers were too fucked up that night to notice.
Whatever the reason, the fact is, no one was watching him and he was left to his own devices. ” He paused, gritting his teeth.
I wished I could make this easier for him but this, this was why I had to hear it from his own lips and not read it in his journals. I needed to experience it with him. Whatever happened next I knew it would be bad and I didn’t want to experience that alone.
“Eventually, as the sun was coming up, the party eased down and I started to sober up. I was walking to my private room in the clubhouse. It was hidden and inconvenient to get to on the top floor. The place was quiet, everyone having either left or passed out, but as I got closer to my room, I could hear noises.” He paused again.
I gazed at his profile as he stared into the flames.
He didn’t look at me as he spoke, as if he couldn’t bear to see my face, too lost in his memories.
I knew he was reliving things he fought so hard to keep at bay.
I felt guilty for dragging his demons to the surface but as I recalled, all of this was his choice.
I watched him slip into his memories, and when he spoke again, his voice was eerily calm, as if he was resigned to the pain that would come with his next words.
“I thought it was people fucking at first but something didn’t feel right.
I followed the sound to one of the many rooms used for all manners of fuckery.
I cracked the door open and I saw my brother on top of Lina.
I’d seen them fuck before but this time was different.
There was blood on the floor, blood smeared on the table.
I tried to convince myself I was just high.
But then he had his hands on her throat and I knew I wasn’t.
He was whispering to her as he raped her, as he strangled her, telling her to die pretty.
‘Die pretty for me.’ I’ll never forget those words. ”
I didn’t want to hear this. I didn’t want to hear any of this, but I knew I couldn’t stop him.
“Her eyes found mine as he choked her. I’ve never seen anyone look like that before.
Like a lamb led for slaughter. She was so frightened, Lo.
” He cut himself off, biting back his words.
I stayed perfectly still, but inside I was roiling.
I didn’t want to hear what came next but I knew I didn’t have a choice. I had to know, and he had to tell me.
“I barely remember what I did next but I know I ran at him and threw him off her. Lina was gasping for air. She fell on the floor, naked, and that’s when I saw the marks on her back.
I thought he’d whipped her but later she told me he’d cut her.
Three long stripes down her back. Her face was bruised where he’d beaten her.
She was putting her dress back on, surprisingly calm, so I think she was in shock.
I think I was in shock too because I forgot about my brother.
I couldn’t stop staring at what he’d done to her.
My memories are so hazy. I remember talking to her, telling her to run and then a shooting pain in my ribs.
Charles kicked the wind out of me and I fell, trying to catch my breath, but he just kept kicking me.
I remember how quiet he was when he did it.
He didn’t yell or laugh. I could just hear him breathing and Lina making a strange, mewling sound.
Like she wanted to cry but was too scared to draw attention to herself. ”
I hated this. Hated the thought of Alfie being hurt. I gritted my teeth and swallowed back my tears, grateful that he was too focused on the flames to see how much I was struggling.
“He kicked me in the head and I think I passed out. It was just for a moment because when I came to, he was pushing Lina to the floor, trying to force himself on her again. I was right there and he didn’t even care.
She was crying, panicking, and something just…
snapped . I tackled him. We wrestled and I got some hits in but the fight was always going to go one way.
That was the difference between Charlie and I, I didn’t enjoy causing pain and he did.
He was always going to win. He had me on the floor again.
He was on top of me, grinning and then suddenly, he wasn’t. ”
His eyes glazed over, flames flickering in those steel greys as memories danced across his mind's eye.
“I remember the crunch, the sound of skull splitting open, and him landing next to me. I remember Lina standing over him with a bloody statue of Hedone in her hands, her eyes round in shock.” His words came quicker now, tripping over themselves, desperate to get out, like hostages held captive for years and finally freed.
“He was still alive, moving, talking but his words were so slurred I couldn’t understand him.
He just lay there, looking at me with those shark eyes.
I’d like to tell you that I panicked, but I didn’t.
Maybe it was the drugs, maybe it was Lina, maybe it was just the look on his face, but for the first time in my life, I wasn’t scared of him.
Quite calmly, I dragged him out onto the balcony.
It was like I was in a trance, or maybe it was the shock… ” He swallowed, his throat bobbing.
“What, Alfie? What did you do?” I asked, though deep down, I already knew the answer.
“I threw him over,” he whispered, so quiet, as if the ghosts might hear him. “I threw him over the balcony. I remember the sound of him hitting the concrete and then things got quiet. Up here.” He touched a finger to his temple. “It got really, really quiet.”