Chapter 30
Thirty
Y ou can do this. She’s your best friend. This is nothing you can’t fix.
That’s what I’d been telling myself for the last ten minutes as I tried to work up the courage to straighten things out with Keira.
Last night, I’d screwed up in a major way.
My intentions had been good but my actions not so much.
I’d let her down and like Alfie, she had walls and didn’t forgive easily.
I’d broken her trust and the fear that she might not let me earn it back had me hesitating outside her bedroom door.
I didn’t want to see that disappointed, angry look in her eyes again.
But we’d gotten through worse. I’d fix this too and it started with coffee.
With the warm mug in my hand, I took a deep breath and knocked on Keira’s door.
Silence.
I turned the handle and peeked around the door. Keira shifted in her bed, eyes ringed by mascara as she blinked awake.
“Lo?”
“Yeah, I brought coffee.” I hovered in the doorway, holding the mug out to her.
“Thanks.” A hand slid out from under her duvet and she patted her bedside table. I stepped over her clothing-ridden floor and moved a lighter, gum and three old coffee cups out of the way to make room for the fresh one.
I straightened, hands twisting. I wasn’t sure what to do next. She peered up at me, still half-asleep. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m just…Keira, I’m really sorry about last night.”
She sighed and lifted up the covers. “Get in here.” She shuffled back in her bed and I squeezed in beside her.
“You’re naked.”
“I’ve got knickers on.”
We settled in next to each other, her hand slipping into mine as we shared her pillow. We lay there in silence for a while, staring up at the ceiling. I had to be at work in a while but I had time. Right now, I needed to be here.
I was desperate to pepper her with questions but Alfie had told me to let her come to me, so that’s what I was going to do.
“Lo?” Her voice was soft, sleepy.
“Yeah?” I answered.
“I’m really angry with you.” There it was, out in the open. I breathed a sigh of relief. If Keira was done with me, she would pretend everything was fine and shut me out.
“That’s fair.”
“I’m going to be angry for a while.”
I squeezed her hand, relaxing as I felt our friendship slot back into place. “That’s fair too.”
“And I don’t wanna talk about it.”
I turned my head, trying to catch her eye but she avoided my gaze. “About the thing with Damien?” I asked and she nodded. “Okay. I won’t ask again.”
She looked back at me then, brows raised. “That’s it?”
“Alfie told me to give you space.”
She narrowed her eyes.“Really?”
“Yeah, he was...um, not happy about last night. Said I violated your right to privacy.”
“Wow,” she muttered, turning to resume staring at the ceiling, “never thought I’d agree with Moneybags.”
I wondered if there was the slightest chance that she was coming around to hating Alfie a little less than she had before.
I squeezed her hand, her thumb rubbing gentle circles over the back of mine.
We’d laid like this a thousand times growing up, Keira called it our straightening out time.
When things were hard, we just snuggled up together and were quiet, sorting out our own thoughts in silent support until we were ready to face the world again.
We’d done it when my dad left, when my mum died and later my gran.
We’d done it when Adam had turned my life upside down and again when I discovered I had a sister.
We’d done it when Alfie had torn my heart to pieces.
Except, this calm quiet had come later, those early months had been Keira holding me as I sobbed and cursed and screamed through nightmares, as I threw up nothing but pain and sorrow.
Afterwards, things were never really fixed, that wasn’t the purpose of straightening out, we just felt stronger after. I had her and she had me and whatever it is we would figure it out.
The problem was that even after all the trouble I’d caused last night, I was still no wiser about what was wrong with my best friend.
“Keira, I’m not gonna push you to talk about whatever is going on with you, but do I need to be worried?”
“No. I haven’t been assaulted if that’s what you mean. I’m just...working through some shit.”
“Maybe you should get out of London for a while like you said last night. Give yourself some headspace.”
She nodded, humming in agreement. “I have a break coming up. My show just ended and I don’t have another one for a few weeks. Can you come with me?”
I had work but Imani didn’t need me. At this point, that job was almost entirely for show. Imani would be fine without me for a few days, she probably wouldn’t even know I was gone.
“Of course. Where do you want to go?”
“Greece.”
I turned to look at her again, surprised. “To your parents' place?”
“Yeah,” she lifted one shoulder in a tired half-shrug, “unless you wanna pay for a hotel room?”
I didn’t. Keira had savings but spending it on a hotel when we could stay with her parents for free made no sense. “Book the flights.”
“Thanks, Lo.”
“You’re welcome.” I stretched, forcing myself from the warm comfort of her bed. “I’ve gotta get to work.”
“K.” She sat up and grabbed her coffee as I headed for the door. “Hey, Lo?” I paused, turning in the doorway. There was a rare hesitant look in Keira’s eye. “What did Damien say last night?”
I raised my brows. She was asking about Damien? Keira didn’t ask about men ever. She’d never once cared what they thought. I smoothed my face into an indifferent mask, determined not to spook her by making a big deal out of her show of vulnerability. “He said that you didn’t seem tough.”
She scowled, staring into her coffee. “Bastard.”
My day passed quickly and luckily, Imani didn’t mind my taking a few days off for an impromptu holiday. I don’t know how I got so lucky, but I didn’t deserve her as a mentor.
As I worked at my desk, I kept one eye on my phone, waiting for it to ping with a text or call from Alfie. But it didn’t. He was sticking to the rules, even after the intensity of last night.
When I got home Keira was at her work station, hunched over her sewing machine and swearing at a swathe of red satin. “Work with me, you son of a bitch.”
“Rough day?” I laughed.
She groaned and waved a hand at me. “There’s leftovers in the oven. Maia cooked.”
I grabbed a plate of lasagne and sat myself on the couch, tucking in. Maia’s lasagne was incredible. She really was the perfect roommate. Tidy, quiet and an awesome cook.
“By the way, she’s coming with us.”
“Huh?” I mumbled around a mouthful of food.
“Maia?” Keira said, looking up, “to Greece? I was booking flights and she sort of invited herself.”
“Alright,” I shrugged, “that’s fine with me. Will your parents mind?”
“I doubt they’ll notice.” She turned back to her project, a faint line between her brows. “She’s practically invisible.”
“Yeah and your parents are the most oblivious people I’ve ever met.”
She let out a short, humourless laugh. “That too.”
“So when are we flying out?” I asked, popping another forkful of lasagne into my mouth.
“Thursday morning, flying back Sunday.”
“Awesome. Guess I need to rustle up my bikini.”
“Guess you need to pray that Moneybags doesn’t show up and ruin your holiday,” she muttered.
“That too.”
I couldn’t say she was wrong, interrupting my holiday was right up Alfie’s alley.
Old Alfie anyway, I had no idea what new Alfie would do but I’d fall off my chair if he actually agreed to my going without putting up a fight.
Not that I had to tell him. I could just go, I was holding the reins now after all.
Did I want to tell him? Yeah I did. It was the healthy thing to do and that’s what we did now. The healthy thing.
I didn’t waste time and called Alfie straight after dinner. As always, he answered immediately.
“Lola,” he released a breath, as if he’d been holding it all day, “how are you?”
“I’m fine, you?”
“Missing you but apart from that I’m good.”
I smiled a small smile, butterflies fluttering in my stomach. I felt like a silly schoolgirl with her first crush, something I hadn’t felt the first time around. Old Alfie had felt too dangerous for butterflies. “Did everything go okay at the club last night?”
“Yes, all straightened out. Spankings have been administered, security measures won’t be broken again.”
“Wait, like actual spankings or…?”
“It’s club policy,” Alfie laughed, leaving me to wonder whether he was joking or not. “Did you fix things with Keira?”
“Yeah, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about actually,” I paused, taking a breath. “I think Keira needs a break from…well, everything. We’re heading to Greece for a few days.”
“To visit her parents?”
“I…how did you know that?” I stammered, surprised.
“You told me her parents lived there once.”
“Oh. I’m surprised you remembered. It’s been a while.”
“I pay attention to details. You know this. So, when are you flying out?”
“Thursday, flying back on Sunday.” I blurted the words out, my stomach jangling with anxiety as I waited for the manipulation to kick in. Would he try to convince me not to go? Or invite himself on the trip? I didn’t know, but Alfie Tell had yet to make my life easy.
“Alright,” he said, his tone too casual, “have fun.”
I blinked. What had just happened? “That’s it?”
“Wear sunscreen?” he joked but I was too shocked to laugh.
“So, you’re just okay with this?”
“No,” he said, his tone stiff, “I am not in any way okay with you going to another country without me but I’m trying not to be a control freak.”
This was breaking all kinds of boundaries for Alfie, pushing him way out of his comfort zone, but he wasn’t fighting me.
For so long when we were together, my independence was what I always wanted.
Now that he was giving it to me, I felt uneasy, like he was about to snatch it away any second and laugh in my face with a ‘haha! Gotcha!’ .
I swallowed my insecurities and tried to put some faith in him. He was trying to be good, that’s all this was. Not a plan, just him trying to be decent.
“I’ll text you when I land, okay?”
“Okay, and I wasn’t joking about the sunscreen. If you do have to be half-naked on a beach, you should at least avoid sunburn.”
“For what it’s worth, her parents have a private beach.” I’d been there once before, it was a beautiful place. They rented their guest house out to tourists who had the luxury of a sea front view and a small private beach with nothing but blue skies and seas as far as the eye could see.
“I know,” he said, his tone wary, as if he was the one waiting for the blow up now.
“Do I want to know how you know that?” I asked, knowing I definitely hadn’t told him that before.
“I had Elliot look into it the first time we were together. Just in case.”
“In case of what?”
“In case you decided to leave me. I wanted to know where you might go so I could track you down.”
My stomach turned. Everytime I began to relax into new Alfie, something came up that reminded me how crazy old Alfie had been. “That’s insane.”
“I know and it’s old behaviour. I’m done with that now.” He took a breath. “I won’t interfere, I promise. Go, have fun, unwind with Keira. I’ll see you when you get back.”
I bit my lip. A part of me wanted to chew him out for crossing boundaries like that, but he was right, it was old behaviour and I couldn’t punish him for it forever. I had to start learning to let this go. “Thank you. I’ll wear sunscreen.”
“You’d better, or Damien and Kal won’t be the only ones getting spanked.”
I burst out laughing, Alfie’s warm chuckle was music to my ears.
These gentle flirtations were a sweet innocence we’d never gotten to experience the first time around.
It dawned on me that Alfie, at thirty six, was only experiencing them now for the first time.
My heart swelled for him. “Goodnight, Alfie.”
“Goodnight, Lo.”