Chapter 34 #2
I took a deep breath, pushing my insecurities away. Alfie was pulling out all the stops today and I was determined to have fun with him. No more worrying. “Yeah, I’m ready. What’s the surprise?”
“Do you promise not to laugh?”
“No,” I answered honestly.
There was a slight pause. “Okay, fine. Do you at least promise never to tell any of my Tellers about this?”
“No,” I repeated, biting back a laugh. “Get out here.”
He opened the door and my jaw dropped. His body was as beautiful as I’d remembered, my skin growing flush at the sight of it but my gaze was drawn lower, to the bright Hawaiian print shorts he was wearing.
Alfie…
“Do you remember the joke you made about these? I wasn’t sure you’d remember…” he trailed off.
I remembered. We’d been in his suite the morning after our first night together, I’d watched him dress in his suit with militant precision and joked about seeing him in Hawaiian shorts. It was just a joke, an off hand comment…and he’d remembered it.
I stared at those ugly shorts, tears filling my eyes.
“Jesus, Lo don’t cry! They aren’t that bad, are they?”
“Yeah, they’re blinding me, my eyes are watering.” I laughed, wiping a tear from my cheek. I pushed up onto my knees until I was eye level with him. I tugged the hem of his shorts, bringing him closer. “You’re so fucking beautiful to me, Alfie Tell.”
I wrapped my arms around his neck and let his gaze ground me, feeling the warm peace that came with him wiping my anxieties away.
It had been this way before, I could always get lost in him, just one look and the world slipped away, but now, it was healthy.
He erased the bad and left me with the good. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome, baby.” He pressed his forehead to mine for just a moment, our lips a breath away from touching. It was Alfie that pulled away first, taking my hand he led me out of the room.
We headed down to the lower deck, making for the stern of the ship.
“Where are we going?”
“You’ll see.” He opened a door and suddenly, we were out in the open. Elliot was below us at the bottom of the stairs, operating a control panel that seemed to be lowering a platform into the water. On the platform were a pair of jet skis.
“Alfie?” I looked up at him to find him grinning, eyes shining with excitement.
“We’re going jet skiing, baby.”
“Seriously?” Excitement mixed with a tinge of fear crept over my skin. Before he could answer, a snort of laughter greeted my ears. I looked down to see Elliot staring up at Alfie in shock.
Alfie scowled at him. “Don’t say a word.”
“What the hell are you wearing, boy?” Elliot spluttered.
“Don’t judge me. You’d dress up as a teletubby if Ada asked you to.”
I snorted a laugh, enjoying the mental image Alfie had just painted.
“Are we good to go?” he asked as we descended the steps.
“We’re good.” Elliot nodded and handed Alfie two life jackets. Alfie turned to me, slipping the jacket over my head and fastening it.
“Are you good, O’Connell?”
“Excited,” I told him and he shared my smile as he slipped his own life jacket on.
“Get on,” Alfie ordered. I climbed on, giving him enough room to sit in front of me. I gasped as he grabbed me from behind, lifting me forward so he could sit at the back. “You’re driving, baby.”
I looked up at him over my shoulder. “Are you kidding? I’ll kill us!”
“No, you won’t.” He took my hand, fastening a lanyard around my wrist. On the other end was a key which he put in the ignition. His hands settled on my hips, doing nothing to calm my nerves.
“Alfie, you hate my driving.” My hands were shaking as I stared at the alien equipment in front of me. I didn’t have a clue what I was doing.
“True. But at least we have a soft landing. Also, there’s less shit to crash into out here.”
“There’s a million dollar boat,” I muttered, not at all comforted.
“A two hundred million dollar yacht actually. You can crash into it if you want.”
“Now, you’re just showing off.”
“And you’re stalling. Here.” He took my hands, placing them on the handles. “When you’re ready, turn the key in the ignition, then go easy on the throttle to get us moving. When we’re far enough away from the yacht, you can pick up some speed then just steer her where you want to go. Simple.”
I paused, my hands flexing. I didn’t want to move in case I broke something.
“I’m scared,” I whispered. I hated to admit it but it was true. I hated to be vulnerable in front of the man that had done me so much damage, but the walls were making me so damned tired.
I felt his lips press behind my ear, his breath warm on my neck. “You’re the bravest person I know. You can drive a fucking jet ski. Besides, if you fuck it up, at least we’ll die together.” I felt his smile and mirrored it with my own.
“That’s oddly comforting.” I took a deep breath and turned the key in the ignition.
I did fuck it up. Twice. But when I got the hang of it, fuck was it exhilarating.
We raced across the water, the sun beating down on us, our laughter on the wind. After a while, Alfie yelled at me to head back to the boat. He jumped onto his own jet ski and with a boyish grin, he revved the engine. “Keep up, baby.”
We swerved and swirled around each other. I lost track of time. Alfie laughed, whooping as I caught up to him, cheering me on. Alfie was free and I was happy. Blissfully, painfully happy.
Eventually, Alfie motioned for us to head back to the yacht. It took me a few tries to get my jet ski back into the garage but with some surprisingly patient coaching from Alfie, I managed it.
He hopped off his first and took my hand to help me off mine. Back on the platform my legs immediately caved in on me. Alfie wrapped an arm around me, holding me up.
“It’s the adrenaline, it’ll wear off.” My legs felt like jelly and I allowed myself to lean into him. Elliot was back at the control panel, draining the ocean water from the garage and closing the door.
“I could get used to that,” I laughed, “can we do it again later?”
Alfie beamed, the pride clear on his face that I’d enjoyed a part of his world. “Tomorrow, if you want to.” Tomorrow. That would mean staying the night. “Come on, I’m starving.”
I followed him back to my cabin and he left me to shower while he returned to his own to clean up.
Before I jumped in the shower, I decided to call Keira, a call which lasted all of a minute because my best friend was half-asleep, passed out from an all night and all morning sex-a-thon. She stayed awake long enough to reassure me she was okay before falling back to sleep.
Maia was next on my list. She answered the phone immediately, I couldn’t tell if she was still with Eli or not but she assured me she was fine too.
With a twinge of worry for Keira gnawing at me, I headed for the shower. Once my skin was silky smooth and the salt was washed out of my hair, I slipped back into the dress he’d picked out for me this morning.
I found him on the sun deck, sitting at the table in blue shorts and a t-shirt, his gaze unreadable behind his Ray Bans. I stared at him. Aside from gym gear and those ridiculous Hawaiian shorts, I’d never once seen Alfie out of a suit.
My chest ached at the sight, he had grown so much and the hope that he might finally be the man I’d wanted years ago didn’t burn like it used to, it was more settled now. As if I was almost ready to hope, ready to dream.
I lifted the glasses off his face to see those eyes I adored so much.
“I like you dressed like this,” I said as I sat beside him. This splash of life, of colour, was huge progress. This calm, relaxed man in front of me bore no resemblance to the cold, stiff soul I’d known two and a half years ago. “And I like being here with you, I could get used to yacht life.”
“I knew you’d like it.” He threw an arm over the back of the couch and I settled in next to him. The sun was beginning to set behind us, and everywhere in my body I felt peaceful. “I hope you’re hungry, dinner will be ready soon.”
“Starved.”
“Great, we’re having steak. I can take you back to Keira’s after we eat if you’d like.”
Did I want that? A tiny part of me did, the last remaining part that didn’t trust Alfie. The rest of me knew where it belonged.
“I’d like to stay.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, I like it out here.” I leaned into him, resting my head on his shoulder.
“What about Keira?”
“I called her already, she’s fine. Maia too.” That wasn’t strictly true, my best friend wasn’t fine but she didn’t need me tonight. I had a feeling that she was being more understanding about my relationship with Alfie because of her own situation with Damien.
“If you’re sure…”
“I’m sure. Would you actually have taken me back if I’d asked?”
“Of course.” He looked down, meeting my questioning gaze. “I’m not lying.”
“I know and I’m wondering why.”
“I don’t need to.” He gave a relaxed sigh, gazing out at the endless ocean. “I figured it out, Lo.”
“What?”
“This. How to be with you. Just…be with you. I feel like I’m flying.
” His gaze returned to me, warm and happy.
“It’s not like before. Back then, it was like being stuck in quicksand and you were my lifeline but in trying to save myself I was dragging you down with me.
Killing you. But now, I’m out of the quicksand.
I get to live, in the light, with you. And it’s easy, it’s so fucking easy.
I don't need to lie, or manipulate, or play games. I don’t even need to fuck you. I’m just calm.”
I felt a sheen of tears gather over my eyes. “Alfie…”
Our gazes locked, mine dipping to his mouth for just a moment. My mouth watered with need for him and the way his grip tightened on my waist told me he was feeling it too. But he didn’t make a move, he let me decide when I was ready.
Slowly, I reached up a hand, cupping his handsome face. The face I’d taken the time to memorise once in my own bed.
We were disturbed by a rattling of plates and the sound of footsteps. A moment later, we were greeted by two waiters and a stunning steak dinner.
I stifled a laugh but a look at the tick in Alfie’s jaw told me he most definitely wasn’t amused. For all of his change, a piece of the old Alfie was still in there and I wouldn’t have him any other way.
Alfie and I ate and drank until we couldn’t move. Finally, we sprawled out on sun cushions as large as a king size bed. He pulled a plush blanket over us as the cool night set in and the stars shone overhead.
Sometimes we lay in warm silence, other times we talked about silly things that would mean nothing to an onlooker but filled in so many important gaps for us.
We were staring up at the sky, my hands safely cocooned in his when he gave me a gentle squeeze. “It’s late.”
“Ten more minutes,” I whispered. I didn’t want to move, didn’t want to break the perfect bubble around us.
“Come on, Lo. If we stay, you’ll fall asleep here.”
“I don’t see the problem.”
“Problem is that I will have to either leave you out here which isn’t going to happen, carry you to bed which bends the rules too much or spend the night here with you which bends the rules all the way.
I’m not letting you spiral over that in the morning.
” He kicked the blanket off us and I let him pull me to my feet with a groan.
His hand in mine, he led me back to my cabin. I sat on the bed, exhausted, and he bent and pressed a kiss to my cheek. “I’ll see you in the morning, Lo.”
I gave him a dreamy smile as he headed for the door.
“Can you stay?” The words spilled out of my mouth without thought but as they hung in the air, I realised I didn’t regret them.
I wanted Alfie in my bed tonight and I wasn’t afraid.
His eyes widened, hope deep there. “I don’t mean…
I’m not ready to do that , but can you just stay?
With me?” My heart hammered in my chest as he approached the bed. He tilted my chin, scrutinising me.
“Are you sure?”
I nodded, suddenly I’d never been more sure of anything. “Yes.” I breathed, my pulse racing as he lifted his shirt over his head, “Alfie…”
“I’ll leave the shorts on.” He gave me a reassuring smile. He knew without words that tonight, I wasn’t quite ready for naked Alfie.
He handed me his shirt, gesturing for me to change out of my dress.
Dutifully, he turned around while I slipped the dress off and wriggled into his shirt.
He turned to find me with my nose in the collar, breathing him in.
He ran his gaze over me, coming to rest on my exposed thighs.
His jaw clenched but he didn’t move to touch me.
“Are you sure about this?” I asked.
“Terrified.” His jaw clenched again and I realised it wasn’t just desire he was feeling. Alfie had always been the most afraid of the simplest things and had needed me to guide him through those parts of a relationship that would come so naturally to anyone else.
“Don’t be. I’m not. Get the lights?”
I wriggled back in the bed, sliding under the covers as he switched out the lights.
I watched him, waiting for the panic to set in but it didn’t. All I felt was rightness mixed with the butterflies and flushed skin as he slid in beside me. “How do you want me?”
“Can you just hold me? Just while I sleep?”
His eyes softened, warming. He relaxed into the pillows and opened his arms for me. My body wrapped around his, our legs intertwined in a way that had my core aching with a need that would be satisfied another night.
My head came to rest on his chest, the heavy thud of his heart unmistakeable.
Once, so long ago, I’d pressed my ear to his chest finding his heart beat racing but when I’d looked up, all I’d seen was a stony exterior.
Now, I looked up and instead of the mask, I found his eyes filled with hope.
Pulling me closer, he pressed his forehead to mine, nuzzling me.
We were silent in our coming together, our acceptance of the past, the relief of letting it go. He was different and so was I, we wouldn’t hurt each other again, not like that, not anymore.
Just like we’d never been apart, our bodies, our souls fit perfectly together and for the first time in two and a half years, I slept soundly.
I was home.