Chapter 40
Forty
P riya’s gaze was warm, her body unnervingly still as she observed us. Her sharp eyes didn’t miss our closeness on the couch, my hands relaxing in my lap instead of clenched at my sides as they had been the last time we were here.
She’d contacted Alfie on our way back from the airport requesting a session with both of us. I was exhausted and Alfie didn’t seem like he wanted to come either, but the last few days had brought about a huge change for us. It made sense to sift through it while it was still fresh.
“Lola, how did you feel when Alfie surprised you in Greece?”
I’d known that was going to be her first question and I had my answer ready to go. “Angry at first but then he reassured me that he was still going to follow the same rules we had in London and I felt better.”
“Why?”
“He gave me a choice.” I shrugged, it was a simple explanation.
“I see.” She nodded, taking a few notes. “When Alfie gave you a choice to see him rather than insisting that you do, what did that behaviour communicate to you?”
“That he respects my boundaries now.” I glanced up at the man that had been silently staring into the fireplace for the last five minutes. “That he’s secure enough in us and himself to let me make my own choices.”
Priya nodded again, her gaze flicking between the two of us. “Lola, during our last session there was a great deal of tension between you and Alfie. You seemed very uncomfortable to be around him. I wonder how you are feeling when you’re in his presence now?”
I took a moment to think, to find the right word to describe how I felt now compared to how I felt then. “Calmer. I trust myself more, I trust him more. That intensity between us is still there but it feels stronger now, better founded.”
She nodded, her eyes warm but her smile didn’t quite reach them. “That’s good, it’s really good. Alfie.” She turned to the mercurial billionaire at my side. “There seems to be something on your mind, would you care to share it?”
“No.”
I winced at his tone but Priya didn’t flinch. “It’s work,” I said. “He’s neglected his company recently to spend time with me and he’s paying for it now.”
Priya gave me a brief smile before returning her shrewd gaze to Alfie. “I see.” She studied him for a moment longer before moving on, “Alfie, your task was to work on moving yourself away from Lola, how have you been dealing with that?”
“I spent some time with my friends in Greece,” he replied, sounding as if he was on autopilot. “I haven’t done that in a long time.”
“That’s good, anything else?”
He paused. “I’ve almost finished a new build in Dubai.”
I blinked in surprise. That seemed like huge news to me yet he hadn’t mentioned it. It was beginning to dawn on me that there was still a whole layer of Alfie’s life I had nothing to do with. Priya held her gaze on him, not saying a word.
“I don’t think that's what she had in mind,” I muttered.
“She’s right. I wanted you to build on something for yourself, outside of work, outside of Lola, just for you.”
“Like what?” If Priya noticed the edge in his voice she didn’t mention it.
“That’s up to you. Explore your interests.”
I snorted and she eyed me. I shook my head, not wanting to get into what I thought of Alfie’s interests.
“She’s thinking about the club,” Alfie supplied. “I built that because it interested me.”
“Does it still?”
“The lifestyle of the club, no. That style of sex, yes.” He shook his head. “I don’t have other interests, other hobbies. I just think about Lola, I just want to be with her.”
“You’re supposed to be doing something for you, Alfie.” I kept my tone soft, hoping he wouldn’t feel ganged up on.
“You are for me,” he snapped, not seeming at all happy about it. “What do I want outside of work and you? I want a family and I want to be a good man, that’s it.”
“Lola, have you and Alfie ever discussed having a family before?”
“Not explicitly.” Us breaking up because he stole my birth control didn’t count.
“Do you think Alfie would be a good father?” That was a huge question and Alfie’s piercing gaze had me all too aware that my answer had the power to do him great good or great damage.
“In theory, yes. If he continues to work on himself. I’ve never been interested in being a mother though,” I admitted. That was a fact I’d known about myself for as long as I could remember.
“Children aren’t a dealbreaker. I’d rather have you.”
“And that family you just mentioned?” I asked, fearing his answer as much as he’d feared mine.
“Family is subjective.” He waved a dismissive hand. “My mother, father and siblings were never family. You’re my family, Elliot and Ada are family.”
I searched his face, trying to find the lie, but all I found was truth. Alfie was thirty six years old, old enough to know how important children were to him.
“Perhaps that's a subject for another time. Alfie, let's circle back to helping you reach your goal of a life outside of Lola.”
I breathed a sigh of relief. Alfie and I had enough on our plates without adding hypothetical children into the mix.
“I have a life outside of Lola, I have my company.”
“Which you hate,” I muttered, unable to help myself.
“What would you have me do, Lo? I don’t care about hobbies. I already know how to sail and ski. I box, I work out. Unless you want me to take up embroidery, I’m not sure what else I can do.”
Priya studied him, her expression unreadable. I bit my lip, wondering how well he was going to take what I was about to suggest.
“I think you should do something important. Put your resources to good use.”
Alfie’s brows knitted together in confusion. “For who?”
“For whoever or whatever is important to you.”
“You want me to start a foundation?” He said the word like it was dirty. I’d never met his father but every now and then I swear I could hear him speaking through Alfie.
“Why not? You have so much money, use it. You’re the smartest man I know, you built a multi-million dollar brand by the time you were twenty one that is still going strong today.
You took your fathers hotel chain at twenty three and grew it by billions.
You want to be a good man? Good men do good things. ”
I watched him study me, watched the cogs turn over in his busy mind. He hadn’t shut me down straightaway which was more than I was expecting. “Why does this matter so much to you?”
“Because the alternative is embroidery and I can’t guarantee I’ll want to fuck you anymore if you take up needlepoint.”
For the first time Priya cracked a smile and even Alfie’s icy expression was threatening to break. “I’ll think about it.”
We finished up the session with an agreement to continue with the status quo for a while. By the time we got back to the car, Alfie’s reserved mood had returned. Elliot gave us his usual silent nod and then raised the partition so we could have privacy while we drove.
I let Alfie sit in his thoughts for a few minutes before I jumped in.
“So, Dubai huh?”
“Yes, what of it?” His gaze was fixed on his phone, the glare from the screen lighting up his face, casting shadows across the planes of his high cheekbones.
“You know you can talk to me about work, right? Just because I hate your fathers company doesn’t mean I’m not interested in what you do.”
Alfie let out a small sigh, finally tearing his gaze away from his phone.
“I know but I prefer to keep you separate. When I’m with you, I just want to be with you.
” I understood but it didn’t stop me from feeling like I’d just had a door slammed in my face.
“But I should tell you I’m leaving for Dubai in a week, I expect to be there for three or four days. ”
“Can I come?”
His eyes widened and for once, I got to relish in rendering Alfie Tell speechless. Once upon a time, the idea of inviting myself on a trip with Alfie was out of the question. Now, it felt natural. “Why would you want to?”
“Because it’s Dubai. Besides, the Miracle Garden is there, I’ve always wanted to see it.
I can tell Imani it’s a research trip.” I was certain she would go for that.
My plans for my project were not going well.
A visit to the biggest floral garden in the world might be just the inspiration I needed. “So, can I?”
“Of course.” The words didn’t meet his eyes. A cloudy storm was brewing in his mind and it was driving me to insanity that he wouldn’t tell me what was causing it. But we were both exhausted and I’d pushed enough for one night, so I decided to let it go.
Leaning back, I gazed out of my window, blinking in surprise when I noticed the direction we were heading in. “You’re taking me home?”
“Yes, I thought you’d be tired.”
“I am, but I thought you might want to spend the night together.” Two and a half years ago, Alfie had to be persuaded to be apart from me for a night. Now, to voluntarily send me home when we had only just gotten back together had my alarm bells ringing.
“I have work to do.”
No, that wasn’t going to fly. Exhaustion be damned, I couldn’t go to bed tonight with this spinning in my head. “Alfie, what’s going on?”
I studied his profile, the tick in his jaw, the furrow in his brow, all signs pointed to him trying to decide whether to tell me the truth, lie or placate. I sat in silence, waiting to find out which one I was going to have to deal with.
“I’m just distracted.”
Great. Placation it is.
“Distracted? You haven’t been right since I said I was ready for us to be together, are you not ready?”
“More than you know. I just have an issue I’m trying to resolve.”
I sighed, my frustration falling through. “What kind of issue? Is it your family?”
“No.”
“Work then?”
“No.”
I swallowed, not wanting to ask my next question but knowing I had to. “Is it us?”
The silence that followed threatened to swallow us both. The streetlights passed in fast flashes as we sped through London, twisting Alfie’s dark expression into something more haunting. My stomach turned over and I tried to stay calm.
“Why do I feel like you’re going to hurt me again?”
He stared at me, looking so deeply conflicted. “I won’t. I’m not going to.” He reached up and brushed a thumb over my cheek. It soothed me, but only a little.
“Promise?”
He flinched, as if my question had hurt him. I turned and pressed a kiss to his palm and he softened. “I promise. No more hurt.”