Chapter 8
Eight
The next night, I gazed at myself in the mirror, finding it hard to believe that was really me in the reflection.
The dress was beautiful. Of course it was.
Alfie had never bought a single thing for me that wasn't. It was made of fine silk and a deep emerald green that complimented my hair, which was unruly as usual. I didn’t know what to do with it.
My stomach jangled with nerves.
The Never Tell Club was an exciting but overwhelming place and tonight Alfie was going to do things to me I’d never done before.
I ran my sweaty palms under cold water and dried them off.
Get it together, Lola.
I returned to my walk-in wardrobe where I’d found my dress hanging up for me. I’d spent some time today unpacking my things, my clothes looked out of place in the plush cream and pink of the dressing room.
I stared at myself in the mirror, turning this way and that.
I was trying to instil a bit of confidence in myself but it wasn’t working.
No matter which way I looked at myself, I was still a girl who didn’t fit into the society I was stepping into.
My old, ripped jeans sat on a shelf, laughing at me in my Versace dress.
My hands returned to my hair, desperately trying to turn it into an elegant style. Keira would know how to do it.
“Leave your hair alone.”
I jumped at the sound of Alfie’s voice. He leaned against the door frame, watching.
“I don’t know if you know this but your club is pretty fancy. I don’t want to show up looking like I’ve been dragged through a hedge.”
“If I wanted fancy I’d be marrying a different woman. Leave your hair down, I’ll be braiding it later anyway.”
I swallowed, my breath catching. I remembered Kal braiding my hair with rope the night I’d let him tie me up. He’d barely touched me and yet it had been a singularly erotic experience.
Alfie’s arms came around me, his hand pressing against my stomach where my butterflies fluttered. “You’re nervous. One day you’ll just be excited. It’s only sex, Lola.”
“With extras.”
“Right. That’s not what's making you nervous though. Tonight you have to trust me. Really trust me. You’re not sure that you can.”
“I am sure of you. It’s just…” I paused, frustrated. I didn’t know how to phrase this in a way that wouldn’t start an argument. “You’ve split me down the middle, Alfie. I know I can trust you but you’ve also taught me many times that I can’t. It’s taking a while for my instincts to un-learn that.”
He pressed a kiss into my hair. “I’m sorry you’re dealing with this because of me. I’m going to fix it.”
We gazed at each other in the mirror. He looked so handsome in his tux, like an old movie star. I couldn’t believe he was mine. What I could believe is that when he said he was going to fix this, he truly meant it.
“I love the dress. I swear you shop for me better than I shop for me.”
“I spend more time obsessing over the lines of your body than you do.” He traced his fingers down my spine, making me shiver.
“I love seeing the curve in your back, the turn of your neck.” His fingers travelled up and over, trailing a line down between my breasts.
“When I make your breath catch, I can see it here.”
I reached up behind me, tracing my own line along his jaw.
“And when I make your breath catch, I can see it here.” His jaw ticked right on cue.
I pressed into him, pushing myself up against his hardening erection, encouraging him to just lift up my dress and take me.
When I thought he was about to do just that, he pulled away, leaving me aching.
“Sit.” He instructed, pointing at the blush pink pouffe. I sat and he knelt in front of me, holding the shoe box. Inside were a pair of red-bottomed black heels. I was going to struggle to walk in those tonight. I eyed my Alfie, wondering if that was the point.
“Is there anything you want to ask me about tonight?”
There were a thousand things. I wanted to know what precisely he was going to do to me but I knew he wouldn’t spoil the surprise.
“No. Well…do I have to call you anything?”
“What?” He laughed, sliding one shoe onto my foot.
“Like, do I have to call you ’Sir’ or, um, something.” I could feel my cheeks turning bright red. From the smile on his face though, Alfie was clearly enjoying it.
“Now, which dark corner of Pornhub taught you about that?”
I gave a little snort. Porn was not my cup of tea. Alfie knew that.
“I just did some research.”
“Research?” He repeated, barely hiding his grin. “On what exactly?”
“On all of this…stuff.”
“Stuff?”
“Will you stop repeating what I say?”
This time the smile spread across his face, showing his teeth. I squirmed. I wished I hadn’t mentioned this at all.
“Find anything you like during your research?”
“No.”
He raised his eyebrows. “Do you want to call me ‘Sir’?”
“Definitely not.”
“Good,” he said, sliding the other shoe on.
“I’ve played like that before, Lo. It’s fun but it’s not what I want us to be.
We’re not pretending to be other people tonight, we’re just being a different side of ourselves.
Wiggle your toes.” I did and he nodded, satisfied that the shoes fit.
Whether I’d be able to walk in them was another matter.
I tried to stand but Alfie took my hips, keeping me still. He remained kneeling between my legs.
“Tell me what you liked during this research of yours. I’m sure you found something.”
“Nope.” I shook my head. That was a lie. I had found something but I was damned if I was going to say it out loud.
“Lola, it doesn’t make you a freak or a fiend to desire something out of the ordinary. What were you curious about?”
I shook my head again, too embarrassed. This was ridiculous. This man was going to be my husband, if I couldn’t tell him about this then who could I tell.
“Alright, I’ll help you. Did it involve your mouth?” He took my jaw, brushing a thumb over my lips. I kissed the pad of his thumb. His gaze darkened when I nipped his skin with my teeth.
I shook my head.
“Lower?”
I nodded.
“Ah, I know.” His hand dropped to my breasts, covered by emerald green silk. The same thumb I’d just kissed, now brushed over one nipple, turning into a hardened pebble. “I’ve always loved how sensitive these are. I put cufflinks on them once, remember?”
Oh, I remembered. The memory made me dizzy. He caught my nipple between thumb and finger and tugged it.
“Yes, I remember,” I answered him, breathless.
“Would you like me to pay extra attention to these tonight?”
“Yes, please.”
He smiled, so proud of me. Then he drew me in for the deepest kiss. “Time to go.”
He pulled me up, holding me steady as my head spun. That was the second time in ten minutes that he’d teased me. It was going to be a long night.
He turned to the mirror giving himself a final once over before taking my hand and leading me out of the bedroom.
“Will any of the Tellers be there tonight?” I asked as we walked down the hall. I’d never had to allow time to commute from the bedroom to the front door before. Living in a house this size was an adjustment.
“Maybe,” he answered. “Cas is out of the country but there’s usually at least one of them around.”
I hesitated before asking my next question. “What about Julia Whitmore? Will she be there?”
He arched an eyebrow. “I have no idea. Would you like me to find out?”
I held onto his arm as we took the stairs, tottering in my high heels. “No. I just don’t know how I feel about seeing her. I’m probably being paranoid.”
At the bottom of the stairs, he turned, taking my hands.
“You don’t want to mix your worlds? Is that it?” he asked and I nodded. “I don’t like mixing mine either. If she is there, she won’t approach unless I say. If she does see you, she won’t mention it outside of the club. It’s against the rules.”
“The rules? Really?”
“Yes. You read them when you signed that contract the first time you came to the club, remember?”
I did remember. Keira, Maia and I had all signed it. I just didn’t remember exactly what it said.
“You only signed a guest contract, a members contract is more involved but as far as discretion goes it’s basically the same thing.
A member is not allowed to do anything outside of the club that might jeopardise another member's real lifestyle. No gossip, no blackmail, so on. Some people do talk about it if they’re friendly enough to not mind the conversation, but the general rule is that what happens at the club, stays at the club. ”
It sounded to me like she had already broken a rule by bringing it up at work, even if no one else had been around to hear it. I was so tempted to tell him but I didn’t want to ruin our night or make a big deal out of something that was probably harmless.
“She’s a friend of yours, isn’t she? You’ve never talked about club stuff outside of the club?”
“We’re friendly but we’re not friends. As for ‘club stuff’, I don’t tend to discuss what I do with others.”
We moved to the front door, waiting for Elliot to bring the car around.
“You wouldn’t even discuss it with me?”
“Not even you. Other women are in my past. Talking about the things we did would just make you uncertain of yourself.”
I frowned. “Try me.”
“No. I’ve thought about it. A lot of the things I did with them I will never do with you. I don’t want the thought that you’re not enough to enter your mind for even a second.”
I understood his point. It already made me insecure that our experience levels were so far apart. “You had all your firsts with other women. I’ll admit it makes me jealous.”
Alfie turned to me and cupped my face. “It’s true that you won’t be the first woman I’ve tied up, toyed with, or fucked anally.
Don’t worry, I’ll build up to that last one.
You’re bashful about nipple clamps which is adorable to me.
But you are the first woman I ever made love to. That part of me is entirely yours.”
I closed my eyes, melting into his touch. “How do you always know how to say the right thing?”
He gave an un-Alfie-like snort. “Trial and error. I’ve had years of fucking things up between us. I rarely know if I’m saying the right thing to you.” He held his hands out in front of me. They were trembling slightly. “Look what you do to me.”
I went up on my toes, wrapping my arms around his neck as we kissed. I wanted to stay here. To go back inside, fall back into bed where we’d spent most of the day and not look at another soul until Monday. But Alfie had big plans for me tonight and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t curious.
I heard the hum of an engine as Elliot pulled the car into the driveway. Alfie broke away from our kiss.
“Come.” He put his trembling hand in mine and I followed him out the door.