Chapter Thirty-One Reed
Chapter Thirty-One
Reed
I hung back by Ranger, holding his leash while remaining a good distance from everyone as they said their goodbyes.
Ryder, Alex, Hollis, and myself would be taking a military flight overseas, and everyone else would be traveling with Trevor to DC, including my dog.
Charleston International was a civil-military airport—having JB Charleston, a joint base, in proximity to our neighborhood was just one benefit of living in the area.
Another? Having a pilot friend able to whisk our family and friends away on a moment’s notice.
Well, if he wasn’t on an operation, but thankfully, Owen York had been home today.
Alex caught my eyes as I hovered near the C-17 as air force operators wrapped up loading the plane with pallets of cargo, coiled fueling hoses, and more. A few airmen in fatigues did maintenance checks, clipboards in hand, ear protection slung around their necks.
It wouldn’t be the most comfortable ride for Hollis compared to what she was used to, but it was safe and worked on short notice.
Keeping a tight grip on the leash so Ranger wouldn’t launch like a missile outside the hangar and onto a runway, I turned toward the open door.
There were two other C-17 Globemasters looking Hulk-ish alongside Owen’s matte-gray Gulfstream-style jet.
His brother’s name was painted on the side, the one he’d lost years back.
At the feel of a vibration from my back pocket, I faced the inside of the hangar, preparing to go for my phone. At the sight of Alex on approach, I held off.
I peered at Ranger as his ears perked up at every slight noise and movement around him. From the radio chatter to the shuffling of boots on the concrete, to the slamming of a hangar door—too much stimulation for him to process and not want to bark up a storm. I was still working on his training.
“Is it weird that my wife’s ex-husband is going to protect her while I’m gone?” Alex folded his arms, standing next to me.
“I’m sure Trevor would like to operate with us, but his priority will always be his kid and the mother of his child.”
“I don’t disagree. I wouldn’t let him come with us even if he wanted to. I just feel like I should be getting on that plane to DC with them instead.”
“I’m sure no one will go after Audrey as leverage to be used against Hollis,” I said, doing my best to reassure him.
“Hell, they let Hollis go, so why attack now? Audrey and Chase will be just fine while we’re gone.
Audrey wants you with us, don’t forget. She needs her best friend back.
” I cleared my throat. “You know, her memories back.” Those memories and Hollis’s past were a sore subject for me after what had happened between us today.
“True, and they’re all staying with President Bennett’s son, and his wife is Secret Service,” he said as Ranger went on his hind legs, barking at something.
I calmed him down, crouching next to him. “They’re going to be better protected than we could do ourselves. No offense.”
“None taken, it’s what I need to hear,” he replied, taking a knee to help me with the Maligator, a.k.a. Ranger.
“We’re lucky we report to POTUS and the secretary of defense directly now and have their teams of Tier One operators on our side in times of emergency.” I stood once Ranger had finally chilled out.
Alex rose, arms back over his chest as he tried to pull off casual and asked, “How are you feeling about this trip, though?” He had to be doing his damnedest not to be direct and ask why both Hollis and I had been wet when he and Ryder had stopped by earlier.
I knew he also wanted to ask my thoughts on this mystery guy Hollis had allegedly been with in Rome.
I was grateful he was respecting my boundaries for once and not pushing.
“I’m worried about what Gideon learned that spooked him enough to demand an in-person meeting. Also, neutral territory my ass. That’s not why he chose The Sapphire.” I decided to stick to operator mode, to not give Alex the go-ahead to take a meat cleaver to my mind and mess me up right now.
“You think Gideon needs help? Not just ours, but Carter’s? The League’s?”
“I don’t know what to think,” I said as Hollis turned to the side and made eye contact.
I stared at her in a daze, my head landing back in my bedroom, still shocked I’d somehow gotten out of my own damn way in trying to be happy.
It had been divine intervention that it’d happened.
Or maybe insanity. All I knew was, instead of running, I opened the door wide.
Only for her would I do that. Was it still reckless to do? Possibly.
She didn’t know who she was, and there could still be another guy from her past . . . but back in my bedroom, with her eyes on mine and my hands on her, it suddenly hadn’t mattered.
I hung my head, looking away from her as guilt caught up with me. “I still have to tell her the truth about my past.”
“What about your past?”
Shit. Had I spoken out loud? “Nothing.” I went for my phone when it vibrated three more times. My mother. Perfect timing. “Do me a favor, take Ranger over to the others? He’ll behave for Chase.”
“Sure.” He nodded, then took the leash from me.
I waited for them to walk away before dealing with my mother’s texts.
Mom: Your dad really needs you. He’s not doing well.
Mom: I need you, too.
Mom: I relapsed. Stress, you know? Planned to have only one drink last night. It turned into six.
Mom: Come to an AA meeting with me?
I became physically ill at her words. It’d taken years and years, not to mention a small fortune, to get her off drugs. But after only a year of being clean, she’d turned to the bottle as a substitute while I’d been deployed.
I had no idea what to text her. I could only handle so much. I had a new war in front of me. Unresolved battles still lingering in my past.
Me: I’m about to spin up, I’m sorry, I can’t fly there right now. But You need to go to a meeting.
Me: Text me after you go so I know you went.
Me: And Dad doesn’t remember me. How can he need me?
Mom: You know he feels so bad about how he treated you. He’s proud of you and who you became. Before he forgot everything, he told me that.
I could upchuck in my mouth at her lies because they were utter bullshit.
Me: Stop trying to atone for Dad’s sins. Focus on your own redemption.
Harsh? Maybe. But after years of parenting my parents, I was out of energy. Exhausted from it all.
Me: I have to go. I’ll swing by when I’m Stateside. Stop drinking. Go to church. Get help. Just do something.
“Everything okay?”
I went still at Hollis’s voice, and my shoulder blades pinched at the realization that she got the drop on me. She was one of the few in the world who could do that.
“My mom.” I held the phone between us, blowing out a deep breath, trying to rally. To get my heartbeat out of the danger zone.
“Is everything okay?” She folded her arms, but I knew she wanted to reach for me.
To rub my arm. Scratch my back. Just do something.
I could see it in her expression and body language.
But we had an audience, and she was probably still worried she’d scare me off.
Like any subtle movements and I might bolt, changing my mind about what I’d said to her in the bedroom.
Didn’t blame her for thinking that way; I wasn’t so sure I’d trust me, either.
I lowered the phone to my side. “She wants me to visit.”
“Where do they live?”
“They’re in Houston now,” I said as Ryder waved us over.
It was mission time. Another out from having to share too much. Or was I looking at this as an opportunity to fall back to my standard operating mode, avoid and deflect? I hesitated, unsure what to do.
“I guess it’s time to leave?” She shrugged, giving me a half smile of uncertainty. “I don’t even know what we’re about to walk into when we get to this mysterious hotel, but I’m glad we’re going together, and without any kind of tension between us.”
No tension, really? For me, it was taking all my resolve not to wrap her up in my arms and hijack Owen’s plane and steal her away.
Take her from a past she couldn’t remember and from a past I wished I couldn’t.
Too bad I didn’t know how to fly planes, just jump from them.
“Wait.” I grabbed her wrist, not giving a damn who was around.
“Still remember my phone passcode?” What am I doing?
She nodded, mouth tight.
“I’m not good at the, uh, talking thing, as established.
” I pressed my phone into her hand. “Read my messages with my mother. The ones from my dad, too, before he . . . you know.” My damn hand was shaking.
I let go of her wrist, buried my fingers into my palm, and hid my hand behind my back.
“That’ll explain a lot. Not everything, but a lot. ”
“Are you sure?”
I nearly leaned in and kissed her quivering bottom lip. Sucked it between mine, right in front of everyone.
“No second chances if I keep doing the same shit I always do, right? Like keeping everything to myself,” I said in a low voice, emotion ripping through me, my heart trying to break free at how real this was starting to become.
The dark and possibly more logical side of my brain was also hollering, This is too fast, too soon. It’s only make believe; when she remembers who she really is, she’ll leave you.
“So, that’s a yes?” She had to be reading the uncertainty on my face. Surely those unsavory thoughts had manifested into a physical reaction there.
“Yeah, I’m sure.” Too late to back down now. And while I was at it, why not go almost all in with the truth? “There’s a folder in my photo app. DGU. Go through that, too.”
“DGU?”
My heart was pumping so hard my hands were getting sweaty.
I couldn’t remember the last time I had such an adrenaline rush that didn’t revolve around doing my best not to die while downrange.
“Don’t give up,” I finally shared. “Reminders of all the shit I’ve survived, so I don’t give up when things get hard again. ”
I may have swiped through the images in that folder a half a dozen times when Hollis had been missing and after she’d been found but woke up lost to everyone all over again. Oddly, I hadn’t checked it once when she was at my house.
Her green eyes yielded a glossy sheen as she held back tears. “I know how big of a deal this is for you.” Her chest lifted with a deep inhalation, and she held that prisoner for several seconds before releasing it.
It really, really was. But the only way to move in a direction that isn’t backward is by doing something different, something you’ve never done before. I had no clue where that thought came from, but so help me, I wanted to stick with it instead of clinging to the negative ones.
She brought the phone to her chest, and there was only one thing left to do before we joined the team and took off for the hotel.
I wordlessly stepped back and unfurled my fingers, offering her my hand. She rested her free one on top of mine as I finally responded to her earlier comment. “We are in this together.” I swallowed. “No matter what.”