Chapter 6 - Jensen
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Jensen
There’s hardly any traffic on the road since it’s so early, but I’m still gripping the steering wheel of my truck like my life depends on it.
Every muscle in my body is tensed and not even George Strait’s Oceanfront Property playing from the radio—a usual favorite—can distract me.
There’s nothing running through my head except for her. Callie.
I’d convinced myself that I deserved a reprieve, a single hour with a beautiful woman and then I would return to life as usual. That was the plan. Once the photoshoot was over, I was supposed to walk away, check that box so Sutton would be happy, and move on. But now?
I drag a hand down my face and groan. How can I forget the way Callie felt in my arms, how perfectly she fit against me, how somehow despite knowing very little about her, she managed to crack something open inside my chest that I thought was long gone?
She made me feel things I swore I’d never feel again.
And kissing her had felt like breathing after being underwater for a very long time.
Four years ago, the waters had opened up and swallowed me whole, and I’ve been a drowned man walking ever since.
But when her sweet, strawberry lips touched mine, clean, crisp oxygen-rich air flooded my windpipe, and my swollen, suffocated, waterlogged lungs sputtered to life.
And it absolutely terrified me.
I pull the truck onto the drive that leads up to my property, the tires crunching the gravel as they roll down the path. Sutton’s car is parked out front of my place and while I’m usually happy to see her, I know exactly why she’s here.
I sigh as I pull up next to her car. I contemplate making a beeline for my neighbor Mrs. Dorothy’s house, but there’s no way Sutton didn’t hear the dual exhaust from my truck as I came down the road, and if I don’t go inside soon, she will most definitely come looking for me.
I push open the door and the first thing I see is Sutton perched on the couch—prime ambush location— waiting for me.
The second thing is my dog, Peaches, who happens to be looking in the direction of the door when I walk in.
Then there’s a massive ball of white fur hurtling for me.
Peaches practically does a front roll in an effort to get to me, tail wagging a mile a minute.
“Easy, girl,” I tell her, giving her a flick of my hand, alerting her of the command.
She immediately plops down into a sit, but her entire lower half wiggles uncontrollably as she waits for another signal.
She’s so precious, I don’t keep her waiting longer than a second or two until I give her another hand signal to let her know it’s okay.
I bend down and she practically leaps into my arms, making me laugh.
When I’d adopted Peaches two years ago, I’d walked down the line of the dogs at the shelter not really having a particular dog or breed in mind.
But when I saw her face peering back, I knew she was destined to be mine.
It didn’t matter that she was deaf and that there’d be some extra training challenges.
She was my dog. I knew it right then and there.
We’ve only gotten closer since I brought her home.
She makes me smile on the days when the shadows are near, and it helps knowing I’m not coming home to an empty house.
Sutton waits until I’m finished giving Peaches a thorough belly scratch before she blurts out, “Well? How’d it go?”
“Good morning to you too,” I tell her. “I did sleep well, actually. Thanks so much for asking.”
I dodge the pillow Sutton chunks at my head. “Come on, Shep! Tell me about the photoshoot!”
“Did you really get up at the crack of dawn on your day off to break into my house just so you could pepper me with questions?”
“Excuse me, it’s not breaking in if I have a key.” Sutton rolls her eyes.
“Where’s Ethan?”
“He spent the night with a friend from school. I’m picking him up after lunch. Now come on, tell me.”
I plop down on the couch, Peaches jumping up to curl up next to me. “There’s nothing much to tell.”
“Oh yeah?” She raises a brow.
“Yeah.”
I should just tell her, should just let all the thoughts swirling inside my head tumble right out of my mouth.
Sutton is my best friend, my family and there are no secrets between us, but telling her about what happened makes it a thing, you know?
And I can’t let it be anything other than what it was—a momentary encounter.
“Mmmhmmm,” Sutton purses her lips. “How long have I known you?”
“Long enough to call me family.”
“Okay then, don’t you think I know when you’re lying?”
“I’m not—”
“Yes, you are.” She cuts me off. “I can see it all over your face. Now spill .”
She levels me with a stare.
“Fine, it was . . .” I pause, rolling words around, trying to find the right one.
For a split second, I think of brushing it off again or at least downplaying the whole thing.
That’s what I should do . . . but there’s also this need burrowing in my chest to talk about it so that it doesn’t just become some figment of my imagination.
Momentary as it may have been, I want it to be as real as it felt. “Incredible,” I whisper the word.
Sutton’s eyes widen for half a second and then she’s grinning. “Tell me everything .”
So, I start from the very beginning when our backs were pressed together and the blindfolds were still on. I’m not usually someone who talks this much or feels the need to dissect every little detail, but apparently today I am. I tell Sutton everything.
“And then,” I suck in a breath as the memory of it hits me like a brick wall. “I kissed her. And I’ll be honest, it was the best kiss I’ve had in a long time, maybe ever. There was just something about her. Something different. But kissing her didn’t feel weird or awkward, it felt . . . right.”
Sutton doesn’t say anything, but when I look up, tears line her blue-gray eyes. “Oh stop,” I groan, throwing my arm around her and mussing up her hair. “You’re such a sap, I swear.”
She pushes against me, laughing. “What do you expect? You’re my best friend in the whole world, and I want you to be happy.”
“Well, don’t get too ahead of yourself. It was just a photoshoot. It’s not like we’re getting married.” I mean the words as a joke, but I wince a little, which Sutton very much notices .
“Shep,” she begins.
“You know what I mean,” I wave her concern away. “You asked me to do the photoshoot, I did the photoshoot. Was it enjoyable? Yes, way more than I thought possible. Callie is an amazing woman but…that’s it.”
“What do you mean that’s it? You have to call her. You have to ask her out again.”
The thought of taking Callie out on a date makes everything inside me warm, but seeing her again isn’t a good idea. Dating. Relationships. Truly opening my heart to someone—I’m just not up for it. Not again.
“I can’t do that.”
“And why not?”
“You know why.”
Sutton shakes her head. “You have to stop that.” She reaches for my hand and gives it a squeeze. “You are worthy of being loved, do you hear me? I don’t care what your evil ex-wife made you believe. I swear if I ever see her again, I’m going to give her a piece of my mind.”
“It won’t change anything.”
“No, but it would make me feel better,” Sutton sniffs. “To leave you the way she did, because you can’t have—”
“It’s fine,” I cut her off, not wanting to go down that road.
Sutton frowns. “It’s not, though. You came out of all that believing that you’re not worth the ground you stand on, but you’re a good man, Jensen. The best actually. And you deserve to be with someone who sees you and loves every part of you. No matter what.”
I swallow against the rising ache in my throat. “You’re biased,” I attempt to tease. “You only love me because Kase did. We were a package deal.”
Sutton’s eyes go misty again. “That may have been true, initially, but that’s not why I love you now.
After Kasey . . .” She huffs out a breath, pain flashing across her features.
“When Ethan and I lost everything, you were there. You took care of us both, and you still do. You’re a good man,” she repeats.
“And even though I know you don’t want to believe it, you deserve good things in your life. ”
A vehement need to argue rises so swiftly it almost comes out as a shout, but I force the words that have been screaming in my head for years back down.
“I know Anna broke your heart,” Sutton says softly. “But I think it’s time you finally let yourself heal and move on. You deserve happiness, and if Callie has the potential to make you happy, then you need to do something about it.”
Anna. Usually just the mention of her name sends me into a spiral that can take days to pull myself out of. Somehow though, hearing Callie’s name right after has softened the blow a bit.
It doesn’t change anything, though. I have nothing to offer a woman like Callie. I’m broken beyond repair, and there’s no future with me. What I do or don’t deserve doesn’t matter .
My phone chimes, startling me out of my thought spiral. A text notification. I fish my phone out of my pocket. Sutton and I both see the name that appears on the screen, and she immediately squeals. “It’s her!”
I swipe, opening the text thread.
I stare at the screen. The little inside joke makes me smile, but it also makes my chest tighten. This can’t happen. I can’t let it.
“Well?” Sutton asks, clearly reading the text over my shoulder. “What are you going to say back?”
One hour, one perfect hour—that’s all I gave myself. And the hour has come and gone.
I click my phone back off.
“Nothing.”