Chapter 19 - Callie #2
“So . . . you like the place, then?”
“More than like,” I confirm. “If I could hug the RV I would.”
“I’m glad.” Jensen smiles, almost shyly, and steps closer to me. “I like knowing you’re happy there,” he says, reaching up to tuck an errant strand of hair behind my ear.
The din of the flea market has all but faded away around us and even though I probably shouldn’t, I lean into his touch. I can’t help it, and when he gives me that half smile of his and says things like that? Well, I’m as good as gone .
“And having you so close by, well, that’s a bonus.”
The words wrap around me like a blanket, warming me from the inside out.
Jensen’s gaze is piercing now and just when I think he’s going to pull away, he leans down to brush his lips softly against mine.
It’s not a long kiss or a deep one, but the effect it has on me is instantaneous.
My pulse quickens and warm tingles dance across my skin.
Ever since our conversation in the truck, it feels like a wall between us has been knocked down. I’d known from the moment I met him that he carried around a lot of weight on those broad shoulders of his. I just hadn’t known how much.
The look on his face when he told me about his ex-wife had broken my heart, and I still couldn’t understand how anybody could do such a thing.
I’d been trying to remind myself that there are two sides to every story and that I didn’t know Anna from Adam, but to leave your husband while he’s grieving the devastating loss of his best friend seems unforgivably cruel.
It wasn’t my place to judge, but looking into Jensen’s deep blue eyes, eyes that are as deep and as soulful as the ocean, I can’t fathom such a thing.
Because you’re falling for him.
The thought pops up, clear and matter of fact in my mind, as if I’d asked a question about the weather.
There’s no point in denying it, but there’s no point in admitting it either. A piece of me is really upset by this realization, and I have no idea how to make heads or tails of it. So, I just shove the thought as far back into my mind as I can. Casual. Keep it casual, Callie.
We move on to the next set of tables, the conversation light and easy as we browse. When my stomach growls loudly enough for him to hear, Jensen chuckles and steers us toward the back part of the market where all the food vendors are set up.
There’s a big white tent to the right of the food trucks where a dozen or so picnic tables have been set up, but it looks like most of them are occupied.
So, when our number is called and we grab our food, Jensen leads me to a shaded, grassy area near the edge of the grounds.
There’s an old wooden fence that has seen better days and a broken-down water pump that’s rusted and peeling from the elements.
Beyond the fence, though, is a wide-open field, covered in wildflowers.
It’s a perfect panoramic view of the Alabama countryside I love so much.
We plop down in the grass and dig into our food. We don’t talk much at first, both of us too focused on chewing to be much use in the way of conversation, but eventually, we slow down and I catch Jensen eyeing me.
“Do I have barbecue sauce on my face?” I ask, swiping at my chin with a paper napkin.
“No,” he chuckles, “You’re just really cute when you eat.”
“Is that a nice way of saying I eat like a cow chewing cud or something?” I ask, feeling a little self-conscious.
“You most definitely do not look like a cow,” he assures me.
“You just looked like you were really enjoying that sandwich.” He purses his lips to keep from laughing.
“I was afraid to say anything because I didn’t want to ruin the moment you two were having.
” He pantomimes me eating my sandwich, a dopey grin on his face as he fake chews.
I ball up my napkin and toss it at his face with a laugh. “Well, it is the best barbecue I’ve had in a while. You’re just jealous because your street tacos aren’t nearly as yummy.”
Jensen catches the napkin and tosses it back at me. “We both know street tacos trump barbecue any day.”
“You can’t be serious.”
“As a heart attack.” Jensen lifts a brow in challenge.
It’s so cute, I can’t even think of a good comeback. “Fine.” I pretend to wave a white flag. “If you say so.”
“I say so.” Jensen grins.
His easy smile is my undoing, I swear. Even though my brain keeps repeating three words over and over—Simple. Easy. Uncomplicated—I know for a fact that it’s too late.
—
I’m almost finished with an entire pint of Ben & Jerry’s by the time Mabel walks through the door .
“Hey!” She beams when she sees me sitting on her couch. “I didn’t know you were stopping by to—” She stops walking when she sees my face and then her eyes drift to the nearly empty carton in my hand. “What’s wrong?”
I swallow the mouthful of ice cream I just shoveled in and let out a sigh. “I think I’m falling in love with him.”
“Okay.” Mabel plops down next to me, reaching for my spoon. “You make that sound like a bad thing.”
“It is. This is exactly what I didn’t want to happen. I mean, what will the cats think?” I’m attempting to use humor to deflect how upset I really am, but I can tell from the way Mabel scoots closer that she doesn’t buy it.
“Callie, would it really be so bad if you had feelings for him? Jensen’s a really great guy.”
“He is,” I agree. “He’s funny and kind and—”
“Hot?” Mabel interjects, which makes me laugh.
“Well, yeah, obviously. But . . . but I’m not sure I’m ready. I went into this determined not to let him get into my head. No complications, that’s what I said. But the more I try not to think about him, the more he invades every thought I have.”
“Maybe there’s a reason for that.”
“But this isn’t what was supposed to happen,” I wail. “We were supposed to do the photoshoot and that was it. I was going to go on my merry way, swearing off stupid love and never getting hurt again. Now, I’ve gone and fallen for him and what exactly am I supposed to do with that?”
“For starters, you might want to tell Jensen how you’re feeling.”
“Why? It won’t change anything. I already know how Jensen feels. He’s attracted to me, but he doesn’t want anything past that. Just casual.” I spit the word.
“But you’ll feel better,” Mabel argues, her smile turning sad. “Trust me, you don’t want to spend a single second with the ghost of what you wished you’d said.”
I can tell from the faraway look in her eyes that she’s thinking of her ex. I snuggle in closer. “Can I ask you an honest question?”
“Yeah, of course.”
“After everything that happened,” I give her a knowing look, “do you still think it was worth it? Love, I mean.” I try not to ever bring him up, I don’t want to put salt in wounds that I know still ache for her, but in this case, I can’t help it.
Mabel presses her lips together, thinking it over. “Yeah, I do,” she says a minute later. “Even knowing how it ended, I wouldn’t change a thing. Sullivan and I . . . ” She gives me a sad smile. “For better or for worse, it was worth it.”
“But Jensen lives in this town. If it ends badly, where will I go?” Dayton Springs has always been my home, my safe place when the rest of the world becomes too much. I can’t risk that. Can I ?
“Psssh.” Mabel waves a hand. “Girl, you know all we have to do is sic the quilting circle on him. Those old biddies are scary enough to run anyone out of town.”
It’s a joke, of course, but it does make some of the tightness in my chest ease.
“This is your home, Callie,” Mabel continues, more serious this time. “And it always will be. Will it be awkward if you break up? Yes, but it’s not a reason to change your zip code. It’s a risk, sure, but nothing worth having comes easy.”
“What if I get hurt again?” The fear I feel when I consider this is enough to rob me of breath.
With Adam, I’d been stung and my confidence came out a little bruised, but I wasn’t as utterly devastated by the end of our relationship as I thought I should’ve been.
But Jensen? Somehow, I know deep inside me that if I let myself love him, I’ll never recover from it if it ends.
“Well, then you pick up the pieces and you keep going. Feelings like the ones you have for Jensen aren’t going to go away. Trust me, I would know. Scared or not, if you’ve fallen for him, there’s really only one thing you can do.”
“Eat my weight in Ben & Jerry’s?”
Mabel snorts. “Well, that is one option.”