Chapter 5
‘I worked in hospitality during school holidays and all through university,’ Ashok explained.
‘It can be tough. Unsociable hours, poor working conditions, getting the brunt of an unhappy customer’s ire because they don’t agree with the hotel or restaurant’s policy, something that you, of course, had no control over. ’
‘I can imagine.’
‘But I also saw the other side. The joy of people finally getting a longed-for holiday, taking time together. At times, you could practically see the stress evaporating from them. When I came back to India, I spent some much-needed time with my family and travelling, seeing old friends. It was a conversation with one of those, an off-hand comment really, that got me thinking. Someone he knew through business dealings needed to offload some assets, including this hotel.’
‘And you decided to buy it?’
‘Yep! I just thought, why not?’
‘That’s as good a reason as any.’
‘Exactly!’ he said, raising a hand in agreement. ‘Obviously, my family thought I was going from the frying pan into the fire but if there was one thing I’d learned from my time as a lawyer, it was about setting boundaries. Both for me and other people.’
‘Not as easy as all that, is it?’ I replied, thinking of all the times I’d said yes to school functions, PTA duties, school trip accompaniment requests, dinner hosting for my ex’s colleagues.
I’d smiled and nodded and said yes to everything when all the while, inside I was screaming that I didn’t want to.
But gradually, the inside voice had got quieter and quieter until eventually, it had faded away.
At least I thought it had. But that flicker of life I’d felt, that hint of something earlier…
maybe it meant that perhaps the old me, the girl I was, was still in there somewhere.
She’d been a girl who had known what she wanted.
She’d set boundaries when they suited her but never said no if she meant yes, or yes if she meant no.
For her, life was out there to be explored, to be discovered, to be lived!
And she had lived – until she had loved and lost. And that one loss had led to so many others.
From the corner of my eye, I saw Sash sitting at the bar, laughing with the barman and a small group of others her age.
I felt the same surge in my heart I always got whenever I saw her happy.
Nearly thirty years later and it still hadn’t faded.
For all the life that I had planned but didn’t live, I could never regret it because without that broken heart and those shattered dreams, I wouldn’t have Sasha. And she was worth everything.
Sipping my drink, I let my gaze travel, letting it rest momentarily on the woodland of acacias that abounded the outdoor pool and lounge area.
From there, my eyes drifted to the palms, their architectural palmate leaves reaching out, dark and glossy.
Dotted about, adding height to the design, their trunks wrapped with soft white fairy lights, were tall, thin banana palms. And all around, large bushes, the name of which I had yet to discover, were smothered in tiny, white flowers that almost glowed in the low light.
During the day when Sash and I sat by the pool, I’d watch as dragonflies buzzed past, their jewel-bright colours flashing in the Indian sun as huge butterflies flapped from plant to plant, resting and feeding as they made their way around the beautifully landscaped garden.
Ashok had mentioned he had insisted on including lots of pollinator-friendly plants in the redesign of the gardens, not only for colour but with an ecological awareness that, from what he had said, wasn’t always shown in his country, but something he hoped would only increase.
My gaze now travelled back to the pool bar, as apparently so had my companion’s.
‘She has made some friends by the looks of it,’ Ashok said, following my eyeline.
‘She always does,’ I said, smiling over at him. ‘People gravitate to her. Her father is an academic and very singular and, well, then there’s me. So I really don’t know where she gets it from.’
‘Do you not?’
I understood his meaning. ‘You’re very kind but it’s definitely not from me.’
‘I think you do yourself an injustice.’
‘I think you’re trying to sway me to write an excellent Tripadvisor review,’ I said, laughing. ‘Don’t worry. It was already going to be glowing.’
He did that slight head dip to the side again. ‘That is wonderful to hear but not why I said it. It was a true compliment. Even in the short time I’ve known you, I believe you are far more like your daughter than you think you are.’
I glanced over again just as Sash looked back. Her smile widened and she gave a wave, then held her thumb up as she tilted her head in question. I returned the same gesture.
‘Ever get the feeling you’re being set up?’ I asked, picking up my coffee with a grin.
‘I did wonder.’
‘Sorry about that. She’s impulsive. For all she and I knew, you could be married with five children.’
‘While I’m flattered that your daughter thinks I’m worthy of her mother’s attention, I get the feeling that the last thing on your mind right now is another relationship.’
I let out a sigh, returning the cup to the table, its marble top cut into the shape of a lotus flower.
‘Is that selfish?’
Ashok shook his head. ‘Not at all. I was in a long relationship that I once thought would result in marriage. It didn’t and it took me a long time after that to realise that jumping straight back into the dating scene wasn’t what I needed, despite everyone telling me the opposite.
What I actually needed was space and time. ’
‘That’s it exactly. Space and time. You’re very wise, you know that?’
Oh, God, that was absolutely my last drink. When was this coffee going to kick in? I used to be able to drink everyone else under the table. What happened?
Several intervening decades and a lack of practice, my brain filled in helpfully.
‘Would you like another coffee, perhaps make it Irish this time?’ He glanced over to where Sasha had now been absorbed into the group. ‘As friends.’
Yes to friends. Absolutely not to more alcohol.
‘Both would be lovely, thank you.’