Chapter 22
‘Oh, wow.’ Sasha’s cup of coffee was frozen halfway to her lips as I emerged from the bedroom like a bear emerging from the depths of hibernation, all squinty-eyed and matted hair. Was the world always this bright? Was there a dial somewhere I could use to turn it down just a teeny bit?
‘Hi.’ My voice sounded like I’d gargled with rocks.
Sash was still staring at me. ‘Someone had a good night! I’ll have to have words with Ashok next time I see him, leading you astray like this.’ There was laughter in her voice. ‘Would you like a coffee?’
I put up a thumb in grateful acceptance and skated over the comment about Ashok leading me astray.
Right now, I didn’t have the energy or brain power to explain that I’d run into my old friend, Gabby, not to mention the man I’d once been certain I’d marry and found him, much to my chagrin, just as interesting and complex as before.
Also, he’d aged really, really well. Git.
‘How was your evening?’ I croaked out.
‘Oh my God! It was soooo good. Sorry I didn’t message you. It just flew by so quickly!’
‘That’s OK. I took it as no news is good news.’
She threw a smile as she placed a large mug of the freshly brewed coffee down in front of me, excitement at her evening making her words tumble out quickly.
‘Thanks, love,’ I squeezed in as she did so.
‘They were both super nice and we talked over some great ideas for content. We’re going to do a chatty vlog with all of us too, to try and get some cross-over of followers.
They’ve told me about some really cool places off the tourist trail to go to.
I thought we might do some together, if you’re free? ’
‘That sounds great, love. And, of course, I’d love to.’
‘I mean, I know you don’t want to be filmed or anything now, but I can shoot around that. It’d still be nice to go together and also to the places you’d told me about too.’
‘Of course.’ Her comment about not wanting to be filmed sent a spike of guilt through me – but I couldn’t do it.
Not at the moment. Maybe not ever. Judgement for anyone on social media was harsh – I’d comforted Sasha plenty of times when some troll with more time than brain cells had posted something nasty on one of her videos.
I was glad that she had now employed a friend from her marketing days to take over the moderation of her channel.
It was one less worry for her – and us as her parents. ‘Absolutely, Sash. That sounds great.’
There was so much to say. To think about.
To tell her. But not right now. Staying upright and focused on not spilling a scalding-hot coffee was the most I could concentrate on right now.
Also, I needed to get some things straight in my own head first before speaking to my daughter.
Like why could I not stop thinking about Tomas Bertholle as though I was still some lovesick teenager?
Champagne had a lot to answer for. I was sure, once the fog cleared and the percussion section of the Paris Philharmonic stopped warming up inside my skull, things would be a lot clearer.
‘How was the hotel? Do you think Ashok is still happy with the investment?’
‘Yes, I’d say so. He made some observations about things he did and didn’t like while we were there but nothing major.’
‘So how come you got plastered?’ Sash was grinning at me.
‘I did not get plastered, thank you very much.’ The cacophony in my head would suggest otherwise but it was the principle of the matter. I was supposed to be the responsible adult here. Although from the look on my daughter’s face, I was fighting a losing battle.
‘If you say so.’
‘Actually we, or rather I, ran into some old friends at the hotel.’
‘Oh, wow, really? Like from back in the day?’
‘Yes, from back in the Dark Ages!’ I gave her a wink, which felt a little easier today. Hopefully, that meant the bruising was healing. I’d yet to get up the gumption to actually look in a mirror.
She rolled her eyes. ‘So, who was it? Someone you studied with?’
‘Yes. Gabrielle. Gabby, that I told you about.’
‘Oh, wow! Amazing! And you just ran into her?’
‘Literally. Coming out of the loos of all places.’
‘Did she recognise you?’
‘Yes. Much to my astonishment! Apparently, I haven’t changed a bit.’ I pulled a face.
‘Why do you say it like that?’
‘Well, we haven’t all aged as well as Gabby. She still looks fabulous.’
‘So do you!’ Sash replied loyally.
I pulled her towards me and kissed her. ‘Thank you, darling. That’s very kind.’
‘It’s not kind. It’s true.’
‘OK, then let’s say Gabby still looks unbelievably stylish.’
‘She’s French,’ Sash said with a shrug as if that said it all. Which it kind of did. ‘And you have your own style.’
I smiled, and decided not to take that particular train of thought past its current station.
‘Wait,’ Sash continued. ‘Isn’t she the sister of that arsehole that dumped you?’
‘There wasn’t really any dumping as such. We just… broke up.’
‘But that’s her, though?’
‘Yes. She is Tomas’s sister.’
‘Well, at least he wasn’t there,’ she said with a snort. ‘God, can you imagine?’
I drank the last remaining dregs of my coffee and remained silent.
‘OhmyGod!’ She sat bolt upright. ‘He was there!’
I looked over the rim of the mug and met my daughter’s wide-eyed expression.
‘Yes. He was.’
‘Well, I hope he’s fat and bald and you wondered what you’d ever seen in him!’
‘Unfortunately not.’
Sash gasped.
‘I mean to the first bit. He’s actually aged very well.’
‘Is he married?’
‘No.’
‘Ah. Divorced. See?’ She threw up her hands. ‘He’d have been unreliable anyway.’
‘Sash. I’m divorced.’
She paused as the penny dropped. ‘That’s different.’
The logic of that particular comment escaped me but I didn’t have either the brain capacity or energy this morning to dispute it.
‘As far as I know, he’s never been married.’
His words of last night floated back to me. Everyone I met was a poor impression of you.
‘Lothario.’
‘I don’t know. We didn’t discuss his love life.’
Sash pulled a face. ‘Thank God for that. Do they both still live in Paris then? I thought you said Gabby had plans to move to Provence.’
‘She did for a while but she’s back here now. Actually, it was really rather lovely. Ashok and her really hit it off. I think he’s smitten already and Gabby barely took her eyes off him all night.’ Just thinking about it made me smile. My daughter, though, looked less thrilled.
‘What?’
She shrugged. ‘I always kind of hoped you and him would get together. He’d be soooo good for you, Mum.’
She plopped down beside me on the sofa.
‘And he is good for me, Sash. As a friend. A very good friend. Don’t forget that I’d never have even considered returning to Paris if it hadn’t been for him.’
‘And so far, that seems to be working out more to his advantage than yours.’
‘That’s not true. I was heartbroken that my friendship with Gabrielle became a casualty of my relationship with Tomas failing. Meeting her again last night was incredible and I’m very grateful that I was in the right place at the right time to start rekindling that.’
‘Anything else you might be rekindling?’
I got up and walked to the cupboard, reached up for a glass and filled it with water and popped out two paracetamol from a packet on the top, gulping them down with the water. When I turned back to face the living area, Sasha was watching me, apparently still waiting on an answer.
‘I thought I was supposed to be the mother in this relationship.’
‘You are but that doesn’t mean I don’t worry about you.’
‘Sash. I’m a big girl. You don’t need to worry about me. I’m more than capable of looking after myself. So if you’re alluding to me rekindling anything with Tomas, then no. I have no plans in that direction.’
‘I know you’re capable, Mum. But you can be a bit na?ve sometimes.’
My brows raised and Sash held up her hands.
‘And I don’t mean that in a bad way.’
‘Is there a good way?’
‘It’s just that you and Dad kind of kept to yourselves or stayed within the realms of Dad’s academic circle. I’m not saying you don’t know what’s going on in the world or anything.’
‘Well, thank you,’ I interjected with a shovelful of sarcasm.
‘Don’t be offended.’
‘I’m doing my very best not to be.’
She shifted in her seat. ‘People can take advantage of others who might not be as street smart as them,’ my daughter continued in a knowing way.
‘Sash, I know you mean well. And you’re right, me and your dad did keep a fairly small life, compared to yours, but that doesn’t mean we’re unaware of things.
Believe it or not, we were once your age and despite not having smart phones, rolling news and being connected twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, somehow we managed to survive this far.
People using others for whatever purpose is as old as time itself.
I might not know the latest Taylor Swift song or how to do what you do on YouTube but I’m not entirely hopeless. ’
Sasha was quiet for a moment, flicking her thumb.
This usually meant she was thinking something over, a tic she’d developed as a small child.
As I had said, I might not know facts about the latest fad but I knew my daughter and right now, I knew she was pondering over whether to continue this debate or withdraw.
Thankfully, and wisely, she chose the latter.
With a raging hangover, I wasn’t in the mood to continue it either.
‘I’m just trying to look out for you, Mum. He obviously really hurt you before and I don’t want that happening again.’
I held out my arms and Sash came over and allowed herself to be wrapped in a hug.
‘I know. And he won’t.’
She pulled back suddenly. ‘So you are seeing him again?’
‘No. Not like that.’
She frowned.
‘I mean, possibly not at all. He has an exhibition at a local gallery. That’s why they’re here. I mean, Gabby does live in Paris again now, but now I think about it, I never asked Tomas where he was living now. It never occurred to me, if I’m honest.’
‘Well,’ Sasha said, straightening, ‘that’s a good sign. It shows you’re not interested.’
I wasn’t entirely sure it showed anything of the sort other than the fact we’d had thirty years to catch up on in the space of a few hours and certain things naturally got left out or forgotten.
‘Why don’t you go back to bed for a bit?’ my daughter suggested.
‘No, no.’ I waved my hand. ‘I’m fine. I want to hear all about your evening.’
‘Mum. Don’t take this wrong, but you look like shit and I’m not sure you’d be absorbing much of what I tell you anyway.’
‘Thanks.’
‘I mean it in the nicest possible way.’
‘Of course.’
‘How’s your face?’
‘A little sore, but better than yesterday.’ Without the dulling aid of alcohol, my face was in a battle of wills with my head as to which hurt the most. Right now, my head was definitely winning.
‘At least it doesn’t look any worse.’
‘That’s something then.’ I finished the glass of water and pushed myself up from the sofa.
‘You know what, I think I will go back to bed and see if I can get a bit more sleep then perhaps we can go and have some lunch together if you’re free and you can tell me all about last night and what you’re working on next. ’
‘That sounds great, Mum.’ The tetchiness between us had evaporated and I was glad of it.
‘Do you want to choose a café in the meantime? Maybe one on your list you want to try or near somewhere you want to film?’
‘Any preferences?’
‘Nope. Wherever you like.’
‘OK. I’ve got a few ideas. I’ll do a bit more research while you’re getting some rest.’
‘Perfect. I’ll see you in a bit.’ I headed back into the bedroom, pulled the heavy curtains across and climbed into bed, sinking into the soft mattress.
I closed my eyes and Tomas’s handsome face drifted into view, the smile that had won me so many years ago still the same.
Still as handsome. But I was different person now, I told myself.
Romantic relationships with Tomas were a thing of the past. Hopefully, we could be friends now, for Gabby’s sake at least. So why had my stomach done that long-forgotten flutter every time he’d looked at me?
My head thumped and I shuffled over onto my side and snuggled down into the duvet. Within a few minutes, I was asleep.