Chapter 30
Thankfully, Tomas hadn’t chosen one of our old haunts, something I’d wondered about as we descended the winding wooden staircase of the apartment building. Instead, his car was parked outside and pressing a button on the fob in his hand, he unlocked it and opened the passenger door.
‘It’s such a shame there are no cafés in the city,’ I said as I stepped towards him.
He gave me a look.
‘You are still a smart arse, I see.’
‘Some things are worth keeping.’
‘C’est vrai.’
He offered his hand as I made to get into the car and I knew it wasn’t for show.
Tomas had always done this. For all their faults and judgements, his parents had at least instilled some manners into their son.
His aftershave had earthy, deep-scented notes but it was only when I got close the fragrance teased my senses.
He closed the door and I was ensconced in the cabin of the car, its tan leather seats releasing their own luxurious scent to the mix.
Moments later, Tomas slid behind the wheel and pulled out onto the cobbled street, before joining a larger road, and pointed the car away from the city centre.
‘So where are we going?’
‘To a vineyard.’
My head snapped around.
‘Not that vineyard,’ he answered without looking at me.
‘So where?’
‘Somewhere different.’
‘Oh?’
‘A new start.’
He flicked his gaze to me before returning it to the road and we both dropped back into silence.
Paris fell away as we drove on, the urban views gradually morphing into those with a little greenery until that became the overriding prospect.
‘We really aren’t going to that vineyard, are we?’ I said eventually, if only to break the silence and faintest hint of tension.
He shook his head and I studied the silver at his temples.
It suited him. Git. The hair that was once collar length and out of a Timotei advert (if that reference didn’t date me, I didn’t know what would!) was now short and neat.
The dark tresses I’d once dragged my fingers through were now cropped tidily, flecks of grey only enhancing the blue eyes.
He was, as Sasha would have said had she not taken against him immediately, the very epitome of a Silver Fox.
‘You’re staring,’ he said without turning his head.
‘No. I’m studying. It’s different.’ Oddly, I wasn’t thrown by the fact that he’d caught me.
Between Reine and the City of Light, something was happening to me, and I was glad of it.
Perhaps she was right when she had told me I just needed to bloom again.
Perhaps this was the first hint that warmth was hitting my petals and tempting them to think about tentatively beginning to unfurl.
But I knew that this time around, Tomas wasn’t the sun that I revolved around.
‘Still staring.’
‘Still studying.’
‘And what do your studies tell you?’
‘You’re going grey.’
‘True.’
‘And that you’re not vain enough to use hair dye.’
‘Can you imagine my sister letting me live that down, even if I wanted to?’
‘Nope,’ I said with a laugh, knowing that he was exactly right. ‘Although I might tell her you have, just to enjoy her reaction.’
‘At my expense?’
‘Obviously.’
He tilted his head as if in acceptance.
‘I’m glad you don’t dye it, though. It looks good on you.’
He touched the place where the silver strands lay and shrugged.
I burst out laughing. ‘Oh, come on. You were never insecure about your looks. You know it does.’
Tomas slowed for a junction and waited for the short line of cars crossing us to pass. He took the time to turn towards me.
‘People change, Kitty.’
‘True. But I find it hard to believe you lost all your confidence. Especially now you’re the big, successful artist.’
He pulled out onto the road and I noticed his jaw was tight, a muscle flickering under the dark stubble.
‘What?’
‘Nothing.’
I let out a sigh. ‘Tomas, if we’re just going to be tiptoeing around and being polite all afternoon, you may as well turn around now.
I’ve done that for the last thirty years with people, and you know what?
’ I felt my face flushing, surprising both of us with the sudden flash of anger.
‘I’m done with it. I’m done with being the person that people want me to be. ’
Tomas pulled the car over.
Well, that was a short lunch, I thought to myself, deciding whether I was upset about it or not and finding that, if I was going to be pretending, trying, all afternoon then, as I’d told him, I wasn’t upset at all. At least I’d know where we stood.
‘Did you ever consider that I never had the confidence you’re talking about?’
‘Oh, come on.’
‘Why do you think that I didn’t stand up for you all those years ago? Why do you think I nearly ran our family business into the ground because I was flailing? Why do you think I studied business even though I had absolutely zero interest in it and promptly failed my degree?’
‘You failed?’
His face scrunched for a moment. ‘That’s what you took from all that?’
‘No. Sorry. I was just… surprised.’ I’d left Paris before the results were received and I’d just assumed both Tomas and Gabby had passed, as I had.
‘Yes. I failed. Epically, I think was the term used at the time.’
‘I’m… sorry?’
He shook his head. ‘Don’t be. I’m not. I hated every moment.’
‘So why did you study it?’
‘Aren’t you more interested in why I let my parents treat you as they did?’
‘No. It’s ancient history. It doesn’t matter now.’
‘It matters to me.’
I swallowed and looked away, out of the window.
‘Kitty?’
‘What?’ I kept my focus on the trees in my sightline, their fuzzy buds looking like they were stuck on the branches with glue by a child, randomly and at will, waiting until there was enough sun, enough warmth to tempt them to unfurl and burst into magnificent cups of magnolia.
‘Kitty, look at me.’
I hesitated but then turned.
‘I’m sorry.’
‘It doesn’t matter, Tomas. Really. Like I said, it’s…’
‘Ancient history, I know. But I never said it then and I should have done. I should have done so much back then that I didn’t.’
‘Tomas…’
‘No, please.’ He laid his hand over mine as they rested on my lap. ‘Please let me say this before I explode. I’ve been keeping all this inside for so long and never thought I’d get the chance to say it. And then you were there. In that hotel.’
‘Looking like I’d been in a cage fight.’
His rich, warm laugh broke the tension in the cosy cabin of the car, the tears that had sprung into his eyes while he was talking sparkled now in those deep sea-blue eyes.
‘You look like you, how do they say, whooped their arse.’
‘Yeah, I gave that bath a good whooping with my face. It didn’t know what hit it.’
We were both laughing now, both with tears in our eyes, the emotions of that day, that time, swirling around once more in our hearts.
I slid one hand out from under his and laid it on top.
‘Let’s just go to lunch for now, shall we? I promise I will listen to you but I think that’s all the emotion I can cope with for the moment.’
‘I apologise. I had all this planned. I was going to be all super cool about it. Benoit told me—’
‘Benoit?’
‘Yes.’
‘You spoke to him about us?’
‘Yes. But don’t worry, he’s under strict instructions not to discuss it with Sasha.’
I shot him a look.
‘Believe me, I know she hates my guts.’
‘I’m not sure I’d go that far, but no, she’s not your biggest fan.’
‘I don’t blame her.’
‘You and Benoit are close.’
He nodded. ‘He’s the son I never had.’
There was something in his voice, a tremor. He cleared his throat hurriedly, gave my hand a gentle squeeze and dropped the briefest of butterfly kisses on my temple before turning back to the front.
‘Let’s go and get some food.’