Chapter 18 #2
‘No need to be sarky. It’s beautiful.’
Suzie put down the bottles of beer she was carrying on the nearest table and stopped a minute to look up herself.
It was something she rarely did these days.
There were stars everywhere she looked, thousands of them bright in the pollution-free sky.
Her bar was a pretty special place, and sometimes she needed to be reminded.
Christian walked over to the raised level with the dais where minutes earlier Charlie had been entertaining the crowd.
‘This is a great performance space too.’
He climbed the steps to the stage and bounced up and down a few times on the wooden floor before pacing all around it and inspecting the equipment at the back.
‘Do you ever have bands on in here?’
Was he imagining she could just magic up Eighties giants like Duran Duran or The Cure on a whim?
‘Not really. We’re a bar on a tiny Greek island with a limited budget. But we do a lot of DJ nights, like the Eighties’ night tonight, and karaoke evenings are really popular. They bring in the punters and fill the tills.’
Christian turned to face her, posing on stage with a mock microphone.
‘I think you’d get bands agreeing to come and perform here for free; it’s such a cool venue.’
They were getting way off topic.
‘Unlikely. Can you come down here, please, so we can talk.’
An extravagant bow and he jumped down to be by her side.
He was so close she could smell his woody aftershave again. They needed to get this over with. She handed him one of the bottles.
‘Beer?’
‘Sure, thanks.’
She chose one of the few clear tables back from the stage, in case anyone wandered in. The stars provided their only light, which gave her a moment of panic, thinking he might see it as some sort of romantic set-up.
‘Cheers.’
He reached over to clink bottles with her, while she studiously tried to avoid looking in his eyes.
It was supposed to be seven years bad sex if you looked away or some such nonsense.
The bad sex had been going on longer than that, so she must have done something wrong already.
Why was she thinking about sex anyway? This was a practical chat about the situation they faced. She leant forward, but he spoke first.
‘Suze, I’m honestly not here to blow your life up.’
It was a good start, better than she’d expected.
‘That’s the first good news I’ve had all day.’
‘But…’
‘But’ wasn’t so good. She held her breath.
‘I do want the chance to get to know my son a bit better if that’s possible.’
Suzie sighed.
‘It’s not going to be my decision.’
‘I know, but surely you can help me a little.’
‘He’s not even speaking to me at the moment.’
She hadn’t meant to let that slip out. She wasn’t looking for his pity.
‘Don’t stress. It’s only been a day since we both found out, and I’m not expecting miracles. I was angry yesterday, so angry that I couldn’t see straight, and I’m sure he was too. But I’ve spent the day on the beach, thinking.’
‘How lovely for you.’
She’d spent the day having tricky conversations, working like a dog and crying a lot.
He gave her a sharp look. There wasn’t any point antagonising him. But he was making it all sound so simple. She stared down at the table.
‘I’m trying here. We were just kids back then.
I’m still upset that you didn’t come to me as soon as you found out, but I realise now I wasn’t in the right place to deal with anything that major.
I’ll admit I wasn’t ready to be a father, although I still would have liked to have been given the choice… ’
His voice had softened and faded, and when she managed to look him directly in the eye at last, she could see tears waiting there.
‘I’m sorry again for not telling you… But, as you say, you so weren’t ready. You were wild back then, in every way, and determined to make it to the top. Nothing was going to stand in your way, including a pregnant girlfriend.’
Christian put his bottle down on the table rather loudly, which made her jump.
‘You make me sound like some sort of drug-crazed maniac, flitting from woman to woman while stepping on my rivals.’
Suzie raised her eyebrows, which made him smile at least.
‘I’m not putting all the blame on you…’
‘Sounds a bit like it.’
‘If I’m being honest, I’m not sure I was ready to be a mother at twenty-two either. Finding out I was pregnant was a total shock.’
She vividly recalled the pub toilet where she’d done the test. She could still see the grubby turquoise tiles and smell the bleach they’d cleaned the floor with.
When the blue line emerged, strong and true, she’d sunk to the floor and wept, prompting the woman in the next cubicle to ask her if she was all right.
‘When I found out, I just wanted to escape, from you, from my parents, my friends, bloody Frank, you name it. I had to get away and think. I got on the next plane to the sun, which happened to be heading for Greece, took the first ferry out of Piraeus port and got off at this island. And I never left.’
Christian leant forward on his elbows.
‘This may be a rude question. But did you think about not going ahead with the pregnancy at any point?’
‘Again, total honesty. Absolutely. I thought about having a nice long holiday on the island, then nipping off to a clinic in Athens, and going back home with no one any the wiser.’
‘And why didn’t you?’
His eyes bored into her. The reasons were many and complicated, but she had to give him something.
‘I had my first scan in the local hospital here, and as soon as I saw the little figure moving on the screen, I knew I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t give up on my baby.
Every woman has to do what’s best for her, and I would never dream of judging another person’s decision.
But for me, it was game over. And then a couple of weeks later, I met Panos. ’
His name seemed to provoke some sort of reaction as Christian’s eyes went blank.
‘So, you’d already made the decision? It was nothing to do with him?’
‘No, and I didn’t hide anything from him either. He’s always loved Gianni as his own. And the son we made together, Kosta, was born less than a year afterwards. So, they’ve always been close, more like twins than brothers. They argue and fight like any siblings, but no one will come between them.’
‘But you couldn’t make it work with this Panos guy?’
They were straying into deeply personal territory. But she’d never been able to keep anything from Christian if he was there in front of her. They’d always known what each other was thinking or feeling, whatever their mouths were saying, which also had its downside. There was nowhere to hide.
‘We made it work for a long time. But not forever. What about you?’
His laugh was brief and filled with regret.
‘Two failed marriages and no kids. Not exactly a success on the relationship front.’
‘Yes, I saw your last marriage had broken down. I’m sorry.’
‘Tracking me, were you?’
The glint was back in his eye.
‘No. Frank told me.’
It was a little white lie, but she’d hate him to think she was bothered either way.
‘Sounds like Frank.’
‘The evening before he told you I had something to show you … he’d already been in my dressing room and asked me if there could ever be a chance of anything romantic.’
‘What, between me and him?’
‘Funny.’
Suzie’s attempt to punch him on the arm was foiled when he grabbed her hand and held it tight.
‘Frank’s a creep. He always had a thing about you. Poor sod. I could have told him you weren’t interested.’
‘Oh, could you now.’
He hadn’t let go of her hand, and his skin was warm against hers.
‘Suze, all I’m asking for is a chance to at least speak to Gianni. Please. Knowing I’ve got a child out there in the world has been the biggest shock of my life. A good shock. But still a shock.’
Suzie shook his hand off, but he picked hers up again and gave her the stare that used to melt her insides.
‘Can we at least make a pact to be friends again?’
He was asking a lot.
‘Were we ever friends?’
‘I think so. For a while there.’
Trying to see it through his eyes, she supposed she owed him something.
‘OK, friends it is. I’ll give it one more go with Gianni, once he’s speaking to me.’
‘Thank you, friend.’
Just the way he caressed the word ‘friend’ had her on edge.
‘Oh, and by the way, I’ve decided to stay for a proper holiday in Greece. I like what I’ve seen of this island so far, and there’s nothing waiting for me at home. The manager is chillingly efficient at running my farm, so I’m definitely surplus to requirements.’
There was a wistful note in his voice that she hadn’t heard before. Hopefully, the quicker she got Giannis to agree to see him, the quicker he’d be off to another island.
‘OK.’
‘And now, I’d better give you a hand clearing all this mess up. Where are the bags for rubbish and recycling? You don’t want to be up until the early hours.’
Suzie found herself speechless for the first time in ages.