Chapter 12
Chapter
Twelve
Kieran
“Laps!” Coach Fallon called out. There were groans here and there, especially from the rookies.
Cade clapped me on the shoulder, his pale eyes intense before he was pushing off. I didn’t need the encouragement today. It was already a hard day.
Today was Gabriella’s birthday. My late omega was so full of life, full of joy, that I didn’t know that I’d ever reconcile the fact that she was taken so young.
I still thought about her every single day. No matter how much time had passed… weeks, months, years. It all kind of blurred together. Hockey was the one thing that kept me grounded.
My muscles burned from practice, even if it was shorter to account for the game we had tonight. I just didn’t know how not to push myself past my limits. I needed that release.
The cool-down laps always turned into a competition. I exhausted myself just the right amount to make my brain go quiet.
When the coach’s whistle blew, I finally slowed down.
“Showers, then head to the cafeteria. Our nutritionist has been working hard in there. Everyone, play nice.”
There was a protective threat there that I couldn’t blame him for.
I’d only just met the girl two weeks ago, and she had all of my instincts going crazy.
There’d been a time or two, when she first came to us, when she was still so weak that I found myself subconsciously cutting her meat and doing what I could to make sure her life was easier. It felt nice.
I barely processed the chatter around me as I tore off my gear, exposing my sweaty boxers. At this point I was grossing myself out, but even the shower wasn’t satisfying today. I could feel the worry through our pack bond.
Maybe it was a bit out of the ordinary that we bonded early, but we wanted to be a strong pack. One worthy of our omega when we found her, something we established before we even met Conrad.
Being family was one of the things that made it so hard that Conrad wasn’t part of our pack.
Something just never clicked into place between us.
There wasn’t that spark that told me I needed to protect him in the same ways that I did everyone else.
But he was strong, almost as dominant as Cade, and that was half the issue.
Two pack leaders couldn’t exist in one pack.
My stomach turned at the thought of eating, but I couldn’t deny Lana. I wanted to show my support.
I wasn’t ready to face the fact that I thought about her more than I should. She wasn’t either.
The moment I stepped into the hallway after cleaning up, I was hit with an amazing smell. Cade was waiting for me against the wall outside the cafeteria. He didn’t bother to offer false words or smiles. He simply lifted one eyebrow, a silent question asking how I was doing.
A shrug was the best I could give him. What else was I going to say? After all this time, my heart was still shattered. It felt hard to breathe when I thought about her. It felt like I would be drowning in guilt forever.
He let out a sigh and turned, opening the cafeteria door to usher me inside. The smell of savory herbs hit me. Usually, I could smell the cooking when we had volunteers in here, but it was nothing identifiable.
Everything was always tasteless, but healthy. I wasn’t sure why so many damn nutritionists and athletes were afraid of spice, but it seemed this omega was not. I should’ve known that from the start.
Music was playing, and Lana was definitely in her element. She was walking around greeting the players as she handed out their food, learning names and taking notes in a small notepad she was keeping in her back pocket, the pen tucked in her hair.
Generally when a nutritionist came in, it was a free-for-all, everyone responsible for dishing up their own, but she’d gone beyond that.
She looked up when Cade and I walked in, her smile brightening. “There you are,” she greeted as she waited for us to follow her up front. She had two plates sitting under the warmer.
“Thanks, Lana,” Cade said. It was funny that our quiet leader never hesitated to talk to her.
I didn’t think it was a coincidence that our bond had been almost muted lately, a shadow of what it usually was. Everyone was shutting it down the best they could. We all knew exactly what that meant.
“And that leaves you,” she said, smiling up at me as she held a plate out.
It was a pasta dish with sliced steak that looked incredible. The green sauce on the pasta was light, but it was carb-and-protein heavy, exactly what we needed to be at our best tonight for the game.
“Half an hour before the game, I’ve got smoothies waiting for you guys as well,” she explained. “Your name is on everything.”
“Thanks, Lana. I’m excited to have you here,” I said, trying to keep my voice light.
Her head cocked to the side, eyes narrowing just a hint. Not enough to be obvious, but I’d apparently studied her plenty lately and knew her mannerisms.
“Is everything alright?”
“Yeah,” I lied straight through my teeth.
Her lips tipped down into a frown just slightly, but she gave nothing more away. I hated that I was forcing her to hide her own confusion.
The words were there on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn’t quite get them out. I wanted to tell her, to explain why things were so hard today. I had a feeling if she tried again I’d break. Lana had the stubbornness of her brother.
“I’m excited to tuck into this,” I promised, going off to find a seat. She let me go, but I felt her stare on me the entire way to my chair.
We didn’t exactly have assigned seats in here, but we tended to migrate to the same ones. I dropped down next to my pack, and even they were more subdued today.
At this point, they knew. That and the big game was tonight.
The cafeteria emptied slowly. Each time one of my pack members left, I was given a firm squeeze on the shoulder or a gentle clap on the back, silent ways to tell me they were here.
It helped more than they realized. I just wasn’t ready to talk. I never was on these days. In a day or two, I’d be back to normal, pretending everything was fine.
Pretending that six years ago I didn’t lose the love of my life.
A heart defect, an undetected killer. She had no signs. Gabriella was happy, and then one day it simply gave out. The doctors promised there was nothing I could’ve done.
Suddenly not hungry anymore, I started to push away my plate, but Cade pushed it back, his eyes a silent warning that I was going to finish it.
Not eating beforehand was an easy way to fuck up a game.
“You’ll beat yourself up far more if you do this,” he warned.
Now, I was angry. It was easier to be mad than sad, and I shoveled bites in, glaring at him.
Our head alpha took it, squaring his shoulders, his face unrepentant.
“That’s alright. I’ve got you,” he promised. That just made me feel worse.
When my plate was done, I shoved it away. He tucked it under his to take care of, and I started to storm out.
I thought I was free until a delicate hand grabbed mine.
My alpha was so close that it spun me around, and I had her pressed against the wall, my body inches from hers.
The moment her scent hit me, I stepped back quickly, shame pouring over me like someone had dumped a bucket of ice water over my head.
“Fuck. I’m sorry, Lana.”
“No, I shouldn’t have grabbed you like that,” she said softly. “Not when you’re clearly going through something. Is everything alright? Is there anything I can do?”
“No. Everything’s not alright,” I said in a low growl. “Today is Gabriella’s birthday. She was my mate, high-school sweethearts. She died six years ago and I just…”
“Say no more,” she said, squeezing my arm gently. “I also lost my best friend four years ago. Car accident. Some asshole had been drinking all day and thought it was a good idea to go get more. She never stood a chance.”
Her voice carried the same pain that had burrowed into my bones and stayed there like it had a home.
“I’m sorry,” I managed.
She shrugged. “Me too. I’m sure it doesn’t help that you have no chance to step away with the game looming.”
“Yeah,” I agreed, the bitter taste weird on my tongue. This wasn’t like me, and I hated it.
“How about after the game I come find you?” she offered. “I’ve got an idea. A way to celebrate her.”
“No, I can’t ask—”
She cut me off, placing her hand over my mouth. “You didn’t ask. I’m offering. We’re at least friends, right?”
She didn’t release me, so I nodded. Her scent hit me, and I selfishly dragged in a breath through my nose, letting it settle me. It wasn’t perfect, but it helped.
“Good,” she said. “Then I’ll see you after the game.”
She started to walk away, but turned back. “And feel free to take any of your anger and resentment out on those assholes on the ice.”
“I’ll paint the ice red for you.” I nodded.
When she turned away again, she had a little pep in her step.
I wasn’t sure what this omega had up her sleeve, but I was genuinely excited to find out. Maybe that was my issue. I never tried to celebrate the woman I missed. She was a shadow hanging over me, one that lingered in my mind and hovered no matter what I did.
She would’ve hated it. Gabriella told me I needed to lighten up. I never considered myself the grumpy sort, but she did, and in comparison to her sunshine, I guess I was.
The thought of anyone stealing her smile away after she’d had the past she did, would send me into possessive, protective mode. We were fantastic together, and I wouldn’t give those memories up for anything. I just wished I’d had more time.
I swiped a hand over my face, and the scent of raspberries and chocolate took over.
My alpha reacted. Lana’s scent had shifted.
It wasn’t subtle and suppressed like it was when she arrived.
It was picking up in intensity and changing.
Maybe it was the joy of finding her place among the team, but something had changed.
The omega was flourishing, and her scent was downright intoxicating.
Not just that, but for the first time in six years, my alpha perked up and leaned forward. He almost had me turning around to follow her, but I couldn’t.
That would be an overstep.
Conrad had made his stance on Lana clear. We weren’t supposed to get involved, and frankly, she didn’t need us to.
This complicated everything, but also, for the first time in way too long, it made me feel whole. As if my alpha was waking up and ready to make it known he was still here.
For right now, I had to focus on the game. What better way to be protective than to wipe the fucking ice with her shitty exes? The grief and sadness twisted into something that felt a whole lot like vengeance.
On behalf of the omega that was one day going to be mine.