Chapter 34
Chapter
Thirty-Four
Lana
Istared down at the letter in my hands, trying to work up the nerve to actually open it. After the interview with Roxie, and knowing that it would be airing today, I wanted to finally read what they sent.
It felt like the final piece of closure I needed before my truth was out there.
I knew I was being ridiculous. I should have opened it or thrown it out by now. Usually, I wasn’t this dramatic, but after telling Roxie everything, I was still feeling a bit raw around the edges.
Blowing out a breath, I finally flipped over the envelope, sliding my finger under the flap and breaking it free. The bundle inside was several pages long, and I braced myself for the words. I recognized Dean’s handwriting on the first page.
Dear, Lana
I want to start this letter by saying how incredibly sorry I am that I failed you.
My face aches, but it’s nothing in comparison to the pain of realizing how badly we fucked up.
Everything you said was true. We let our careers take the front seat and didn’t care that it hurt you in the process.
We read through those messages you sent that went unread.
Every single one. Then we listened to the voicemails until we were a sobbing mess.
We did that to you. We caused that kind of pain, and that is irreversible. I know that now.
But you still deserve to know that we’re sorry, that we own our part in all of this.
I still intend to try to show you what you mean to us. We all know we fucked up. If Conrad hadn’t shown up, we might not have pulled our heads out of our asses at all.
God, Lana, that picture.
I have nightmares about it. I’m sure that’s nothing compared to what you endured because of us.
I’ve never been more ashamed of myself or us as a pack.
We know that you have a new pack now, one that hopefully treats you better than we ever did.
But if you still have room in your heart, we still love you, Lana, and we want to prove to you that we can change.
I let out a breath and set the letter aside. The words were heartfelt, but meaningless now. It was far too late for any sort of apology. There was no way to fix what they broke.
The next one was in a different handwriting.
Sutton. He was probably the member of my old pack that I connected to the least. We were simply different people.
We fit together, we had fun together, but I think we let infatuation take the lead when we shouldn’t have.
Hell, he never truly trusted me with his delta, and that said it all.
Lana,
I’ve watched the security cameras from that day.
The image of you so weak, crawling down the hall while we neglected our duty to you is something that has forever changed me.
You stripped away everything we thought we knew about ourselves and left us vulnerable.
You made sure we heard the words you had to say, and we’re listening now, baby.
I know it’s probably too late, but I need you to know that even if we didn’t show it, we still loved you.
We care about you.
Even when we were away, I thought of you all the time. We always had some excuse, something coming up, convincing ourselves that you’d always be there.
Now we have to face the reality that you’re not. That we pushed you away, left you behind, and gave the divide between us time to grow, day by day, while you suffered alone.
We can barely call ourselves men. We definitely don’t deserve to call ourselves a pack.
Hockey has always been our life, but you should’ve been our forever. I’m so sorry, Lana, and I hope that one day you can forgive us.
Until then, we hope to remind you why we became a pack in the first place.
I set that letter aside with the first. No tears fell down my face.
Honestly, I was just tired. A lot of this felt like they felt bad for what they did, but it didn’t feel like they truly understood the depth of it.
They got the wake-up call I wanted them to have, but I wasn’t sure it was enough.
They still didn’t know how to connect with me.
Then, I moved on to Milo’s letter, ready to finally be done. I meant what I said to Roxie. I did forgive them, but this just proved that I made the right decision.
The lack of emotion I felt meant that my omega had closed that chapter of our lives as much as I had.
Lana,
I’m not as good with words as the other two, and I know we aren’t worthy of you anymore. I’m barely worthy of calling myself an alpha.
The truth is, we never had to be at the arena like we were. We never had to stay late or any of that. We simply did.
It wasn’t that we didn’t love you or wanted to avoid you. We just let hockey be more important. I feel gross even saying that out loud. I wanted hockey to be a large part of my life, but I never thought it would cost me my pack. Yet, it did.
I know there’s no way to go back. We have no right to ask you to take us back. Just know that I will forever cherish our time together.
The letter fluttered to the floor with the rest and with it, a smile crossed my face.
I’d done it. I’d finally faced the letters and the truth head-on. It was draining, but at the same time, it was fulfilling.
My gaze shifted to the clock again, something I’d done all day knowing that my interview with Roxie was going live any minute now.
I hadn’t done anything except tell the truth. This was the only way to make sure our words wouldn’t be twisted, even if it hurt them in the process.
I nearly jumped out of my skin when my phone rang next to me. Roxie’s name flashed across the screen.
“Hey,” I said, answering the call.
“I know you’re over there freaking out about this interview,” she said. “So, come out and have a drink with me. I’m in the neighborhood; I’ll swing by for you. Let’s have a little girls’ night. If your pack wants to come, they can sit away from us at the bar.”
“That actually sounds a lot better than sitting here spiraling,” I admitted. “I did finally read the letters they gave me, though.”
“Oh girl, I can’t wait to hear all the details… off the record,” she teased. “Be ready in five. Get your ass moving, woman.”
She hung up, and I chuckled, loving how blunt and forward Roxie was. She had that energy that made you feel like you could stand a little stronger in her presence. She was honest, genuine, and completely unafraid to speak her mind.
I poked my head out of the bedroom door, calling out to the pack. “I’m getting ready! Roxie’s picking me up for drinks in five.”
I didn’t have to wait long. The house was small enough that I knew they’d heard me.
There was too much going on in the hockey world right now for me to go out without protection, but I really did need this girls’ night.
I pulled on a pair of ass-hugging jeans and a cute tank top I hadn’t had a chance to wear yet. I slid on a simple necklace my brother had gotten me years ago, brushed on light makeup, and headed downstairs. She had me rushing, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t look cute.
Lennon, Mason, Kieran, and Cade were all waiting for me, arms crossed. Wilder stood off to the side, pretending he didn’t care, but I could feel his worry even without the bond.
“I knew you guys would have something to say,” I chuckled. “She said you can follow along, but this is specifically a girls’ night. I need to be able to have these.”
“And your safety is important,” Cade said. “We’ll keep our distance, but I’m not sending you out alone.”
“Works for me.”
They grabbed their keys and wallets, following me outside just as Roxie pulled up in a cute red Jeep, waving me over.
I climbed into the passenger seat while Cade walked over to her open window. “Where you headed?”
“Lola’s,” she said with a smirk. “Somewhere you don’t usually see hockey boys hiding out.”
“Well, lucky for Lola’s, she gets to host us tonight.” Cade grinned. “Keep her safe.”
“Aye aye, Captain,” she said, saluting before rolling the window up.
I’d never seen an alpha move so fast. They were in the car and following us before we even hit the end of the driveway.
“So, are we on the lookout for a pack for you tonight?”
“Nope,” she said. “Haven’t found one that can handle my brutal honesty yet and I have no plans to find them tonight.
I don’t try to be a bitch, I just have a lot to say.
Someday, though, I think I’d like one. Just because I’m an independent omega doesn’t mean I don’t want someone to worship the ground I walk on. ”
“Damn right,” I said.
“I kind of pictured ending up with the whole suburban life,” she said with a self-deprecating laugh. “I would have the best soccer mom energy. Can you imagine me yelling from the sidelines?”
“Oh, I absolutely can,” I laughed before she turned up the song, singing along as she navigated through Westgrave.
Fifteen minutes later, we pulled up in front of Lola’s. It was a dark brick building with a neon sign. There was a flashing pink martini glass glowing above the name. A few people milled outside, but it was fairly quiet.
“Do you ever play pool?” she asked as we climbed out.
“Actually, yeah. My parents had a table growing up. My brother and I used to wager chores on it. Later, it turned into actual cash.”
She laughed. “I like him already.”
“He’s the best.”
“Blond hockey player, protective… nope,” she said, shaking her head. “My number one rule is never date a hockey player.”
“I said I was never trusting them again either,” I admitted. “And look at me now.”
“Life has a way of making us eat our words.”
We flashed our IDs at the bouncer and headed inside. The music wasn’t too loud, so it was easy to talk over. We stopped at the bar first. I ordered Lola’s signature cocktail, while Roxie snagged a beer. She led me over to the last open pool table, staking our claim.
“Hey ladies, want some competition?” a guy asked, stepping up right as she leaned over to gather the pool balls.
“No,” Roxie said flatly. “Move along.”
“Tough crowd,” he muttered, pointing back to his friends. “If you change your mind, we’re over there.”
When neither of us acknowledged him, he walked away muttering about stuck up omegas.
Roxie prepped the table and nodded for me to break. I leaned over and took my shot, several balls dropping cleanly into the pockets.
“Now,” she said as she watched me take my turn, sipping her beer. “Tell me about the letters.”
As the game went on, we sipped our drinks, warmth spreading through me, giving me the confidence to catch her up to speed.
“Honestly? I felt nothing. They apologized and took ownership. That alone is a huge change, but it didn’t move me. I deserve better, and I know that.”
“A tale as old as time,” she said. “Alphas get wrapped up in building a name and wealth, vowing to take care of their pack, then forget there’s more to life.”
“Exactly. My pack plays hard, practices hard, talks hockey nonstop, but they don’t neglect me. If I was sick or scared, they’d be there in an instant.”
“And the old pack?” she asked.
I shook my head. “I don’t think we were ever right for each other.”
“That says enough.”
Another alpha approached. Roxie looked him in the eyes, growled low, then barked like a psycho. He backed off immediately, looking horrified, as we burst into laughter.
Drinks kept appearing, and neither of us complained. I loved knowing my pack wasn’t far away.
“Look at that,” she said, glancing at the clock. “Interview just went live.”
I swallowed hard. All I could do now was hope it helped clear the air and wait for the aftermath.
Tomorrow, we could gather the statements, find statistics, and ask deltas to come speak.
Tonight, I just hoped my exes didn’t come banging on my door, furious that I’d finally let the world see the truth.