Never Want to Love Again

Kupid Love

kupid love

. . .

“No! I’m done, Shawn. I don’t want this anymore. You and I…we’re done!” I shouted, not caring if the neighbors heard me or not.

“So, you’re throwing five years away?” he hollered back, arms flinging.

I pointed in his face. “You did! You cheated. All this time, you’ve been playing in my face!”

Unbeknownst to Shawn, one of his little freaks felt petty today and sent me a video of them in bed. He couldn’t lie and tell me that it wasn’t him. Shawn has a tattoo with his last name, Lawrence, across his shoulders. There was also a mole under the L, which was definitely there!

“How, Kupid? How the fuck have I been playin’ in your face? You’re making shit up ‘cause you been wanting to leave!”

I scrunched my face. Nibbling my bottom lip, I nodded while grabbing my phone from the bed. I found the message and opened the video, shoving it in Shawn’s face. Fear flickered in his eyes, followed by anger. He turned his nose up, and just like a man caught in his nonsense, he said, “That ain’t me.”

“Who else has that tattoo, Shawn? Be fuckin’ for real negro!” I snorted through a laugh.

This situation is hilarious now. Five years wasted, but I would never allow a man to cheat on me, and I won’t stay knowingly. There isn’t that much love in the world. I watched my own Mama remain in a relationship, knowing my stepfather was cheating on her. She was never happy. In fact, she was miserable. Still is. I didn’t want to be like that. Like her.

“I’m not the only one with that fuckin’ last name, Kupid. You’re really about to leave me? I love you.”

I had nowhere to go, and my best friend, Asia, had a husband and kids. Since that was the last place I wanted to be, I booked a room for a few days until I figured out my next move. I just knew I wasn’t staying another night in this apartment with Shawn.

I chose not to respond to him because it was just stupid. It was clearly him in that video, and he knew it. I could bet money he recognized that phone number and would be cussing her out by the end of the night. Shawn was now free to do as he pleased as a single man.

“Where are you going, though?” he asked, scratching his head.

Away from you.

“It doesn’t matter, Shawn. I’ll come back for my things when I can.” I grilled him. “If you toss my shit out, I’ll sue. My name is on the lease, too.”

He smacked his lips and then let out a long, exaggerated sigh. “I wouldn’t do that to you, Kupid.”

“I didn’t think you would cheat either,” I mumbled.

“Okay. It was me. Is that what you want to hear? We can work through this. She didn’t mean shit to me!”

I continued to throw my shit in my suitcase. I scoffed out, “You didn’t tell me shit I didn’t already know. There isn’t anything I want to work out.” I zipped the suitcase up and finally made eye contact with Shawn. “I didn’t mean shit to you. Our relationship didn’t. Please stop talking to me, Shawn. There is nothing you can do nor say to make me stay after you stuck your dick inside another female.”

“Fuck!” he hollered. I jumped when he hit the nearest wall and cringed when I noticed a small hole. I was taking my name off the lease Monday. He’ll have to deal with getting the deposit that he paid back.

Shawn was handsome. A sight for sore eyes. He had a caramel skin tone, light brown eyes, a broad nose, and full lips. He was on the slim side with a low-cut fade and a big dick. We’d met at a Crest Grove Eagles football game, where we had seats sitting right next to each other. Shawn had asked for my number, and I gave it to him since I was single and dating. He was such a charmer. Charmed me right out of my panties three weeks after our first date. After year two, we moved it together. Now, Shawn was something of the past.

“Are you okay?” Asia asked, her perfect brows furrowing in concern.

Shrugging my shoulders, I replied, “I will be. Five years, Asia. Just a waste.”

I checked into a hotel and cried my eyes out. It hurt so bad, but after I’d wiped away all the tears, I inhaled and exhaled until I felt somewhat better. I shouldn’t have been crying over Shawn, but knowing I gave him five years of my life for it to end like this had me ready to scream until my head throbbed.

“At least you didn’t stay, babe. You’re strong for leaving. Some women don’t.”

“You know I know.” I gave her a knowing look.

“Speaking of, have you spoken to your Mama?” she quizzed with raised brows. “Where are you going when you leave the hotel?”

“Not there,” I snorted. “I cannot be under the same roof as her and Geoffrey.

“Well,” Asia started, but I cut her off because I knew where she was going.

“Nope. I’m not moving into your home either. You already have enough going on,” I told her.

Asia had three kids under ten. I loved them like my own, but being in the same space with them daily would drive me crazy. That little Ant was incredibly mischievous, but he was my favorite.

Asia let out a soft sigh. “Just let me know if Shamar and I could be of help. If you need us to come to help get your shit from the house, please let me know. I wouldn’t mind giving Shawn a piece of my mind.” We laughed together.

“I’ll let you know, friend.”

Asia and I stayed on the phone until her kids needed her attention. She also had to take her oldest son to basketball practice. This hotel bed felt better than the one we had at home. I sunk into the mattress with just my bra and panties on and covered myself with the soft comforter. I had the heat on low because it was the beginning of January, and so icy cold out there.

Shawn constantly texted me to the point where I had to block him on everything—from my phone to social media. I might unblock him from my phone before I collect my things from the house. I still had my house key, just in case, but he could change the locks if he wanted to be petty. Since we lived in an apartment, he shouldn’t be able to do that unless done through the leasing office. I just hoped Shawn wouldn’t go to great lengths to annoy me.

I’d closed my eyes for a second when my phone rang. Groaning, I stared at my mama’s phone number on the screen since it wasn’t saved. This was not the time. When the ringing stopped, it started again. Eventually, I just gave in.

“Hello?” I answered, attempting to sound chipper.

“Kupid…”

I squeezed my eyes shut. Shawn had called her. This fool was acting like the blame was on me.

“Mama… I’m not about to talk about this.”

“Shawn is a good catch…”

“And so am I, which is why I left. I refuse to stay and keep getting cheated on because that’s what he will do. Keep cheating because I stayed .”

“Who are you talking about, daughter?” She smacked.

I hit a nerve.

This is why we didn’t get along. Although the shoe did fit, I wasn’t referencing her.

“Mama, I’m not doing this today. I want to rest and figure out what I need to do,” I sternly told her. She cackled.

“If you think running away is the answer, you’re wrong. You’re going to be sad and lonely, Kupid.”

I yawned. “People are sad and lonely in relationships, too. I’m going to sleep,” I hinted and rushed out, ending the call. That time, I was referring to her. I placed my phone on DND and silenced it.

Words like that that come out of my mama’s mouth make me angry. She was the wrong person to give advice on a relationship, and how dare Shawn even call her as if I was the one who cheated on him.

It took me at least an hour and a half to close my eyes. My mind was wandering, and I concluded that the best thing for me was to leave town—permanently. To keep my peace of mind and stay sane, I had to.

Three weeks later, at the end of January…

I was packing my Rubicon with the few items I was taking with me. There was no need to rent a moving truck since I was leaving the furniture with Shawn. Everything I had shared with him could remain. I would prefer to start fresh. It was that serious. Asia sent Shamar to stop by in case Shawn showed up acting foolishly. Shawn drove trucks out of state from Monday to Friday, so I knew he wasn’t home. I believed the woman who sent me that video last night wasn’t from around here. Who knows, she probably wasn’t the only one. There would be plenty of others wanting to approach me as a woman.

A week ago, I lucked out and found a one-bedroom condo four hours away in a large city called Heartville, and I still hadn’t told my Mom. I didn’t plan on it. Not only was I leaving the only home I knew, but I was also leaving behind my job of five years. I have been a social media manager for several companies, from entertainment to education. Working from home felt like a blessing, given my current situation. Wherever I move, my job follows me. My responsibilities included creating and maintaining the company's online presence, appealing to customers, and promoting its brand. I ran blogs, responded to emails, monitored and updated their website, and managed their social media platforms. I never took on more than I could handle, and I had plenty of savings in my bank account.

Shamar knocked on the hood of my jeep.

“You sure you got everything, Kupid?” he questioned. His brows dipped.

I nodded. “Yeah, thanks, Mar. I’m sorry to have had you out here on your day off. How much do I owe you? Just give me a number?—”

Shamar feigned hurt, placing a hand over his chest and stumbling back. “Don’t insult me, Kupid. You know you’re as much like a sister to me as to Asia.”

As much as I wanted to pay Shamar, he wouldn’t take it. If I Zelle it to him, he’d only return it and cuss me out. All I could offer him was a hug.

“Thanks again.”

“No problem. If you want to pay me back, let me send those crumb snatchers with you.” We chuckled together.

“Yeah, right. You and Asia would cry as soon as they leave,” I joked.

Shamar rubbed his head and replied, “Shiiiiid.” We laughed again. “But nah, sis…Let us know when you make it to Heartville. You didn’t do anything but give us a reason to visit that expensive town.”

Heartville was expensive and full of celebrities. I hoped I would fit in.

“I will, Shamar, and y’all come visit me anytime. The kids would love it. So much to do.”

We hugged once more, and with my Jeep packed as if I lived in it, I hopped in, honked my horn at Shamar, and drove off. My eyes misted. It was bittersweet, but I was sure this was what I needed for peace of mind. I was ready to decorate my place and make it my own . A man was the furthest thing from my mind. At that point, I never wanted to love again.

With a glass of wine, I gazed out of the floor-to-ceiling windows of my condo. The place I stayed with Shawn was nice, but this condo was stunning. It was luxurious, cozy, and warm. I was paying a pretty penny for it, but I decided I wouldn't settle for anything less than I deserved. Tonight, I was sleeping on an air mattress, which didn't bother me. Furniture shopping is on my to-do list for tomorrow, and I planned on getting an early start because I wanted to get ahead on my workload for the week. My job kept me busy, and I almost blamed Shawn and my hectic schedules for his infidelity, but that thought quickly disappeared from my mind. A cheater cheats because they choose to.

Raising my glass toward the city lights, I quietly cheered for new beginnings.