33. JENSEN
33
A fter dinner, Hunter and I are out on the front porch, both with a hip pressed against the railing, and a beer in our hand. Deep pink and purple bands are painting the sky as they’re slowly being pushed away by the coming of the night.
“Nice place you got here, man. Completely different from our LA shack,” I say, glancing through the window.
“Thanks, man. It’s Charlotte’s family home. She has always lived here with her mom.”
“You never wanted a new place?”
Hunter rubs his neck. “We thought about it. To start over together. Charls thought it would be weird for me, but to be honest, I’ve always felt more at home here than in my own home. It holds a sense of comfort, I guess. I don’t know.”
“No, I get you.” There is a troubled look on his face, as if he has a hard time explaining it, but I understand what he means. I don’t know everything about Hunter’s childhood, but from what he told me, it wasn’t fun. Charlotte saved him in many ways, acting like his lifeline.
“It’s not just a house. It’s a home.”
“Yeah, basically.” Hunter shrugs, letting out a content sigh.
We stay quiet for a while, staring at the sky.
“I hope that's in the cards for me. One day,” I tell him, taking a pull from my beer.
“What is?”
“This.” I open my arms. “A home. A family. A wife. ”
“Well, rumor has it that your engagement is going to be announced soon.” I look at my friend. His brown eyes hold a dare, and I can hear the words he’s not saying out loud.
I dare you to lie to me. I dare you to feed me your bullshit after living together for years. I dare you to tell me you’re making the same mistake I did.
A week ago, I would’ve. I would’ve told him Emily was a good girl, and we’d be a good match. But I don’t think I have it in me to lie one more day.
“Yeah, not sure if Rae is ready for that yet.” My mouth moves into a cocky grin, and his brows shoot up.
“So, you’re really done with Emily?”
“Have been for a while now. She has hopes we will get back together every time we have another bullshit fight. She doesn’t want to break up, but I’m not in love with the girl. Never have been. We were still together to make sure my father’s election didn’t get jeopardized, but I can’t do it anymore. I can’t give up Rae. I want her, man.”
“Yeah, no shit, Jensen. You look like a lovestruck teenager.”
“What?” I bellow, disbelieving. “I do not!”
Hunter holds his fist in the air, raising up a finger with every sentence that comes out. “You touch her every chance you get. You can’t stop looking at her. You’re smiling so much it's starting to scare the living shit out of me because I know you as a brooding son of a bitch.”
“Like you?” I counter.
“Exactly like me! I was a fucking Grinch until Charlotte and I finally got together. Until I finally admitted what everyone knew all along.”
I eye him, taking another pull of my beer. “You sound like Bodi.”
“Bodi is right.”
I grunt, rolling my eyes. “If I’d get a grand every time someone says that.”
“Well, Bodi is a bit brighter than you are, so don’t blame yourself,” Hunter taunts, and I hit his snapback off his head.
“Ay!” he chuckles, grabbing it from the floor to put it back on his head. “So where’s he anyway? Hooking up with Rae’s cousin?”
“Yup, her nineteen year old cousin.” My lips lift to my ears, my brows moving up.
A whistle flies over his tongue. “Maybe he should move in with Jason. They can pick up tail tag teaming.”
“Those two are way too nice to fuck a new girl every night.”
Hunter hums in agreement. “That’s true.”
“Besides, Bodi is moving to Atlanta. His dad lives in a facility there. Wants to stay close. He actually mentioned we should all hang out soon, we haven’t seen Jason in a while.”
“Me neither, he’s busting his ass to get a promotion at Valor. I told him he should start his own agency, but he’s convinced he needs to learn more first.”
“You think he’s gonna stay in LA?”
“For now, yeah. One day he’ll be back. He’s like me. We love the glitz and glam of the big city, but deep down we’re country boys at heart. We can never grow roots there. We belong here. With her. ”
I study his features.
He’s come a long way from the tortured kid I moved in with when I signed with the Knights. It was temporary housing, something the American Fighting Association and the coach of the Knights cooped up to keep the costs low, but when I had the resources to get my own place, I didn’t.
Living with Hunter and Jason made me feel less lonely. Like I had allies in my best friends, knowing they’d have my back because they didn’t want anything from me.
They didn’t need anything from me.
Just like Rae.
I have nothing to give her but myself and a whole lot of headache that will sure come my way when I pursue this, but she hasn’t given me the feeling she has anything to gain by being with me.
She makes me feel wanted for me .
There is no hidden agenda when it comes to Rae Stafford.
And it makes my heart beat faster for her every day.
Hunter’s snicker pulls me out of my daydream and I look up as he puts his beer to his lips.
“What?”
“I see that look on your face. All gushing and blushing. Just admit it, your head over heels for her. I know because I feel the same, man. I’d been trying to push it all away for years, feeding myself with bullshit, but when you know, you know,” he pauses, “and I think you know.”
I do know. Hunter is right. Bodi is right.
Within days, I’ve fallen in love with this little pain in my ass that keeps me on my toes. She has me saying goofy shit, thinking ten times a day how cute she is, and wondering where the fuck my balls are.
And I don’t even care.
“I got a tattoo for her.”
Hunter’s eyebrows fly up, and I nod with pursed lips.
“A red boot. The ones she wore when I kissed her for the first time two days ago. The ones she’s wearing right now.”
My friend shakes his head, amusement dripping from his gaze. “You crazy son of a bitch, you really are in love with her.”
“Yeah,” I finally admit, with a cracking voice. “I love her.”
My chest expands as I finally say it out loud and suck in a deep breath.
“Told you.” Hunter smirks, pointing the bottle my way. “You haven’t told her yet, have you?”
I shake my head.
“Have you told your folks?”
The thought of my parents has me snorting in disdain.
I’ve successfully ignored them for the last few days, even though I’ve been getting texts and calls from everyone in my family. It’s only a matter of time before my mother will throw something in my face to make me do as she says.
But I’ve been thinking about it for the last two days, lying awake with Rae safely asleep in my arms. I’ve gone through every possible scenario, and none of them seems scarier than losing Rae. They can fuck up my reputation and trash my NHL career. They can disown me. They can make my life real hard, especially if my dad gets elected.
But I don’t care. The thought of a loveless marriage, to a girl I barely like, going to events that please my mother, saying the things my father wants me to say in the media, it all sounds like a nightmare. At first, I was okay, not knowing any better. I was fine with Hell, but Rae gave me a small taste of Heaven, and now I want it all.
I fucking deserve it all.
“Not yet.”
“Bet you’re looking forward to that.”
“Not really. They are threatening to end my career.” When I say the words out loud, they sound ridiculous, but I’ve seen people with less end up with nothing just because they pissed my parents off. Blood doesn’t mean shit to them.
“How the hell are they going to do that? You just won the Stanley Cup.”
“They have people everywhere. I’m sure my dad can find someone in the NHL to get me benched just to mess with me.”
I hold Hunter’s gaze, who’s blinking at me, then he shakes his head. “People are assholes.”
“Don’t I know it. I’m raised by them.”
“You know I’m coaching in the USHL now?”
I frown. “I didn’t. In Raleigh?” I ask, referring to the days he used to play hockey when he was a kid.
“Yeah. Peewees. Never expected to enjoy hanging out with twelve-year-olds, but it’s fun.” Joy brightens his face.
I’ve always known Hunter as fun and easy-going. He was a badass when he was in the fighting cage, but outside of it, he was the life of the party. His bright personality has always been overshadowed by a pain that never left his face, though. If you didn’t know him, you’d never see it, but I did. Hearing him talk about coaching the Peewees of Raleigh gives him a different stance, and for the first time, I can’t detect the pain that’s normally etched in his features.
“That’s good, man. You got the girl. You got the family. You got the job. You got money in the bank. You got it all.” Our gazes meet, and a pleased grin tucks on the corner of his mouth.
“I do, yeah.”
I bring my beer to my lips, the bitter taste of hops landing on my tongue. “That’s good. I’m happy for you.”
“Thanks.” The silence sits comfortably between us, before he twists his attention back to me. “I ran into Karl the other day.”
I look up, my eyebrows knitted together, knowing who he’s talking about. Karl Mitchels, head coach of the North Carolina Hurricanes.
“Karl?” I mock. “You’re on a first name basis with the man?”
He chuckles. “I run into him once in a while. You know how it goes.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“He asked if we were still friends. Told me he wants you on his team.”
“He did?” I ask, cocking my head.
“Hmm,” he muses, then points his beer at me. “But your agent shut him down before he could make an offer.”
Yeah, that sounds about right. Kay has clear instructions.
“He has a No-East-Coast policy,” I explain.
I know it sounds stupid for most people, but I really don’t want to live on the East Coast. I’d rather take a team in Canada or Russia before I start playing for a team this close to my parents.
“Yeah, I told him as much but you’re really still holding onto that?” Hunter asks, a little surprised.
“Fuck yeah.”
“Why?”
I push out a breath, a grunt following with it. “Because I don’t wanna live on the East Coast.”
He lifts his snapback from his head, running a hand through his brown hair.
I can see the cogs spin in his brain, and I press my lips together into a small stripe. There are unspoken words sitting on his tongue, and I prepare myself for a preaching I don’t want to hear. I’ve heard it all before. I’m annoying myself, giving myself the limitations I did, but I don’t know how to deal otherwise.
“Well,” he starts, his voice small, “are you still set on that now that you have Rae?”
I frown. “What do you mean?”
He rolls his eyes, as if he knows something I don’t. “She lives here . In North Carolina. She made it pretty clear she’s not going back to LA. You love her. You just said that.”
I haven’t even thought about that. I’ve been so wrapped up in finding enough balls to face my family to either accept her or go fuck themselves. I haven’t thought about how Rae is not coming back to LA. In my head, we’d been waking up in my bed every single day, but not once had I taken into consideration that we will be miles apart after this weekend.
“You going to go long-distance with her?”
“No.” I blurt, then clear my throat with frustration, rubbing my face, realizing I have no say in it. “I don’t know?”
Fuck, I don’t want to do long-distance. I want to wake up next to her every day. I want to cook her breakfast on Sundays and surprise her with fried chicken whenever the fuck I want. I want to take my Camaro out and have a drive with her to an unknown destination.
“I didn’t think about the how,” I confess, a troubled look on my face.
A heavy feeling now sits in my stomach, while a slight panic creeps up my spine.
Charlotte’s voice trails from the house, calling out to her husband, and he pushes away from the railing, giving me a reprimanding look that doesn’t help.
“Well, you gotta figure it out. But something tells me she isn’t going to settle for long-distance, not after what you told me Kent did to her.”
“Tell me about it.”
Her ex cheated on her from under her nose. I know she knows I’m not Kent, but I doubt she’ll be happy with facetime dates and virtual kisses.
“The Hurricanes offer still stands and let me tell you something, it’s a damn good offer. Better than any one I ever got. Besides, you were already planning on telling your folks to fuck off. Why stop now?” He smirks, walking backwards toward the door, like a fucking know-it-all, but I can’t fully hide the smile that’s trying to push through.
He’s right. Rae is the first step, but if I want her, I’ll have to take control of my life in every way I can. No matter where I live.
“Just think about it,” Hunter says before he walks through the door, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
Just think about it.
But something tells me that if I wanna keep Rae, I need to do more than think about it.