Ofelia
T he morning light framed the building of my dorm.
While the academy itself looked like an ancient Catholic cathedral, the dorm rooms were more modern in their layout. With plants and small trees sprucing the edges, it was painted white and green, the sight welcoming and melancholy at the same time.
There were rules about leaving academy grounds at certain hours, but because we were all adults and most of us treated the grounds with respect, the rules weren’t enforced as often. I always thought it had to do with the fact that almost everyone at the academy was... well, rich. The people who attended came from prominent, powerful families involved in politics or something similar.
It was no surprise that when Fabián dropped me off the next morning, there was no one there to stop, reprimand, or write me up for arriving at the early hours in the morning.
Hand in hand, Fabián walked me up to the entrance. He whistled low as his dark gaze trailed up the tall building.
“Damn,” he said, sounding impressed. “This is huge.”
“I only live here during the school year,” I explained. “When school’s over I go back home.”
“So this is your home away from home,” he murmured. “That sounds pretty nice.”
“I know it probably sounds stupid, but I like it here at this school.” I shifted my stance, smoothing a sweaty palm down on my thigh. Nerves suddenly welled through my system at what I was about to say, if only because they were words no one else had ever heard before.
As a rule, I tried to keep my deeper feelings to myself, but I wanted to share them with Fabián. Even if I never gave them to anyone else, at least he’d be the bearer of more than just my body. He’d have my secrets as well.
“My parents love me, but... growing up, I always felt alone. Living in a huge house with nothing but nanas to take care of me while my parents were out at meetings or traveling across the country became a lonely existence. When I’m here, I know I’m surrounded by people who’ve lived the same life as me, and sometimes when you’re a lonely bird surrounded by more lonely birds... the world can sometimes be a little less daunting.”
Fabián squeezed my hand, a gesture of support I appreciated. “My parents were only ever in our business,” he shared. “That can get just as exhausting.”
We smiled at each other. Two strangers who somehow understood more than the people I’d known in my whole life. Already, he had pieces of me I hadn’t shared with just anyone. We shared an innate connection, one I didn’t want to ever end.
Almost as if reading my mind, Fabián pulled me close. He smiled, and it pushed the darkness away from his expression, lighting him up like a steady flame. His hair was disheveled, the bright beads and silver feathers gleaming under the early morning light.
I doubted many people saw him like this. I couldn’t be sure, but there was something vulnerable about him as he stood in front of me. Maybe it was what we’d shared the night before, bleeding into the spaces of memory and physical touch. Or maybe it was more.
“I want to see you again,” he stated firmly.
“Yes.”
Something sizzled between our connecting gazes, but after a minute he nudged me lightly. “Go,” he urged. “Before you get in trouble or something.”
One of my brows raised, my lips curling in a teasing manner. “Like you care if I get in trouble or not.”
His expression grew serious, eyes as sharp as the feathered blade he wore around his throat. “I do care,” he said. “I care a lot. Now go and I'll call you later.”
“Promise?” I asked, a sudden vulnerable part of me worried that maybe he was lying. That maybe this wasn’t as real as I thought it was. That it was just a fantasy and he’d gotten what he wanted out of me the night before and he wouldn’t ever be back. Those thoughts made me incredibly sad, and it felt like there was a fist tightening around my chest, squeezing until there was hardly any breath left in me to breathe.
I was being ridiculous, I knew. He’d given no indication that he felt that way at all. But the truth of the matter was, I didn’t know him that well, no matter how my heart screamed that he was mine.
Fabián seemed to read the insecurities I was trying to keep a tight lock on. He pulled me closer, positioning me in front of him so he could bend down. The tips of his dark hair tickled my cheeks, and his decorative beads grazed me like a touch of his fingers.
Our lips came together softly. This time it wasn’t laced with the same passion as they had been last night. This was tame, yet it didn’t feel like a farewell. When he pulled away, there was a darkness in his gaze. The kind that I noticed when I first saw him the night before. The kind that would have made me tremble with fear if I didn’t like it so much. The kind that made someone want to run for the light. And yet for some reason it was a darkness I wanted to burrow myself in and never emerge from if I could help it.
The kind that didn’t scare me at all.
“Trust me,” he whispered. “Nothing in this world could keep me away from you.”
Rehearsals, as always, were grueling. Every single muscle in my body screamed for reprieve, but I pushed myself harder in my determined motivation. Sweat coated every inch of me like a second layer of skin.
My bodysuit and leotard pressed up against every crevice, and I had to fight not to fidget and yank the material away.
I was exhausted.
Staying up all night hadn’t done me any favors when it came to rehearsals, but a huge part of me felt energized and I knew it was because of Fabián. My thighs burned with an ache that I knew was from straddling him in the tight space of that car. I’d covered up the red marks against my neck with makeup, but it was smudging off the more I sweat. I pretended not to notice the stares the other dancers gave me. Particularly the angry pulsing ones I was receiving from Daniel.
We’d been paired together. For the recital, he was to interpret the protagonist of ‘The Raven’. His choreography was erratic, yet there was a certain structure to it that made him incredibly beautiful when he moved. Whereas I was the counterpart. The woman the protagonist had lost... and the very embodiment of his madness.
Our choreography was a back and forth. I taunted him with my body, enticed, and laughed. And he followed like a puppet on a string, everything rising to a crescendo until...
Madness .
Usually, Daniel and I spent most of class smiling and joking when Maestra wasn’t looking, but this class he barely turned his eyes in my direction, and when he did, I could feel the pulsing anger coming off of him waves. He glared at the spots on my neck with his brow furrowed like he was in deep concentration.
When he lifted me, his touch was just a little bit too tight. He didn’t seem to care that it hurt when he dug his fingers into the skin at my waist, and I couldn’t seem to voice my discomfort. But by the time class ended, I was fuming.
I slipped a pair of academy sweatpants over my uniform, pulling on the forest green hoodie to keep away the chill, and gathered my things before I stormed off.
“!” He tried to stop me.
I ignored him, stomping down the academy steps.
“!” he called out. “Wait!”
I whirled, my dance bag slapping me against my thighs. “What do you want?”
“I’m trying to apologize.” He appeared out of breath before me, and while his expression was appropriately chagrined, I wasn’t sure if he was sincere or not.
Cocking my head to the side, I placed a hand on my hip. “Apologize for what, exactly? For ignoring me the entire class? Or maybe for being a little too rough while we danced and hurting me?”
He looked at me with a sheepish expression. “Yes... For all of that.”
I sighed, gentling my tone. “ What’s going on with you? You’re never usually this...” I gestured at him for emphasis. “Is something wrong?”
“I was worried about you, you know,” he blurted. And while he’d looked sheepish just a moment ago, he looked angry all over again now. “When you left with that guy . When you didn’t come back to your dorm, when you didn’t answer your text messages.”
I didn’t particularly like the thought that he’d been spying on me, waiting in the girl’s dorm for me to come back. It didn’t paint a nice picture of him in my head. We were friends, but I never once questioned him when he went out and hooked up with girls. I also never blew up his phone either. Being on the other end of that didn’t quite sit well in my stomach. It felt like he was being an overprotective brother and reminded me enough of my father that it left a sour taste on my tongue.
“I was perfectly fine,” I dismissed, my annoyance growing.
“But you didn’t know if you would be or not. Then you show up this morning with–” He broke off, eyes wandering to my neck.
I slapped a hand over the marks that I knew were there but everyone had already seen them anyway. It was obvious what I’d been up to the night before, but I didn’t like the way he was scrutinizing me. Like he was my father.
I wasn’t a prude, but I was known around campus for not sleeping around. I rarely had relationships, but I wasn’t completely uptight and I wasn’t some angel either.
Frankly, I didn’t understand why he was so scandalized. The way he stared at me made me feel... vulnerable. I didn’t like his gaze on that particular part of me. I didn’t like the way he glared at the evidence of last night. It felt too open and that was something I only wanted Fabián to see.
“You showed up this morning with his marks all over you like they were some sort of trophy,” he said finally.
My face heated with rage and embarrassment.
“So what if I did?” I demanded. “I’m allowed to have fun too, you know. And I don’t say anything when you go out with a bunch of women. Why do you think you have a right to say anything about what I do or don’t do? Or even comment on it for that matter...”
“Jesus Christ, .” He ran his hands through his hair. “You have no idea who he is, do you?”
“I have a perfectly good idea of who he is.”
“He’s a Raven Brother!” he practically screamed.
I cast a cautious glance around. Nobody was watching us, but I didn’t like the way his voice rose either. I didn’t like arguing out in public. My father’s warnings rang through my mind about our family, our image. Sudden dread shivered through me. I’d already risked a lot by showing up at rehearsals with hickeys on my neck. I didn’t want to add to any rumor mill by arguing with one of my best friend’s out in public, where people would be far too happy to hit record and post on a gossip site.
But I couldn’t walk away from this argument, and by the look in Daniel’s eyes, he wasn’t going to let it go either.
“So?” I asked.
“ So, him and his family are criminals. They’re drug dealers.”
“Is that supposed to scare me? I happen to know for a fact that you’ve smoked weed and other things.” My brow lifted and red touched the tops of his pale cheeks at the reminder of all the things he liked to do at parties. I’d witnessed so much throughout our years of friendship, and I’d never once judged him for it. Not the way he was judging me now. “Do you want me to shun him for something that you do?”
Daniel shook his head back and forth as if trying to expel his embarrassment. “There’s a difference, you know.” His teeth clenched together. “Between consuming it sometimes at parties and actually making a living off of it.”
I rolled my eyes so hard I nearly saw the back of my skull. I shifted my stance, taking a step away from him. “Don’t try to act like you’re high and mighty.” I didn’t particularly like this version of my friend. A version I’d never seen before. “Don’t act like you’re better than them.”
He gave me the slightest shake of his head. “But we are better than them. You’re better than him, and he doesn’t deserve you.”
“And I am so done with this conversation.” I whirled, giving him my back. I didn’t want to keep talking about this because I knew there would be no winning. I wouldn’t be able to change Daniel’s mind. He was far too obstinate, especially when he thought he was right. I wasn’t going to fight to try and change his mind about Fabián, because Daniel’s was already made up. It was going to be a fruitless battle, and neither of us would budge. It just wasn’t worth it.
I didn’t want to explain myself to him. Hell, I didn’t have to. I was a grown woman and he was my friend, not my keeper, and certainly not my father. I didn’t owe anybody an explanation about what I did or who I did it with.
Because how could I explain something to him when I couldn’t even explain it to myself? He and everyone around me would call me crazy. They probably wouldn’t even begin to understand the attraction I felt for Fabián or the closeness we felt in just a few hours of knowing one another. Love at first sight didn’t exist. Not to them, at least. They wouldn’t understand the pounding of my heart, the deep connection like somehow something in the cosmos was telling me that Fabián and I were meant . Like it was written in the stars for us. And when the stars told you what you are meant to do with your life, well there is no other choice but to listen.
I couldn’t say that out loud to anyone except maybe Fabián, but even then, it was probably best I kept those words to myself.
“!” he called for me, but I was already walking away. He jogged behind to keep up with me. When he reached me, he grabbed my shoulder, whirling me around. There was something like anguish on his features. “Look...” He sighed. “I’m sorry. I’m just worried about you. I don’t want anything to happen to you, and I don’t want you getting mixed up in whatever it is they’re doing.”
I tried to be understanding and pushed some of my anger away. However out of line he was, he was still my friend. While I didn’t appreciate his methods, I had to admit he was trying to look out for me. In his own way.
“Nothing is going to happen to me,” I told him. “It’s not like we’re married or anything. We just hung out and had a good time. And we’re gonna keep hanging out and having a good time, so I’d prefer it if you didn’t put on your face because you are my friend and I don’t want to have issues with you over my decisions.”
His expression fell. “You’re asking me to accept him.”
“I’m asking you to trust that I’m an adult and know what I’m doing.”
“Fine,” he seemed to begrudgingly agree. “But if you ever need anything... if you ever need help, you let me know.”
I waved him off. “Sure.”
There were several beats of awkward silence that neither of us knew how to break. Thankfully Paola showed up and broke it for us.
“Hey!” She bounced over, her bag slung over her shoulder and bouncing against her shoulder blades. “What’s got you two so serious?” She paused, turning to look at me and her eyes zeroed in on my neck. “?No mames, wey!” Gripping me by the shoulders, she pulled me closer. “No mames, wey. Cállate el hocico, wey. You did not !” Her thumb swiped across the mark along my neck like she was trying to prove to herself it was real and not paint. “You totally did, you slut! Ay, pero que puta eres.” Her smile widened to maddening proportions, and her brows wiggled up and down. “How was it?”
I rolled my eyes, shoving her away playfully. “Leave me alone. I’m not going to answer that.”
She gave me a fake pout. “Come on, wey. I tell you everything .”
She did, unfortunately. Even when I didn’t want to know.
“Well, I’m not telling you about this,” I stated firmly.
Her eyes seemed to dawn in understanding. “Ooh... so it’s like that, huh?” Her eyes glittered with mischief. “That’s good to know. You must have a nice little concha on you because your delicious little criminal is at the school’s entrance... waiting for more.”
My heartbeat sped up.
She smiled wide. “El cuervo está adicto .”
I didn’t dare hope that she was speaking the truth. I wanted him to be as addicted to me as I was to him.
Paola nodded quickly. “Yup. He sent me in here to look for you.” She hooked her arm through mine. “Let’s go, shall we?”
And she pulled me away to go see Fabián. I didn’t spare a glance in Daniel’s direction, but I could feel him following close behind us, stoically and surprisingly quiet. But I didn’t think about that right then.
My thoughts were full of Fabián. I’d seen him only hours before, but the thought of seeing him again so soon had my nerves tripping over themselves. And a smile spreading wide over my face.
7