Ofelia
T he sun burned down and the wind blew cold on the hillside we all found ourselves on top of. The gentle caresses of air pulled back my loose hair and my head dropped back, letting the sun wash over my face and spirit.
The day was nice. Fabián and the Ravens brought us to a secluded little place none of us had been to before. We all sat in a circle on the grass and my eyes leisurely watched them pass around a joint.
César passed it in Fabián’s direction. He took it in his lithe fingers, flicking off the ash before he brought the joint to his lips. I could only stare in fascination as he took the tip between his full lips and took a deep drag.
There was something sensual about the action. About the way his head lifted back, displaying the perfect curve of his neck and Adam’s apple. About the way his eyes fluttered closed, those long lashes dark against the high frame of his cheekbones. The steady inhalation as he held the smoke in his lungs just before he pursed his lips and blew out the steadiest stream of smoke.
I was near drooling as I watched the display.
“?Quieres?” His dark eyes were steady on mine. He held the joint lazily in my direction, but I only stared at it, and then him.
“No, thank you. I don’t–I mean–” My face began flaming.
Thankfully, Fabián didn’t ask me to elaborate. He seemed to read me perfectly well. “Come here,” he ordered.
I slid over the grass so we were even closer and he was careful, using one hand to tug me onto his lap so I straddled him.
I held myself up on my knees, palms steady against his beating heart.
“Abre tu boca.”
My mouth dropped open slightly and then he went in for a second puff of the joint. The tip burned as he dragged heavy puffs of smoke into his mouth. He held it there, pulled away the joint, and then leaned up, lips locking against mine, tongue flicking, teasing, as the smoke billowed into my mouth in slow exhales.
“Close your mouth, princesa,” he whispered in my ear, sending a shiver of desire trailing down my spine.
I did as he told me.
“Breathe in deep, hold the smoke in your lungs.”
I took a deep breath, feeling that steady, dizzying haze start to wash over my senses, making my body languid and lazy.
“Exhale, princesa.”
I blew out slowly, mentally applauding myself when I didn’t throw into a coughing fit. The smoke hazed over Fabián’s face, clouding him for a brief moment. When it cleared, he wore a smile on his face.
The deep, aromatic essence of the weed took hold of me almost immediately. The taste of it and of him were heavy on my tongue.
I groaned, feeling my eyes flicker heavily.
Fabián passed the joint back to his brother before he framed my cheeks in his hands and chased me with his lips. Our tongues met, deep and lazy, but everything about the moment was as intense as ever. Smoke swirled between us, battling for a home in our lungs. We pursued it and each other.
The sensation of the high had my mind spinning. Lights danced behind my eyelids, shadows gathered, and then colors burst bright. I could feel his hands roaming my body. Hear the dog whistles. We didn’t care about any of it.
His strong arms came around my waist and we whirled. The breath left me and so did his lips as I suddenly found myself pressed against the grass with Fabián looming over me.
He leaned over and we found ourselves lost in our kisses once again.
I wanted more, and my low inhibitions had me itching to reach for it.
But he pulled away too quickly, moving before I could blink and flipping us all over again. This time, I landed with my back to his chest, snug between his legs in a sitting position. He held me close, arms wrapped tightly around my body. It felt like I was in a cocoon of protection, making something fuzzy and warm bubble inside me.
After a second, I relaxed into him, and we watched our friends in comfortable silence.
Paola was loving the attention she garnered from César and Santiago. She laughed loudly and freely and threw herself at the both of them in a flirtatious way only she could accomplish. Her body swayed and eventually leaned over their laps, her perfectly toned legs lifting in the air, the hem of her skirt slipping to show off her thighs and underwear.
César’s hand smoothed over the skin on her thigh, that wide smile in place as he pressed a soft kiss to her knee. Meanwhile Santiago toyed with the skin on her bare ankle.
The three of them made a sensual picture.
I leaned my head back. It had been a long time since I felt this relaxed, this at ease with any group of people. Actually, I couldn’t remember if I’d ever felt this way at all. Maybe it was the little bit of weed flowing through my system or maybe it was something else.
All I knew was that I was having a good day with Fabián, his family, and my friends.
Here in the privacy of this little clearing, I didn’t feel the need to censor myself or to pretend. I could just be.
It clicked then that that’s what I really liked about Fabián.
When I was with him, I felt free from the restraints I found myself locked tightly in.
“Can we talk privately?” I turned to ask him.
He helped me up and pulled me slightly away from the group. I could feel Daniel’s eyes on us as we walked away, and I brushed off the irritation his glare made me feel. Our conversation from earlier haunted the edges of my mind, but I fought hard to brush it off. I didn’t want to let him ruin it for me. Whatever it was. The truth was, I was having fun, just like he’d had fun many times before. I never ruined it for him. I shouldn’t let him do that to me.
But the words were a haunting echo bursting through the chambers of my mind.
“What’s wrong, princesa?”
We were further away from the group now. I caught a glimpse of César leaning over Paola. Though his long hair curtained them, I took a wild guess at what exactly he was doing. Santiago openly watched, his lids hooded, fingers still grazing over her body.
Daniel turned away, burning through the joint on his own now.
I focused my attention back on Fabián. I was straddling him and my arms went around his shoulders then.The position we found ourselves in was similar to the one we’d been in last night in his car. The very memory of it brought a flush to my cheeks and had every nerve throbbing, electrified.
I dropped my hips a fraction, grinding slowly and softly against his waist, eliciting a groan from the both of us. It was enough to tease, entice.
Fabián dropped his head to my forehead. “Be careful, princesa.” His voice was dark, low, smooth. “Don’t start something if you don’t want me to finish it right here in front of our friends.”
I stopped the movement of my hips, reluctantly so.
Fabián took my hands in his and brought my knuckles up to his lips. I did the same to him, but where my hands were soft, his were rough and scarred. Especially along his knuckles. Like he’d gotten into one too many fights and the mark of them would follow him forever.
I should have been afraid of that. The shiver coursing down my spine should have been my warning.
“My life is like a ballet,” I said, fingers smoothing the ridges of his scars.
His brows rose, clearly confused at what I was talking about.
“It’s always been a carefully curated structure,” I explained. “Full of dance and flash and richness. Everything is always so carefully set into place. From the choreography, to the music... But it’s always been nothing but pretty little lies. A life slathered in makeup and costume for appearance’s sake. I’m used to it. I keep going.” My eyes watered. “But even dancers need to rest. There has to be a curtain call at some point.”
He cupped my chin. “Tell me what you really want to say.”
I took a breath. “I live lies almost daily, but I hate liars.”
He blinked but said nothing.
“I’m used to this life, but that doesn’t mean I have to like the way things are set up. And how sad is it that you are the realest thing I’ve had in a long time? I don’t know how to explain it the right way, but what I feel for you, in such a short time? It’s the strongest and realest I’ve ever felt for anyone ever. I guess what I’m trying to say is that with you, I don’t want to live in lies. The universe is telling me that me and you? We’re meant to be. I’m not asking you to return those feelings if it’s too much too soon, but I need to be honest with you about this feeling... because it scares me to want someone this much. But if you do feel the same then...” My thumbs swiped over his scars once again before I lifted his knuckles to my lips and kissed them.
I kissed them like I could kiss away the past hurts that he’d suffered. Like I could wipe away at the darkness, but I knew that deep inside, it was embedded there and probably had been there his entire life. I kissed away whatever pain he had, whatever pain he would have. I even kissed away my own insecurities.
“If you do, then all I ask is that you’re honest with me. All I ask is that you don’t lie.”
His breath hitched in his chest. I felt it against my own.
“And what makes you think...” He pressed his lips tight against my throat, right over where my pulse pounded unsteadily. “...that I would ever lie to you?”
“I know what you do.” My gaze was unwavering on his. “I know what your family does. I know that you do bad things and I’m not going to ask you to stop because I have no right to do that, but I do ask that you never lie to me. If you’re doing something bad, I don’t want to find out about it later from someone else.” I took a breath, readying myself for what I was about to say next. “And if you just want to hang out–mess around–then I want you to let me know now.”
He palmed my bottom and his forehead touched mine.
“I need you to listen to me right now,” he said quietly. There was something in his eyes as he said it, a firmness, a confidence. “I don’t think I made myself clear last night,” he continued. “I want you. I don’t just want you for a short time. I want you for a long time. I wanted you yesterday. I want you today. I want you tomorrow. I wanted you in a past life and I want you in this one and when the next life comes and goes, I’ll want you then, too. I want you . In every lifetime, in every way that you could possibly give me. There’s no changing that or what’s in my heart, and if you think you’re crazy for feeling that then there’s something completely and utterly fucked up about me because I feel it more. So, yes. It is crazy, it’s insanity , yet I do feel this way for you. There’s no changing that, Reyes Munoz. I want you, and on my life, I vow that I will never lie to you.”
And then Fabian took my cheeks and his palms, and he sealed that vow with a kiss I felt deep down in my bones, down in my soul, like an echo of the beating of my own heart.
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