Chapter 38
Flat white – espresso based coffee made with steamed milk,
deceptively strong
‘ Y ou taking my name in vain?’
Livvy ran to Mark, like an arrow seeking its target. She felt his arms enfold her as he hugged her to him. He smelled of the cold, of snow and Christmas. It didn’t matter how he felt about her. At this precise moment in time the only embrace she wanted was his.
Above her head she heard him say, ‘Oh, you off, Fabio? Well, yes, it’s been quite the evening. Thank you for everything. Night, mate.’
And then Mark led her back to the stool where she sat feeling exhausted, self-conscious, overwhelmed and about a hundred other emotions.
She watched as he expertly made coffee on Fabio’s new machine.
They didn’t talk until he put a mug in front of her.
He sat on another stool on the opposite side of the work prep station.
Far too far away. ‘Happy Xmas, War is Over’ had finished long ago and was replaced by ‘It’ll Be Lonely This Christmas’.
She really hoped it wasn’t an omen. Could she risk telling him how she felt?
What if he just wanted friendship? An awkward one-sided relationship was a sure way to misery; she wasn’t sure she could be as pragmatic as Fabio.
‘Karl’s taken the kids home,’ the love of her life said matter-of-factly.
‘Kids?’
‘Sorry. I think of them as the kids. Shouldn’t really.
I mean Stewie, Brittany and Eli. And I walked Simona round to her door.
She said she’d be back tomorrow. Everything’s tidied and locked up.
Even Austin helped out although I got an eyeful when he bent over to pick up some party popper streamers. I don’t think I’ll ever recover.’
‘Why?’
‘He’d gone commando tonight. There was nothing under that Fred Flintstone costume apart from what nature endowed. It’s put me off pickled eggs for life.’
Livvy managed a giggle.
‘Oh, and Angel’s been taken out for her late-night visit to the garden. Absolutely nothing out of the ordinary to report from the car park. Well, apart from the snow, of course.’
‘Thank you. That was kind.’ God, this was stilted.
Why couldn’t she look at him? She was like a teenager with a crush.
But this was worse. Far worse. With the same hollow dropping out of the stomach you get when you miss the last step running downstairs, she grasped she was hopelessly, irrevocably, deeply in love with him.
After a long pause, she said, ‘Shouldn’t you be getting back to Nats? ’
‘She’s gone to our neighbour’s. They were doing Christmas cocktails. Heavy on the schnapps knowing Vince and Queenie.’
‘And you’ve missed it. And you won’t be able to get to your parents for Christmas. And it’s all my fault.’
A smile played about his mouth. ‘Vince and Queenie are lovely people but are best savoured in small doses. I can catch up with them on Boxing Day. And, as for driving up to Yorkshire, have you had a proper look outside lately?’
Livvy shook her head.
‘We’ve had about a foot in the last hour. Even if I’d got the tyres fixed and the windscreen replaced, the only way I’m getting up the hill and out of Lullbury Bay is in a 4x4.’ He blew on his coffee to cool it. ‘And who says I want to get out anyway?’ he said neutrally.
‘Your parents will be devastated not to have you home for Christmas.’
‘They understand. They’d rather I was safe and not there than skidding into a snowdrift. My aunt and uncle and their children will be with them tomorrow, so they won’t be on their own.’
‘I’m so sorry.’
‘You keep apologising, it’s turning into a bad habit. Why are you sorry?’
‘If I’d kept a closer eye on everything, I could have got the truth out of Eli, communicated better with poor Fab, sussed out Jason bloody Lemmon, avoided getting your lovely car ruined and saved you all the trouble of having to stake out the car park.’
Mark’s eyes twinkled. ‘It was no trouble,’ he said softly. ‘Not for you. For what it’s worth, I don’t think there was anything you could have done. That Jason bloody Lemmon is a smooth operator,’ he added, anger warming his voice.
‘Did you know Karl caught him snooping around in the bar once?’ Livvy began, as the memory flooded back.
‘Think it was the night of the fireworks party.’ She put a hand to her mouth in horror.
‘Must have been the night he put that poor cat up the chimney.’ She shook her head.
‘I still can’t believe he went to such lengths, to be so extreme about it.
’ She pulled a disgusted face. ‘To pick a dead cat up off the road and put it up a chimney! Ugh.’
‘Stuff of nightmares, I agree, but he stood to make millions out of redeveloping the two sites. Prime residential land. Fabulous views, not too far out of town.’ Mark’s lips pursed.
‘There would have been no decent pub nearby though. I wouldn’t have bought one of his penthouses.
’ He put his mug down decisively. ‘But forgive me, I’d rather not talk about that man anymore. ’
‘Why?’ At the look in his hazel eyes, Livvy’s heart leaped into her throat.
‘Because, if you didn’t mind, I’d very much like to take you to bed.’
‘Oh,’ she croaked, glancing at the kitchen clock. Elvis had shifted into ‘Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas’ and Judy Garland’s achingly melancholy voice promised sweetness. ‘Yes, it’s late. Nearly Christmas Day. I need sleep, especially after what’s happened tonight.’
‘I hadn’t planned on getting much sleep.’
‘Oh.’ It seemed the only word Livvy could utter. Was he suggesting what she thought he was?
‘Look, I’m going to say it because if I don’t, I never will.
’ Mark’s words tumbled out. ‘And if you feel otherwise then I won’t darken your door again, won’t ever mention it, won’t get in the way of whatever you want to do with your life, be it with Fabio or Eli or Karl or even Silent Ernie, or any of the other men you have trailing after you.
Not that I blame them. I mean, you’re stunning and kind and hardworking and conscientious and–’
‘Karl’s married,’ Livvy interrupted. ‘And very happily. Not sure about Silent Ernie. Think he might be in a deep and profound relationship with his tractor. Eli’s far too young and Fabio is–’
‘Extremely good-looking, charismatic and talented, and you and he make an amazing team.’ Mark gave her a shuttered look from under dark lashes.
‘Except.’
‘Except what, Livvy?’
‘What was that thing you were going to say to me? I’m not sure you ever did actually say it.’
Mark bit his lip. A lock of glossy red-brown hair fell over his face. He flicked it back irritably, a flush staining his cheeks. ‘Got nothing to lose now, have I?’
He sounded almost cheerful, but Livvy could tell he was nervous.
She realised she knew him better than she’d known anyone.
His easy-going, unruffled nature, the way the expressions shifted over his mobile face, that he was sometimes too vain to admit to needing glasses, the innate kindness that ran through him like letters through seaside rock.
His were the only hugs she wanted, she craved to be near enough to inhale the delicious way he smelled, to listen out to how his flat northern vowels slipped out occasionally.
The way he quietly and effortlessly got on with whatever was needed.
Tonight was the first time she’d seen him truly rattled.
It had been both shocking and strangely erotic.
‘I love you, Livvy. I know this may be pointless, and I have no hopes of you ever reciprocating but, as I just said, if I don’t say it now I never will.
Maybe it’s the drama of the night. Maybe it’s because everyone else has been confessing stuff so I thought I’d get mine out there too.
And you looking drop-dead gorgeous in that dress.
I mean, you’re such a beautiful woman, Livvy.
’ He huffed out a breath. ‘But I know you see us as friends, you’ve said it often enough, and I can promise you that can carry on, if it’s what you want.
But I’d hoped, maybe… it’s just that you’re a really difficult person to read sometimes and I keep questioning if I was actually getting friend vibes or,’ he looked up and stopped as he realised she’d interrupted. ‘What did you say?’
‘I said I love you too, Mark. I love you very much. I don’t want us to be friends. Well, I do, but as well. As well as being lovers.’
‘Oh.’ This time it was Mark’s turn to go monosyllabic. He cleared his throat. ‘Wow. Wasn’t expecting that. What are we going to do about it?’
Livvy put her head on one side. ‘I think, about three cheesy Christmas songs on Bay Radio ago, you said something about taking me to bed?’ She held out her hand, palm uppermost, inviting. ‘I can’t think of anything I’d like better.’
Mark rose. He came round to her side of the worktable. ‘I was chancing my arm when I said that.’ He pulled a rueful face. ‘Trying to be the alpha male. I thought, with Fabio around and everything, you like that sort of thing. I’m sorry. It was horribly presumptuous.’
Livvy stood up. ‘This time it’s you who mustn’t be sorry.
’ She put her arms around his neck breathing in his cedar and amber scent, pulling him into her.
‘I liked it. But don’t be an alpha male.
’ She pressed herself against him, her breath catching as his hands found her naked back.
‘You’ll do as you are, believe me. I don’t need an alpha male.
I need you. You kind, funny, glorious man. Kiss me, Mark Cavanagh.’
Bay Radio began to play The Carpenters’ ‘Merry Christmas Darling’.
‘They really ought to update their playlist,’ Livvy murmured and then, when Mark’s lips met hers, she lost all power of rational thought.
The kiss was everything they wanted, had longed for. And more. To the sound of Karen Carpenter’s sultry voice they kissed, mouths and fingers exploring one another… Eventually breaking apart, they stared at one another, amazed at what they’d just created.
‘Bloody hell,’ Mark said, sounding very Yorkshire.
‘I know. Wow.’ Livvy answered, barely coherent. ‘Now let’s go to bed.’ She sighed. ‘Please.’