Chapter 8
MEMORIES
J.D. Stevens
My footsteps slowed, and my eyes gazed at the gray clouds filing the sky. The storm clouds gathered overhead just like in my heart. When I entered the doors of the funeral home behind Demon, the heaviness in my chest increased, like a stone had been placed on it, making it hard for me to breathe.
I didn’t see how the hell anybody could stand coming inside this place. It was like pain, heartache and grief mixed with the floral scent of flowers clung to the air, suffocating you. Like the pain families experienced was now ingrained in the very walls and floors of the building and the funeral home tried to replace the heavy feeling or cover it up with so many flowers that it made you nauseated.
“How may I help you?”
My eyes landed on an older man shuffling his feet as he approached Demon and me. He looked like he had one foot in the grave. His dark suit did little to hide his frail frame and his pale skin was full of wrinkles and brown liver spots. The thinning white hair he had combed over the top of his head done little to hide the large bald spot.
“We’re here to view Danielle Tyler Stevens and Luca Austin Stevens,” Demon said. “And to pick out the coffin.”
My heart squeezed inside my chest. I saw both Dani and our son at the hospital. They had done a c-section, hoping to save him and her, but they both died. Luca dying within minutes of him being removed from Dani’s stomach and Dani flatlined a few moments later. They tried to revive them, but it didn’t work. I’ve tried to tell myself that she left us so Luca wouldn’t be alone. She was an exceptional mother until the very end.
The old man looked at me then back to Demon before he walked to a desk that was sitting against the wall near the door. He opened a leather-bound book, licked his gnarled finger, and flipped through the pages, then ran it down one of the pages.
“Ahh...here it is.” He closed the book. “Right this way gentlemen. Which one of you is the husband?”
“Me.”
He nodded. “Someone has already brought clothing.”
My brows drew together in confusion. I know I hadn’t done it.
“Kira,” Demon muttered.
“Thanks.”
He nodded. “She wanted to spend some time with her and Luca alone and figured she’d take some of the burden off you.”
I was glad she’d done it because I hadn’t even thought about any of that shit. I’d been out of it since they died, and it was one last thing I didn’t have to worry about.
“Our caskets are this way.”
“I’d like to see them first,” I said.
The old man stopped and faced me. “They’re not fully dressed and are still in our cold storage area.”
“That’s fine.”
After a brief moment, he gave a curt nod, then made a right down a long hallway. Once we reached the end of the corridor, he ushered us through large metal doors. Immediately the chill hit my skin causing a shiver to move through my entire body.
“Wait here please,” the old man said.
As he shuffled off, Demon turned to me. “Are you sure you want to do this?”
I inhaled a deep breath and exhaled it. This part of the funeral home had a distinct odor—a mix of chemicals that lingered in the air. The room seemed even more pungent in the presence of the cool air. I hated this place. Hated that my child and wife had to spend one fucking night here, let alone days.
“I have to see them one last time.”
He nodded, then we both turned our attention to the older man as he moved at a snail’s pace back to where we were standing.
“You can go through those doors, right there.” He pointed to another set of steel doors at the end of the hallway. “I will be waiting for you to escort you to our casket showroom when you’re done.”
Without another word he exited, and Demon and I made our way down the long corridor towards the looming metal doors.
“You can do this,” I muttered to myself and took a deep breath, then released it before Demon pushed it open.
He stepped over the threshold first, then I followed. My breath hitched when I saw her and Luca laying on the metal tables beside each other, white sheets covering their entire bodies except for their faces. It took everything in me to keep my knees from buckling.
I watched Demon walk over to the tables, put his hand on his hips and sigh. Then he ran his hand over the crown of her head. He leaned down and whispered something in her ear, kissed her forehead, then turned his attention to his nephew.
He stared at him for a minute before kissing his forehead. He walked back towards me, then squeezed my shoulder as he passed. “Take your time.”
When he was no longer in the room, I took tentative steps towards my family. I still didn’t have it in me to tell our daughter that she would never see her mother again or meet her little brother. Tears filled my eyes as I stood at the head of the tables. They both looked so peaceful, their faces serene and relaxed.
“I’m sorry I didn’t get to know you, little man,” I said to my son. “I’m sorry I didn’t protect you or your mother like I should have. But I promise I’m going to do everything in my power to fix my mistake. I love you, son, in this life and the next.”
I kissed his forehead. The tears and cries I’d been able to bury deep inside I couldn’t push down anymore. He was so perfect. And I was so pissed. I was so fucking angry. I was so sad he didn’t have a chance to live his life.
I looked at my beautiful wife through my glassy eyes. Her once vibrant skin was now pale and lifeless, and my heart couldn’t take any more of the pain.
“I’m so sorry, sweetheart.” I kissed her forehead. “I’m so fucking sorry. I promise even if it kills me, I’m going to find out who did this and make them fucking pay.”