Chapter Three
CHAPTER THREE
Stacey bounced her new grandson, baby Mackenzie, on her knee. He was drooling over a fist rammed into his mouth, podgy cheeks aflame. Ottilie reflected vaguely on how good Stacey looked today. She wore a denim dress, belted at her trim waist, and knee-length boots. She’d been telling Ottilie how she’d travelled to a neighbouring town where there was a decent salon to have her hair cut shoulder length. Ottilie was in awe – it was a style she’d never be able to pull off, a chic, shaggy kind of haircut that really framed her face and made her look very cool. Stacey was a grandmother in name, but she was only in her late forties and looked younger than that, still gorgeous and still fun. Ottilie had never understood how she’d been single for all the years since her husband had left her to bring up daughter Chloe by herself.
As she jogged Mackenzie on her knee, he grizzled. ‘This is the first time he’s been quiet all day. I’d be tempted to say Chloe’s being a drama queen, but this time I can understand why she needs a break.’
‘She’s doing so well, though.’ Ottilie smiled at Mackenzie as she offered him a teething ring.
‘Better than I ever thought she would,’ Stacey agreed. ‘Considering how down she was on the idea of motherhood at the beginning?—’
‘Quite near the end too,’ Ottilie said, and Stacey gave a light laugh.
‘True. But she’s smitten with him now. I always knew she would be, but I never expected her to take to it so well. She copes better than I ever did with her.’
‘So what’s she doing today?’ Ottilie asked, her gaze going to a playpen where two toddlers looked as if they might start to fight over one of the toys. She was wondering whether she might have to go and break it up when their mothers noticed and did the job for her. She didn’t know why she’d even worried. Everyone here was perfectly capable of handling their offspring.
The notion made her a little melancholy. She’d have liked being a mum, but at almost thirty-six, she was afraid that ship was about to sail. Would her grief have been either easier or harder to bear if she and Josh had done the family thing before he’d died? She’d have the child she felt she was missing out on now, but she’d be raising that child alone, having to heal not just her own soul but theirs as well. It would be a big responsibility. As it was, she’d only had herself to worry about, and that had been hard enough.
‘She’s taken a bus into Bowness to meet… someone .’
Ottilie looked up at the stress on the word. ‘Someone as in…someone? Someone significant?’
‘It’s hard to tell. She can be a bit secretive. But if it’s a lad, then she’s not likely to tell me about him at this stage. And I suppose it’s good for her. I think she felt as if her life was going to end when she had Mackenzie – there’d be no dating or going out or anything – and even though she understands Mackenzie has to come first, I don’t feel it’s right to deny her those things at her age. I mean, what were we doing at eighteen? We were having fun. You’re still a kid, aren’t you?’
‘I suppose so.’
‘I know I was wet behind the ears; I don’t know about you. That’s why I fell in with Chloe’s useless git of a dad. If I’d been a bit older, had more about me, I might have saved myself all that heartache.’
‘But you got Chloe, so it can’t all have been bad.’
‘I did, and of course she means the world to me. But what he put us through…’ Stacey shook her head. ‘I’d never wish that on anyone.’
‘Was he…’ Ottilie glanced around the room. There were five other women there with their children. It was a quiet session at the recently reinstated parent and baby group. Stacey had taken it on for Ottilie, who mostly had other work to do, and kept saying how much she was enjoying it. Even so, Ottilie had wanted to pop in during her lunch break to see how she was. She’d noticed Stacey seemed keen to do this and to take the lion’s share of the childcare for Mackenzie so that Chloe could have that normal life, but Ottilie wondered whether she was doing too much.
She lowered her voice, uncertain whether this was an inappropriate question considering the timing. ‘Was he…?’
‘You mean did he hit me?’
Ottilie gave a tiny nod.
‘No. He might as well have, though, because he couldn’t have hurt me any more if he had. He did just about everything else. Abusive, hurtful, drinking, messing around with other women, and you’ve seen the size of this place – that’s quite a feat.’
Ottilie looked around the room again and silently wondered if it was anyone she knew.
‘She left the village, in case you’re wondering,’ Stacey said. ‘In fact, she left with him.’
‘Ah.’ That explained it.
‘So at least I don’t have to see them every day playing happy families.’
‘Has he got any other children? Did he have any with her?’
‘Not that I know of, but I haven’t heard from him in about seven or eight years, so he might have done.’
‘He doesn’t stay in contact for Chloe’s sake?’
‘She won’t have him. To be fair to him, he tried, but she told him to sling his hook. Even at that age she could see what he was and what he’d done. You’d have to get up early in the morning to get anything past our Chloe.’
‘I suppose I can see why she was so upset when Mackenzie’s dad left her.’
‘Literally holding the baby. Yes. Me too – which is why I never gave her a hard time about it. Who was I to lecture when I’d screwed up myself.’
‘It wasn’t your fault.’
‘You say that, but sometimes I think it was. I could have been stronger, stood up to him. He got away with too much, and he thought he was untouchable. He made our lives a misery because I let him. Never again.’ She shook herself and looked up with a vague smile. ‘It’s not like I’ll need to worry about that anyway the way my love life is going – or the way it isn’t going…’
‘Would you have another man? I know you’ve said before you’d like a bit of romance, but would you have someone properly in your life again?’
‘Did you think you would before Heath came along?’
‘Not really. I suppose you can’t answer that until you meet the right man, can you?’
Stacey nodded. ‘I haven’t met anyone yet who makes me feel that way, but right now I’d settle for being treated well and having a bit of fun, you know?’
‘Yes. Did you sign up for that dating?—’
Ottilie didn’t get to finish her question. From across the room there was an ear-piercing squeal. Both women spun round to see one of the toddlers in the playpen trying to pull the other one around by the hair.
‘Oh, here’s trouble,’ Stacey said, handing Mackenzie to her and racing over to help sort the ruckus.
Ottilie watched her. In her arms, Mackenzie seemed to sense a less competent adult and was gearing up to cause a ruckus of his own. He grizzled and whined, and Ottilie had to get up and start walking up and down, feeling a bit desperate and knowing he could probably sense it.
Oh, please don’t…
Ottilie had once been nicknamed the patient whisperer by one of the consultants she’d worked for in Manchester, but if they could see her now, the moniker would definitely not stretch to baby whisperer.
‘Let’s go and see what’s out of the window, eh?’ she said, marching over to try and distract him.
Outside, the skies were a heavy gunmetal grey, the wind whipping around a bunch of daffodils that had sprung up in the grass next to the drystone wall that surrounded the community centre. Ottilie was ready for summer to arrive, and she was happy to see their sunny faces as a reminder that it wasn’t far away.
‘Look at the flowers, Mackenzie. Aren’t they pretty? And there…some big trees…’
Ottilie turned to see Stacey at her side. Everything seemed calm again, and she held out her hands to take Mackenzie back, gazing out of the window at the same time.
‘Wind’s getting up. Come on, Mackenzie…come to Nana. Let’s have my bestest boy before the wind blows him clean away…’
‘I’ve realised why you have Mackenzie way more than Chloe does,’ Ottilie said, smiling. ‘She can’t get near him for the fuss you make over him.’
‘That could be true, but at least I’m self-aware! You know, I might have had more children if Chloe’s dad hadn’t done the dirty on me. I suppose I always sort of felt like I wasn’t finished.’
‘So Mackenzie’s sort of a consolation prize?’
‘God no, he’s the star prize!’ She hugged him again, and he squirmed to get free. ‘Aren’t you, my little prince?’
Ottilie was still smiling as she checked her watch. ‘I ought to get back to work. Full clinic this afternoon.’
‘Won’t Fliss be offended that you didn’t have your usual lunch with them?’
‘I don’t think anyone had brought anything much in today,’ Ottilie lied, not wanting Stacey to know the real reason she’d missed out on lunch with Fliss and Lavender at the surgery was because she wanted to check up on her.
‘Oh,’ Stacey said, ‘I hope you weren’t thinking you’d get any decent food here – unless you’re a fan of mashed banana and Cow & Gate milk.’
Ottilie laughed lightly. ‘Tasty as that sounds, maybe I’ll give it a miss.’
They bid each other goodbye, and Ottilie was still laughing as she went to pick up her coat and bag from a hook by the door. She’d grown to love Stacey over the few months she’d been in Thimblebury. She was kind and funny and humble and hardworking, and she deserved so much better than the cards life had dealt her. Ottilie hoped one day she’d see Stacey get her reward because it really sounded as if she’d been waiting far too long as it was.